Syracuse.
S. Ant.
Why, how now, Dromio, where run'st thou
so fast?
S. Dro.
Do you know me, Sir? am I Dromio? am
I your man? am I myself?
S. Ant.
Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou
art thyself.
S. Dro.
I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides
myself.
S. Ant.
What woman's man? and how besides thyself?
S. Dro.
Marry, Sir, besides myself, I am due to a
woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one
that will have me.
S. Ant.
What claim lays she to thee?
S. Dro.
Marry, Sir, such a claim as you would lay
to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not
that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that
she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
S. Ant.
What is she?
S. Dro.
A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a
man may not speak of, without he say, Sir reverence:
I have but lean luck in the match; and yet is she a
wond'rous fat marriage.
S. Ant.
How dost thou mean, a fat marriage?
S. Dro.
Marry, Sir, she's the kitchen-wench, and
all grease; and I know not what use to put her to, but
to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own
light. I warrant, her rags, and the tallow in them,
will burn 4 notea Lapland winter: if she lives 'till doomsday,
she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.
S. Ant.
What complexion is she of?
S. Dro.
Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing
-- 239 --
like so clean kept; for why? she sweats, a man may
go over shoes in the grime of it.
S. Ant.
That's a fault, that water will mend.
S. Dro.
No, Sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could
not do it.
S. Ant.
What's her name?
S. Dro.
Nell, Sir;—but (a) noteher name and three
quarters (that is, an ell and three quarters) will not
measure her from hip to hip.
S. Ant.
Then she bears some breadth?
S. Dro.
No longer from head to foot, than from
hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe: I could
find out countries in her.
S. Ant.
In what part of her body stands Ireland?
S. Dro.
Marry, Sir, in her buttocks; I found it
out by the bogs.
S. Ant.
Where Scotland?
S. Dro.
I found it out by the barrenness, hard in the
palm of her hand.
S. Ant.
Where France?
S. Dro.
In her forehead; arm'd and reverted, making
war 6 noteagainst her heir.—
S. Ant.
Where England?
S. Dro.
I look'd for the chalky cliffs, but I could
find no whiteness in them; but I guess, it stood in her
chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
S. Ant.
Where Spain?
S. Dro.
Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in her
breath.
S. Ant.
Where America, the Indies?
S. Dro.
Oh, Sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellish'd
with rubies, carbuncles, saphires; declining their rich
aspect to the hot breath of Spain, who sent whole armadoes
of carracts to be ballast at her nose.
-- 240 --
S. Ant.
Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
S. Dro.
Oh, Sir, I did not look so low. 7 note
To conclude,
this drudge of the devil, this diviner, laid
claim to me, call'd me Dromio, swore I was assur'd
to her, told me what privy marks I had about me, as
the marks of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the
great wart on my left arm, that I, amaz'd, ran from
her as a witch. 8 noteAnd, I think, if my breast had not
been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had
transform'd me to a curtal-dog, and made me turn
i'th' wheel.
S. Ant.
Go, hie thee presently; post to the road;
And if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this town to night.
If any bark put forth, come to the mart;
Where I will walk, 'till you return to me:
If every one know us, and we know none,
'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
S. Dro.
As from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife.
[Exit.
Alexander Pope [1747], The works of Shakespear in eight volumes. The Genuine Text (collated with all the former Editions, and then corrected and emended) is here settled: Being restored from the Blunders of the first Editors, and the Interpolations of the two Last: with A Comment and Notes, Critical and Explanatory. By Mr. Pope and Mr. Warburton (Printed for J. and P. Knapton, [and] S. Birt [etc.], London) [word count] [S11301].
