Having got through this long introduction
which may re&longs;emble that &longs;pecies of
pompion they call a qua&longs;haw, who&longs;e neck
is longer than the whole body; I &longs;ay resemble
it, for it will not be altogether like
it, as it will not be more at mo&longs;t, than a
third of the work. However it has been
long enough, in all con&longs;cience. We hasten
to the &longs;equel of the adventures of the
Captain, and Teague his &longs;ervant.

It will be recollected, that pe&longs;tered with
the prepo&longs;terous ambition of the bog-trotter;
the Captain, by the advice of a
gentleman, had con&longs;ented to let him try
his luck of getting into &longs;ome employment
under government.

[figure description] Page 002.[end figure description]

However; after reflecting with him&longs;elf,
a long time on the &longs;ubject, he could not
help expre&longs;&longs;ing to the gentleman, with
whom he was &longs;till in conver&longs;ation, his
doubt of the &longs;ucce&longs;s of &longs;uch preten&longs;ions.
Said he, after all, I do not &longs;ee, how it
can be rea&longs;onable to &longs;uppo&longs;e that he can
come to any great height, in &longs;tate affairs:
He is totally illiterate and uncultivated.

As to that, &longs;aid the gentleman, it is no
rea&longs;on at all. Do we not read in hi&longs;tory
of per&longs;ons of the lowe&longs;t education who
have ri&longs;en to the greate&longs;t heights both in
the civil, and military line. Butcher's
&longs;ons, keepers of pigs, feeders of &longs;heep,
traffickers in &longs;mall wares, have come to
be Cardinals, Popes, and mini&longs;ters of
&longs;tate. That impu&longs;e of mind which he discovers
to be &longs;omething, indicates a capacity
of being &longs;o. We &longs;eldom find in men,
a &longs;trong de&longs;ire of obtaining any thing
which depends on human power, who have
not been able to obtain it. Hence it has
been &longs;aid, that let a man determine to be
Lord Mayor of London, and he may arrive
at that dignity.

The Captain yielding to the rea&longs;ons,
began to think, in what manner, it might
be proper, to give him an introduction,
and bring him forward; whether to

[figure description] Page 003.[end figure description]

endeavor to cultivate an acquaintance with
&longs;ome members of Congre&longs;s, or the heads
of departments, &longs;uch as the Secretary of
the Trea&longs;ury, of State, at War, &c. or
to begin with &longs;ome of the &longs;ubordinate
clerks, and ri&longs;e gradually to the knowledge
of the principals.

This, &longs;aid the gentleman, would be
beginning at the wrong end. The&longs;e people
mu&longs;t naturally be jealous, e&longs;pecially of
&longs;uch as appear to have talents; not knowing
but that in time they may come to supercede
them. The mo&longs;t advi&longs;eable way
is to attack the head at once: Pre&longs;ent him
at the levee of the Pre&longs;ident, and make
him known to the Chief Magi&longs;trate. This
is going to the fountain, and not depending
on the &longs;treams, that divide among themselves;
and &longs;ometimes &longs;ink in the earth,
and di&longs;appear.

Having been once &longs;een at court, he will
acquire friends; and the Pre&longs;ident him&longs;elf,
can with more propriety take notice of
him.

But would it not be nece&longs;&longs;ary, &longs;aid the
Captain, before we undertake to pre&longs;ent
him at the levee of the Pre&longs;ident, that I
&longs;hould have him rubbed down, and cloathed
a little better than he is at pre&longs;ent.

[figure description] Page 004.[end figure description]

Not at all, &longs;aid the gentleman. It will
be be&longs;t to pre&longs;ent him, puris naturalibus,
ju&longs;t as he is, without brogues; in his over-alls,
with that long coat and &longs;louched hat,
which you have given him to wear. The
Pre&longs;ident &longs;eeing him as he is, will imagine
what he may be, when he comes to be
dre&longs;&longs;ed off in a &longs;uitable manner; and imagination
always out-goes the reality. Besides;
unle&longs;s he had been accu&longs;tomed for
&longs;ome time to good cloathing, he will appear
aukward in it, and move with pain
to him&longs;elf, and to others. Take a country
girl that is neat enough in her &longs;hort
gown and petticoat, and put her in a fine
&longs;ilk with &longs;tays, and &longs;he will appear to
much le&longs;s advantage. A clown in his
jacket and trow&longs;ers, is re&longs;pectable; but
in a broadcloth coat, with &longs;uitable habiliments,
he would move ridicule.

Governed by the&longs;e ob&longs;ervations, the
Captain propo&longs;ed to take Teague to the
levee the next evening.

[figure description] Page 005.[end figure description]

The gentleman who thus advi&longs;ed the Captain,
though a grave man, I do not think was &longs;erious. He
has been what we call a wag, and wi&longs;hed to amu&longs;e himself
with the extravagance of introducing Teague as a
candidate for public offices, and taking him to the Levee.
For the Iri&longs;hman was certainly in no very decent apparel
to appear at the court, even of a republic. The
jacket and trow&longs;ers, or overalls, as &longs;ome call them,
that he had upon him, though of rough materials,
being a coar&longs;e tow linen, that had not had but one
boiling before it was made up, were not even whole;
what is more, not clean, not that he had voluntarily
on &longs;ome great occa&longs;ion, for a public or private calamity,
as was the manner of the Jews, rent his garments,
and put on &longs;ackcloth, and &longs;trewed a&longs;hes on his head;
but what came to the &longs;ame thing, by lying by the fire
&longs;ide at night, and wre&longs;tling in the day with the ho&longs;tler,
and &longs;ervants at the tavern, he was reduced to the &longs;ame
raggedne&longs;s and a&longs;h-powdered &longs;tate.

Neverthele&longs;s, though there might not have been
time to have wa&longs;hed his duds; yet a patch or two might
have been put upon his ve&longs;tments; a con&longs;iderable impression
having been made upon his flank, by a &longs;harp
point; and his rear being uncovered, a hand's-breadth
or more; unle&longs;s indeed his breeches had been taken off
altogether, and he had come forward, a real &longs;ans
culotte, without any thing on his back&longs;ide at all.

[figure description] Page 006.[end figure description]

Having waited with impatience
for the evening, the Captain, with the
candidate, &longs;et out for the levee. Arriving
at the door, the Captain, entering
fir&longs;t, and Teague ju&longs;t behind, he addressed
the Pre&longs;ident: Said he, may it plea&longs;e
your Excellency, here is a young man,
whom I take the liberty to introduce, as
a candidate for &longs;tate employment. He
has been offered a &longs;eat in Congre&longs;s. But
it appears to me that a place in the executive
department would &longs;uit him better;
his name is Teague O'Regan; and has
been for &longs;ome time a &longs;ervant of mine, a
bog-trotter; but I believe I could now
&longs;pare him if your Excellency has occa&longs;ion
to make u&longs;e of him. The Attorney General,
and &longs;everal others who were present,
were a good deal confounded at the
propo&longs;ition. A little lean Frenchman in
in the room, with a &longs;word by his &longs;ide,

[figure description] Page 007.[end figure description]

was a&longs;toni&longs;hed; and expre&longs;&longs;ed above an
hundred foutres to him&longs;elf in the compa&longs;s
of a minute; I do not mean that he &longs;poke
out, but thought them to him&longs;elf in a
&longs;hort &longs;pace. A Briti&longs;h con&longs;ul pre&longs;ent,
who was a man of a philo&longs;ophic turn of
mind, could not but reflect on the nature
of a republican government, and the extraordinary
a&longs;&longs;urance of the lowe&longs;t cla&longs;s to
pretend to offices.

The Pre&longs;ident, in the mean time, contemplating
the object, made a pau&longs;e. But
after &longs;ome time recollecting him&longs;elf, bowed
to the Captain, and to Teague, and signified
that doubtle&longs;s proper notice &longs;hould
be taken of the merits of the gentleman,
and provi&longs;ion made for him. This he
&longs;aid, bowing at the &longs;ame time in a circular
manner, and turning round as if to converse
with another per&longs;on, to whom attention
was in his turn, due. Teague in
the mean time advancing with his mouth
open, and both his arms &longs;tretched out, was
about to harrangue in his own dialect, as
pla&longs;e your honor, &c. But an aid of the
Pre&longs;ident, or &longs;ome one concerned in the
ceremonial of the occa&longs;ion, touching the
Captain and Teague, and conver&longs;ing with
them towards the door, gave them to understand,
that they might depart for the

[figure description] Page 008.[end figure description]

pre&longs;ent; and that there was no manner
of que&longs;tion, but that his Excellency had
taken a note of the matter, and when any
appointment was about to take place, the
gentleman would be remembered.

[figure description] Page 009.[end figure description]

I observe, from &longs;ome &longs;craps, in the public papers,
that the holding a levee by the Pre&longs;ident of the United
States, has given offence, to men of &longs;evere, and extreme
republican ideas: For, as at the reformation from
the Roman Catholic &longs;uper&longs;tition, the puritans, and
other thorough paced reformi&longs;ts, were offended with
the Church of England, for retaining &longs;ome particulars
of the ancient ceremonies; &longs;uch as the ring in marriage;
the cro&longs;s in bapti&longs;m; the &longs;urplice; kneeling at the
&longs;acrament; bowing at the name of Je&longs;us, &c. &longs;o here;
the more rigid revolutioni&longs;ts from monarchy, object to
any ve&longs;tige of its cu&longs;toms, and would lay a&longs;ide totally
all re&longs;emblance of it.

On the other hand, it is &longs;ugge&longs;ted by tho&longs;e who
would ju&longs;tify, or, apologize for the holding a levee,
that it is in it&longs;elf, no &longs;ub&longs;tance or e&longs;&longs;ential of monarchy;
it is, at the mo&longs;t, but a &longs;hadow of it, and can do little
harm; that the in&longs;titution was &longs;ugge&longs;ted by John
Adams, who having ju&longs;t returned from his emba&longs;&longs;y in
England, had no doubt good rea&longs;on to &longs;uppo&longs;e, that it
would be plea&longs;ing to the Engli&longs;h people who were accustomed
to &longs;uch things; and to the king e&longs;pecially,
who, as far as we under&longs;tand from Peter Pindar, is but a
thick-headed prince: It would be plea&longs;ing to him, to
reflect that though he had lo&longs;t direct authority and jurisdiction
in the&longs;e &longs;tates, yet we were &longs;till di&longs;po&longs;ed to
touch, as it were, the hem of his garment, and adopt
&longs;ome of the trappings of royalty. In this ca&longs;e he could

[figure description] Page 010.[end figure description]

with more propriety take notice of his brother George;
having a levee like another prince, than if he remained
but a bare republican, like a plucked fowl, without any
plumage to decorate his dignity. It is al&longs;o &longs;aid, that it
was on this principle that Citizen Adams, propo&longs;ed introducing
titles of nobility, &longs;uch as, Duke and Dutche&longs;s,
Marqui&longs;s and Marchione&longs;s, Count and Counte&longs;s, Baronet
and Barone&longs;s, &c. For, that complying in the&longs;e
&longs;mall matters with the &longs;tile of the Engli&longs;h ranks, and
the genius of their government, it would produce and
pre&longs;erve a greater amity between the nations; and with
the court e&longs;pecially, and enable us to obtain greater
advantages in our treaties of commerce. Whatever
may have been the principle, I do not think the proposition
bad. It could not be blameable; for Saint
Paul him&longs;elf, in matters of religion, a thing much more
delicate in its nature, did not he&longs;itate to &longs;have the heads
of four young men, to plea&longs;e the Jews; and what was
wor&longs;e, circumci&longs;ed the poor boy Timothy. What
then, if to humour a weak king, and a prejudiced people,
we had received the appellations of nobility? Be&longs;ides;
the matter might have been &longs;o managed, as not to injure
the &longs;tamina of our con&longs;titution; that is, not to
confer the titles; but let the people take them. Carlisle,
for in&longs;tance, the con&longs;table in Philadelphia, might
have called him&longs;elf Lord Carli&longs;le, and &longs;o on.

The advocates for a levee, &longs;ay, that it is u&longs;eful in order
to avoid the interruptions of per&longs;ons calling on the
Pre&longs;ident at his private hours, who have no other bu&longs;ine&longs;s
than merely to be introduced and to &longs;ee him; that setting
a couple of hours a&longs;ide, one day in the week, for the
purpo&longs;e of &longs;atisfying the curio&longs;ity of the people, is good
œconomy; and is like throwing a barrel to a whale, in
order to pre&longs;erve the &longs;hip. For, that, if this was not
indulged, little el&longs;e could be done through the week,
than attending to the formality of receiving vi&longs;itants.
To this it is an&longs;wered that it mu&longs;t be impertient in any
one to call upon the Pre&longs;ident who has no bu&longs;ine&longs;s with

[figure description] Page 011.[end figure description]

him, and if he has bu&longs;ine&longs;s, a levee is not the place to
&longs;ettle it; that the Roman Pretors, and Grecian Archons
made out to di&longs;charge their offices, without this
expedient; that it is not con&longs;i&longs;tent with the honor of
wi&longs;e and mode&longs;t republicans to have it &longs;uppo&longs;ed, that
from idle, and light-headed curio&longs;ity, they would be
trouble&longs;ome to their chief magi&longs;trate; if any were &longs;o,
calling once, they could be di&longs;mi&longs;&longs;ed in &longs;uch a manner,
as to cure them of it; and the thing being once known
to be improper, the idea would pervade the ma&longs;s of the
citizens, and the mo&longs;t unin&longs;tructed, would be taught
not to tran&longs;gre&longs;s by &longs;o obvious an intru&longs;ion.

Be&longs;ides; the curio&longs;ity of &longs;eeing a man eminent in
office, exi&longs;ts chiefly with weak minds; for the more
&longs;olid know, that it is not the figure of a great man that
has made him &longs;uch; but a &longs;eries of prudent and successful
conduct. They are &longs;en&longs;ible that when they &longs;ee
the mo&longs;t di&longs;tingui&longs;hed in arts, in letters, or in arms,
they will &longs;ee a per&longs;on that looks ju&longs;t like another man.
Is it worth while then, &longs;ay the anti-lee-vites, to con&longs;ult
the curio&longs;ity of gaping haubucks, by obliging the chief
magi&longs;trate of a government, to &longs;hew him&longs;elf to them
once a week, when he has &longs;o much real bu&longs;ine&longs;s on his
hands?

For my part, lying at the back of a mountain here;
the cool we&longs;t wind blowing on me; I find my&longs;elf little
heated with the difference of opinions on this que&longs;tion.
All I &longs;hall &longs;ay, is, that the ceremony of a levee would
not be agreeable to my mind; and if I &longs;hould be cho&longs;en
Pre&longs;ident at any time, with which my friends flatter me,
I believe I &longs;hall not continue it, unle&longs;s indeed, I &longs;hould
be allowed to di&longs;charge it by proxy. For I could not
my&longs;elf, &longs;ubmit to &longs;tand two hours, once a week, in a
circle, like a bear at a &longs;take, to be &longs;aluted by all comers
and goers, and be obliged to &longs;ay, &longs;ome words of cour&longs;e,
to get clear of them. It is po&longs;&longs;ible, this declaration
may affect my election, but &longs;uch is my habit of candour,
that being on the &longs;ubject, I could not help making it.

[figure description] Page 012.[end figure description]

And I flatter my&longs;elf, the mo&longs;t &longs;treneous lee-vites, may
be reconciled to it, when I propo&longs;e in its place to have
my&longs;elf taken off the more abundantly in portraits, and
to have innumerable medals &longs;truck repre&longs;enting my
phy&longs;iognomy and features; and to a&longs;&longs;i&longs;t this, I &longs;hall not
be backward, to have di&longs;criptions given of my per&longs;on,
manners, and apparel, to &longs;atisfy the curio&longs;ity of strangers.
This I hope will &longs;uffice.

[figure description] Page 013.[end figure description]

From the reception at the levee,
which the Captain thought favorable, he
began to entertain more confidence in the
advancement of Teague; and, under this
impre&longs;&longs;ion, thought it now advi&longs;eable to
begin to take &longs;ome pains with his bodily
appearance, and by the next interview,
produce him to the be&longs;t advantage.

To conduct this by &longs;y&longs;tem, the fir&longs;t
thing was to heave him down, as it were,
and &longs;crape off his barnacles. This was
done by ordering into an apartment of
the kitchen, at the Indian Queen, a tub
of warm water. His overalls being &longs;tript
off, and putting his feet and legs in this,
with hickory a&longs;hes, and a pint of &longs;oft &longs;oap,
the ho&longs;tler was occupied an hour or two,
in the nece&longs;&longs;ary lotion and friction, until
the upper &longs;kin began to come off, and the
natural complexion of his fle&longs;h appear.
After this being &longs;tript altogether, his
whole body underwent the &longs;ame operation,
the Captain &longs;tanding by, and ordering
his joints to be &longs;tretched, in the manner
of the Turks in their baths. After this, a
clean &longs;hirt was put on him, and the u&longs;ual
attire of a common man.

[figure description] Page 014.[end figure description]

The next thing to be done towards
forming the bog-trotter, to &longs;ome degree
of decency, was the teaching him &longs;ome
more ea&longs;y movements of his per&longs;on, &longs;o as
not to lift his feet &longs;o high, or make &longs;uch
long &longs;trides; as not being nece&longs;&longs;ary, where
there were now no &longs;loughs or ditches to
leap over, but carpets, or plain floors to
&longs;tep upon. This, with the in&longs;tructing him,
in what manner, to turn his toes out, or
at lea&longs;t to keep his feet parallel in walking;
and turning round, to throw one heel
into the hollow of the other foot; at the
&longs;ame time, in what manner to bear his
arms and head; and to pre&longs;erve, or, incline
his body, in receiving or returning a
&longs;alutation: con&longs;idering by what means
this was be&longs;t attainable, the Captain
thought to him&longs;elf it might be advi&longs;eable,
in the fir&longs;t in&longs;tance, to employ a dancing
ma&longs;ter. For though the le&longs;&longs;ons of &longs;uch a
teacher, might not give ea&longs;e of behavior,
all at once, yet the&longs;e might lay the foundation
of it. For, no man ever came

[figure description] Page 015.[end figure description]

from the hands of a dancing ma&longs;ter with
a natural ea&longs;e and flexibility of joint and
limb; yet being taught to move by rule at
fir&longs;t, in the cour&longs;e of mixing with good
company, the wire edge of art would
wear off, and an ea&longs;e of demeanor be attained.
For this rea&longs;on he thought proper,
the next morning, to &longs;end for Monsieur
Douperie, and to addre&longs;s him as
follows:

Mon&longs;ieur Douperie, &longs;aid he, here is a
young man of &longs;ome talents, as the world
&longs;uppo&longs;es, though I never could find them
in him; who, is in a fair way to be introduced
into the political, and probably the
gay world: and as he is but ru&longs;tic and aukward
in his movements, I would wi&longs;h to
have him poli&longs;hed; not that I expect he
can attain to great perfection in the highe&longs;t
&longs;pecies of the dance, &longs;uch as the minuet,
or the cotilion, or even the manœuvres
of a country dance; but &longs;imply in the position
of his feet, and to &longs;tep and move
with propriety. For I do not think it
nece&longs;&longs;ary for a &longs;tate&longs;man, that he be a
proficient in the &longs;altatory art; but, simply,
that he be able to bear him&longs;elf upright,
and to enter a room in an ea&longs;y manner,
and not take too long &longs;trides in
walking acro&longs;s the floor.

[figure description] Page 016.[end figure description]

The Frenchman, eyeing Teague,
thought with him&longs;elf, that he was but a
rough &longs;ubject to work upon; neverthele&longs;s,
concealing his &longs;entiment, as the manner
of the nation is polite and compliant, he
replied. Mon&longs;ieur Capitaine, &longs;aid he,
ver great &longs;en&longs;ible of de honneur, que vous
me faites, de attitude of dour&longs;elf be &longs;o ver
natural, dat prove de high degree que vous
acquis in de art dat I ta&longs;he; and trow un
grand lu&longs;tre, on de talents dat I po&longs;&longs;ede.

Such was the compliment to the Captain
him&longs;elf; though, by the bye, he was
but a plain man, and had never been taught
to dance.

Mon&longs;ieur Douperie continuing, turned
his attention now to the bog-trotter.
Dis Mon&longs;ieur, &longs;aid he, appear de be&longs;t
calcule of de vorld for de dan&longs;e. Sa taille,
ver good, his limb promettent, ver much
en faveur of his talents futures. His muscle,
et &longs;on apparance nerveu&longs;e, confirm
me of his &longs;tren&longs;e in de execution. His
eye, be ver good, pour fixet &longs;on vi&longs;avis,
his partner. Tout me promet un grand
expectation make Mon&longs;ieur mo&longs;t egal
my&longs;elf, in de art of de dan&longs;e.

As to that, &longs;aid the Captain, I would
not have you too &longs;anguine. You do not
take into view the low &longs;tate in which he

[figure description] Page 017.[end figure description]

is; and what pains will be nece&longs;&longs;ary before
you can bring him to that point where you
begin with others. So low is my opinion
of his pre&longs;ent grade in point of manners,
that I had thought of putting him a while
under the care of a per&longs;on &longs;killed in
breaking oxen, that he might be taught
to move by rule in &longs;ome rough way at
fir&longs;t, before I would trouble you with
giving him the nicer precepts that re&longs;pect
the locomotive art.

Tres plai&longs;ant Capitaine, ver plai&longs;ant,
&longs;aid the dancing ma&longs;ter, mais, j'me promet
dat Mon&longs;ieur make ver good proficiance,
in ver &longs;hort time.

The Captain now thinking proper to
withdraw, left Teague to his le&longs;&longs;ons.

[figure description] Page 018.[end figure description]

Monsieur Patrick, &longs;aid Mon&longs;ieur
Douperie, for under&longs;tanding that he was
an Iri&longs;hman, and thinking that all Irishmen
were named Patrick, he gave him
this appellation: Mon&longs;ieur Patrick, &longs;aid
he, il faut commencer, par les principes;
mu&longs;t begin by de principle.

La primiere principe, de fir&longs;t le&longs;&longs;ong
e&longs;t placer les pieds; place de foot. Voyez;
dis foot, cy; comme cela, (&longs;hewing
him how to place his foot) and ce luy, dat
foot, la; comme dis foot. (Shewing him
by his own foot how to place it) Tournez
les pieds; open de foot, quoi! vous
ouvrez la bouche; vous open de mout, and
not de foot. Vous keep vos foot in de
&longs;ame po&longs;ition, et vous baillez: you open
de mout. La &longs;econ principe, is to keep
de body droit; trait. Mu&longs;t &longs;it firm &longs;ur
&longs;es membres, on de limb. Tenez votre
body as dis (&longs;hewing him in what manner
to keep his body) a&longs;&longs;ieyez vous, &longs;ur vos
membres, comme ce la; dis way Monsieur
sieur Quoi! encore la bouche ouverte,

[figure description] Page 019.[end figure description]

you open de mout again Mon&longs;ieur Patrick.
Fermez la bouche, &longs;hut de mout.

I &longs;top here to ob&longs;erve, that the opening
the mouth when an exertion of the mind
or body is required, is a habit very common
with uninformed men, and not at all
peculiar to Teague: you will ob&longs;erve,
that men, who have not been long, or at
lea&longs;t much in the habit of writing, when
they put pen to paper, open the
mouth, and protrude the tongue, moving
it, as the pen turns to the right hand
or to the left; or draws the &longs;troke long
or &longs;hort; and, you will &longs;ee a cordwainer
of good &longs;kill in his trade, from mere habit,
and not any defect of art, put out his
tongue, and move it, as if it could guide
his hand, when he is parcing nicely the margin
of the &longs;oal of a &longs;hoe or boot: Having
made this ob&longs;ervation in ju&longs;tice to the bog-trotter,
I return to my narration.

The Captain coming in at this point of
the bu&longs;ine&longs;s, made enquiry of Mon&longs;ieur
Douperie, what &longs;ucce&longs;s he appeared to
have with his pupil. Bien tolerable, Monsieur
Capitaine, &longs;aid Mon&longs;ieur Douperie,
ver tolerable: Mon&longs;ieur es d'une tres
bonne naturel; ver good di&longs;po&longs;ition. A
la commencement il ne faut pas nous
flatter, mu&longs;t not flatter, wid de plus haut

[figure description] Page 020.[end figure description]

degre, du &longs;ucces; at de fir&longs;t of de lessong.

The Captain, not &longs;o much from the
words of the dancing ma&longs;ter, as from his
countenance, and the tone of his voice,
&longs;aw, that he was not &longs;o &longs;anguine with
regard to the proficiency of the bog-trotter
as he had been at fir&longs;t: Neverthele&longs;s,
he was not di&longs;couraged in &longs;uffering
Mon&longs;ieur Douperie to go on with his
le&longs;&longs;ons; becau&longs;e he expected little more,
as has been &longs;aid, than &longs;ome improvement
of &longs;tep and gait. Nor did he draw any
conclu&longs;ion unfavorable with re&longs;pect to the
attainments of the bog-trotter in a political
career; becau&longs;e he well that auk wardne&longs;s
of manner is not at all incon&longs;i&longs;tent with
the highe&longs;t literary and political abilities;
and that &longs;ome of the greate&longs;t geniu&longs;e&longs;s that
the world has produced have never been
able to attain the graces of behavior. The
poet Horace, &longs;ays of Virgil; magnum
ingenium &longs;ub inculto corpore latet: and
the anecdote of Harley, earl of Oxford,
is well known; who, when Queen Anne
made him Lord Trea&longs;urer, his dancing
ma&longs;ter expre&longs;&longs;ed his a&longs;tonishment, and
wondered what the Queen could &longs;ee in
him; for he was the greate&longs;t dunce he
ever had at his &longs;chool.

[figure description] Page 021.[end figure description]

With the&longs;e reflections withdrawing he
left the Frenchman to go on with his lesson.

La troi&longs;ieme principe; de tird le&longs;&longs;ong,
&longs;aid Mon&longs;ieur Douperie, is to lift de foot;
you lift de foot, Mon&longs;ieur Patrick, le pied
droit, de right foot furs; here Teague
rai&longs;ed the left, O! mon dieu, &longs;aid the
dancing ma&longs;ter, le pied droit, et non pas
le guache; de right foot, and not de left.
E&longs;t il po&longs;&longs;ible, you no di&longs;ting de right foot
from de left. Il faut lever le guache: a
la bonne heure, you lift de left foot.

Now, Mon&longs;ieur Patrick; un pas avec
le pied guache; lift de left foot. Here
Teague lifted the right foot, thinking of
the former le&longs;&longs;on, and willing to plea&longs;e the
dancing ma&longs;ter by giving him that foot
which had &longs;eemed to be &longs;o much in reque&longs;t
with him. O! mon dieu, par blieu, &longs;aid
Mon&longs;ieur Douperie, e&longs;t il po&longs;&longs;ible you no
di&longs;ting de right foot from de left?

It is ob&longs;ervable of the French character
that while they pre&longs;erve their temper,
they are all complai&longs;ance, and have the
&longs;ofe&longs;t words imaginable; but when they
break, it is all at once, and they pa&longs;s to
the oppo&longs;ite extreme of peevi&longs;hne&longs;s. It is
not altogether owing to an irritability of
nerve but to that &longs;y&longs;tem of politene&longs;s which

[figure description] Page 022.[end figure description]

they cultivate; becau&longs;e when the chord of
civility is immoderately &longs;tretched by a concealment
of the feelings, when it is let
go, it flies the farther, and with the
quicker vibration, beyond the medium of
its ten&longs;ion.

O! mon dieu, par blieu, &longs;aid the
Frenchman; and here he had almo&longs;t &longs;aid
foutre, which is one of the wor&longs;t epithets
that is given, when great contempt is
about to be expre&longs;&longs;ed.

However, compo&longs;ing his temper, and
re&longs;uming his in&longs;tructions; he continued;
now Mon&longs;ieur Patrick, &longs;aid he, le pied
droit, lift de right foot. Here Teague,
as he had not plea&longs;ed his in&longs;tructor by what
he had done la&longs;t, viz. lifting the right foot,
now lifted the left, being always at cro&longs;s
purpo&longs;es, as it were, or &longs;till too far forward,
or too far back in his motions, to
corre&longs;pond with the directions given.

O! diable, diable, &longs;aid the Frenchman,
rai&longs;ing his voice, and almo&longs;t vociferating;
quoi ferai je? il e&longs;t impo&longs;&longs;ible d' in&longs;truire
cet garcon: no po&longs;&longs;ible make you understand
fat I &longs;ay, you do. Attendez vous,
Mon&longs;ieur Patrick; you look at me, and
lift de foot dat I lift; now I lift de right
foot; lift de right foot.

[figure description] Page 023.[end figure description]

Teague &longs;tanding oppo&longs;ite the ma&longs;ter,
and lifting that foot which was on the
&longs;ame &longs;ide with that of the in&longs;tructor made
the &longs;ame blunder as before, and lifted the
left foot.

Mon&longs;ieur Douperie enraged beyond all
bearing, ran out of the room, and left
his &longs;cholar for the pre&longs;ent.

The day after this, Mon&longs;ieur Douperie,
having compo&longs;ed his temper and attending,
the Captain made enquiry, as u&longs;ual, of the
progre&longs;s of his pupil. The Frenchman
endeavoring to put the be&longs;t face on the
matter, &longs;aid &longs;ome things of cour&longs;e and
complimentary; but could not help intimating
that it was une grand difficulty en
le commencement, in de beginning, to
make Mon&longs;ieur di&longs;ting de difference of de
right foot, and de left.

As to that, &longs;aid the Captain, it is a national
incapacity; for which, as al&longs;o for
their propen&longs;ity to make what they call
bulls, it is difficult to account. There are
not a people more brave than the aborigines
of Ireland, and are far from being
de&longs;titute of talents, and yet there is a
certain liability to blunders, both in their
words and actions, that is &longs;ingular. Whether
it is that a mind &longs;trong and vigorous,
and of exten&longs;ive range cannot attend to

[figure description] Page 024.[end figure description]

&longs;mall things; or that a great flow and hurry
of animal &longs;pirits, carries them too fa&longs;t
for reflection; or that there is a transposition
of the brain, &longs;o that things pre&longs;ent
them&longs;elves by contraries to the imagination;
I cannot tell: but the fact is &longs;o that
in their own country, as I have been told,
when they are taught to dance, which,
by the bye, is a hint which I forgot to
give you, they bind on the right and left
foot different badges, on the one, a twisted
wi&longs;p of &longs;traw, which they call a &longs;ugan
and on the other a band of ozier twi&longs;ted
in like manner, which they call a gad: &longs;o
that when the word is given to rai&longs;e the
one foot, and depre&longs;s the other, it is
ri&longs;e upon &longs;ugan, and sink upon gad;
&longs;o, that though the tiro may not all at
once, and on the word given, be able to
di&longs;tingui&longs;h the right foot from the left, he
may ea&longs;ily tell gad from &longs;ugan, as his eye
can a&longs;&longs;i&longs;t his ear in this ca&longs;e; the object
being &longs;imple; whereas right and left
are relative terms, and that which is on
the right in one po&longs;ition, will be on the
left in the contrary.

Mon&longs;ieur Douperie was willing to avail
him&longs;elf of this hint, for under&longs;tanding that
the bog-trotter was a candidate for &longs;tate
affairs, he was greatly anxious to have the

[figure description] Page 025.[end figure description]

honor of giving him &longs;ome proficiency.
Accordingly, though he did not procure
a &longs;traw &longs;ugan, and an ozier gad, yet he
made u&longs;e of what he thought might be
equivalent, viz. a red rag, and a blue;
&longs;o that in&longs;tead of bidding him move the
right foot or the left, he could de&longs;ire him
to move the red rag or the blue.

Having tied the&longs;e upon his ancles next
morning, he began his le&longs;&longs;on. Now,
Mon&longs;ieur Patrick, &longs;aid he, lift de foot
dat hab de red ribbon: Teague obeyed
with exactne&longs;s and promptitude, and
rai&longs;ed that foot. Now, &longs;aid Mon&longs;ieur
Douperie, de foot dat hab de blue ribbon.
Teague hit the direction, and rai&longs;ed
the foot with the blue rag upon it.

A la bonne heure, vous y voila, &longs;aid
the dancing ma&longs;ter; ver glad Mon&longs;ieur
Patrick you make &longs;o good proficiance; en
peu de tems, je vous pre&longs;entera a l' assemble.
You dan&longs;e ver well, &longs;hort time.

La quatrieme principe, &longs;aid the dancing
ma&longs;ter, de fort le&longs;&longs;ong e&longs;t former une pas,
to make de &longs;tep. Voyez Mon&longs;ieur Patrick,
fat I do. You make &longs;tep, ne
pas long &longs;tep, mais van little &longs;tep. The
Iri&longs;hman attempting to obey the directions
and to &longs;tep, made a &longs;tride about an ell in
length with his arms &longs;tretched out, and

[figure description] Page 026.[end figure description]

gaping at the &longs;ame time. Foutre, &longs;aid
the dancing ma&longs;ter; quoi! Vous baillez;
you ope de mout yet. Oh, diable! diable!
foutre! une bete! But compo&longs;ing
him&longs;elf, he proceeded. Rangez vous a
quartier; &longs;tep to de van &longs;ide, comme ce
la; &longs;hewing in what manner to &longs;tep out
with one foot at right angles to the other.

The Iri&longs;hman, endeavoring to confine
his feet to rule, felt him&longs;elf as much embarrassed
as if chained by the heels; and
attempting to make the &longs;tep as reque&longs;ted,
and making the u&longs;ual exertions, with his
eyes &longs;taring, his arms &longs;tretched, and his
mouth open, lo&longs;t the command of him&longs;elf
on the floor, and being thrown from the
line of gravity, was about to fall, when to
&longs;ave him&longs;elf, he made a catch at the dancing
ma&longs;ter, and drew him down with him.

The dancing ma&longs;ter &longs;uppo&longs;ing that he
hand under&longs;tood him, though in French,
when he u&longs;ed the term foutre, and called
him a bea&longs;t, and re&longs;enting this, was about
to take vengeance, and having heard of
their mode of biting, gouging, &c. in
America, was much alarmed, and di&longs;po&longs;ed
to throw him&longs;elf on the genero&longs;ity of the
Iri&longs;hman, as not being able to contend
with him in &longs;trength: He exclaimed, O!
my lord Patrick, excu&longs;ez moi, pardon,

[figure description] Page 027.[end figure description]

Mon&longs;ieur Patrick, je demand pardon.
Pauvre diable que je &longs;uis. I be van poor
dible. Vous etes un honnete homme.
Ver good man. Un homme brave, courageux,
ab&longs;olument un homme brave,
gallant, tres brave, O! je &longs;uis un malheureux,
I be van poor dible. Je demand
pardon, my lord Patrick.

The&longs;e were the exclamations of the
Frenchman, though, at the &longs;ame time,
he was uppermo&longs;t, but entangled by the
bog-trotter, who having &longs;till a hold of
him, was endeavoring to ri&longs;e; which the
other was di&longs;po&longs;ed to prevent, thinking
it advi&longs;eable to retain the advantage he
po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ed, and to keep him down until he
could appea&longs;e him by his entreaties, or
until help &longs;hould arrive &longs;o continuing his
expo&longs;tulation, he exclaimed, O! my lord
Patrick, faites moi, grace. I give you
my money. J'ai beacoup d'argent. I
give you an order &longs;ur mon intendant de
cent Louis; one, two, tree hundred
guinea. I forgive de compen&longs;ation of de
le&longs;&longs;ong,

Teague, in the mean time, having understood
that cha&longs;ti&longs;ement was u&longs;ually
given at &longs;chool, for inattention or flowne&longs;s
in acquiring the elements, and not understanding
broken French, conceived, that

[figure description] Page 028.[end figure description]

the dancing ma&longs;ter was expre&longs;&longs;ing his resentment,
and about to inflict puni&longs;hment;
and therefore endeavoured to excu&longs;e himself
by a &longs;peech on his part. God love
your &longs;houl, &longs;aid he, dont be after bateing
me, becau&longs;e I can't walk like a crippled
coo&longs;e, ju&longs;t at once. By Shaint Patrick,
dis is like &longs;toodying law in de workhou&longs;e,
where de fir&longs;t ting is a good bateing;
God love your &longs;houl, let me up, and i'l
&longs;tep as &longs;trait as a lame &longs;hape, or a dog
wid dis leg broke into de bargain.

By this time &longs;truggling, they were both
on their feet, the Frenchman, &longs;till calling
out, voulez vous me tuer; O! ma femme,
mes enfans, &longs;pare my life my lord
Patrick, and the bog-trotter beginning
to cur&longs;e and &longs;wear, and to rai&longs;e the Iri&longs;h
howl.

Being di&longs;engaged, the dancing ma&longs;ter
made his e&longs;cape, and waiting on the Captain,
not wi&longs;hing to be under the nece&longs;&longs;ity
of giving any more le&longs;&longs;ons, gave him to
under&longs;tand that Mon&longs;ieur had made ver
good proficiance, en ver &longs;hort time; that
he was capable to pre&longs;ent him&longs;elf in public
wid all de &longs;ucce&longs;s po&longs;&longs;ible; that it was not
nece&longs;&longs;ary to give him any more le&longs;&longs;ons.

The Captain did not &longs;uppo&longs;e that the
Iri&longs;hman could have made &longs;uch advances

[figure description] Page 029.[end figure description]

as the politene&longs;s of the Frenchman would
lead him to believe, but he concluded he
might have acquired what would be sufficient
as a foundation for his obtaining &longs;ome
decency, though not elegance in his manner
and deportment. Paying, therefore,
Mon&longs;ieur Douperie the &longs;um he demanded,
and thanking him for the pains he had
taken, the Frenchman withdrew.

[figure description] Page 030.[end figure description]

Having be&longs;towed &longs;ome pains to
cultivate the per&longs;onal movements of the
bog-trotter, it now remained to endeavor
to improve his manners. This the
Captain undertook, him&longs;elf, and though
he had not read Che&longs;terfield, yet he had
&longs;ome common ideas of decency, and delicacy
in habits, and behaviour. On this
point, addre&longs;&longs;ing his pupil, he began.

Teague, &longs;aid he, you have now got,
in literal terms your rough coat off; that
is, you have &longs;ome better dre&longs;s, than what
you u&longs;ed to wear; you have al&longs;o had &longs;ome
le&longs;&longs;ons, in what manner, to &longs;tand, or
move your feet, as there may be occa&longs;ion;
it now remains to in&longs;truct you with regard
to habits of delicacy, in &longs;ome matters.
You mu&longs;t be careful to keep your hands
and face clean; pair your nails, and let
no black be under them. Wa&longs;h the in&longs;ide
of your mouth, and bru&longs;h your teeth;
keep a handkerchief, and wipe your no&longs;e
with this, not with your bare hand; when

[figure description] Page 031.[end figure description]

you cough, &longs;pit out, even &longs;hould there be
nothing to &longs;pit, le&longs;t the imagination of
another, may &longs;uppo&longs;e that there is; you
mu&longs;t not belch, or break wind from your
mouth, or from any other part. By the
bye Teague, I have my fears of you in
this la&longs;t particular, for you know you
have not been always careful in trotting
with me to ob&longs;erve a delicacy in this respect;
and, it would be the devil in hell, if
in a company of ladies, an indi&longs;cretion of
this kind &longs;hould e&longs;cape you.

In the next place you will be careful to
avoid &longs;cratching your head, or your backside,
or putting your hand in the waistband
of your breeches, or turning your
back to the fire, and pulling up your coat
behind, which is the way of the vulgar.
Put but a &longs;mall quid of tobacco in your
mouth, not &longs;well the cheeks as if you had
robbed a weaver of a ball of yarn, and put
it there. Do not &longs;pit on a floor, but in
the fire, or in your handkerchief if you
mu&longs;t &longs;pit. In eating, &longs;it clo&longs;e to the table,
do not put your no&longs;e too near the
plate; put but a little in your mouth at
once; do not &longs;peak while your mouth is
full; or while you chew. If any one
&longs;peaks to you in this predicament, bow;
as much as to &longs;ay I will an&longs;wer you

[figure description] Page 032.[end figure description]

presently: drink healths &longs;paringly, if at all.
Do not blow in your cup to cool your tea.
Keep your infirmities to your&longs;elf, and do
not complain of co&longs;tivene&longs;s, or laxativeness;
of pains in the bowels, &c. A gentleman
&longs;hould have no complaints, unle&longs;s
to his phy&longs;ician, of any thing, but the
gout, or a fever, or the like. Give no
information of a bad dige&longs;tion; or food,
being heavy, or light to your &longs;tomach; of
your agreeing with this or that food, but
its not agreeing with you, as the vulgar
&longs;ay; that is, as we &longs;hall under&longs;tand you,
it gives you the belly-ach. Take care not
to value your&longs;elf, on your eating, as that
will &longs;hew a gro&longs;s mind; or on your drinking
much, as that is but a low ambition.
Sing no bawdy &longs;ongs; e&longs;pecially among&longs;t
ladies; &longs;uch as Brian O'Linn, and
Arthur O'Bradley; or that about
Tri&longs;tram Shandy O. For though the&longs;e
were &longs;uitable enough to your former station,
and &longs;uch as you have been accustomed
to &longs;ing among the girls at the taverns,
yet they will not pa&longs;s among&longs;t more refined
company. You mu&longs;t get &longs;ome more
fa&longs;hionable airs, &longs;uch as the Bird, or
Guardian Angels, or the like.

Even at clubs, among&longs;t gentlemen, I
would recommend it to you to avoid lewd

[figure description] Page 033.[end figure description]

and indecent &longs;ongs; e&longs;pecially if they are
of the gro&longs;s and di&longs;gu&longs;ting kind. As you
are an Iri&longs;hman, a ver&longs;e or two of Lango
Lee might be excu&longs;eable, perhaps. It is
true, that in the higher ranks, among
both males and females, the double entendre
is &longs;ometimes u&longs;ed; but unle&longs;s it is with
great delicacy, and relieved by &longs;ingular
wit, it is not admi&longs;&longs;ible.

There are rules of good manners which
you are to ob&longs;erve. Such as when you
walk with any per&longs;on, let them walk
next the wall; if you are about to enter
a room, with another, let him enter fir&longs;t.
or if about to &longs;it down, give way to another
who is al&longs;o about to &longs;it down. Decline
the higher &longs;eat. You mu&longs;t not talk
too much; e&longs;pecially about your&longs;elf;
boa&longs;ting, as I have heard you do sometimes,
of jumping and trotting, and how
you could wre&longs;tler, and the like. I am
afraid. Teague, that after all the pains
I am taking with you, you will &longs;poil the
broth, by &longs;ome out-breakings, of your
old tricks, and habits in &longs;ome way or
other. However, &longs;ince I have &longs;uffered
my&longs;elf to be per&longs;uaded to try the matter,
let it go on, we &longs;hall &longs;ee the i&longs;&longs;ue of it.
The&longs;e are the outlines of &longs;ome of the hints
upon manners, given by the Captain.

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