Phil.
Your faithful subject, I, a gentleman
Born in Northamptonshire, and eldest son,
As I suppose, to Robert Faulconbridge,
A soldier, by the honour-giving hand
Of Cœur-de-lion knighted in the field.

K. John.
What art thou?

Robert.
The son and heir to that same Faulconbridge.

K. John.
Is that the elder, and art thou the heir?
You came not of one mother then, it seems?

Phil.
Most certain of one mother, mighty King,
That is well known; and, as I think, one father:
But for the certain knowledge of that truth,
I put you o'er to heav'n, and to my mother;
Of that I doubt, as all mens' children may.

Eli.
Out on thee, rude man! thou dost shame thy mother,
And wound her honour with this diffidence.

Phil.
I, Madam? no, I have no reason for it;
That is my brother's plea, and none of mine;
The which if he can prove, he pops me out
At least from fair five hundred pound a year:
Heav'n guard my mother's honour, and my land!

K. John.
A good blunt fellow; why, being younger born,
Doth he lay claim to thine inheritance?

Phil.
I know not why, except to get the land;
But, once, he slander'd me with bastardy:
But whether I be true begot or no,
That still I lay upon my mother's head;
But that I am as well begot, my Liege,
(Fair fall the bones, that took the pains for me!)
Compare our faces, and be judge yourself.
If old Sir Robert did beget us both,
And were our father, and this son like him;
O old Sir Robert, father, on my knee
I give heav'n thanks, I was not like to thee.

K. John.
Why, what a mad-cap hath heav'n lent us here?

Eli.
He hath a trick of Cœur-de-lion's face,
The accent of his tongue affecteth him:
Do you not read some tokens of my son
In the large composition of this man?

K. John.
Mine eye hath well examined his parts,
And finds them perfect Richard: Sirrah, speak,
What doth move you to claim your brother's land?

Phil.
Because he hath a half-face, like my father,
With that half-face would he have all my land?
A half-fac'd groat, five hundred pound a year!

Rob.
My gracious Liege, when that my father liv'd,
Your brother did imploy my father much;—

Phil.
Well, Sir, by this you cannot get my land.
Your tale must be, how he imploy'd my mother.

Rob.
And once dispatch'd him in an embassie
To Germany; there with the Emperor
To treat of high affairs touching that time:
Th' advantage of his absence took the King,
And in the mean time sojourn'd at my father's;
Where, how he did prevail, I shame to speak:
But truth is truth; large lengths of seas and shores

Between my father and my mother lay,
(As I have heard my father speak himself)
When this same lusty gentleman was got.
Upon his death-bed he by will bequeath'd
His lands to me; and took it on his death,
That this, my mother's son, was none of his;
And if he were, he came into the world
Full fourteen weeks before the course of time:
Then, good my Liege, let me have what is mine,
My father's land, as was my father's will.

K. John.
Sirrah, your brother is legitimate;
Your father's wife did after wedlock bear him:
And if she did play false, the fault was hers;
Which fault lyes on the hazard of all husbands,
That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother,
Who, as you say, took pains to get this son,
Had of your father claim'd this son for his?
In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept
This calf, bred from his cow, from all the world.
In sooth, he might; then, if he were my brother's,
My brother might not claim him; nor your father,
Being none of his, refuse him; this concludes,
My mother's son did get your father's heir,
Your father's heir must have your father's land.

Rob.
Shall then my father's Will be of no force
To dispossess that child, which is not his?

Phil.
Of no more force to dispossess me, Sir,
Than was his will to get me, as I think.

Eli.
Whether hadst thou rather be a Faulconbridge,
And, like thy brother, to enjoy thy land:
Or the reputed Son of Cœur-de-lion,
^{2 note}

Phil.
Madam, and if my brother had my shape,
And I had his, Sir Robert his, like him;
And if my legs were two such riding rods,
My arms such eel-skins stuft; ^{3 note}

my face so thin,
^{4 note}That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose,
Lest men should say, “look, where three farthings goes!
“And to his shape were heir to all this land;”
'Would, I might never stir from off this place,
I'd give it ev'ry foot to have this face:
I would not be Sir Nobbe in any case.

Eli.
I like thee well; wilt thou forsake thy fortune,
Bequeath thy land to him, and follow me?
I am a soldier, and now bound to France.

Phil.
Brother, take you my land, I'll take my chance;
Your face hath got five hundred pound a year,
Yet sell your face for five pence, and 'tis dear.
Madam, I'll follow you unto the death.

Eli.
Nay, I would have you go before me thither.

Phil.
Our country manners give our betters way.

K. John.
What is thy name?

Phil.
Philip, my Liege, so is my name begun;
Philip, good old Sir Robert's wife's eldest son.

K. John.
From henceforth bear his name, whose form thou bear'st:
Kneel thou down Philip, but rise up more great;
Arise Sir Richard, and Plantagenet.

Phil.
Brother by th' mother's side, give me your hand;
My father gave me honour, yours gave land.
Now blessed be the hour, by night or day,
When I was got, Sir Robert was away!

Eli.
The very spirit of Plantagenet!
I am thy grandam; Richard, call me so.

Phil.
Madam, by chance, but not by truth; what though?
Something about, a little from the right,
  In at the window, or else o'er the hatch:
Who dares not stir by day, must walk by night,
  And have his have, however men do catch;
Near or far off, well won is still well shot;
And I am I, howe'er I was begot.

K. John.
Go, Faulconbridge, now hast thou thy desire;
A landless Knight makes thee a landed 'Squire:
Come, Madam; and come, Richard; we must speed
For France, for France; for it is more than need.

Phil.
Brother, adieu; good fortune come to thee,
For thou was got i'th way of honesty. [Exeunt all but Philip.

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