BOOK I.

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RISING early next morning, the Captain
proceeded, with his man Teague,
on his journey, and having breakfa&longs;ted at
an inn, where nothing material happened,
we &longs;hall pa&longs;s it over, and come as far
down in the day as eleven o'clock; tho',
by the bye, it might have been more correct
to have &longs;aid up in the day, becau&longs;e the
&longs;un ri&longs;es until twelve o'clock, and then
de&longs;cends: But waving this nicety, we &longs;hall
go on to relate what actually took place.
A man was &longs;een before them, driving,
lei&longs;urely, a hor&longs;e with two kegs upon his
back. The Captain took him for what is
called a pack-hor&longs;e man, that was carrying
&longs;alt or &longs;ugar to &longs;ome place of market.

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A man of a philo&longs;ophic turn of mind never
he&longs;itates to enter into conver&longs;ation
with any character; becau&longs;e human nature
is the field whence he gathers thoughts
and expre&longs;&longs;ions. The Captain therefore
acco&longs;ting this man, &longs;aid, Is it &longs;alt or molasses
you have in your kegs, countryman?
You are going home from &longs;ome &longs;tore, I
&longs;uppo&longs;e, where you have purcha&longs;ed; or
going to &longs;et up a &longs;mall &longs;tore of your own,
and vend goods. No, &longs;aid the man,
with a Scotch-Iri&longs;h pronunciation, there is
an election this day a little way before us,
and I am &longs;etting up for the legi&longs;lature, and
have the&longs;e two kegs of whi&longs;ky to give a
dram to the voters. The Captain was
thrown into a reverie of thought, and
began to reflect with him&longs;elf on the nature
of a republican government, where
canva&longs;&longs;ing by &longs;uch means as this, can work
&longs;o great an evil as to elevate the mo&longs;t unqualified
per&longs;ons to the highe&longs;t deliberative
a&longs;&longs;emblies. But, in the mean time,
rou&longs;ed a little from his thought, he had
pre&longs;ence of mind to recollect the danger
in which he was about to be involved afresh
with his man Teague; whom, now
looking round, he &longs;aw to be about forty
yards behind him. It would have been

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advi&longs;eable to have diverted from the road,
and taken a circuitous rout, to avoid the
election ground. But as the devil, or
&longs;ome wor&longs;e being, would have it, it was
a lane in which they were, with a fence
on each &longs;ide; &longs;o that he could not divert
without leaping like a fox hunter, or one
of your light-hor&longs;e men, to which the sober
nag on which he rode was not competent.
Be&longs;ides, if Teague did not leap after
him he would be left expo&longs;ed in the
lane to the populace, who might &longs;olicit
him to be their repre&longs;entative. To turn
directly back would appear indecorous,
and unle&longs;s he could drive Teague on before
him, which was not cu&longs;tomary, and
to which he might not, all at once &longs;ubmit,
his &longs;tation would of cour&longs;e be the rear,
where he might be picked up as a straggler,
and &longs;ent to &longs;ome public body.

In this quandary of thought, looking up,
he &longs;aw the breakers ju&longs;t a-head; that is,
the people met for the purpo&longs;e of electing,
and that it was now impo&longs;&longs;ible to avoid
them. Depending, therefore, on his
own addre&longs;s, to make the be&longs;t of circumstances,
he &longs;uffered him&longs;elf to be carried
along towards them, keeping, in the mean

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time, an eye upon Teague, who was the
cau&longs;e of his concern.

Meeting accidentally with a Scotch gentleman
on the ground, whom he knew, he
communicated to him the delicacy of his
&longs;ituation, and the apprehen&longs;ions he had on
the part of Teague. Said the Scotch gentleman,
Ye need na gie your &longs;el any trouble
on that head, man; for I &longs;al warrant
the man wi the twa kegs will carry the
elaction: there is na re&longs;i&longs;ting guid liquor;
it has an unco effec on the judgment in
the choice of a repre&longs;entative. The man
that has a di&longs;tillery or twa in our country,
canna want &longs;uffrages. He has his votaries
about him like ane o' the Heathen gods,
and becau&longs;e the fluid exhilerates the brain,
they think he maun be a deity that makes
it; and they fa' down, e&longs;pecially when
they have drank ower muckle, and worship
him, ju&longs;t as at the &longs;hrine of Apollo
or Bacchus, among the ancients.

The candidate that oppo&longs;ed the man of
the two kegs, was a per&longs;on of gravity and
years, and &longs;aid to be of good &longs;en&longs;e and experience
in facts. The judgment of the
people was in his favour, but their appetite
leaned again&longs;t him.

There is a &longs;tory of one Manlius, a

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Roman, who had &longs;aved the capitol from the
Gauls, by putting his brea&longs;t to the rampart,
and throwing them down as they ascended.
When this man afterwards, elated
with the honours paid him, forgot the
duties of a citizen, wi&longs;hing to &longs;ubvert the
republic, by u&longs;urping the power of a tyrant,
the people, jealous of liberty, were
incen&longs;ed; and being convicted of the crime,
he was dragged to puni&longs;hment. It was not
the way, at that time, to hang, as you
would a dog; or behead, as you would
a wild bea&longs;t: but to throw from a high
rock, which they called the Tarpeian. The
capitol was ju&longs;t in view, and while they
were dragging him along to the place, he
would &longs;tretch his hand to this; as much
as to &longs;ay, There, O Romans, I &longs;aved you:
The populace at this would &longs;top a while,
irre&longs;olute whether to de&longs;i&longs;t or drag him
on. While they recollected his offence,
they marched a &longs;tep; but when they ca&longs;t
their eye on the capitol, they &longs;tood &longs;till;
and not until &longs;ome principal men directed
the rout out of the view of the capitol,
could he be brought to ju&longs;tice.

So it was with the multitude convened
on this occa&longs;ion, between the man with
the two kegs and the grave looking per&longs;on.

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When they looked on the one, they felt
an inclination to promote him. But when
again on the other hand, they &longs;aw two
kegs which they knew to be repleni&longs;hed
with a very chearing liquor, they &longs;eemed
to be inclined in favour of the other.

But appetite prevailed, and they gave
their votes in favour of the man with the
two kegs.

Teague in the mean time thinking he
had another chance of being a great man,
had been bu&longs;y, but to no purpo&longs;e; for the
people gave their votes to the man of the
two kegs. The Captain thought him&longs;elf
fortunate to be thus relieved, and proceeded
on his journey.

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THE perplexity of the Captain, in the
late tran&longs;action on account of his man
&longs;ervant, may &longs;erve to put tho&longs;e in mind
who travel with a waiter, not to go much
about at the election &longs;ea&longs;ons, but avoid
them as you would the equinoxes. It
might not be ami&longs;s, if, for this rea&longs;on the
times of electing members for the &longs;everal
bodies were put down in the almanac, that
a man might be &longs;afe in his excur&longs;ions, and
not have an under&longs;trapper picked up when
he could not well &longs;pare him.

I mean this as no burle&longs;que on the present
generation; for mankind in all ages
have had the &longs;ame propen&longs;ity to magnify
what was &longs;mall, and elevate the low. We
do not find that the Egyptians, though there
were lions in the kingdom of Lybia, not far
di&longs;tant, ever made a god of one of them.
They rather cho&longs;e the cow kind, the &longs;tork,
and the crocodile, or the mu&longs;k-rat, or

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miresnipe, or other inferior animal to deify.
The Romans, and the Greeks al&longs;o, often
wor&longs;hipped &longs;mall matters. Indeed we do
not find among&longs;t any nation, that the elephant,
or rhinoceros, or elk, or unicorn,
have been made tutelar divinities. As,


Cannons &longs;hoot the higher pitches,
The lower you put down their breeches.
The &longs;maller the objects we take up, and
make them great, the act is the greater;
for it requires an equal art in the formation
of the gla&longs;s to magnify, as to dimini&longs;h,
and if the object is not of it&longs;elf &longs;mall, there
is no magnifying. Caligula is celebrated
through all hi&longs;tory for making his hor&longs;e a
&longs;enator. It would have been nothing to
have made a Roman knight one; but to
endow a mere quadruped with the qualities
of a legi&longs;lator, be&longs;peaks great &longs;trength
of parts and judgment.

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IT was about three o'clock in the afternoon
that the Captain came to an inn,
where unhor&longs;eing and un&longs;addling, Teague
took the &longs;teed, and the ma&longs;ter went to
&longs;leep on a &longs;opha in the pa&longs;&longs;age. Unle&longs;s it
is in a very deep &longs;leep, the mind is in &longs;ome
degree awake, and has what are called
dreams. The&longs;e are frequently compo&longs;ed
of a recollection of late events. Sometimes
the mind recovers incidents long
&longs;ince pa&longs;t, and makes comments, but
mo&longs;t u&longs;ually, out of mere indolence takes
up with what is next at hand. It happened
&longs;o on this occa&longs;ion; for the Captain
thought him&longs;elf &longs;till engaged with the
Scotchman on the &longs;ubject of the late election.
It &longs;eemed to him that he &longs;aid, Mr.
M`Donald, for that was the name of the
Scotch gentleman, you do not &longs;eem to
have a high opinion of our republican form
of government, when the mo&longs;t indifferent
can obtain the people's &longs;uffrages.

The Scotchman &longs;eemed to an&longs;wer in his

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own dialect, &longs;aying, Ye are much mi&longs;taken
man, if ye draw that conclu&longs;ion. I think
there is a wor&longs;e chance for merit to come
forth where appointments are in the hand
of one than when with many; for it is
much ea&longs;ier to &longs;cratch the rump of one,
than tickle the hurdies o' a thou&longs;and. Ye
&longs;ee our executives dinna do much better
in their appointments to judicial and ministerial
offices, than the rabble folk themselves
to the legi&longs;lative. It all comes to
the &longs;ame thing in every government; the
wind blaws, and the feathers and the fern
get uppermo&longs;t.

At this in&longs;tant he was awakened by a
bu&longs;tle out of doors. The fact was; a disagreement
had taken place between Teague
and the ho&longs;tler at the inn, about their &longs;kill
re&longs;pectively in rubbing down and currying
hor&longs;es. Teague had made u&longs;e of a &longs;ingle
grab of hay, which he held with both
hands, and impre&longs;&longs;ed the hor&longs;e, rubbing
him from &longs;ide to &longs;ide, and up and down
with all his might. The other with a wi&longs;p
in each hand, rubbed; the right hand
pa&longs;&longs;ing to the left, while the left hand passed
to the right, in a tran&longs;ver&longs;e or diagonal
direction. The ho&longs;tler valued him&longs;elf on
having been groom, as he pretended, to

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&longs;ome nobleman in England, and therefore
mo&longs;t be &longs;uppo&longs;ed to under&longs;tand the true
art of currying. Teague maintained his
opinion, and way of working with a good
deal of ob&longs;tinacy, until at la&longs;t it came to
blows. The fir&longs;t &longs;troke was given by
Teague, who hit the ho&longs;tler on the left
haunch with his foot, when he was stooping
down to &longs;hew Teague how to rub the
fetlock. The ho&longs;tler recovering, and seizing
Teague by the brea&longs;t, pu&longs;hed him
back with a retrograde motion, until he
was brought up by a cheek of the &longs;table
door. Re&longs;ting again&longs;t this, Teague made
a &longs;ally, and impelled his antagoni&longs;t &longs;everal
yards back, who finding at length behind
him the &longs;upport of a &longs;tanding trough where
the waggoners u&longs;ed to feed, recovered his
po&longs;ition, and elanced Teague &longs;ome distance
from the place of projection. But
Teague &longs;till keeping hold of the collar of
his adver&longs;ary, had brought him along with
him, and both were now on the ground
&longs;truggling for victory. But Teague turning
on his belly, and drawing up his knees,
was making an effort to rai&longs;e him&longs;elf to his
feet. The other in the mean time, partly
by the &longs;ame means, and partly by retaining
hold of the Iri&longs;hman, was in the

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attitude of ri&longs;ing with him. They were now
both up, locked fa&longs;t in the gra&longs;p of each
other, their heads inclining in conjunction,
but their feet apart, like mu&longs;kets &longs;tacked
after a review, or like the arch of a bridge.
The head of each &longs;upported by the abutment
of the feet. Few blows were given,
and therefore not much damage done. But
the per&longs;ons pre&longs;ent calling out fair play,
and making a bu&longs;tle in the porch of the
inn, had awakened the Captain, and bro't
him to the door, who &longs;eeing what was going
on, took upon him to command the
peace; and the people &longs;uppo&longs;ing him to
be a magi&longs;trate, a&longs;&longs;i&longs;ted to part the combatants;
when the Captain ordering both of
them before him, made enquiry into the
cau&longs;e of the di&longs;pute. Teague gave his account
of the matter; adding, if he had
had a &longs;hillelah, he would have been after
making him know that the paple in dis
country, could curry a hor&longs;e, or a cow,
or a &longs;hape, as well as any Engli&longs;hman
in de world, though he have been ha&longs;tler
to a great lord, or de king him&longs;elf, at his
own &longs;table where he has his har&longs;e.

Teague, &longs;aid the Captain, this may be
true; but it was unbecoming a philosopher
to attempt to e&longs;tabli&longs;h this by blows.

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Force proves nothing but the quantum of
the force. Rea&longs;on is the only argument
that belongs to man. You have been the
aggre&longs;&longs;or, and therefore in the power of
the law. But as to you, Mr. Ho&longs;tler, you
have given con&longs;iderable provocation. I
have had this lad with me &longs;everal years,
and I &longs;ay that he curries and rubs down a
hor&longs;e very well. It is no uncommon thing
for men of your country, to undervalue
other nations, or tho&longs;e retained by them.
You naturally a&longs;&longs;ociate your own attainments
with the bulk and populou&longs;ne&longs;s of
your cities: But can the looking at a large
building, or a tall &longs;pire, add an inch to
your &longs;tature? Becau&longs;e Fox is eloquent, is
every one that hears him &longs;o too? Is not
human ingenuity, the &longs;ame here as on the
other &longs;ide of the water? Our generals have
fought as well, in the late war, as any
Clinton, or Cornwallis that you have. Our
politicians have wrote, and our patriots
have &longs;poke as well as your Burkes, or your
Sheridans, or any other; and yet when
you come here, there is no bearing the
airs of &longs;uperiority you take upon yourselves.
I wonder if the wa&longs;ps, that are in
your garrets in London, con&longs;ider themselves
better than the wa&longs;ps that are in

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the&longs;e woods? I &longs;hould &longs;uppo&longs;e they mu&longs;t;
&longs;uch is the contemptible vanity of an island,
which, taking in its whole extent,
would be little more than a urinal to one
of our Patagonians in South America.
This the Captain &longs;aid to mortify the ho&longs;tler;
though, by the bye, there is a good deal
of truth in the ob&longs;ervation, that the people
of an old country undervalue the new;
and when they think of them&longs;elves, conjoin
the adventitious circum&longs;tances of all that
exi&longs;ts where they have lived. I have found
a prejudice of this nature even with the
wi&longs;e&longs;t men. What wonder, therefore, that
a poor illiterate ho&longs;tler &longs;hould be &longs;ubject
to it? But if he did undervalue an American
born, yet he ought to have considered
that Teague, though not born in Britain,
was born near it, and therefore
might con&longs;iderably approach the &longs;ame &longs;kill
in any handy-craft work.

In natural hi&longs;tory, we do not value animals
on account of the place from whence
they are taken, but on account of what
they are them&longs;elves; and in things that are
made by hands, not by the manufacturer,
but the quality. We prefer the trout of
the rivulet, to the mullet of the river;
and we judge of the pudding not by the

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maker, but the eating. There is a proverb
that e&longs;tabli&longs;hes this; for proverbs are
the deductions of experience, and to which
we a&longs;&longs;ent as &longs;oon as expre&longs;&longs;ed; containing
in them an obvious truth, which the simplest
under&longs;tand.

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IT is not for the &longs;ake of any moral,
that I have related this &longs;cuffle that took
place between the Iri&longs;hman and the hostler;
but for the &longs;ake of &longs;hewing in what
manner incidents are to be related; that
is, with great &longs;implicity of &longs;tile, and minuteness
of de&longs;cription. That part of Livy
which contains the combat of the Horatii,
and Curatii, is frequently given to the students
at a college to tran&longs;late, that by this
means they may be taught to imitate the
like delicacy in the choice of words, and
particularity of the recital. The above
may an&longs;wer the &longs;ame purpo&longs;e. It is true
there is not the like incidents in this combat,
as in that de&longs;cribed by Livy; nevertheless,
the &longs;ame art is therein di&longs;covered, as
the &longs;ound critic will ob&longs;erve. I know it will
be thought by any one who reads it, that
he could u&longs;e the very &longs;ame words, and
give the &longs;ame liveline&longs;s of picture, were

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he to attempt it. Should he try it, he
will find him&longs;elf di&longs;appointed.——Sudet
multum, fru&longs;traque laboret, au&longs;us idem.—

It may be thought, that though &longs;tile is
my object, yet I might now and then bring
along a thought to entertain the reader,
and introduce &longs;ome &longs;ubject of moment,
rather than the fi&longs;ty-cuffs of two raggamuffins.
I would ju&longs;t a&longs;k this que&longs;tion;
Is not the talent of the arti&longs;t &longs;hewn as much
in painting a fly, as a waggon-wheel. If
this were intended as a book of morals,
or phy&longs;iology, and not as a mere belles
lettres compo&longs;ition, there might be something
&longs;aid;—as the ca&longs;e is, critics mu&longs;t be
&longs;ilent.

BOOK II.

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I SHALL pa&longs;s over the circum&longs;tances
of the Captain's dining, and Teague,
reconciled with the ho&longs;tler, taking his me&longs;s
in the kitchen; and go on to what befel
afterwards, when having &longs;addled the hor&longs;e,
they &longs;et out on their further perigrination.
Towards evening, when the &longs;hadows of
the trees began to be very long, the Captain
bidding Teague trot along &longs;ide, addressed
him in the following words:—
Teague, &longs;aid he, it is true I am none of
your knight-errants, who u&longs;ed to ride about
the world relieving fair dam&longs;els, and killing
giants, and lying out in woods, and
fore&longs;ts, without a hou&longs;e, or even tentcloth
over their heads, to protect them
from the night air. Neverthele&longs;s, as in &longs;ome

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re&longs;pects my equipment, and &longs;allying forth
re&longs;embles a knight-errant, and you a
&longs;quire, would it be ami&longs;s, ju&longs;t for a frolick,
to ly out a night or two, that it might
be &longs;aid that we have done the like. There
is no great danger of wolves or bears, for
while there are &longs;heep, or pigs to be got
at, they will &longs;hun human fle&longs;h. It will
make a good chapter in our journal, to
de&longs;cribe you lying at the foot of an oak
tree, and me with my head upon my saddle,
under another; the hor&longs;e, in the mean
time, feeding at a &longs;mall di&longs;tance. Teague
thought it would be an ea&longs;ier matter to
write down the chapter in the journal, than
ly under the trees to beget it. It is true,
&longs;aid the Captain, navigators and travellers,
make many a fiction; and tho&longs;e who
have been in battle have killed many, that
were killed by others, or have not been
killed at all. But it would ill become a
limb of chivalry to deviate from the truth.
It will be but about twelve hours &longs;ervice
lying on our backs and looking up to the
&longs;tars, hearing the howling of wolves, and
ob&longs;erving the great bear in the heavens,
the means by which the Chaldeans, the
fir&longs;t a&longs;tronomers, laid the foundation of
the &longs;cience. Fait, and I tink, &longs;aid Teague,

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it would be better to be in a good hou&longs;e,
with a &longs;houlder of mutton to ate before we
go to &longs;lape, than to have our own shoulders
tarn by the bears, or bru&longs;ed by lying
under great oaks. Of what u&longs;e is this astranomy?
did any of the&longs;e a&longs;tranamers
ever &longs;hoot down a bear in the firmament,
to get a joint of mate for a &longs;ick per&longs;on;
and what good comes of lying in de woods,
to be ate up by the &longs;nakes; but &longs;evers, and
agues, and &longs;ore troats, to get a long cough,
and die in a ditch like a dead hor&longs;e, and
be nothing thought of, but be trown into
ridicule like a black-head that has no &longs;en&longs;e.
It is better to go to a hou&longs;e and get a bed
to &longs;lape in, and warm &longs;hates about us, than
be lying in the dew like a frag, crocking
the next day like one of da&longs;e, and get no
good by it.

The Captain had made the propo&longs;ition
merely to divert him&longs;elf with Teague, and
&longs;o did not in&longs;i&longs;t upon it.

Riding one or two miles, the &longs;un was
&longs;etting, and a hou&longs;e appeared in view a little
off the road. A lane led up to it with
a meadow on one &longs;ide, and a pa&longs;ture field
on the other. On this la&longs;t, there were cattle
of cows, and &longs;heep grazing. The hou&longs;e
in front, was a frame building, re&longs;pectable

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in appearance, from the height, and dimensions,
but ancient. There was a considerable
extent of clear ground around
it, and an orchard hard by, with at lea&longs;t
five hundred apple-trees.

Having lodged chiefly at inns &longs;ince his
fir&longs;t &longs;etting out, the Captain had the curiosity
to diver&longs;ify his travels, by lodging
at a private hou&longs;e this evening. Accordingly
riding up to the door, and calling
out Halloa, which is the note of interrogation
which is u&longs;ed when a man wi&longs;hes the
ma&longs;ter or mi&longs;tre&longs;s of a family, or &longs;ome one
of the &longs;ervants, to come forth, to know
what he wants.

It happened that the mi&longs;tre&longs;s her&longs;elf
came to the door, and &longs;eeing a good looking
man, in a green old age, &longs;itting on
hor&longs;e-back, with his &longs;ervant ready to take
care of his &longs;teed &longs;hould he think proper
to di&longs;mount, &longs;he made a low curt&longs;ey, as
much as to &longs;ay, Sir, I &longs;hould be happy to
know, in what manner I can &longs;erve you.

Madam, &longs;aid the Captain, to tell you
the truth, the night is drawing on, and I
have been reflecting with my&longs;elf, whether
to lodge in the woods, or take a hou&longs;e.
All things con&longs;idered, I have thought it
mo&longs;t advi&longs;eable to take a hou&longs;e, and the

[figure description] Page 026.[end figure description]

only que&longs;tion that now remains is, whether
I can get one.

The lady &longs;miling with much complacency,
and inclining her head forward, and
her middle back, replied, I &longs;hould be happy,
Sir, if this &longs;mall man&longs;ion could afford
you an accomodation worthy of your &longs;uite.
Madam, &longs;aid the Captain, I &longs;hall be happy
if the gue&longs;t can be worthy of the accommodation.

Alight, Sir, &longs;aid the lady, we &longs;hall be
happy to receive you. Having alighted,
he was introduced to a very decent apartment,
where the lady &longs;eating her&longs;elf in a
large cu&longs;hioned chair, and pulling out her
box, took a pinch of &longs;nuff, and laid the
box upon the cu&longs;hion. She was a good
looking woman, being about fifty-&longs;even
years of age, with gray hairs, but a green
fillet on her left eye-brow, as it &longs;eems the
eye on that &longs;ide was &longs;ubject to a defluction
of rheum, which made it expedient tocover
it. It could not be &longs;aid that her
teeth were bad, becau&longs;e &longs;he had none. If
&longs;he wanted the ro&longs;e on her cheek, &longs;he had
it on her no&longs;e, &longs;o that it all came to the
&longs;ame thing. Nothing could be &longs;aid again&longs;t
her chin, but it u&longs;ed her mouth ill in getting
above it. She was not very tall, but

[figure description] Page 027.[end figure description]

what &longs;he wanted in height, &longs;he made up in
breadth; &longs;o that multiplying one dimen&longs;ion
by the other, &longs;he might be con&longs;idered as a
very &longs;izeable woman. After conver&longs;ing a
little while, the lady withdrew, to give directions
in the kitchen what to provide
for &longs;upper.

The Captain in the mean time taking
up a pipe, which he &longs;aw on the mantlepiece,
amu&longs;ed him&longs;elf with a whiff.

The old lady in the mean time was in
the kitchen, and the fir&longs;t thing &longs;he observed
was Teague, reclining in an angle of
the chimney fa&longs;t a&longs;leep. Con&longs;idering him
inattentive to his ma&longs;ter's hor&longs;e which had
been &longs;ent to the &longs;table, &longs;he de&longs;ired a servant
to give him a jog, and wake him.
Teague, awaking, &longs;aw the old lady, and
be&longs;poke her. Dear madam, what a great
happine&longs;s it is for poor &longs;harvants to have
gentle folks about them? God ble&longs;s your
anours lady&longs;hip; you are ju&longs;t for all the world
like my cou&longs;in Shala Shagney, the honsomest
woman in all Ireland, and was married
to Shan Cro&longs;&longs;an, who had a great estate,
and a flock of &longs;hape into the bargain.
She u&longs;ed to &longs;ay to me when I was a&longs;lape,
Teague are you awake; and when I was
awake, Teague are you a&longs;lape, dear honey.

[figure description] Page 028.[end figure description]

There is &longs;omething in an Iri&longs;hman which
has an admirable effect upon the fair; whether
it is owing to that love creating lustiness
of per&longs;on, and fre&longs;hne&longs;s of complexion
which they u&longs;ually po&longs;&longs;e&longs;s; or the delicacy
and quantum of the flattery of which they
are not niggardly; nor need they be &longs;o, no
per&longs;ons having a greater &longs;tock to come and
go upon. For &longs;o it was, that the language
of the bog trotter, had gained the good
will of this &longs;ame Hecuba, and &longs;he ordered
him a tankard of metheglim, to make himself
merry with the &longs;ervants.

Returning to the parlour &longs;he continued
her conver&longs;ation with the Captain; but her
mind running upon Teague &longs;he could not
avoid introducing his name, with a view
to learn &longs;ome particulars of his hi&longs;tory.
This is a civil young man, &longs;aid &longs;he, that
came with you, and of a conver&longs;ation above
ordinary per&longs;ons. The Captain being
an ob&longs;erver of the pa&longs;&longs;ions of the
mind, as they expre&longs;s them&longs;elves in the
eye and a&longs;pect, &longs;aw that Teague had made
&longs;ome impre&longs;&longs;ion on the affections of this
goodly old maiden gentlewoman: Nor
was he di&longs;plea&longs;ed with it; for his fir&longs;t alarm
was, that &longs;he would have fa&longs;tened
on him&longs;elf; but her pa&longs;&longs;ion taking this

[figure description] Page 029.[end figure description]

cour&longs;e, would be le&longs;s trouble&longs;ome. Framing
his an&longs;wers therefore to her que&longs;tions,
with a view to favour what had &longs;o fortunately
commenced, he gave her to understand,
that, though in the di&longs;gui&longs;e of
a &longs;ervant, Teague was no incon&longs;iderable
per&longs;onage; that he had been a member
of Congre&longs;s one or two years; though,
by the bye, this was &longs;tretching the matter
a little, as he had only had it in his power
to be one. But if it is allowable to &longs;train
a point at all, it is in the recommendation
of one who &longs;tands well enough already;
for not being taken on the recommendation,
there is no deception; and it
is but civility to make one more plea&longs;ed
with their choice, than they already are.

The Captain &longs;aid nothing of his having
preached, or being about to preach; for
the idea of &longs;ermons, and catechi&longs;ms, impressing
the mind with religious awe, is
unfavourable to love. As to his being a
member of the philo&longs;ophical &longs;ociety, it
could be neither here nor there with a lady,
and therefore he was &longs;ilent with re&longs;pect
to this al&longs;o.

Supper being brought in, they &longs;at down;
but little conver&longs;ation pa&longs;&longs;ed; the mind
of the enamorata being more in the

[figure description] Page 030.[end figure description]

kitchen than in the parlour. After &longs;upper, the
Captain &longs;itting &longs;ometime, and &longs;eeming
drow&longs;y, was a&longs;ked by his ho&longs;te&longs;s, if he
cho&longs;e to go to bed: An&longs;wering in the
affirmative, a &longs;ervant waited with a candle;
and bidding her good night, he was
lighted to his chamber.

No &longs;ooner had he withdrawn, but the
old lady &longs;ent her compliments to Teague,
to take a &longs;eat in the parlour; where &longs;itting
down to a roa&longs;ted duck, ju&longs;t brought in,
a few &longs;lices of gammon on a plate, a piece
of veal, and a couple of roa&longs;ted potatoes,
he was de&longs;ired to partake: the old lady
ca&longs;ting amourous looks at him, in the
mean time. I &longs;ay looks; for though
&longs;he had but one eye to look with, yet
looking often, &longs;he might be &longs;aid to ca&longs;t
looks. It was a new thing to the Irishman,
to be at a table with a &longs;ervant at
his back; and he began now to think that
fortune meant to do him ju&longs;tice: and with
an ea&longs;e, and &longs;elf-po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ion, which &longs;ome
would call affrontery, he did the honours
of the table; helping him&longs;elf, and talking
as fa&longs;t as con&longs;i&longs;ted with his di&longs;po&longs;ition
to &longs;atisfy his appetite. May it plea&longs;e your
lady&longs;hip, &longs;aid he, I am a poor &longs;harvant
now, but I have &longs;een the time, when I

[figure description] Page 031.[end figure description]

have ate at as good a table as the Captain
my ma&longs;ter, though he rides upon a hor&longs;e
and I trot on foot. My uncle, by the
mother's &longs;ide, Shan O'Gan, had a deer
park, and kept race-hor&longs;es, to go to de
fair, and the city of Cork; and my father's
brother, Phelim O'Regan, was a
ju&longs;tice of the pace, and hung paple for
&longs;taleing &longs;hape. I might have been a member
of parliament, if I had &longs;taid at home
and went to &longs;chool; but &longs;ending a challenge,
and fighting wid my own dear cousin
Denis O'Conelly, I had to fly de kingdom,
and brought noting wid me but my
brogs, and ten guineas in my pur&longs;e; and
am now noting but a poor &longs;harvant, unle&longs;s
your lady&longs;hip would take pity upon me,
and marry me; for I am wary of this way
of tratting after a crazy Captain, that has
no &longs;en&longs;e to curry his own har&longs;e; and I
have to fight duels for him, and keep him
from being knocked down like a brute
ba&longs;te; for dis very day, when he had a
quarrel wid a ha&longs;tler, and was trown upon
his back, I lifted him up, and &longs;aid,
Dear honey, are you dead? took de ha&longs;tler
by de troat, and choaked him, and he
could not &longs;pake, but &longs;aid, Dear shentlemen,
&longs;pare my life; &longs;o dat if your

[figure description] Page 032.[end figure description]

ladyship will take me to your&longs;elf, I will &longs;tay
wid you, and take care of de har&longs;es, and
cows, and de &longs;hape, and plant parates, and
&longs;lape wid you, and a&longs;k not a farthing, but
your own &longs;weat &longs;elf into de bargain; for
you are de beauty of de world; and fasting
or &longs;laping, I could take you to my
arms, dear crature, and be happy wid
you.

The lady was by this time entirely won,
and gave him to under&longs;tand, that in the
morning, after con&longs;ulting a friend or two,
the marriage might be celebrated.

I give only a &longs;ketch of the court&longs;hip that
took place, for a great deal was &longs;aid; and
it was near midnight before the lovers
could prevail upon them&longs;elves to part;
when Teague was lighted to his bed, and
had as good as that in which the Captain
&longs;lept, which was a new thing to him; being
accu&longs;tomed to pig in with ho&longs;tlers and
&longs;ervants, at the places where they lodged.

The Captain was up early in the morning,
and a&longs;toni&longs;hed not to find Teague stiring,
but enquiring of the &longs;ervants where
Teague &longs;lept, he was &longs;hewn up a pair of
&longs;tairs, which he a&longs;cended, thinking he
had one or two more to a&longs;cend before he
reached the garret. But what was his

[figure description] Page 033.[end figure description]

astonishment, when he was &longs;hewn into a
room on the &longs;econd floor, where he found
Teague &longs;noring on a feather bed with
curtains. Waking him, Teague; &longs;aid he,
this goes beyond all your former impudence;
to crawl up out of the kitchen, and
get into a feather bed. Plea&longs;e your anour,
&longs;aid Teague, to ring a bell, and call up a
&longs;harvant, to bring boots, and &longs;lippers; for
I am to be married dis marning.

The Captain was thunder-&longs;truck; and
comprehending the whole of what had taken
place, &longs;aw his faux pas in recommending
him to the ho&longs;te&longs;s; and now it only
remained, to cure the blunder he had
made, if it was at all curable.

We are &longs;hort &longs;ighted mortals; and while
we &longs;top one leak, the water ru&longs;hes in at
another. The very means that we u&longs;e to
&longs;ave our&longs;elves from one evil, leads us to a
wor&longs;e. The Captain had need on this
occa&longs;ion of all his addre&longs;s. Compo&longs;ing
him&longs;elf, he di&longs;&longs;embled, and &longs;poke as follows:

Teague, &longs;aid he, will you that are a
young man, and have great pro&longs;pects before
you, con&longs;ign your&longs;elf to the arms of an
old woman. Her breath will kill you in
the cour&longs;e of a fortnight. The fact is, &longs;he

[figure description] Page 034.[end figure description]

is a witch, and inchantre&longs;s; &longs;he made the
&longs;ame propo&longs;ition to me la&longs;t night, of marrying
me; but I declined it. The world
is full of the&longs;e &longs;ort of cattle. There was
one Shagne&longs;a Circe, in old times, that used
to gather all &longs;he could into her net,
and transform them into hogs. Sir Teague
Uly&longs;&longs;es was the only one that had the &longs;en&longs;e
to keep clear of her mu&longs;ic, and avoid her.
Did you &longs;ee that drove of hogs before the
door, when we rode up la&longs;t evening. They
are nothing more than &longs;tragglers which &longs;he
has transformed into &longs;wine. I did not &longs;leep
a wink la&longs;t night, thinking of the danger
to which you were expo&longs;ed, and indeed I
expected nothing le&longs;s, than to find you
this morning a barrow, fattened up for a
fea&longs;t, a day or two hence. Did you think
&longs;uch an old haridan as this can have any
natural concupi&longs;cence for a man; or if &longs;he
has, it is for a few days only, until &longs;he can
make him fit for &longs;laughter. Then by throwing
a little water on him, or by the bare
blowing of her breath, &longs;he makes a beefcow,
or hog-meat of him, and he finds the
knife at his throat, and &longs;calding water taking
off his bri&longs;tles, and his guts out, and
is into the pickling-tub before he knows
what he is about. Do you think, Teague,

[figure description] Page 035.[end figure description]

that I have read books for nothing? Have
you not &longs;een me in my &longs;tudy, morning
and night, looking over Greek, and Hebrew
letters, like partridge tracks? All
this to find out what was going on up and
down the world. Many a hi&longs;tory of witches,
and conjurers, I have read, and know
them when I &longs;ee them, ju&longs;t as I would my
own &longs;heep, when I am at home. Better
indeed, for unle&longs;s my &longs;heep are marked, I
could not know them; but marked or not
marked, I know witches; and if I am not
mi&longs;taken, this is the greate&longs;t witch that ever
run. She was all night in my room,
in the &longs;hape of a cat. It is God's mercy,
that &longs;he had not changed her&longs;elf into an
alligator, and eat you up before the morning.
When I came into the room I expected
to find nothing el&longs;e but bones, and
particles of hair, the remnant of her repast;
but it &longs;eems &longs;he has thought you not
fat enough, and has given you a day or
two to run, to improve your fle&longs;h, and
take the &longs;alt better. The wor&longs;t thing, after
transformation, is the having you cut,
in order to make you fatter and better
pork, which is generally done the fir&longs;t
day; and ca&longs;tration is a painful operation,
be&longs;ides the lo&longs;s of the part. I have

[figure description] Page 036.[end figure description]

had &longs;everal of my acquaintances &longs;erved in
this manner, falling in with old women
whom they took for fortunes; but were
in reality witches, and had dealings with
the devil.

Teague by this time was out of bed, and
had dre&longs;&longs;ed him&longs;elf in his overalls and &longs;hort
coat, and was ready for a march. Indeed
he wi&longs;hed to e&longs;cape as &longs;oon as po&longs;&longs;ible;
and de&longs;cending the &longs;tairs, going to the
&longs;table, and &longs;addling the hor&longs;e, they both
&longs;et out, without taking leave. It was in
this manner Eneas quitted Dido, and got
a &longs;hip-board, before &longs;he was awake; and
the only difference was, that Teague had
left no little Iulus in the hall, to put her
in mind of the father.

[figure description] Page 037.[end figure description]

TRAVELLING along, the Captain
could not but ob&longs;erve to Teague, the
injudicious choice he was about to make,
even had the woman not been a necromancer.
For the man who &longs;urrenders
him&longs;elf to the arms of a &longs;uperannuated female,
for the &longs;ake of fortune, acts a part
not le&longs;s unworthy and di&longs;graceful, than the
pro&longs;titute who does the &longs;ame for half a
crown. While a man has the u&longs;e of his
limbs and arms, he ought to be above &longs;uch
mercenary motives; and true happine&longs;s
can be found only in congruity, and what
is natural. Teague &longs;eemed &longs;till to have
&longs;ome hankering after the &longs;upper of ducks,
and the feather bed; but as they proceeded,
the recollection became more faint,
for di&longs;tance and time, is the cure of all
pa&longs;&longs;ions.

BOOK III.

[figure description] Page 038.[end figure description]

PROCEEDING four or five miles,
they breakfa&longs;ted; and afterwards, going
on a mile or two further, they came
to a church where a number of people
were convened, to hear the deci&longs;ion of an
eccle&longs;ia&longs;tical con&longs;i&longs;tory, met there on an
affair which came before them. It was
this: Two men appeared, the one of a
grave a&longs;pect, with a black coat; the other
without the &longs;ame clerical colour of garb;
but with papers in his pocket which announced
his authority to preach, and officiatate
as a clergyman. The man with
the black coat, averred, that coming over
together, in a ve&longs;&longs;el from Ireland, they
had been me&longs;&longs;mates; and while he was
a&longs;leep one night, being drow&longs;y after

[figure description] Page 039.[end figure description]

prayers, the other had &longs;tolen his credentials
from his pocket. The man in po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ion
of the papers, averred they were his own,
and that the other had taken his coat, and
by advantage of the cloth, thought to pa&longs;s
for what he was not.

The con&longs;i&longs;tory found it difficult, without
the aid of in&longs;piration, to decide; and that
faculty having now cea&longs;ed, there were no
other means, that they could &longs;ee, to bring
the truth to light.

The Captain being informed of this perplexity,
could not avoid &longs;tepping up, and
addre&longs;&longs;ing them as follows: Gentlemen,
&longs;aid he, there is a text in your own Scripture,
which, I think, might enable you to
decide: It is this, “by their fruits you &longs;hall
know them.” Let the two men preach;
and the be&longs;t &longs;ermon take the pur&longs;e; or laying
a&longs;ide the figure, let him that expounds
the &longs;cripture be&longs;t, be adjudged the clergyman.

The propo&longs;ition &longs;eemed rea&longs;onable, and
was adopted; the competitors being desired
to withdraw a little, and conn over their
notes, that they might be ready to deliver
a di&longs;cour&longs;e re&longs;pectively.

The Captain ob&longs;erving the countenance
of him in po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ion of the papers, was

[figure description] Page 040.[end figure description]

sensible, from his palene&longs;s, and dejection of aspect,
that he was the impo&longs;tor. Going out
therefore &longs;hortly after, and falling in with
him, as he walked in a melancholy mood,
at a little di&longs;tance from the church, &longs;aid he
to him, I perceive how it is, that the other
is the preacher; neverthele&longs;s I would wi&longs;h
to a&longs;&longs;i&longs;t you, and as I have been the means
of bringing you into this predicament, I
&longs;hould be di&longs;po&longs;ed to bring you out.—Let
me know how the ca&longs;e really &longs;tands.

The other candidly acknowledged that
having been a yarn-merchant in Ireland,
his capital had failed, and he had thought
proper to embark for this country; and
coming over with this clergyman, he had
purloined his papers; and would have taken
his coat, had it not been too little for
him; a thing which never &longs;truck the ecclesiastical
tribunal. But the matter being
now reduced to an actual experiment of talents,
he was at a lo&longs;s; for he had never
preached a &longs;ermon in his life. It was true,
he had heard &longs;ermons and lectures in abundance;
and had he been &longs;uffered to go
on and preach at his lei&longs;ure among&longs;t the
country people fir&longs;t, he might have done
well enough; but to make his fir&longs;t e&longs;&longs;ay
in the pre&longs;ence of a learned body of the

[figure description] Page 041.[end figure description]

clergy, would hazard a detection; but
now he &longs;aw his over&longs;ight in not having taken
the notes of the other, at the &longs;ame
time he took the vouchers of his mi&longs;&longs;ion.

The Captain encouraged him, by observing,
that there were few bodies, ecclesiastical
or civil, in which there were more than
one or two men of &longs;en&longs;e; that the majority
of this con&longs;i&longs;tory, might be as ea&longs;ily
humbugged, as the lay people; that a good
deal would depend on the text that he took;
&longs;ome were ea&longs;ily preached upon; others
more difficult. An hi&longs;torical pa&longs;&longs;age about
Nimrod, or Nebuchadnezzar, or Sihon,
king of the Amorites, or Og, king of
Ba&longs;han; out of Gene&longs;is, or Deuteronomy,
or the book of Judges, or Kings, would
do very well; but that he &longs;hould avoid
carefully the book of Job, and the P&longs;alms
of David, and the Proverbs of Solomon;
the&longs;e requiring a con&longs;iderable theological
knowledge; or, at lea&longs;t, moral di&longs;cu&longs;&longs;ion
and reflection. Keep a good heart, &longs;aid
he, and attempt the matter. The i&longs;&longs;ue
may be better than you apprehend.

With this, taking him a little further to
the one &longs;ide, where his hor&longs;e was tied, he
took out a bottle from his &longs;addle-bags, with
a little whi&longs;ky in it, which Teague had put

[figure description] Page 042.[end figure description]

there, and gave him a dram. This had a
good effect, and rai&longs;ed his &longs;pirits, and he
&longs;eemed now ready to enter the li&longs;ts with
his antagoni&longs;t.

The other, in the mean time, had gone
in, and was ready, when called upon, to
hold forth. The man with the papers returning,
with the Captain not far behind,
took his &longs;eat. The board &longs;ignified, that
one or other might a&longs;cend the pulpit. The
credential man, wi&longs;hing to gain time, to
think farther what he was about to &longs;ay,
but affecting politene&longs;s, yielded precedence
to the other, and de&longs;ired him to
preach fir&longs;t. Accordingly &longs;tepping up, he
took his text and began.

[figure description] Page 043.[end figure description]

Prov. viii. 33. Hear in&longs;truction and be wi&longs;e,
and refu&longs;e it not.

INSISTING on the&longs;e words, I &longs;hall
enquire, 1. Whence it is that men are
aver&longs;e to in&longs;truction. 2. The misfortune
of this di&longs;po&longs;ition. La&longs;tly, Conclude
with inferences from the &longs;ubject.

1. Whence it is that men are adver&longs;e to
in&longs;truction. The fir&longs;t principle is indolence.
The mind loves ea&longs;e, and does not wi&longs;h to
be at the trouble of thinking. It is hard
to collect ideas, and &longs;till harder to compo&longs;e
them; it is like rowing a boat: whereas,
acting without thought, is like &longs;ailing before
the wind, and the tide in our favour.

The &longs;econd principle is pride. It wounds
the &longs;elf love of men, to &longs;uppo&longs;e that they
need in&longs;truction. We re&longs;ent more the
being called fools than knaves. No man

[figure description] Page 044.[end figure description]

will own him&longs;elf weak and uninformed.
In fact, he has not humility to think he
is: or, if he &longs;hould be con&longs;cious of a want
of knowledge, he is unwilling that others
&longs;hould have the &longs;ame opinion: and he will
not &longs;ubmit to be in&longs;tructed, as that would
imply that he is not already &longs;o.

The third principle is pa&longs;&longs;ion. When
we are di&longs;po&longs;ed to &longs;atisfy the de&longs;ires of
the con&longs;titution, or the affections of the
mind, which are unlawful, we do not wi&longs;h
to hear di&longs;&longs;ua&longs;ion from the indulgence.
The lecture comes to torment before the
time, when the con&longs;equence mu&longs;t afflict.

Under the &longs;econd head, we &longs;hall &longs;hew
the misfortune of this di&longs;po&longs;ition. It is what,
in early life, begins to fix the difference of
per&longs;ons. The hearer of in&longs;truction, even
with more moderate parts, becomes the
more &longs;en&longs;ible boy. The hearer of instruction
has a better chance for life and mature
years. Into how many dangers do
young per&longs;ons run; leaping, climbing,
running, playing truant, and neglecting
books? Into what affrays too will pa&longs;&longs;ions
prompt them, when they begin to feel the
&longs;inew &longs;trong, and the manly nerve braced?
They value corporeal &longs;trength, which they

[figure description] Page 045.[end figure description]

have in common with the hor&longs;e, or the ox,
and neglect the cultivation of the mind,
which is the glory of our nature. What
is a man without information? In form
only above a bea&longs;t. What is a man, negligent
of moral duty? Wor&longs;e than a
bea&longs;t; becau&longs;e, he is de&longs;titute of that by
which he might be governed, and of which
his nature is capable; and without which,
he is more dangerous, in proportion as he
is more ingenious.

I &longs;hall conclude with inferences from the
&longs;ubject.

It may be &longs;een hence, with what attention
we ought to hear, and with what observation,
&longs;ee. The five &longs;en&longs;es are the avenues
of knowledge; but the reflection of
the mind on ideas pre&longs;ented, is the &longs;ource
of wi&longs;dom. Under&longs;tanding is better than
riches; for under&longs;tanding leads to compotcency,
and to know how to u&longs;e it. Laying
a&longs;ide, therefore, all indolence, pride,
and pa&longs;&longs;ion, let us hear in&longs;truction, and
be wi&longs;e, and refu&longs;e it not.

This, reverend brethren, is a &longs;hort sermon.
It is one in miniature; like the model
of a mechanical invention, which is
complete in its parts, and from whence

[figure description] Page 046.[end figure description]

may be &longs;een the powers of the inventor.
I did not intend to take up your time with
a long di&longs;cour&longs;e; becau&longs;e, ex pede Herculem;
you may know what I can do by
this e&longs;&longs;ay.

The fact is, I am regularly bred, and
licen&longs;ed; but this my competitor, is no
more than a yarn merchant; who, failing
in his trade, has adventured to this country:
And coming over in the ve&longs;&longs;el with
me, took the opportunity one night, when
I was a&longs;leep, and picked my fob of the&longs;e
papers, which he now &longs;hews.

Thus having &longs;poke, he de&longs;cended.

The other, in the mean time, had been
at his wits end what to do. The technical
difficulty of taking a text, and dividing
it under &longs;everal heads, and splitting
each head into branches, and pur&longs;uing
each with &longs;uch &longs;trickne&longs;s, that the thoughts
&longs;hould be ranged under each which belonged
to it, as exactly as you would
the coar&longs;er yarn with the coar&longs;er, and
the finer with the finer; or put balls with
balls, and hanks with hanks. At la&longs;t he
had determined to take no text at all; as
it was much better to take none, than to
take one and not &longs;tick to it.

[figure description] Page 047.[end figure description]

Accordingly, he re&longs;olved to preach up and down
the &longs;cripture, wherever he could get a
word of &longs;ea&longs;onable doctrine. Mounting the
pulpit, therefore, he began as follows:

The fir&longs;t man that we read of was Adam,
and fir&longs;t woman Eve: &longs;he was tempted
by the &longs;erpent, and eat the forbidden
fruit. After this &longs;he conceived and bare
a &longs;on, and called his name Cain; and
Cain was a tiller of the ground, and Abel
a keeper of &longs;heep; for &longs;he conceived and
bare a &longs;econd &longs;on, and called his name
Abel. And Cain &longs;lew Abel. There were
&longs;everal generations unto the flood, when
Noah built an ark, and &longs;aved him&longs;elf and
his family. After the flood, Abraham begat
I&longs;aac, and I&longs;aac begat Jacob, and Jacob
begat Jo&longs;eph and his brethren. Potiphar's
wife, in Egypt, took a fancy for
Jo&longs;eph, and ca&longs;t him in ward; and Potiphar
was a captain of Pharaoh's guards;
and Jo&longs;eph interpreted Pharaoh's dream
of the lean cattle; and there were twelve
years famine in the land; and Mo&longs;es passed
for the &longs;on of Pharaoh's daughter,
and married Jethro's daughter, in the land
of Midian, and brought the I&longs;raelites out
of the land of Egypt; and Jo&longs;hua the &longs;on

[figure description] Page 048.[end figure description]

of Nun, and Caleb the &longs;on Jephunneh;
and the walls of Jericho fell down at the
&longs;ound of ram's horns; and Samp&longs;on &longs;lew
a thou&longs;and with the jaw-bone of an a&longs;s;
and Delilah the harlot; and Gideon, and
Barak, and Jephthah, and Abinoam the
Giliaditi&longs;h; and Samuel, and Saul, and
the prophets; and Jonathan, and David;
and Solomon built him an hou&longs;e; and silver
was plenty as the &longs;treet &longs;tones in Jerusalem;
Rehoboam, and Jeho&longs;ophat, and
the kings of I&longs;rael and Juda; Daniel was
ca&longs;t into the lions' den; and Shadrach,
Me&longs;hach, and Abed-nego; and I&longs;aiah and
Jeremiah; and Zachariah, and Zerobabel;
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and the
apo&longs;tles; Mary Magdalene, out of whom
were ca&longs;t &longs;even devils; and the father of
Zebedee's children; and Pontius Pilate,
and the high prie&longs;t, and Ananias and Sapphira,
and the &longs;even trumpets, in the Revelations,
and the dragon, and the woman.
Amen. I add no more.

The lay people pre&longs;ent were mo&longs;t plea&longs;ed
with the la&longs;t di&longs;cour&longs;e; and &longs;ome of the
younger of the clergy: But the more aged,
gave the preference to the fir&longs;t. Thus it
&longs;eemed difficult to decide.

[figure description] Page 049.[end figure description]

The Captain ri&longs;ing up, &longs;poke: Gentlemen,
&longs;aid he, the men &longs;eem both to have
con&longs;iderable gifts, and I &longs;ee no harm in
letting them both preach. There is work
enough for them in this new country; the
fir&longs;t appears to me, to be more qualified
for the city, as a very methodical preacher;
but the la&longs;t is the mo&longs;t practical; and
each may an&longs;wer a valuable purpo&longs;e in
their proper place.

The deci&longs;ion &longs;eemed judicious, and it
was agreed that they &longs;hould both preach.
The man who had been the yarn merchant,
thanked their reverences, and gave out
that he would preach there that day week,
God willing.

The clergy were &longs;o plea&longs;ed with the Captain,
that they gave him an invitation to
go home with them to an elder's hou&longs;e,
ju&longs;t by; but recollecting the trouble he
had with Teague on another occa&longs;ion, and
the danger of being drawn into a like predicament,
&longs;hould he fall into conver&longs;ation
with the clergymen, and take it into his
head to preach, he declined the invitation,
and ha&longs;tened to get his hor&longs;e, and having
Teague along &longs;ide, proceeded on his journey.

BOOK IV.

[figure description] Page 050.[end figure description]

THE in&longs;uing day, the Captain arrived
in a certain city, and put up at the
&longs;ign of the Indian Queen. Taking a day
or two to refre&longs;h him&longs;elf, and get a new
pair of breeches made, and his coat mended,
which was a little worn at the elbows,
he went to look about the city. The
fourth day, when he had propo&longs;ed to &longs;et
out to perambulate this modern Babylon,
and called for Teague to bring him his
boots, there was no Teague there. The
ho&longs;tler being called, with whom he u&longs;ed
to &longs;leep, informed, that he had di&longs;appeared
the day before. The Captain was alarmed;
and, from the recollection of former
incidents, began to enquire if there were any
elections going on at that time. As it

[figure description] Page 051.[end figure description]

&longs;o happened, there was one that very day.
Thinking it probable the bog-trotter, having
&longs;till a hankering after an appointment
might offer him&longs;elf on that occa&longs;ion, he &longs;et
out to the place where the people were
convened, to &longs;ee if he could di&longs;cover
Teague among&longs;t the candidates. He could
&longs;ee nothing of him; and though he made
enquiry, he could hear no account. But
the circum&longs;tance of the election drawing
his attention for &longs;ome time, he forgot
Teague.

The candidates were all remarkably
pot-bellied; and waddled in their gait.
The Captain enquiring what were the pretensions
of the&longs;e men to be elected; he was
told, that they had all &longs;tock in the funds,
and lived in large brick buildings; and
&longs;ome of them entertained fifty people at a
time, and eat and drank abundantly; and,
living an ea&longs;y life, and pampering their appetites,
they had &longs;wollen to this &longs;ize.

It is a &longs;trange thing, &longs;aid the Captain, that
in the country, in my route, they would elect
no one but a weaver, or a whi&longs;ky distiller;
and here none but fat &longs;wabs, that guzzle
wine, and &longs;moke &longs;egars. It was not &longs;o in
Greece, where Phocion came with his plain
coat, from his humble dwelling, and

[figure description] Page 052.[end figure description]

directed the coun&longs;els of the people; or in Rome,
where Cincinnatus was made dictator from
the plough. Something mu&longs;t be wrong,
where the inflate, and pompous are the objects
of choice. Though there is one good arising
from it, that there is no danger of my
Teague here. He could not afford to give
a dinner; and as to funds, he has not a single
&longs;hilling in them. They will make him
neither mayor nor legi&longs;lator in this city.

Na faith, &longs;aid Mr. M`Donald, the Scotch
gentleman who had been pre&longs;ent at the embarrassment
of the Captain, on the occa&longs;ion
of the former election; and having, a few
days before, come to the city, and observing
the Captain in the crowd, had come
up to acco&longs;t him, ju&longs;t as he was uttering
the&longs;e la&longs;t words to him&longs;elf: Na faith, &longs;aid
he, there is na danger of Teague here,
unle&longs;s he had his &longs;cores o' &longs;hares in the
bank; and was in league with the brokers,
and had a brick hou&longs;e at his hurdies, or
a &longs;hip or twa on the &longs;tocks. A great deal
u&longs;ed to be done, by employing advocates
with the trade&longs;men, to li&longs;ten to the
news, and tell them fair &longs;tories; but all
is now lo&longs;t in &longs;ub&longs;tantial intere&longs;t, and the
funds command every thing. Be&longs;ides, this
city is &longs;warming with Teagues, and

[figure description] Page 053.[end figure description]

O'Regans, and O'Brians, and O'Murphys, and
O'Farrels; I &longs;ee, that they cannot be at
a lo&longs;s without your bog trotter.

The Captain having his fears ea&longs;ed, in
this particular, returned home, greatly
troubled, neverthele&longs;s, that he could not
come up with the Iri&longs;hman.

[figure description] Page 054.[end figure description]

REFLECTING with him&longs;elf, that
Teague was inclined to women, and
that he might have gone to &longs;ome of tho&longs;e
hou&longs;es, which are not in the be&longs;t repute
with the religious part of the community,
the Captain thought it might not be ami&longs;s
to make enquiry. Being informed by the
waiter, that he had overheard gentlemen,
at the hou&longs;e, in their cups, &longs;peak of a certain
Mrs. Robe&longs;on, who kept a hou&longs;e of
that kind; and, as far as he could understand,
it was in &longs;uch a part of the city, a
few doors from &longs;uch a &longs;treet.

The Captain having &longs;et out, coming
into the neighbourhood, and making inquiry,
was directed to the hou&longs;e. Knocking,
and, on a &longs;ervant coming to the door,
enquiring for Mrs. Robe&longs;on; he was &longs;hewn
into a parlour, and in a little time the old
lady entered. Being &longs;eated, he took the
liberty of addre&longs;&longs;ing her: Madam, &longs;aid he,
I am not unacquainted with the &longs;tile and

[figure description] Page 055.[end figure description]

designation of your hou&longs;e. Why, as to that,
&longs;aid &longs;he, we do the be&longs;t we can; but the
times are hard, and it is a very difficult
thing to pick up a good looking healthy
girl, now a days. So many young women,
&longs;ince the war is over, having taken
to virtuous ways, and got married, has
almo&longs;t broke us up. But I have been fortunate
enough to light upon one, yesterday,
that is a rare piece, ju&longs;t from the
country; and I am &longs;ure —

It is not in the way that you mean, madam,
&longs;aid the Captain, that I take the liberty
to call upon you. I have a &longs;ervant
man, of the name of Teague O'Regan,
that is inclined to women, and has been
ab&longs;ent &longs;ome days; and it has occurred to
me, that he may have come to your hou&longs;e,
or &longs;ome other of the like kind; and may
be &longs;kulking, to avoid my &longs;ervice. As he
has little or no money, it is impo&longs;&longs;ible he
can be much in your way; and I could
make it better worth your while to inform
on him, and &longs;urrender him up.

Teague O'Regan, &longs;aid the old lady!
&longs;nuffing; Teague O'Regan! I would have
you know, &longs;ir, that no Teague O'Regans
come here; we keep a hou&longs;e for the fir&longs;t
gentlemen; not for waiters, or

[figure description] Page 056.[end figure description]

understrappers, or any of the common &longs;orts.
There is no half-crown, or five &longs;hilling
pieces here. Teague O'Regan indeed!
there is no Teague O'Regan at this hou&longs;e.
We have meat for his ma&longs;ter. I was saying
there was a young woman ju&longs;t now
from the country, that looks more like a
woman of family, than a country girl;
but is &longs;o melancholy and mopi&longs;h, that &longs;he
&longs;carcely &longs;peaks; and &longs;tands in need of
&longs;ome one to talk to her, and keep her in
&longs;pirits. She is fit for any gentleman.
Teague O'Regan! Humph! There is no
Teague O'Regan puts his foot into my
door.

The Captain a&longs;&longs;ured her, that he by no
means meant to give offence. That tho'
the bog-trotter could not have acce&longs;s to
her fir&longs;t rooms; yet he did not know but
he might have got in with &longs;ome of her
under maids, and be about the kitchen.

The lady, being now appea&longs;ed on the
&longs;core of Teague, was in a good humour,
and renewed her hints to the Captain, with
re&longs;pect to the young woman. She is, &longs;aid
&longs;he, as good looking a girl as ever came
to my hou&longs;e; and has not &longs;een a &longs;ingle
per&longs;on but your&longs;elf, whom &longs;he has not yet
&longs;een; but may &longs;ee, if you chu&longs;e; and

[figure description] Page 057.[end figure description]

a very pretty girl &longs;he is; but keeps mopish
and melancholy, as if &longs;he was crossed
in love, and had come to town for
fear of her relations, and wi&longs;hes to keep
out of &longs;ight of every body.

The Captain being no &longs;tranger to the art
the&longs;e matrons u&longs;e, in their addre&longs;&longs;es, to
enhance the value of their wares, was but
little moved with the recommendation &longs;he
had given. But as there were &longs;ome circumstances
in the account of the young
woman, that were a little &longs;triking, his curiosity
was excited to let her be called in,
and pre&longs;ent her&longs;elf. Accordingly, the old
lady &longs;tepping out, a young woman made
her appearance, of con&longs;iderable beauty;
but in her countenance expre&longs;&longs;ions of woe.
Her blue eye &longs;eemed involved in mi&longs;t;
for &longs;he &longs;hed no tears; her &longs;orrow was
beyond that.

Young woman, &longs;aid the Captain, it is
ea&longs;y to perceive that you have not been
in this way of life long; and that you have
been brought to it, perhaps, by &longs;ome uncommon
circum&longs;tances. My humanity is
intere&longs;ted; and it occurs to me to a&longs;k, by
what means it has come to pa&longs;s. The part
which he &longs;eemed to take in her di&longs;tre&longs;s,
in&longs;piring her with confidence; and being

[figure description] Page 058.[end figure description]

reque&longs;ted by him to relate her &longs;tory frankly,
&longs;he began as follows:

My father, &longs;aid &longs;he, lives at the di&longs;tance
of about twenty miles from this city, and
is a man of good e&longs;tate. I have two brothers,
but no &longs;i&longs;ters. My mother dying
when I was at the age of fourteen, I became
hou&longs;e-keeper for the family.

There was a young man that u&longs;ed to
come to the &longs;ame church to which we went.
He was of the very lowe&longs;t cla&longs;s, mean in
his appearance, of homely features, and
a dimunitive per&longs;on. Yet he had the assurance
to put him&longs;elf in my way on every
occa&longs;ion; endeavouring to catch my eye;
for he did not dare to &longs;peak to me. But
I hated him, and was almo&longs;t re&longs;olved to
&longs;tay at home on Sundays, to avoid him;
for he began to be very trouble&longs;ome. His
attentions to me were taken notice of by
my brothers. They were confident that I
mu&longs;t give him &longs;ome encouragement, or he
would not make &longs;uch advances. My father
was of the &longs;ame opinion. I a&longs;&longs;ured
them I had never given him any encouragement,
and I never would; that I was
as much aver&longs;e to him as po&longs;&longs;ible.

I &longs;hunned him and hated him. He persisted
a long time, almo&longs;t two years, and

[figure description] Page 059.[end figure description]

&longs;eemed to become melancholy, and at la&longs;t
went away from the neighbourhood; and,
as I heard afterwards, to &longs;ea. I began
now to reflect upon his a&longs;&longs;iduity, and endeavours
to engage my affections. I recollected
every circum&longs;tance of his conduct
towards me, &longs;ince the fir&longs;t time I was obliged
to take notice of him. I rea&longs;oned
with my&longs;elf, that it was no fault of his, if
his family was low; and if he him&longs;elf had
not all that comeline&longs;s of per&longs;on which I
wi&longs;hed in a hu&longs;band; yet he was sufficiently
puni&longs;hed in his pre&longs;umption in thinking
of me, by what he mu&longs;t have &longs;uffered,
and by his going to &longs;ea, which he did to
get out of my &longs;ight, finding his attempts
to gain my affections, hopele&longs;s. I dreamed
of him; and &longs;carcely a moment of the
day pa&longs;&longs;ed, but my thoughts were running
on the danger to which he was expo&longs;ed.
It &longs;eemed to me that if he came back, I
&longs;hould be more kind to him. I might at
lea&longs;t &longs;hew him, that I was not in&longs;en&longs;ible
of his attachment.

In about a year he returned, and the
moment I &longs;aw him, I loved him. He did
not dare to come to my father's hou&longs;e. But
I could not help giving him encouragement,
by my countenance, when I met

[figure description] Page 060.[end figure description]

him in public. Emboldened by this, he
at la&longs;t ventured to &longs;peak to me; and I agreed
that he might come to a peach orchard,
at &longs;ome di&longs;tance from my father's
hou&longs;e, and that I would give him an interview.
There he came often; and with
a mo&longs;t lowly, and humble behaviour, fixed
my regard for him. Not doubting the
violence of his love for me, and my ascendency
over him, I at la&longs;t put my&longs;elf
in his power. Becoming pregnant, I hinted
marriage; but what was my astonishment
to find, that, on various pretences,
he evaded it; and as I became more fond,
he became more cold; which had no other
effect, than to make me more ardent than
before. It had been u&longs;ual, for many
months, to meet me every evening at this
place; but now I had gone often, and did
not find him there. At la&longs;t he withdrew
altogether, and I heard he had left the settlement.
Worthle&longs;s and ba&longs;e, as I now
knew him to be; and, though my reason
told me, that in per&longs;on he was &longs;till as
homely as I fir&longs;t thought him, yet I continued
to love him to di&longs;traction.

What was my di&longs;tre&longs;s, when my father,
and my brothers, found that I was with
child? They charged me, though

[figure description] Page 061.[end figure description]

unjustly, of having deceived them with re&longs;pect
to my attachment to this low creature,
from the fir&longs;t: In fine, my father dismissed
me from the hou&longs;e: My brothers, no
le&longs;s relenting than him, in their re&longs;entment
again&longs;t me, upbraided me with the offers
I had refu&longs;ed, and the treatment I had given
&longs;everal gentlemen, in their advances to
me. For, indeed, during the ab&longs;ence of
this worthle&longs;s man, I had been addre&longs;&longs;ed
by &longs;everal; but my pity and compa&longs;&longs;ion
for the wretch, had &longs;o wrought upon
me, that I could not think of any, or
&longs;carcely bear them to &longs;peak to me.

Di&longs;mi&longs;&longs;ed from my father's hou&longs;e, even
my younger brother, who was mo&longs;t &longs;oft and
yielding in his nature, &longs;eeming to approve
of it, I went to the habitation of a tenant
of my father; there remained &longs;ome time,
and endeavoured to make compen&longs;ation,
by the labour of my hands, for the trouble
I was giving them. But the&longs;e poor
people, thinking my father would relent,
had informed him where I was, and of
the care they had taken of me. The consequence
was, that, at the end of three
months, he &longs;ent for the child, of which I
had been brought to bed &longs;ome weeks before;
but ordered them in&longs;tantly to

[figure description] Page 062.[end figure description]

dismiss me, that I might never more offend
his hearing with my name.

I wandered to this city, and the fir&longs;t
night lay in the market hou&longs;e, upon a
bench. The next morning mixed with
the women that came to market, and enquired
for work of any kind. I could find
none; but at la&longs;t meeting with a young
woman who felt for my di&longs;tre&longs;s, &longs;he told
me, that &longs;he had a &longs;mall room in this city,
where &longs;he had lived &longs;ome time with an
aunt that was lately dead; and that now
&longs;he &longs;upported her&longs;elf by doing a little in
the millinery way; that if I would come
and take breakfa&longs;t with her, and &longs;ee where
&longs;he lived, I was welcome. Going with
the poor girl, I found her lonely and distressed
enough. Neverthele&longs;s I continued
with her &longs;everal months. But the work
was &longs;mall that we got to do, and times
becoming &longs;till wor&longs;e, I was obliged to
&longs;ell the cloths that I brought with me, to
the la&longs;t petticoat and &longs;hort gown, to support
our&longs;elves and pay rent. To bring
me to the la&longs;t &longs;tage of mi&longs;ery, the poor
girl who was more expert than I was, in
making any little provi&longs;ion that could be
made, fell &longs;ick and in &longs;hort time died. I
could bear to &longs;tay no longer in the room,

[figure description] Page 063.[end figure description]

and coming out to wander in the &longs;treets,
like a forlorn wretch indeed, and &longs;obbing
&longs;orely by my&longs;elf, when I thought no one
heard me, I was ob&longs;erved by this woman,
at who&longs;e hou&longs;e you now are, and pre&longs;&longs;ed
by her to go home. I &longs;oon found what
&longs;ort of a hou&longs;e it was, and had I not been
watched, when I talked of going away,
and threatened to be &longs;ent to jail, for what,
it is pretended I owe &longs;ince I came to the
hou&longs;e, I &longs;hould not have been here longer
than the fir&longs;t day.

The Captain feeling with great sensibility
the circum&longs;tances of her &longs;tory, made
reply: Said he, Young woman, I greatly
commi&longs;erate your hi&longs;tory and &longs;ituation,
and feel my&longs;elf impelled to revenge your
wrong. But the villain which has thus injured
you, is out of my reach, in two respects;
fir&longs;t, by di&longs;tance; and &longs;econd, being
too contemptible and ba&longs;e to be pursued
by my re&longs;entment even on your account.
But revenge is not your object, but support
and re&longs;toration to your friends, and
the good opinion of the world. As to
money, it is not in my power to advance
you any great &longs;um; but as far as words
can go, I could wi&longs;h to &longs;erve you: not
words to your&longs;elf only; but to others, in

[figure description] Page 064.[end figure description]

your behalf. It is evident to me, that
you have &longs;uffered by your own too great
&longs;en&longs;ibility. It was humanity and generosity,
that engaged you in his favour.
It was your imagination, that gave tho&longs;e
attractions to his vile and uncomely person,
by which you was &longs;educed. You have
been a victim to your own goodne&longs;s, and
not to his merit. The warmth of your
heart has overcome the &longs;trength of your
judgment; and your prudence has been
&longs;ubdued by your pa&longs;&longs;ion: or, rather, indeed,
confiding in a man whom you had
&longs;aved from all the pains, and heart-felt
mi&longs;eries of un&longs;ucce&longs;sful love, you have become
a &longs;acrifice to your compa&longs;&longs;ion and
tenderne&longs;s. The be&longs;t advice I can give
you, is, to compo&longs;e your&longs;elf for this night.
Pre&longs;erve your virtue; for I do not consider
you as having lo&longs;t it: your mind has
not been in fault, or contaminated. I
will endeavour to find out &longs;ome per&longs;on,
who may be di&longs;po&longs;ed to a&longs;&longs;i&longs;t you; and,
though it may be difficult for you yet to
e&longs;tabli&longs;h lo&longs;t fame, it is not impo&longs;&longs;ible. So
&longs;aying, he left the room; but the young
woman, impre&longs;&longs;ed with the&longs;e la&longs;t words
e&longs;pecially, viz. the diffculty, if not impossibility,
of regaining reputation, &longs;unk

[figure description] Page 065.[end figure description]

down upon her chair, and could not pay
him the compliment of thanks, at his departure.

During the night, through the whole
of which he lay awake, at the public hou&longs;e,
he ruminated on the extraordinary nature
of this incident, and the means which he
would adopt to recover this woman from
her unfortunate &longs;ituation.

Thought he, I am in a city where there
are a great body of the people called Quakers.
This &longs;ociety, above all others, is remarkable
for humanity, and charitable actions.
There is a female preacher, of whom I
have heard; a Lydia Wil&longs;on: I will inform
this good woman of the circum&longs;tance;
and, if ge gives me leave, I will bring
this &longs;tray &longs;heep to her; &longs;he may have it
in her power to introduce her to &longs;ome
place, where, by needle work, and industry,
&longs;he might live, until it may be in
my power, taking a journey to her father,
and &longs;tating the ca&longs;e, and giving my sentiments,
to re&longs;tore her to her family.

Early next morning, as &longs;oon as it could
be pre&longs;umed, the Quaker lady had &longs;et her
hou&longs;e in order; that is, after the family
might be &longs;uppo&longs;ed to have breakfasted,
which was about nine o'clock, the

[figure description] Page 066.[end figure description]

Captain &longs;et out; and being admitted, stated
to Mrs. Wil&longs;on, the exact circum&longs;tances
as before related. The pious woman readily
undertook every office in her power.
Accordingly, taking leave, the Captain
&longs;et out for the hou&longs;e of Mrs. Robe&longs;on.

At the door, he met a number of men
coming out, and, on inquiry, he found a coroner's
inque&longs;t had ju&longs;t &longs;at on the body of a
young woman of the hou&longs;e, who had the
preceding evening, &longs;u&longs;pended her&longs;elf from
the bed po&longs;t with her garter. He was
&longs;truck, &longs;u&longs;pecting it mu&longs;t be the young
woman whom he had &longs;o much in his
thoughts. Going in, and enquiring, he
found it to be the ca&longs;e; and that they proposed
to bury as &longs;oon as the few boards of
a coffin could be got ready. As a man of
humanity, he could not but &longs;hed tears;
and blame him&longs;elf that he had not given
her &longs;tronger a&longs;&longs;urance of his interpo&longs;ition
before he left her, that &longs;he might not have
fallen into de&longs;pair, and taken away her
life.

The coffin being now ready, the funeral
&longs;et out, not for the burying ground of
a church yard; but for a place without
the city, called the Potter's-field: For suicide
forfeits Chri&longs;tian burial: Her

[figure description] Page 067.[end figure description]

obsequies attended, not by a clergyman in
front, nor by &longs;carfed mourners, holding
up the pall; nor was &longs;he borne on a bier,
but drawn on a cart; and the company
that followed her uncovered her&longs;e, were
not decent matrons, nor venerable men,
but old bauds, and &longs;trumpets, and cullies,
half drunk, making merry as they went along.

Being interred, they returned home; but
the Captain remaining &longs;ome time, contemplating
the grave, thus &longs;poke:

Earth, thou covere&longs;t the body of a lovely
woman, and with a mind not le&longs;s lovely;
yet doomed in her burial, to the &longs;ame
ground with negroes, and malefactors;
not that I think the circum&longs;tance makes any
difference; but it &longs;hews the opinion
of the world with re&longs;pect to thy per&longs;onal
demerit. Nor do I call in que&longs;tion the
ju&longs;tne&longs;s of this opinion; having &longs;uch circumstances
whereon to found it. But I
reflect with my&longs;elf how much opinion, operating
like a general law, may do inju&longs;tice.
It remains only with heaven's chancery to
reach the equity of the ca&longs;e, and ab&longs;olve
her from a crime; or at lea&longs;t qualify that
which was the exce&longs;s of virtue. If the fair
elements that compo&longs;ed her frame, &longs;hall

[figure description] Page 068.[end figure description]

ever again unite, and ri&longs;e to life, and as
the divines &longs;uppo&longs;e, her form receive its
&longs;hape, and complexion from her mental
qualities, and conduct on earth, &longs;he will
lo&longs;e nothing of her beauty; for her daring
di&longs;dain of her&longs;elf and fate, was a mark of
repentance,—&longs;tronger than all tears. Yet,
had &longs;he acted the nobler part of holding
her&longs;elf in life, pre&longs;erving her mind and
body cha&longs;te until famine had taken her away,
or the hand of heaven moved for
her relief, &longs;he had &longs;hone, at the la&longs;t ri&longs;ing,
with &longs;uperior brightne&longs;s; been ranked amongst
the fir&longs;t beauties of heaven, and
walked di&longs;tingui&longs;hed in the paradi&longs;e of
God. Doubtle&longs;s the Almighty mu&longs;t blame,
and chide her for this premature and ra&longs;h
&longs;tep. Fallen to the la&longs;t point of depre&longs;&longs;ion,
he was about to relieve her, and the sequel
of her days might have been happy
and &longs;erene. It was a di&longs;tru&longs;t of his providence.
She heard my words, though
&longs;he did not know my heart. And &longs;urely
it was my intention to relieve her. But
&longs;he erred again&longs;t my thoughts; &longs;he eluded
the gra&longs;p of my humanity. For this &longs;he
will be reprimanded by the Mo&longs;t High;
and fail of that &longs;upereminent glory which
awaits heroic minds. Yet, O world, thou

[figure description] Page 069.[end figure description]

do&longs;t her wrong, in &longs;entencing her to &longs;o low
a bed. Shall the wealthy, but di&longs;hone&longs;t
men; matrons cha&longs;te, but cold and cruel
in their feelings; &longs;hall the&longs;e have a
&longs;tone built over them, and occupy a consecrated
&longs;pot; whil&longs;t thou, unworthy, art
thrown among&longs;t the rubbi&longs;h of carca&longs;es,
&longs;wept from jails; or of emigrants, unknown
as to their origin and place.

Farewel, lovely form, whom late I
knew; and let the gra&longs;s grow green upon
thy grave. Thy &longs;orrows are expunged;
but mine are awake; and will be &longs;o, until
I al&longs;o come to the &longs;hades invi&longs;ible, and
have the &longs;ame apathy of heart with thee.

BOOK V.

[figure description] Page 070.[end figure description]

RETURNING to his lodging, he
could not help reflecting by the way,
that probably poor Teague, mortified by
repeated di&longs;appointments, in going to
Congre&longs;s, being &longs;uffered to preach, or be
a member of the Philo&longs;ophical Society;
and what might afflict him &longs;till more, the
not marrying the rich ho&longs;te&longs;s, who had
made him overtures, might, in his de&longs;pair
of ever coming forward in any re&longs;pectable
capacity in life, have &longs;u&longs;pended him&longs;elf
from a beam, or plunged into the river,
and have put an end to his exi&longs;tence;
which, &longs;hould it be the ca&longs;e, being in
&longs;ome mea&longs;ure acce&longs;&longs;ary to this cata&longs;trophe
of the bog-trotter, by di&longs;&longs;uading from the&longs;e
&longs;everal preten&longs;ions, he could not acquit

[figure description] Page 071.[end figure description]

him&longs;elf of guilt; at all events, he would
feel great pain and &longs;orrow.

Such were his reflections for a great
part of this day; and had thought of putting
an adverti&longs;ement in the paper, to
know if any dead body had been lately
di&longs;covered; or inqui&longs;ition held on a young
man, with red hair, and a long leg, who
had been mi&longs;&longs;ing &longs;ome days, and was supposed
to have hung or drowned him&longs;elf.
But in the evening, meditating thus, mention
being made by &longs;ome of the lodgers,
of going to hear the annual oration, delivered
before the Philo&longs;ophical Society,
by a member; it &longs;truck his mind, that
po&longs;&longs;ibly Teague, falling in with &longs;ome of
this body, had been induced by them to
take a &longs;eat, and might be pre&longs;ent on that
occa&longs;ion. Not he&longs;itating, therefore, he
&longs;econded the propo&longs;al of going; and offered
to be of the party.

Coming to the hall, the philo&longs;ophers
were &longs;eated; but a black member &longs;at with
a taper before him, who, it &longs;eems, was
to deliver the oration.

The fact was this; A gentleman of Maryland
of the name of Gorum, had &longs;ent
to the &longs;ociety, &longs;ome time before, a curiosity
found by one of his negroes in the

[figure description] Page 072.[end figure description]

mud of Wye river, on the banks of which
his &longs;eat was. It appeared to be a &longs;tone,
with a cavity &longs;ufficient to receive a man's
foot, and was adjudged by the &longs;ociety to
be an Indian's petrified mocca&longs;on. The
&longs;ingularity of the di&longs;covery, well intitling
the gentleman to a &longs;eat, he was invited;
but &longs;ending his compliments, he gave
them to under&longs;tand, that Cuff, (for that
was the name of the negro) was more intitled
to that honour than he was, being
the per&longs;on who had found the curio&longs;ity;
and as he made it a point to do his &longs;laves
ju&longs;tice in any perqui&longs;ite of their own, he
could not think of robbing one, on this occasion
of any honour, to which he might
be introduced by this di&longs;covery.

The &longs;ociety approved his hone&longs;ty, and
fair dealing; and by unanimous ballot,
admitted the negro; who, having been a
member &longs;ome time, had been appointed,
to pronounce the annual oration. Cuff, a
good deal di&longs;concerted in hearing of the
ta&longs;k impo&longs;ed upon him, had applied to
his ma&longs;ter to know what to &longs;ay. Colonel
Gorum attending a good deal to literary
matters, had heard of an oration delivered
before the &longs;ociety, the object of which was
to prove that the Africans had been once

[figure description] Page 073.[end figure description]

white, had &longs;harp no&longs;es, and long hair;
but that by living in &longs;un-burnt climates,
the &longs;kin had changed colour, the hair become
frizzled, and in the cour&longs;e of generation,
the imagination of the mother, presenting
obtu&longs;e objects, had produced an offspring
with flat no&longs;es. He therefore gave
Cuff to under&longs;tand, that it would be doing
no more than ju&longs;tice to his countrymen, for
he was a Guinea negro, if he &longs;hould avail
him&longs;elf of this occa&longs;ion to prove that men
were all once black, and that by living in
&longs;nowy countries, and being bleached by
the weather, the &longs;kin had gradually become
white, and the hair moi&longs;t and long, and
the imagination pre&longs;enting prominent objects
to the mothers, or the fathers differing
among them&longs;elves, and pulling one another
by this part, had given the long and
pointed no&longs;e.

Cuff, thus prepared, &longs;et out; having arrived,
and being on this occa&longs;ion to harangue,
began as follows:

The Oration.

Massa &longs;hentiman; I be ca&longs;h crab in de
Wye riva: found ting in de mud; tone,
big a man's foot: hols like to he; fetch

[figure description] Page 074.[end figure description]

Ma&longs;&longs;a: Ma&longs;&longs;a &longs;ay, it be de Indian moccason.—
O! fat de call it; all tone. He &longs;ay,
you be a fila&longs;afa, Cuff: I &longs;ay, O no, Massa;
you be de fila&longs;afa. Wel; two tree
monts afta, Ma&longs;&longs;a call me, and &longs;ay, You
be a fila&longs;afa, Cuff, fo' &longs;artan: Getta ready,
and go dis city, and make grate peech for
&longs;hentima fila&longs;afa. I &longs;ay, Fat &longs;ay? Ma&longs;&longs;a:
Ma&longs;&longs;a &longs;ay, &longs;omebody &longs;ay, dat de fir&longs;t man
was de &longs;ite man; but you &longs;ay, dat de fir&longs;t
man was de black a-man. Vel, I &longs;et out
out: come along: Ma&longs;&longs;a gi me pa&longs;s. Some
&longs;ay, where you go, Cuff? I &longs;ay, dis city, be
a fila&longs;afa. O no, Cuff, you be no filasafa:
call me fool, gi me kick i'de backside;
fall down, get up again, and come
to dis city.

Now, &longs;hentima, I &longs;ay, dat de fir&longs;t man
was de black a man, and de fir&longs;t woman
de black a woman; an get two tree children;
de rain va&longs;ha de&longs;e, an de &longs;now
pleach, an de coula come brown, yella,
coppa coula, and, at de la&longs;t, quite fite;
an de hair long; an da fal out vid van anoda;
and van ca&longs;h by de no&longs;e, an pull;
&longs;o de no&longs;e come lang, &longs;harp no&longs;e.

Now I go home, Ma&longs;&longs;a &longs;hentima; an
tel grate Ma&longs;&longs;a, dat make peech, an ibedy
body vas da; an den Cuff fin a more

[figure description] Page 075.[end figure description]

tings—cabs, oy&longs;ta, cat-fi&longs;h, bones, tones,
ibedy ting; &longs;en to you, &longs;hentima.

The oration being ended, the Society
could do no le&longs;s than appoint a committee
to wait on Mr. Cuff, and reque&longs;t a copy
of his oration, that it might be publi&longs;hed.

But the Captain, in the mean time, had
examined, with great attention, the whole
audience; but could not di&longs;cover Teague.
Departing, therefore, with the re&longs;t, his
thoughts recurred to his fir&longs;t idea, viz.
that the unfortunate creature had committed
&longs;uicide. Drawing up, therefore, an
adverti&longs;ement, he &longs;ent it to a daily paper;
but, though it appeared next morning,
and the day elap&longs;ed, there was no word of
Teague.

[figure description] Page 076.[end figure description]

THERE is no fact that has proved
more &longs;tubborn than the diver&longs;ity of
the human &longs;pecies; e&longs;pecially that great
extreme of diver&longs;ity in the natives of Africa.
How the de&longs;cendants of Adam and
Eve, both good looking people, &longs;hould
ever come to be a vile negro, or even a
mulatto man or woman, is puzzling.

Some have conjectured, that a black
complexion, frizzled hair, a flat no&longs;e, and
bandy legs, were the mark &longs;et on Cain,
for the murder of his brother Abel. But,
as the deluge drowned the whole world,
and only one family was &longs;aved, the blacks
mu&longs;t have all peri&longs;hed; like the Mammoth,
who&longs;e bones are found on the
Ohio, and other places, which was too big
for Noah to get into the ark.

Some &longs;uppo&longs;e, that it was the cur&longs;e pronounced
upon Canaan, the &longs;on of Noah,
for looking at his father's nakedne&longs;s. They
got rid by this means of the difficulty of

[figure description] Page 077.[end figure description]

the flood; but by Mo&longs;es' own account,
the Canaanites were the de&longs;cendents of
Canaan; and we do not hear of them being
negroes; which, had it been the ca&longs;e,
we cannot doubt would have been laid hold
of by the I&longs;raelites, as a circum&longs;tance to
ju&longs;tify their extirpating, or making &longs;laves
of them.

Lord Kames, in his Sketches of the History
of Man, &longs;olves the difficulty, by supposing,
that, at the building of Babel,
there was a confu&longs;ion of complexions, as
well as languages. But, be&longs;ides that it is
not to be &longs;uppo&longs;ed, that the hi&longs;torian would
pa&longs;s over &longs;o material a circum&longs;tance, without
particularly mentioning it, it is introducing
a miracle, which we are not warranted
in doing, unle&longs;s it had been expressly
laid down to have been wrought.

The la&longs;t theory, has been that of accounting
for the change, from the climate,
and accident of wind and weather;
calling in aid, in the mean time, the imagination
of the mothers. This does not appear
altogether &longs;atisfactory. At lea&longs;t, there
are tho&longs;e who would not be aver&longs;e to hear
&longs;ome other &longs;olution of the difficulty. I
have thought of one, which I would &longs;ugge&longs;t
with great diffidence; the authors of tho&longs;e

[figure description] Page 078.[end figure description]

before me being great men, and their hypothesis
not lightly overthrown.

I am of opinion that Adam was a tall,
&longs;traight limbed, red haired man, with a fair
complexion, blue eyes, and an aquiline
no&longs;e; and that Eve was a negro woman.

For what nece&longs;&longs;ity to make them both
of the &longs;ame colour, feature, and form,
when there is beauty in variety. Do not
you &longs;ee in a tulip, one leaf blue, and another
white, and &longs;ometimes the &longs;ame leaf
white and red?

As God made Adam in his own likeness,
&longs;o it is to be &longs;uppo&longs;ed, that Adam
begat &longs;ome in his; and the&longs;e were red
haired, fair complexioned, blue eyed, proportionably
featured boys and girls; while,
on the other hand, &longs;ome took after the
mother, and became negro men and women.
From a mixture of complexion, the
offspring, at other times, might be a &longs;hade
darker, in one ca&longs;e, than the father; and
a &longs;hade lighter, in another ca&longs;e, than the
mother; and hence, a diver&longs;ifyed progeny,
with a variety of features; from the
bottle-no&longs;e to the mire-&longs;nipe; which is that
of the people in the we&longs;t of Ireland; and
from the auburn of the Cor&longs;ican hair, to
the golden locks of the Caledonian

[figure description] Page 079.[end figure description]

beauty; and from the black eye, to the hazle
and the grey.

It may be a&longs;ked, How at the flood?
when Noah, his wife, his three &longs;ons, and
their wives, eight per&longs;ons, only were saved?
It is but giving &longs;ome of the &longs;ons negro
wenches for their wives, and you have the
matter all right.

[figure description] Page 080.[end figure description]

AS I have &longs;aid, the day pa&longs;&longs;ed over, and
there was no word of Teague. In
the evening, as it was u&longs;ual with the gentlemen
at the Indian Queen, to go to &longs;ome
place for the amu&longs;ement of an hour or
two; mention being made of a celebrated
preacher, a Univer&longs;ali&longs;t, as he was called;
that is, one who preaches the doctrine of
univer&longs;al &longs;alvation; it was propo&longs;ed to go
to hear him, as he was to hold forth that
evening. The Captain readily con&longs;ented;
and it &longs;truck him, that, as this was a new
fangled doctrine, and the preacher had
made a great noi&longs;e; and as it was a
doctrine that, con&longs;cious of a good deal of
fornication, would naturally plea&longs;e Teague,
it was not impo&longs;&longs;ible but the Iri&longs;hman
might have become a di&longs;ciple of this reformist,
and be at his conventicle.

Coming in among&longs;t the crowd, and obtaining
&longs;eats, they &longs;aw the preacher a&longs;cend
the pulpit, and, after the preliminary

[figure description] Page 081.[end figure description]

exercise of p&longs;alms and prayer, take a text,
and begin his &longs;ermon.

His text was taken from one of tho&longs;e
pa&longs;&longs;ages of &longs;cripture, which &longs;peaks of “the
lion lying down with the kid, and the tyger
with the lamb;” which have been interpreted
of the Millenium; but were applied
by him, to that period, when, as
the &longs;ea &longs;hall give up her dead, &longs;o hell &longs;hall
give up her damned; and the devil himself
&longs;hall come to lick &longs;alt out of the hand
of an angel.

Enlarging on this doctrine, and supporting
it with a variety of proofs from
&longs;cripture, and arguments from rea&longs;on, he
&longs;eemed to have brought the matter to a
point; an&longs;wering all objections, and closing
in with the hearer. At this &longs;tage, u&longs;ing
that figure of oratory, which is u&longs;ual in
the pulpit, of a&longs;king que&longs;tions, and pressing
for an an&longs;wer, but expecting none;
he would &longs;ay, Is not this conclu&longs;ive? Is it
not evident? Is there any here can advance
an argument again&longs;t it? Will any of you
&longs;peak—I pau&longs;e for an an&longs;wer?

Mr. M`Donald, in the mean time, (the
Scotch gentleman; who happened to be
there,) thinking him really &longs;erious, and
that he wanted an an&longs;wer; or taking

[figure description] Page 082.[end figure description]

advantage of the pau&longs;e, and the interrogation,
to &longs;peak his mind, leaning over the
front of a back &longs;eat, made reply:

Why, &longs;aid he, I like the doctrine well
enough, and ha' na' di&longs;po&longs;ition to o'erthrow
it. I dinna muckle care if there
ware na' hell ava. If ye could make that
out, I wad rather hear it, than o' being
&longs;moaked twa' or three thou&longs;and years in
the devil's nuke, or &longs;inged wi' his burnt
brim&longs;tone, even if we &longs;hould get out afterwards.
Ye need na' put your&longs;el in a
pa&longs;&longs;ion, or be flee'd that you'll no get proselytes;
for I &longs;hall warrant you, as many
every night as ye can weel &longs;tow awa i' the
conventicle.

The preacher giving thanks to God for
the &longs;ucce&longs;s in his mini&longs;try, in the remarkable
conver&longs;ion of the man who &longs;poke, the
Scotch gentleman &longs;aid again; Ye need
na ca' it a conver&longs;ion; for I ha' been o'
the &longs;ame opinion a' my life; that it was a
&longs;are thing to bide the kiln of hell, and
they wad de&longs;erve muckle thanks wha could
e&longs;tabli&longs;h that we &longs;hould na' &longs;tay long in it,
or that there was na' &longs;uch place ava.

The preacher commenting upon this,
ob&longs;erved that &longs;ome were orthodox from
their birth, like Jeremiah, who was

[figure description] Page 083.[end figure description]

sanctified in his mother's womb; but others
were hardly brought to the truth, with
much teaching and in&longs;truction. That the
pre&longs;ent was a happy in&longs;tance of one who
was in the right way from his very early
years.

The Captain in the mean time, had been
thinking of the doctrine; and thought it
rea&longs;onable to &longs;uppo&longs;e, that the Almighty
might relieve after &longs;ome time, and let the
damned devils go. Ju&longs;t as with him&longs;elf at
pre&longs;ent in the ca&longs;e of Teague; if he had
got his hands on the bog-trotter, he could
not help being very angry, and would be
di&longs;po&longs;ed to puni&longs;h him with great &longs;everity;
but after &longs;ome time he knew his pa&longs;&longs;ion
would &longs;ub&longs;ide, and he would forget his
delinquencies.

Teague in this manner running in his
head, as the people, after &longs;ome epilogue of
prayer and benediction, being di&longs;mi&longs;&longs;ed,
were retiring, he got up, and rai&longs;ing his
voice, begged the audience to detain a
little. — Good people, &longs;aid he, if any of
you &longs;hould come acro&longs;s a young man, a
&longs;ervant of mine, of the name of Teague
O'Regan, I &longs;hall thank you to &longs;end me notice
to the Indian Queen, where I lodge.
And, according to the adverti&longs;ement in

[figure description] Page 084.[end figure description]

this day's paper, I will give two dollars
reward.

Thinking him deranged in his brain,
they proceeded, and took no notice of the
proclamation.

[figure description] Page 085.[end figure description]

IN the infancy of Chri&longs;tianity it was
thought a hard matter to get to heaven;
and that when once in hell, there
was no geting out. A certain father of
the church, of the name of Origen, was
the fir&longs;t to be more liberal in his sentiments,
and thought, that after a certain
period, there would be a jail-delivery of
the damned. I do not know that he went
&longs;o far as to let the devils them&longs;elves out
upon a furlough; but at the pre&longs;ent time,
we all know very well, that the time will
come, when they will be out all together;
at lea&longs;t the univer&longs;ali&longs;ts tell us this, and
prove it.

The doctrine was received in &longs;ome part
by the early councils; but in other parts
rejected. The matter was compounded
by e&longs;tabli&longs;hing a purgatory; for not consenting
to liberate from hell, in order to

[figure description] Page 086.[end figure description]

&longs;atisfy the advocates of a temporary punishment,
they fixed up a middle place,
where all the advantages of penal purgation
could be enjoyed, without the necessity
of contradicting the eternity of hell
torments.

Indeed under the catholic church, the
&longs;trait gate, and the narrow way, and the
many called, and few cho&longs;en, was a good deal
laid a&longs;ide, and the road made pretty plain
by indulgencies and ab&longs;olutions. But at
the reformation, the matter was brought
back to its old bed again, and the cry of
their being but a remnant &longs;aved, was raised
in every pulpit. There has been &longs;ome
relaxation of late years with almo&longs;t every
&longs;ect of Prote&longs;tants; and there is not ju&longs;t
&longs;uch a fury of tumbling great crowds into
the tolbooth, as there was in the days of
John Knox, and the framers of the Westminster
confe&longs;&longs;ion of faith, and catechi&longs;ms.
Dr. Bellamy, a New-England divine, &longs;ome
years ago, &longs;tated in his pamphlet, that the
damned would be to the &longs;aved, as the malefactors
of a country to hone&longs;t people that
came to an untimely end by jail or gibbet.
Some now preach boldly, not perhaps a
total exemption, from future puni&longs;hment,
but a final re&longs;toration from it; &longs;o that the