Toward the close of an afternoon, a few days after the
visit of Puffer Hopkins to the auction-room, a deformed little
personage was strolling through the street, with his arms
nearly to his elbows in his breeches-pockets, his head thrown
back a trifle, and his eyes turned up as if he were in the
very depths and profundities of a cogitation of some consequence:
in short, it was our gentleman of the Bottom Club,
who practiced upon certain pockets, as has been seen, on a
former occasion.

“Three pair of fowls at three shillings, makes nine,” said
the little gentleman, “the old red rooster at five shillings—
though his liver's disordered, for I smelt his breath this morning—
fourteen. That's for after-breakfast work. Then before,
there 's twenty pound of hoop, twopence a pound,
and a sheet of copper, seven pound, at five pence—thirty-five
and forty; as good as seventy-five: and all the afternoon
for a holiday, to find out where this Puffer Hopkins lives, and
to hatch out an acquaintance with him. There's something
brewing in the wind 'twixt him and that shabby old lunatic,
Hobbleshank: something going on that ought to be put a
stop to; and as the Wice Chance-seller of Law wo'nt interfere
to separate such good friends, we'll see what Mr. Small,
Ish Small, of Pell street or thereabouts, can do.” He walked
a few paces further, and again broke out, “Let me catch
that old fellow trying any of his tricks on uncle Close, as he
did ten year ago, when he pitched his family watch at my
crown, and we'll see if there an't a spice of sport from it.
Strike up, old 'un, I'm here!”

Saying this, he trotted down the street, turned into a by-way,
crossed that at a good pace, and speedily reached a corner
building, from which a great striped flag was waving and
a tumult of voices issuing. Into this he made his way, selected
a suitable position, and at the proper moment, (a great

[figure description] Page 053.[end figure description]

deal of the same sort of business going on at the time), he
called out the name of Puffer Hopkins, which was duly entered
by one of the clerks of the meeting upon a roll, and the
agile little performer, thereupon, departed.

This time he selected a different course, striking straight
towards the heart of the city, for several blocks, and emerging
upon an open square. He now looked about him for
several minutes, indulging in a severe scrutiny of the neighboring
buildings, and at length fixed his eye upon a dingy,
yellow house, which stood facing the square and forming the
fork or extreme point of two streets.

“I think I should know the house by the description,” he
said, measuring it again with his eye, from top to bottom, “it
isn't quite a palace, that's clear: I don't believe the Grand
Signior lives here, nor his Highness the chief of the Seneca
tribes. There's considerable poverty written in dirty paint
all about the front; and, judging by the windows, I guess it's
had a hard fight with the brick-front across the way, and got
an eye or two put out.” At this moment, the light of a lamp
fell from a window of the upper story, and Mr. Small, turning
his face up towards it, exclaimed, “His light, by all that
shines! It an't a astral, anyhow! He's studying a speech,
or mixing a dose of resolutions, now—and I'll step in and
surprise him! I've no doubt the stairs will hold out till I get
up and down, although they look as if they was on their
last legs.”

Climbing a narrow and ill-arranged way, he attained
the topmost landing, where he stood for some time, in doubt
which door, of the many that presented themselves, to select;
when turning suddenly, as he heard some one ascending the
stairs, he stumbled, and falling against a door, dashed it open
and landed in the very centre of a room. It would be perhaps
a sufficient description of this apartment to say, that it
was hardly large enough to fight a boxing-match in, with the
attendant spectators; that besides the person of Puffer Hopkins,
it held the heads of Demosthenes and John Randolph,
a solitary chair, a small auction-bought desk, and a long fragment
of looking-glass established in one corner.

“Your humble servant, sir; your most obedient! I thought
I'd just stop as I was passing, and tell you, you are a regularly
elected member of the Vig'lance Committee of this
Ward!” said the visitor, grasping his cap in both hands, assuming
a countenance of great simplicity and innocence, and

[figure description] Page 054.[end figure description]

travestying a bow, a good deal in the style of a theatrical
waiter, retiring.

“By whose goodness is this?” asked Hopkins, eagerly.

“Mine, for lack of a better, sir:—I thought it would be a
little sort of a treat, now that strawberries are out of season!”
answered the little gentleman, licking his lips.

“Yours, sir?” exclaimed Puffer, seizing him by the hand;
“I owe you a debt of gratitude for life for this. Do n't I know
you, sir? you are a member of the Club, I believe; the memorable,
and immortal Club—the Bottom, I mean?”

Receiving an answer in the affirmative, he ran on in a very
fluent and enthusiastic style, pronouncing his introduction to
the Bottom Club one of the most fortunate incidents of his
life; his acquaintance with the gentleman before him as one
of the greatest pleasures he had ever known; said that he was
attached to his party and his principles, no man more; and
that he was resolved to perform his duty as a member of the
Vigilance Committee with the utmost zeal, promptitude and
dispatch.

The stranger, although a small man, was not a little astonished
at this tide of eloquence, (for Puffer Hopkins was in the
middle of a declamation to his looking-glass on some supposed
festive occasion when the visitor had broken in, and which
declamation, in the flutter of the interruption, he applied to
his unexpected advent): we say he was not a little surprised,
but it was with main effort he subdued his mirth, when, at
the end of all these elegant promises and professions, Puffer
Hopkins asked him “What he had to do?”

Now, there are many things that a member of a Vigilance
Committee, giving a liberal construction to the designation,
might be supposed to be engaged in with great propriety.
Possessing the sharp eye that of right belongs to a functionary
so entitled, he should pierce into the heart of hidden abuses—
following them with close, wary steps, into obscure dens
and haunts—getting at awful secrets of crime, veiled from
all other eyes—detecting, through the world, in their thousand
disguises and hypocritical mantles, fraud, cruelty, domestic
wrong, and the whole brood of cozenage and knavery.

It is pretty clear that it was to none of these varieties of
service that Puffer Hopkins was expected to devote his very
promising talents: and of this Puffer himself had some faint
conception—for when he puzzled his brain in search of the
duties of his new character, it did not occur to him that it had

[figure description] Page 055.[end figure description]

ever been the business of any politician, past or present, or
would be in all future time, to subserve in any possible way
the plain, simple, every-day interests of humanity.

At this question, Mr. Small laughed; not, however, as if
any circumstance of the present interview, or relating thereto,
had struck him as at all humorous, but as if his thoughts
were fixed upon some remote incident, away off a good many
miles, and arising from such innocent sources as might be
supposed to move the mirth of so simple-minded a gentleman.
Laugh he did, however, with such violence as to compel
him to place a hand upon one of his ribs, while he planted
his elbow against the wall to support the other.

From all which, it might be presumed that the little gentleman
thought it quite a diverting question to be asked,
What the members of a Vigilance Committee had to do?
Laughing, and still holding his sides, the dwarf gentleman
again burlesqued a bow and hurried from the apartment:
leaving Mr. Puffer Hopkins in a state of no little wonder and
bewilderment.

Determined, nevertheless, to acquire a more definite knowledge
of the functions and duties of this majestic office, Puffer
snatched up his hat, shifted himself into a bright blue coat
with intense brass buttons, and went forth. In the excitement
and anxiety of mind resulting from the sudden knowledge
of his appointment, he had enjoyed a brisk walk
of two squares or more before it occurred to him that it
would greatly further his inquiries if he would take a minute
or two to consider where they should be made.

After many misgivings and fluctuations of opinion, he
at length fixed on Mr. Fishblatt, and, for a variety of reasons,
selected that gentleman as an adviser in his present
emergency: to whose residence he turned his steps with
all becoming expedition. Glancing about for an overgrown
door-plate and a red front surmounted with gigantic
chimney-pots, Puffer was not long in discovering the domicil
of which he was in search; which domicil was, however,
adorned, beyond the description of Mr. Fishblatt, by an oblong
sign stretched across the entire front, and cutting the
house unpleasantly into halves, indicating that the safe, cheap
and accommodating corporation of the Phœnix Fire Insurance
Company harbored within.

Mr. Halsey Fishblatt, therefore, inhabited a second floor;
and after a due performance on a door-bell, and ringing all the

[figure description] Page 056.[end figure description]

customary changes, Puffer was led by a frouzy-haired servant
girl through the hall, up one flight of stairs and into a small
supplemental building, in a small room whereof—comprehending
the entire breadth and length of the same—he came upon
Mr. Fishblatt, seated grandly in a very high-backed chair—
holding in his outstretched arms an enormous newspaper, on
which his eyes were fixed as keenly and comprehensively as
if he expected by the perusal of the sheet before him at that
very time and the mastery of its contents, to become one
of the finest scholars and profoundest critics in the country.
He was assisted in the achievement of this mighty purpose,
if he entertained it, by a gorgeous spirit-lamp which
was fed by a ball, and blazed away on a table at his side,
like a meteor.

On the entrance of Puffer Hopkins, the reader sprang to
his feet, cast down the paper, and rushing anxiously towards
his visiter, fixed upon his right hand with the tenacity of a
griffin. “My dear fellow,” cried Mr. Fishblatt, earnestly,
“I 'm glad to see you. Down with your hat. Make yourself
at home: this looks like home, does n't it? Every body
thinks so that comes here. I do n't suppose you could find a
snugger room of the kind in the whole planetary system:
you see how cosy and quiet it is; here are all my books
around me—pamphlets, sermons, speeches, documents from
Congress, documents from Legislatures, catalogues, tracts,
and lexicons. Is n't it very nice?”

“I certainly think it is,” answered Puffer, contemplating the
questioner with considerable astonishment.

“There's something on your mind,” continued Mr. Fishblatt,
scarcely waiting an answer, “I know it: I see it plainly,
something that harasses and worries you. You don't
sleep, you can't rest, it troubles you so. Come, out with it,
my boy; let's have it, at once. What is it that makes you
look so anxious?”

“To tell the truth, I 'm a member of the Vigilance Committee,
and do n't know what my duties are,” answered
Puffer. “And I have taken the liberty to come and ask you
what I shall do, in my new capacity?”

“If I was a member of a Vigilance Committee,” said Mr.
Fishblatt, regarding Puffer Hopkins with great gravity and
steadiness. “I should consider it my duty to have immense
telescopes constructed—and I would plant them, sir, where
I could look into the very interior of every domicil in the

[figure description] Page 057.[end figure description]

ward, and know what was in every man's pot for dinner six
days in the week. This may not be your view of duty, sir;
but I should feel bound to have great ledgers kept—with
leaves that opened like doors—and there write down every
man's name in large letters: and I 'd have a full length of
him drawn on the margin, and colored to the life. I 'd give
his dress, sir, down to the vest buttons, and if there was a
mote in his eye, I 'd have it there to be cross examined, when
he came up to vote. Now don't say you can't do this—you
have n't the physical strength to keep such a set of books.”

“Would you inquire so very particularly,” asked Puffer,
timidly—for he felt abashed by the grand conceptions of the
imaginative Fishblatt—“into the private habits of voters?”

“I would, sir!” answered Mr. Fishblatt, peremptorily;
“I 'd know whether they slept in trundle-bedsteads or highposts;
whether they preferred cold-slaugh cut lengthwise or
crosswise of the cabbage; whether their shoes were hobnailed
or pegged. Can you tell why I 'd do this?”

Puffer Hopkins frankly and heroically confessed that he
could not very readily, without the aid of Mr. Fishblatt.

“I knew you could n't,” said that distinguished rhetorician.
“Don't you see that the public conduct of the man is
foreshadowed in his personal habits? A man that wears red
flannel shirts is always for war: a man that employs nightcaps
is opposed to riots. The voters that browbeat their
servants at home, sir, always cry out for strengthening the
Executive. Go into that man's house over the way, sir—the
house with the meek, salmon-colored door:—that door is a
hypocrite and deceiver, sir! Climb to the fourth shelf of his
pantry, and you 'll find two red-handled rawhides:—that man
approves of despatching the Florida Indians by drugging their
brandy with ratsbane. That man 's on his knees every Sunday,
in the Orthdox chapel—wears out a pair of knee
cushions every year—and has breeches made without pockets,
to escape the importunities of beggars in the streets and
highways. Put him down in your journal, sir, as a knave, a
villain, a low base fellow—will you?”

“The laws hardly reach such men,” suggested Puffer.

“I 'd make them reach,” said Mr. Fishblatt, confidently,
“I 'd stretch 'em till they did reach. I 'd hang such men
higher than Haman: I 'd invent every kind of rack and
thumb-screw, and worry their lives out by inches: I 'd fill
their houses with bugs and alligators: they should have

[figure description] Page 058.[end figure description]

pirates to wait on them at table: and they should sleep with
bandits swarming about their beds—great black-whiskered
bandits—with pistols charged to the muzzle and always on
the full cock. Would that serve them right?”

“I think it would—strictly speaking,” answered Puffer;
“But as member of a Vigilance Committee, should I undertake
to spy out such abuses?”

“Oh, no: your business is—have I told you what your
business is?—to go along the wharves, and up into alleys,
and down into cellars, and inquire for voters—disseminating
the right doctrine by the way, and making every body of
your opinion, by having no opinion at all. Are you on the
Dock Committee, or one of the Alley Committees?”

“Neither,” answered the young politician; “I think mine
is known as the Rear-Building section.”

“Are you advised whether there are any old women there—
to give iron spectacles to? or small children—to nurse with
gingerbread? or any recent deaths in any of the families—
that you may sympathize in the bereavement, by wearing a
strip of crape on your hat?”

“I have no instructions,” answered Puffer Hopkins.

“Then you had better go prepared for all emergencies—
you had better carry a piece of calico under your arm, to
cut into gowns; half a dozen papers of confectionary in your
pockets; a gross of clay-pipes, for the superanuated voters
or their aged relatives; a bale of corduroys; and, perhaps—
I only suggest this—a basket of sheep's pluck.”

“What is this last for?” asked Puffer, gaping with astonishment
at the personal services required of him, as a member
of the high and mighty Ward Vigilance Committee.

“To wheedle their dogs with,” answered Mr. Fishblatt, “if
they happen to keep any in the front yard.”

Surprised and perplexed by the requisitions of the Vigilance
branch of the service—as expounded by Mr. Halsey
Fishblatt, the extraordinary fervor of whose fancy Puffer
Hopkins had not yet quite learned to appreciate—he directed
his steps towards his lodgings in the Fork, striving his best
to project the means by which he should procure the articles
enumerated, and the kind of conveyance by which they were
to be transported to voters' houses.

As to the latter, his mind wavered between a porter's gocart
and a small boy, with broad shoulders,—and as to the
first, he had not reached a conclusion when he reached home;

[figure description] Page 059.[end figure description]

where he was opportunely relieved from further perplexity
for the present, by having a dirty billet placed in his hands,
inviting him to a meeting of the very Vigilance Committee
itself, at the Head Quarters, at half past seven that evening.

Disposing of a thrifty meal, consisting of two cheap slices
of bread, a saucer of onions in vinegar, (an excellent thing
for the voice), and a bowl of black tea, he whirled his hat
half a dozen times about his left hand, applying to its nap,
meantime, the sleeve of his right arm, buttoned his coat as
smartly as he could, and leaving word that he had gone to a
public meeting, the young politician put forth.

A few minutes' rapid walking—for he was behind his time—
brought him to the room in which the Committee assembled,
and halting for a moment for a general survey, he entered,
and assumed his seat on a bench against the wall with
his fellow-laborers, who were present in great force, looking
as vigilant and shrewd-minded as their station required. A
member was on his legs, expounding, in very animated and
felicitous style, the glory to be reaped by any adventurous
canvasser—who, in the service of his country and impelled
by a desire to transmit a name to his children, should plunge
down a certain cellar—which he described—and secure the
names of several desperate villains who there harbored with
the intent of coming forth as voters at the spring election,
and perjuring themselves in the very face and eye of heaven.

This gentleman was followed by a second, of equal power
and comprehensiveness of vision, who declared, on his personal
honor and well known character for integrity, that they
might look out for a riot; and one of a very serious cast. He
had said serious cast, because the size of the clubs in preparation
was unusual. He had a friend (thank Heaven!) whose
confidence he believed he possessed. He was a turner: he
had been secretly employed to furnish a gross of heavy bludgeons—
in the disguise of balustrades. For this fact they
might take his word. He did n't mention it to alarm any
gentleman present. He did n't wish any gentleman to stay
at home or to put himself at nurse on election day, to avoid
anything unpleasant that might be abroad, in the shape of
clubs or bludgeons. For his part, he had nothing to fear—
he only wished to put gentlemen of the Committee on their
guard, and to drive them to take into serious consideration
the expediency of reviving the use of the ancient helmet.

These words had scarcely escaped him, when a pale young

[figure description] Page 060.[end figure description]

gentleman sprang up from a table at the corner of the room,
and offered a resolution embodying the suggestions of his
friend; which was promptly seconded by a respectable and
worthy tinker, across the room, who had a presentiment that
the helmets in question must be made of sheet-iron quilted
with tin—which would all fall in his line of trade. The resolution
was, notwithstanding this able advocacy, doomed not
to become an heroic determination of the Committee corporate,
being extinguished and quenched forever by a flood of
invective and ridicule issuing from a gentleman who condescended
to perform journey-work in a hatter's establishment,
and who properly enough regarded such an attempt as an invasion
of the rights of the guild.

The early part of the evening proved, therefore, very tempestuous
and windy; but as soon as the various gusts of debate
and declamation had blown over, a very plain-looking
gentleman, at about ten o'clock, rose; and beginning in a
very soft voice, which seemed to grow softer as he advanced,
proved himself to be a very sensible fellow, by calling the
attention of the meeting to some little particulars which had
been overlooked. These particulars consisted of the division
and organization of the Committee into sections, enrolling
their names in a book, each section having its own head or
chairman, and the allotment of their duties to the various
members of the Committee.

There was the Dock Committee—they wanted a gentleman
on that, who would n't feel the inconvenience of a tarpaulin
hat, a wide-skirted shaggy box-coat with two sepulchral pockets,
for his fists to be carried in, at the sides, and who could n't
well live without a cigar. Then, they wanted a short man
for cellars and areas: a thin man to go up the allies: a sprucelooking
member to visit at the quality houses: a supple man,
of an enterprising turn, for rear-building and garret service:
and a jolly-looking portly dog to talk with the landlords and
tavern-keepers.

The plain man described, in a few words and with becoming
modesty, what he thought the duty of the members of
the Vigilance Committee then and there assembled: they
should be keen-eyed in discovering voters, artful and insinuating
in approaching them, copious of tongue, subtle in argument,
and prepared to clinch anything they might choose
to assert.

He thought vilifying the opposition was n't bad, if it was

p264-068 [figure description] Page 061.[end figure description]

done in a christian-like way—and by describing them as
“some persons,” or, “there were people who he (the member)
knew could n't bear the poor; who would take the last
potatoe out of a poor man's pot,” and similar fetches of expression.

When this gentleman had occupied the floor for about an
hour, Puffer Hopkins very discreetly held himself to be as
well advised as to the services required as he was ever likely
to be; and determining in his own mind not to be easily outdone,
and to set about his portion of the task on the morrow,
he departed.