From the point where the peninsula of brick puts forth
upon Chatham Square, running or walking along its base
on the Bowery a mile or better out of town, and shooting
along its oblique side on Division-street, gliding gradually
off towards the East river, at Scammel-street or thereabouts—
lies the mighty province of East-Bowery. And
over all the region of East-Bowery is spread—holding it
in close subjection—the powerful clan of Round-Rimmers;
a fraternity of gentlemen, who in round, crape-bound hats,
metal-mounted blue coats, tallow-smoothed locks, and
with the terrible device of a pyramid, wrought of brassy
buttons, standing square upon their waistcoats, carry terror
and dismay wherever they move. It is'nt the crape-bound
hats—giving out to the public, as they do, that the gentlemen
who wear them are dead to the great world of watchmen
and indefatigables, preachers and practitioners of
peace and amity; nor is it their strait-skirted blue coats,
nor their brazen pyramids, that make them a terror to all
ages and both sexes;—nor is it their independent carriage
in public, and the extreme freedom with which they sway
their arms. The true secret of their power lies rather in
the circumstance that they always rove in bands; that,
like the wolf, when one only is seen on the prowl, the
herd may be guessed to be close at hand, ready to rush
in and bear their brother through whatever peril he may
encounter, from the clandestine kissing of a woman to the
tripping up and desecration of the corporate person of a
mayor. Now it is well known that these classical gentry
have haunts of their own, where no small-heeled boot or
moustached face is permitted to intrude; that they drink
at their own resorts; grow temperate and moral in

[figure description] Page 215.[end figure description]

churches or chapels of their own; and that they breakdown
or pigeon-wing, where a white-kid glove would, at a
single waive, raise an insurrection.

And yet the Round-Rimmers condescend to join the
common world in certain of their observances; they have
committees, among themselves, where small men swell
into great, by dint of volubility and intrigue; they make
presentations after their fashion to distinguished men;
and give complimentary balls, where they get a fever to
a boiling pitch. It was, in fact, with these very objects
in view that the mighty brotherhood of Round-Rimmers
resolved on irradiating the head of Mr. Ambrose De Grand
Val with the splendors of a grand complimentary ball, for
the accuracy with which he had chalked their floors and
mixed their punches, and the skill with which he had
guided them and their fair partners through the mazes of
a winter's dances. Of course there was the calling of a
meeting; the passage of resolutions, very tender and
affecting as they touched upon the relations which had
existed between the parties, and very flattering when they
came to mention Mr. De Grand Val; and the appointment
of a committee to preside over the arrangements. The
arrangements were made. The night had arrived.

The committee, on which were several resolute men,
had determined on a bold stroke. They meant to have this
known, through all coming time, as the ball, the grand
complimentary ball, before which the lamps of all future
balls should wax dim, and all future committees of arrangment
stand abashed. It should be a double-headed
ball—a ball with two great overwhelming attractions.
One of them would be Mr. De Grand Val, the distinguished
beneficiary, whose head was already engraved
on the ticket, with an entire wheat-sheaf in one corner, in
lieu of the more regular accompaniment of a chaplet for
his brow, and a pair of long-legged doves, billing each
other, and going through a duet in the other. So far—
good. In looking about for another, they determined, in
the abstract, that it should be a politician, an eloquent,
distinguished and popular politician, of prepossessing manners
and agreeable address. Puffer Hopkms—who had
won such honor in the late contest—who was hand and
glove with several of the leading members of the committee

[figure description] Page 216.[end figure description]

mittee, was the very man; and Puffer was invited, to be
present, which he graciously acceded to, and requested
to be in readiness, by a certain hour, to be put in a hack
by a brance of the general committee who would wait
upon him to the ball.

Puffer, who was not sorry to avail himself of so capital
an apportunity to extend his fame among the members of
a powerful body, was appareled and ready to a minute;
having approached as nearly as was prudent to the
costume of his constituents—he dared not adopt the pyra- mid, nor the flat locks exactly, but he laid aside his straps,
and garnished his hat with a broad belt of black ribband.
With the aid of the committee—who called for him—he
entered the carriage, two aiding from within by seizing
his arms, and two from without by placing a hand against
his person, and thrusting it gently forward with a respectful
pressure. The supernumerary committee-man—four
inside—mounted the box with the driver; the coach
whirled away; and, at a rattling pace, they were soon at the
mouth of the Bowery or Vauxhall Gardens—the royal pleasure-
ground of the Round Rimmers—the extreme limit of
their territory on the west—where the Grand Complimentary
Ball was to be given. Two large variegated lamps
blazed in the front of the gate, to the admiration of one or two
hundred observant boys; the blast of the trumped—evidently
blown by a short-winded gentleman, from teh intermittent
nature of his peals—burst forth; and Puffer entering, was
overwhelmed with the gorgeousness and splendor of the
spectacle that broke upon him. In the first place, the
Garden, to which he was a stranger, was filled with
trees—which was a novelty in a New-York public garden—
some short and bushy, others tall and trim, but actual
trees; then there were a thousand eyes or better lurking
and glaring out in every direction, in the shape of blue
and yellow and red and white lamps, fixed among the
trees and against the stalls; then there was a fountain;
and then, through two rows of poplars, commanding a
noble perspective of two white chimney-tops in the rear,
there stretched a floor—the ball-room floor itself. He had
no further opportunity for observation, for the committee,
hurrying him away lest he should be seen before the
proper time for his presentation to the company had ar-

[figure description] Page 217.[end figure description]

rived—bore him to a small room aside, where he found a
separate pitcher of lemonade and an honorary paper of
sandwiches devoted to himself, partaking of which, and
being allowed time to smooth his locks and dust his
pumps, he was carried forth into the air again. This time
he was borne by the committee—who stud: close to his
person—into a private path, so dart; and shady that a
deed of blood might have been quietly clone upon him ;
winding in and out among the shrubs whenever any
of the company—the more tender-hearted of whom affected
the place in couples—until they reached the extremity
of the garden opposite that at which they had entered
The chairman of the committee gave a low
whistle—there was a burst of music from the orchestra,
who swarmed in a box mid-way among the trees, like so
many robin redbreasts, and Puffer found himself upon a platform
his hat in his hand, his hand upon bis waistcoat
where his heart lay, bowing to a large assemblage of both
sexes, who stood gathered upon the floor waving handkerchiefs
and shouting, shrieking and hallooing a whole
menagerie of welcomes. An acute ear might have detected
in the pauses of this tumult, a sound arising in a remote
quarter of the garden, resembling, not a little, the blows
a stout-handed cooper deals upon his kegs when he is
anxious to fix or unfix their hoops; thither two ambitious
members of the committee, who had been unable to agree
which should have the honor of attending Mr. Hopkins
upon the platform, had, by the advice of mutual friends,
withdrawn, and in a stall, by the light of three or four blue
and yellow lamps, were proceeding to settle the point according
to the established custom and usages of Round-Rimmers.

From his elevated position Puffer commanded a view
of the entire spectacle as it moved forward. Upon the
floor, arranged in sets of eight each—which had been momentarily
disturbed by his reception, and which were now
re-formed—were a great number of young gentlemen in
fancy pantaloons of corduroy, white jean and Nankin close
at the knee and flaunting at the ankle, collars rolled tight
under the chin over parti-colored neckerchiefs of emphatic
blue or red, the smoothed locks cropped close behind, and
the customary brass-mounted coats, ornamented with cauliflowers

[figure description] Page 218.[end figure description]

flowers or large monthly roses at the button-holes, and at
their sides an equal number of young ladies, some of
whom were red-nosed and flat-breasted, and others of a
rounded form and great beauty of feature—in dazzling
calicoes, dangling earrings that shone through the night
like fire-flies, kerchiefs of an equally emphatic hue spread
upon their breast, and ringlets disposed upon their brow
with a glossy smoothness that emulated their partners.
The gentlemen stood with their arms a-kimbo on their
hips; the ladies doing homage to their lieges with faces
turned smilingly upon them. The band struck up—
the couples dashed off, throwing out limbs, with an unexampled
vigor in every direction—the gentlemen thumping
the floor with their heels at every descent—the ladies mounting
into the air and whizzing about, till the dangling rings
buzzed through the trees like fire-flies on the wing. Sometimes
a gentleman in the furor of his zeal came spanking
upon the floor; sometimes a lady, losing balance in the
heat of her motion, dashed headlong into the ruffles of one
of the stationary young gentlemen off duty, who were
gathered in groups about the edges of the dance. Suddenly
there was an abrupt pause in the orchestra, every instrument
down to the triangle stood still, and the
company, looking up, in wonder of the cause, saw that
the orchestra to a man was standing, and that every eye
was fixed with painful earnestness upon the other end of
the floor. The beneficiary—the illustrious De Grand
Val had come in sight. He was in the hands of the committee;
and the committee were coming along as fast as
the crowd that hung upon their progress would allow them.
Every now and then, a face, smiling and black-whiskered,
was just visible for a moment and disappeared again in
the throng: then a hand might be discovered touching the
smiling face and flying off from it, as in a sort of playful
or affectionate spasm. This by no means helped to
abate the enthusiasm; the orchestra was excited beyond
bounds. The trombone had climbed a tree and was
shaking down lamps and green caterpillars ever so fast,
in a disordered state of mind, brought on by over-excitement.
With many pauses—by slow stages—they had
reached the head of the floor, where certain gentlemen,
with blue ribbands at their button holes, who had

[figure description] Page 219.[end figure description]

[figure description] Page 220.[end figure description]

restrainness and dissipating the midnight winter-strained. The
smalls are three feet in length, have two feet six inches
breadth of beam and front, and carry one person. Other
causes than the mere desire of seeing you clothed, have led
to the construction of the great work now before us; they
have been built not only to warm your limbs, but also to
gratify the eyes of your affectionate scholars and friends.
The importance of having the seams made secure and the
buttons well-fastened, was awfully demonstrated in the
case of Mr. Wail, whose pantaloons, being inadequately
constructed, burst open, as you may recollect, the season
before last, in the presence of one hundred and eighty
scholars, in no less than five distinct rents. The late Mr.
Larkin was also a sufferer in the same way; but not to
quite the same extent. In presenting you these smalls I
wish to call your attention to some of their peculiar and
characteristic features. Examine them—they are not
breeches—they are not trowsers—they are not slops.
They have neither open-bottoms nor straps; but what is
most singular, they have neither a hind pocket nor side
pocket—not even a place to put a watch in. I desire now,
to express an individual wish. As boy and man I have
witnessed the devotion and personal sacrifices with which
you have flown about your ball-rooms, rending your linen
for the pleasure and gratification of your fellow-citizens.
But I have witnessed too, with sorrow, what individual
mortification and discomfort you, with others, have brought
upon yourself by sitting thoughtlessly down on dusty
chairs and unclean benches. The wish which I ardently
offer is, that while you employ these smalls in dancing to
the delight of our whole community, they may be associated
in your mind only with what is pure and agreeable, disdaining
any familiarities with Windsor soap and washingtubs.
In conclusion, I take the liberty on behalf of our
company generally, in saying that we feel ourselves
honored by the presence of Puffer Hopkins, Esq., our
distinguished friend and fellow-citizen. We do not show
him sky-rockets and Bengola lights, but we show him that
James Jones has been busy in the arts of peace, with a
view to promote the comfort of our beloved preceptor,
Mr. De Grand Val. Accept these smalls.”

The gentleman in the blue ribband advanced a step or

[figure description] Page 221.[end figure description]

two again — Mr. De Grand Val likewise advanced a step
or two. Mr. De Grand Val was in possession of the
parcel. He cast his eye down upon the wrapper — then
he turned enchantingly and looked about with a comprehensive
smile — which opened his whiskers and disclosed
his teeth and embraced all parties present, on the platform
and off, both sexes, and even an interloper who stood
gazing from the remotest end of the floor. There was a
dead silence again. Mr. De Grand Val was about to
reply.

"Ladies and Gentlemen:" said Mr. De Grand Val,
deeply moved, "I accept this token in the spirit in which
it is given. I regard it — and shall always regard it — as
an evidence of your devoted attachment, tried principles
and prompt payments, as long as I live. Whenever I
look at them, whenever I wear them, I shall call to mind
the spirit with which you have availed yourself of my
instructions — the promptitude with which you have cashed
my quarterly bills. They and I shall be inseparable, provided,
as I have an abiding conviction, they fit. They
will serve — how happily! — to recall to me the purity of the
young ladies whom I have instructed, the manliness of the
young gentlemen." Here there began to be a movement
of applause. "By saying this, however, ladies and gentlemen
I do not mean that I shall always wear these satin
smalls. No,no. God forbid that I should ever be seen
performing the ordinary duties of life in these precious
garments, your affectionate gift. Distant be the time
when it shall be said that Ambrose De Grand Val was
known to have had on his smalls, riding a trotting match
on the avenue, or mixing slings at Fogfire Hall, or climbing
a sloop's mast on the East river. I shall reserve them,
ladies and gentlemen — and I think you have anticipated
me in this statement — for more select and dignified
I think I may venture to wear them at a wedding ?"
("You may," from a large portion of the audience
"But not on a fishing excursion ?" ("No, no,
shrimps and salt-water is fatal!") "On the shady side
of the Bowery?" ("To be sure.") But not to church —
that would'nt do." And Mr. De Grand Val laughed
aloud, as much as to say, "That's a good one!" — "But,
ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I shall be compelled to

[figure description] Page 222.[end figure description]

make an exception—a single exception—as to the rule I
have laid down for myself in the use of these smalls. I
have a friend, ladies and gentlemen, a dear friend, a former
pupil of mine—known to some of you—who in a moment
of unrestrained hilarity, playfully thrust a caseknife,
which he happened to have about him, a couple of
inches or so into the body of a thick-headed watchman;
this trifling circumstance has called the attention of the
state towards him; the state wants him up the river, and
when he's called for he asks, as a favor, that I will go up
with him. I know how gratifying it will be to our friend
to see me in these smalls, and now, ladies and gentlemen,
as a parting favor, I ask to be permitted to use them on
that occasion!” At this there was an universal response,
“In course”—“By all means”—and so forth, to which
Mr. De Grand Val bowed in his best manner, and ended
by laying his hand upon his breast, and uttering in a heartbroken
voice, “Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you!”
There was scarcely a dry eye in the garden. At the moment
when Mr. De Grand Val was discovered with the
wrapper under his arm, descending the platform with the
committee, twelve cotillions—spread along the floor—
burst into a dance expressive of tumultuous joy. Puffer
kept his station on the platform, surveying the dance, his
thumbs thrust politician-wise in the arm-holes of his vest—
and his eye ranging along from set to set—when suddenly
it came upon an object which fixed it as firmly in his head
as if it had been an eye of stone. A dark-eyed young
lady, only three sets from the stage, of great personal attractions,
stood facing a great sturdy-shouldered fellow,
who seemed to be her partner in the dance, (although Puffer
would not believe it,) and where the light of more than
a dozen lamps fell upon her face. He could not be mistaken.
It was—it must be the dark-eyed young lady he
had met at Mr. Fishblatt's entertainment. He stepped
from the platform and lounged down the floor in company
with a member of the committee. He thought he would
like to confirm his impressions by her voice; in that he
could not err, for he recollected, now that his head swayed
that way, there were tones in it that could not be counterfeit
or delusive.

[figure description] Page 223[end figure description]

'Fine weather for young ducks," said the dark-eyed
young lady.'

"Not bad neither for heifers and bullocks," said the
sturdy-shouldered young gentleman. "Speaking of bullocks,
if Bill Winship don't keep inside his chalk I'll cut
his plumb for him." And he glanced at a young gentleman
of a brawny build, who was working his way with
might and main, through a complicated figure.

"Bill!—Bill Winship, come over here!" cried the
dark-eyed young lady across the floor, as soon as Mr.
Winship had achieved his position again. "Joe Marsh's
distributing knuckle soup, to-night, and he wants you to
take a sup."

"Never mind quite yet," cried the sturdy-shouldered
young gentleman, Mr. Marsh himself; "only don't you
throw your legs quite so much ox-fashion or knockin'-down
time'll come afore to-morrow daylight! That's all!"

The dark-eyed young lady and the sturdy-shouldered
young gentleman laid their heads together and conferred
in a dialect which was in a great measure unintelligible to
Puffer Hopkins, but having reference, as he saw by their
glances, to the young gentleman across the floor who kept
dancing beyond his chalk in spite of the friendly warning
of Mr. Marsh. As soon as he could address the young
lady, without rashly invading the privacy of her interview
with Mr. Joe Marsh, Puffer came forward and, begging her
hand for the next dance,' took the place of the sturdy-shouldered
Marsh, who withdrew, tugging very fiercely at
the ties of his neckcloth, evidently meditating summary
death, either to himself or his brawny opposite. The dark-eyed
young lady immediately entered upon conversation
with Puffer—referred to the entertainment at Mr.
not forgetting Alderman Crump nor Mr. Blinker;
touched pleasantly upon their wanderings on the way to
her residence; came down to the present Ball, glanced at
its striking points, and all in very chaste, appropriate and
elegant language, which startled Puffer not a little when
contrasted with her discourse with Mr. Joseph Marsh. Who
was the young lady? What was she? There was evidently
a mystery about her. She had two tongues like
the double-headed heifer at the show; and now that he looked
more closely, she was dressed in a style quite as singular

[figure description] Page 224.[end figure description]

and composite. A part of her dress—her gown and shawl,
folded over the breast, were in the very height of the
Round-Rimmers' fashion; but, then, about her neck there
was a delicate necklace of pearl and her hair hung from
her brow, in fair, glossy curls that leaped like the young
tendrils of the vine in the spring breeze, at every motion of
the dance.

The Ball went on with unabated spirit. Puffer Hopkins
and his partner bounded forward; chasséd; dosa-dos'd,
and balancéd with a vigor and accuracy that were
the delight of the whole set.

“I balancé for you,” said the dark-eyed young lady, as
soon as it was their turn to rest. “I chasséz and forward
across for my father.”

What could this mean? The mystery was deepening
and the dark-eyed young lady brightened into clearer and
fairer beauty every minute. He ventured to ask if her
father was in the gardens. Oh, no: he was at home studying
the gazetteer. There was no opportunity for further
questions, for at that moment a figure encased in white
came bounding up the floor—the dancers opening and
forming a line on either side and clapping their hands
with great earnestness, as he came along. There seemed
to be no point or pitch at which you could say, the excitement
is at its height. De Grand Val had come upon
the floor (having privily withdrawn for that very purpose)
in his presentation satin smalls! How well they fitted
him! What a figure! What motions!

De Grand Val begged them, if they loved him, to reform
at once—he couldn't bear to see them idle—and
taking his place at the head of the first set at the very top
of the floor, he struck into the dance. Were there ever
such leaps, such pirouettes, such graceful turnings of a
partner, such pigeon-wings! Every eye was upon him—
and when, in the enthusiasm of art he sprung into the
air, tossing his skirts almost over his ears, there was visible
on the waistband of his smalls, an inscription worked
in with black silk, “Presented to Ambrose De Grand Val
by his affectionate and admiring pupils”—there was another
thrill, deeper, stronger, more like electricity than any
yet! The excitement was now at its height. The orchestra
was in a state of extraordinary fervor; the bass

[figure description] Page 225—need SGML.[end figure description]

drum roared and rumbled out of all bounds; the violin
snapped a string in its excessive agitation and hurry; the
trombone and triangle were beside themselves, and
wonldn't keep in tune. The young ladies threw off their
kerchiefs upon their arms—the gentlemen their coats upon
the bushes and benches behind them, displaying red under—
shirts and a great variety of hoists, embellished sometimes
with a great black heart of leather in the middle, or with
mystical creeping vines, breaking out all over in sheepskin
blossoms. At intervals the company rushed down from
the floor into the stalls at the sides of the garden, and
falling upon various refreshments there set out, acquired
so much vigor as to return to the stage in astonishing force
of wind and limb. At the end of every third dance or
so, the gentlemen resigning all care of their partners,
marched in a body to the bar at the other end of the,
fronting the floor, where the bar-tenders, standing in
a row in their sleeves, wrought constant miracles in the
mixing of slings, punches, and cobblers. And so they
kept it up by the hour, beyond midnight, when some
slight abatement in the spirit of the entertainment began
to show itself. Every now and then a set fell off, one by
one, until there were only a few stragglers about the floor
kept together by almost superhuman exertions on the part
of the gentlemen in the blue ribbands. At last there was
no one left but the gentlemen in blue ribbands themselves,
who wandered hither and thither, gathering up shawls,
combs, and other stray articles abandoned by their owners.

The lights were out or smoking in their last remains—
the waiters asleep upon the benches—and the great De
Grand Val roamed about the paths and bowers of the
garden, in his satin smalls, unattended and unobserved.

Puffer—to whom she had been courteously resigned by
Mr. Joseph Marsh, who had attended her thither, and who
went off in search of Mr. Bill Winship, the obnoxious dancer—
took the dark-eyed young lady's arm in his, and had
long ago set forth. He knew the way now, and it was a
very different one—so it seemed to him, although it remained
untouched—than when he traveled it before. The
crossings were as broad—the roads as crooked—the squares
as long; but how miserably short and narrow, how provokingly
straight they seemed! It would have been a

p264-237 [figure description] Page 226.[end figure description]

pleasure to him to have got into Doyer-street and wandered
about all night long. The door was reached before he
had thought of it; an old woman came with a nimbleness,
the very recollection of which took his breath away; and
then—when the dark-eyed young lady entered in—how
cruelly quick she was in closing it, with her ugly old face
in her very hood, and hurrying her away.