CHAPTER I. Hiatus valde deflendus, multa desiderantur.
HERE is a great gap. Not a word said of
the Captain, from the packing up of Teague, and
sending him off to France, until after the termination
of the French revolution, and the armistice or convention
of Amiens. Though the fact is, that he had
been, all this time, travelling, and Teague had rejoined
him, in the capacity of a pediseque, or foot-boy,
as before. As to Duncan, the Scotch waiter, he had,
long since, left the service, and taken a job of weaving
in the neighbourhood, and was doing well. The
Captain had endeavoured to persuade him to take to
preaching, as many do in this country who are less
qualified, but he refused, alleging, that though it
was good work that pleased the customer, yet he had
some scruples of conscience in undertaking the
charge, not having been regularly called by ordination
to the office.
Teague had been landed at Nantz, and being a real
sans culotte, was liberated, and caressed by the multitude.
With considerable eclat, he made his way to
Paris. We hear of him at a very early period as
made use of, by Anacharsis Cloots, the orator of the
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human race; this was in a procession, in which representatives
of all nations, were introduced in their
respectie garbs, addressing the convention. Teague
was in the character of an Esquimaux Indian, and
passed his aboriginal Irish, for the native dialect of
that people. An Irish officer that was present discovered
the imposition, but the guillotine forbad him
to speak, and he was silent.
This ultramarine person, (Teague) was a good deal
distinguished during the reign of Robespierre, and
was employed on many occasions, and discharged a
variety of functions, so that though his morals were
not much amended, nor his address much improved,
yet he had contracted French phrases, and could interlard
his dialect with a que voulez vous; and je demand
pardon. At length he found himself in the
conciergerie, a destination from which no talents,
virtues, or even vices could exempt. And it was only
on the fall of that monster of whom we have just
made mention, that he was vomited with others from
the caverns in which he had been secluded. How he
ever got to America again, it is difficult to say. We
shall leave that to those who may take from his own
mouth the memoirs of his travels. It is sufficient for
our purpose, that he did get back, and that he is once
more in the train of the Captain. The fact is, that
he had joined him in a most unexpected manner, in
a short time after Duncan the Scotch servant had
begged to be dismissed, to apply himself to a profession
more congenial with his education.
We shall go no farther back upon the steps of the
Captain, with the bog-trotter at his heels, than where
we find them within a mile, or less of the village, where
his home was, and where he had resided some years,
before he had set out on his peregrinations. Passing
through a wood just as he approached the town, he
saw at some distance before him the semblance of
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men suspended on the limbs of trees, or at least the
exuviœ of men, coats, waist-coats, breeches, and hats.
What can this be, said the Captain? Is it probable,
that hearing of your return, Teague, the wags of the
village have been making what are called paddies, and
have set them up on these trees, knowing that this
way we should come.
By St. Patrick, said Teague, I will paddy dem wid
dis shalelah. I will tache dem to make paddies, and
hang dem up for sign posts in de wood here. Dis is
not St. Patrick's day in de morning neider: bad luck
to dem, it may be some poor fellow dat dey have
hang'd up in reality, for shape staling as dey do in
Ireland.
I see nothing, said the Captain, but the emptyings
of ward-robes, jibbeted through the grove; stretched
on trees, or suspended from them, a phenomenon,
which I am unable to comprehend, or explain; for I
see no corn growing underneath, from which, a priapus,
or scare-crow might affright the birds; nor can
they be the vestments of people at work, near hand,
or stripped to bathe, as I see no water pond, or river,
but a dry grove.
The fact is, these habiliments were of the people
of the town, who had hung them up to the dew, in
order to take off the musk of a pole-cat which had
affected them from the perfusions of one of these animals.
For, not long before this, a typographist, had
set up a paper in the village, and in the capacity of
editor had chosen to assume the symbol, or hieroglyphic
of the Porcupine. A happy nature had fitted
him for a satyrist, and felicity of education was not
wanting to quality him for the office. He had not
the pleasantry of Horace, nor the pungency of Juvenal,
but an original stricture of his own that supplied
the place of them. The truth is, he had been bred
in the barracks, and had at his finger ends, the
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familiar phrases of the common soldiery, with that peculiar
species of wit, which is common with that occupation
of men, and in that grade. Doubtless we see
something like it among the plebeians of all classes
and denominations; The women that sell fish at a
certain stand in London, have a species of it, known
by the name of Billingsgate, either because there is a
gate of that name near the place, or formerly was
one. The miners and coal heavers have a good deal
of it. The scavengers and chimney sweepers are
adepts, though without the least scholastic education,
or knowledge of letters. I have known even in our
own country, where we are remote from the seats of
the muses, a good deal of it possessed, by way travellers,
or boat men on our rivers; a kind of unshackled
dialect; fettered by no rule of delicacy, or feeling
of humanity. I have been turning in my mind what
word in our English language, best expresses it,
and I have found it to be that which has been given it
by Thomas Paine, black-guardism. The editor of
the Porcupine had scored the village not a little. I
do not say rubbed. For that is a translation of the
phrase of Horace: urbem defricuit; and conveys the
idea of tickling, or causing a sensation pleasant, yet
hurting a little. That was not the case here. For
what man without indignation can bear the touch
of the slanderer, more especially if that slander is of a
private, and domestic nature and alludes to what cannot
be explained or defended. Not that it is true, but
a man in the just pride of standing in society, would
scorn to appeal to the public or bring it before a court!
There was in the village a man of understanding,
and sensibility who had been the subject of caricature
and not chusing for reasons that weighed with himself,
to take it in good part, thought of retaliation.
But what could he do? The same language was unbecoming
a gentleman. The like strictures of
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folbles or of faults on the part of an adversary, could
only become the character of a subordinate. Nor
was it so much his object to repress the licentiousness
of this buffoon, as to correct the taste and judgment
of the public who did not all at once distinguish
the impropriety of countenancing such ribaldry.
This they continued to do by receiving his papers.
With a view to this having taken a pole-cat on the
mountains, he had put it in a cage and hiring an office
contiguous to that of the Porcupine, he kept it there,
suffering the boys of the village to provoke it, and
the dogs to bark at it through the bars. It was in
vain to complain; the owner called himself Paul Polecat,
and when Porcupine expostulated and justified his
gall on the freedom of the press, Paul fortified himself
on the liberty of the Express.
But it was not Porcupine alone, nor his unoffending
wife and family that had reason to complain of
this nuisance. The children running home to their
parents, and the dogs with them brought the perfume
to the houses of the village. The wearing apparel
of almost every one was affected with the musk;
the women buried their dresses; the men in some
instances did the like and in others, hung them up to the
action of the air, and the dews of the adjoining wood.
The vestiges of these were the phenomena, which
the Captain saw, in his approach to the town.
He had now got within sight of the main square,
when a tumultuous assembly struck his eye; some
with fists raised; others with sticks, and all in a
menacing attitude. He could also hear tongues of
people altercating with one another and using opprobrious
epithets.
The fact was, that the village had become divided.
Those who had been the subjects of the obloquy of
Porcupine, justified the emission of the cats, and
were of opinion that the one had as good a right to be
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borne as the other. Council had been taken and
learned opinions given. But this making the matter
no better, the dissention had increased, and the people
had come together in a rage.
Teague at a distance seeing this, stopp'd short: said
he, what means all this paple in de street? It is as
bad as dat of St. Anthony in Paris, or de place de
greve where dey have de gillotine. The devil burn
me if I go farther, till your honour goes on and sees
what is de matter.
The Captain advancing to the populace was recognized
by them, and his appearance contributed not a
little to a longer suspension of hostilities.
Countrymen and fellow-citizens, said he, is this
the satisfaction that I have, in returning amongst you
after an absence of several years, to see man armed
against man, and war waged not only in the very
bosom of the republic, but in the village which I
have instructed by many precepts? What can be the
madness that possesses you? are not the evils of life
sufficient? but you must increase them by the positive
acts of your own violence. You cannot wholly
preserve yourselves at all times free from the maladies
of the body, or the distresses of the mind. But
it is in your power greatly to assuage these, by the
virtues of temperance and moderation. What fury
can prompt you, to this degree of apparent resentment,
and approaching tumult. Is it local or general
politics? Is it any disagreement with regard to
your corporate interests, or is religion the cause? Has
any flagrant instance of moral turpitude, or exceeding
knavery in an individual, roused you to this excess
of violence, and exclamation?
Captain, said a middle aged man stepping forward,
companion of his years, and who had long lived with
him in the village; it is not only pleasing to see you
return in apparent good health, but more especially,
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at this particular moment when your interference cannot
but be of the greatest use, to the citizens; not
only on account of that confidence which they have
in your judgment and discretion, of which they have
a lively recollection but as they must naturally
think that your travelling must have given you knowledge,
and brought you home full fraught with learning
and information. Your humanity is also, well
remembered by them, that man, woman or child was
never injured by you, in life, estate, or reputation;
that on the contrary, it was always your study to do
good, and compose differences. Now a misfortune
has happened to the village; If I can call it a misfortune,
which was at first thought a good; a printer
came to this place and set up a paper, or gazette, by
taking subscriptions from those that were willing to
give them. His device was the Porcupine; scarcely
a month had gone over his head before he began to
lampoon; searching into the secrets of families, and
publishing matters of individuals, with which, whether
true or false, the public had nothing to do; and
this in so low and disorderly a manner, that the more
intelligent have disapproved of it; but the bulk read,
and it seems to increase rather than curtail his subscribers.
A young man on the other hand that has
had an academic education, meaning to burlesque
his manner of writing, having gone to the mountain
with a dog, or a trap, and having taken a pole-cat,
he puts the beast in a cage; hires that frame building
that you see, one story high, and but a room on
a floor, and calls it his office. Here he places the
pole-cat with a man to attend it. What a running of
boys; what a barking of dogs we have had! and
when the children run home, and the dogs after them;
what a putting of the hand upon the nose, by the servant
girls and the mistresses, at the smell that accompanies.
The young man justifies himself under
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the pretence that it is but retaliation of the odour that
proceeds from the press of Porcupine; for, as this
affects the organ of smelling, that disgusts the judgment
of the mind. The people are divided, as will
always be the case, if for no other cause, yet for the
sake of division; because the pride of one man forbids
him to think just as another does. The adversaries
of the oppossum, or what else it is, insist that it shall
be put down as a nuisance, and have met with clubs,
staves and knives, to carry the threat into execution.
The advocates of the animal on the other hand have
convened to oppose them.
But said the Captain, did I not leave you a regular
corporation? Have you not power to make bye laws?
and is not this done upon notice given by the chief or
assistant burgesses? why such hurry scurry as this?
moreover it is a weighty question that agitates the
public mind; a question of right: and where the
rights of the citizen come in question, I hold it a most
delicate thing to decide; in a free government, more
especially, where the essence of liberty is the preservation
of right; and there is the right of conscience,
the right of property, and the right of reputation.
This is a right of property; for if this animal which
is feræ naturæ, has been reclaimed by the owner, he
has a right to put it to such use as suits his trade, or
accords with his whim, provided that it does not affect
the rights of others. The limit, boundary, or
demarcation of this use, is a question of wise discussion
and examination; and not in a tumultuous assembly,
heated with wine, but with the ardency
of their own spirits. I advise therefore, and so far
as my weak judgment deserves to be regarded would
recommend, that each man lay down his shalelah,
baton, or walking-stick, and retire for the evening;
and convene to-morrow in a regular town meeting,
where the adversaries and advocates on both sides
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may have an opportunity of being heard. To-morrow
when you meet with the chief burgess in the
chair, to keep order, and preserve decorum, assign
the proper times of speaking, and call to order on a
deviation from the subject, as is usual in deliberative
assemblies, the business can be taken up, and conducted
as is proper in town meetings. I am now just
from my journey; somewhat fatigued; but more
moved by the consideration that I am on horse-back,
and it is not becoming that I take a part in your debates
as if my horse were to speak also; for though
it is true that some of you may speak with perhaps as
little sense as he could, were he to open his mouth and
attempt utterance; yet the decency of the thing forbids,
and even the exercise of the right might be questioned;
for the faculty might exist, yet he could not
be considered as legitimately franchised to this privilege,
at least not having a right to vote in town meetings.
For though in the congress of the United States,
the representatives of the territories, not yet organized
into independent states, and made regular members
of the Union, have a right to speak, but not to
vote, this is not to be drawn into precedent in subordinate
corporations; for that is a special provision
of the constitution. And it is even indecorous for
myself to sit here and speak, mounted, as occupying
a more elevated station; and should I descend from
my cavalry, my servant whom you see yonder, is
kept at bay, by an apprehension of your swords, and
refuses to come up so that I am without an attendant
to hold the beast; all things considered therefore, I
move, a chairman not yet being appointed, who might
put the question, that you adjourn, or dissolve until
to-morrow about this time, when the matter may be
taken up as we now have it, and the affair canvassed
as becomes members of the same community, and inhabitants
of the same village.
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It cannot be difficult to conceive that these words had
a favourable effect upon the audience; as oils compose
a storm. For as the waves of the ocean rise and
fall suddenly, so the passions of men; and in no instance
more than where they are just coming to blows;
for, approaching anger disposes to peace, every one
having felt half a blow already on his head; and the
difficulty only is to get an excuse, for returning, or
sheathing the weapon. They are much obliged to the
man that councils concord; and advises the putting
down the brickbat, or putting on the coat. Even in
duelling it holds the same, and the principal is a friend
to the second ever after, that manages the matter so
wisely that no blood is shed.
It was moved and seconded that in the mean time
the keeper, or as he called himself the editor of the
pole-cat, should keep his charge within the claustrum,
or bars of his cage, and covered with a matting, so
that access might not be had to him, by man or beast,
or egress on his part, of that offensive odour, which
had been the cause of the disturbance. This, the partizans
of the skunk, were willing to admit and sanction
with their acquiescence, on condition, nevertheless,
that the Porcupine in the mean time, should also restrain
his quills; in other words, suspend the effusions
of his press, and cease to distribute papers for a
day or two during the pendency of the debate. This
was thought reasonable, and carried by the multitude
holding up their hands.
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CHAPTER II. CONTAINING PROCEEDINGS OF THE TOWN MEETING.
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THE day following, a meeting being held, and
the chief burgess in the chair, an advocate of Porcupine
took the ground and spoke.
Gentlemen, said he, the press is the palladium of
liberty. “The image that fell down from Jupiter.”
The freedom of the press is essential to liberty. Shackle
the press, and you restrain freedom. The constitutions
of the states have provided that the press
shall be free. If you muzzle this, you muzzle the
mouth of man.
It is not the freedom of the press, said one interrupting
him, it is the abuse of it that is in question.
The chief burgess called to order, and the speaker
went on.
That is the point said he, to which I meant to come.
What shall be said to be the abuse of the press?
In order to determine this, we must consider its use.
This is,
1. The amusement of the editor. For as some men
amuse themselves, shooting, fishing, or chasing wild
beasts, so men of literary taste, find their recreation
in penning paragraphs for a paper, sometimes containing
information, or observations on the state of
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empires and the characters of men; at other times
by descending, or not rising at all, but confining
themselves to the subordinate affairs of indiduals, and
private persons.
2. The profit of the editor: and this depends on
the number of subscribers. It is not every one that
has a taste for refined writing. Guts and garbage delight
bears; and swine swill the trough in preference
to the running stream. Scurrility is the gout of
many. Nay, it is the more prevailing taste;
“The world is naturally averse
To all the truth it sees or hears;
But swallows nonsense and a lie,
With greediness and gluttony.”
In Britain, or some other countries, delicacy may
succeed. But the coarse stomachs of the Americans
crave indecency, at least a portion of it. Rough like
their own woods, and wild beasts, they digest scurrility.
Well said, Porcupine! said a pole-cat man, taking
the ground in his turn: But this furnishes a ground
to justify the introduction of the pole-cat. You talk
of the freedom of the press. Here is the freedom of
the express. Nay the word expression which is common
to both institutions, the artificial one of the types,
and the natural one of the cat, shews the original to
be similar, and the comparison to run on all-fours. If
the ink cast into black letter, and carrying with it
pain and pungency from the ideas communicated, is
tolerated; much more the volatile alkali of the animal
that is now set up, is to be borne, as not more offensive
to body or mind. Shall the bark of trees made
into powder, and this powder into a liquid, impregnated
with thought, and put upon paper, and carried to
the press, be accounted harmless, notwithstanding
the violence of the decoction, yet the wild cats that
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inhabit these trees, and are denizens of the forest, be
prohibited because of a bag under their tails which
contains an unsavoury distillation, and may be occasionally
spurted upon men?
A lawyer spoke on the side of Porcupine. The
principles of the common law embrace this case. It
is unlawful to exercise trades in towns that occasion
noisome smells; they are abateable as nuisances.
Grant it, said a juris-consult, on the pole-cat
side; but when it is in retaliation, or in self-defence
against an editor whose defamation is more
offensive to the feelings of the mind, than the hogo
of a civet to the sense of smelling; or when it
is used in burlesque, and by way of analogy and
symbol to explain the impropriety of encouraging
personal abuse, by taking papers, it may correct by
leading to reflection. The mind may be insensible
to abstract lessons, but a paradigm, or object set before
it may affect. As to this man exercising his
trade by the smell of a cat, it is an occupation which
can be carried on to advantage only in a town; for it
is in towns chiefly that editors, assemble; and it is
by setting up under our noses, and affecting the readers,
that the impression is made. For if the public
will receive libels into their houses for the use of
themselves and families, let them take a little of this
hartshorn with it and if they will have the one, bear
the other. A ground of the common law is general
reason adapted to particular cases. I grant that it
even goes so far as to make the keeping hogs in a pen
near my window, in towns, a nuisance; but this is a
town incorporated, and can by a bye law regulate a
new trade. I hold it to be a matter of vote whether
this quadruped shall be tolerated or excluded.
The advocate for the press rejoined. The common
law, said he, protects the press. It is the right
of the tongue transferred to the hand: it ought to be
as free as the air that we breathe: The privilege, as
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unfettered as the organs of articulation. But what is
there in the common law to protect from the aspersion
of this animal?
The pole-cat man replied. It is on principle and
by analogy, said he, that it is protected. Does not
the law of water courses apply to this. If a man divert
a stream from my meadow, or obstruct one running
through it, so as to dam it up, and drown the
grass, have not I a remedy? shall this man at much
expence and charge bring a beast from the mountains,
tame it, or reduce it under his dominion, and apply
it to a purpose in civilized and domestic life, and shall
we say that the common law does not protect him in
the enjoyment of its musk?
The advocate on the side of Porcupine rejoined.
So use your own said he, that you trespass not upon
another man's. If you keep your smell, and hogs at
home to your own nose, there is no objection. But
in the nature of the thing it cannot be; for the air is
the natural conductor; and therefore it cannot but
exist a nuisance.
Surrejoinder; but after all, is it more a nuisance
than the press, which it has in view to correct?
At this instant a commotion was perceivable
amongst the multitude: not on account of what was
said, or meaning any disturbance like debate; but
the rumour was that a fresh cat had been brought
from the hills above the town, and was on its way to
the college-man who had offered a reward for an additional
puss to increase his stock; and as it was conjectured,
meant to play it off under the pretext that
the prohibition contained in the armistice extended
only to the individual beast that he had before in his
possession.
The Captain, at this, rising, said; this is not fair.
It is within the reason, if not the express words of the
convention, that all annoyances by steam, vapour or
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effluvia proceeding from a pole-cat shall be suspended
during the pendency of this question; and it is an
evasion to substitute another badger, and by that
means attempt to elude the stipulation.
The Pole-cat man got up to explain. It is far from
me, said he, to elude or evade the performance of the
stipulation. The fact, is, that hearing, a day or two
ago, that Porcupine, was about to enlarge his sheet,
and for that purpose had employed a journeyman,
more, I thought it not amiss to extend the scale of my
vapour and employ two conduits instead of one. For
that purpose had sent to the woods, for another cat,
which is now on the way, but in a leathern bag by
my directions, and not to have regress, or egress,
until this assembly shall dissolve, nor for a reasonable
time after, that eundo, and redeundo, or going as
well as coming, you may be safe, let what will be the
issue of the controversy; whether I am to break up
stock, or be suffered to go on.
This explanation gave satisfaction, and composed
the assembly.
Another speaker had now occupied the ground. I
cannot say the floor, for there was no floor. I am,
said he, for supporting the press. The objection is,
that it is a blackguard press. But while there are blackguards
to write, must they not have a press? Is it
only men of polished education that have a right to express
their sentiments? Let them write in magazines,
or have gazettes of their own, but not restrict the
right that people of a more uncultivated understanding
have to amuse themselves and others with their
lucubrations. You call us the Swinish Multitude,
and yet refuse us the food that is natural to us. Are
there not amongst us those that have no relish for disquisitions
on the balance of power or form of governments,
agricultural essays, or questions of finance;
but can relish a laugh raised at the expense of the
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master of a family; or a public character in high station;
if for no other reason, but because it gratifies
the self-love of those who cannot attain the same eminence?
Take away from us this, and what have we
more? What is the press to us, but as it amuses?
I think, said another rising, that the gentleman means
to be ironical. But let us take the matter seriously. I
am on the same side with him, but not for the same
reasons. I take it, that scurrility may be useful to
those that hear it, and are the subjects of it. It may
bring to a man's knowledge and serve to correct foibles
that he would not otherwise have been conscious
of, or amended. Men will bear from the buffoon or
the jester, things they would not take from a friend,
and scarcely from a confessor. It was on this principle
that in the middle ages of Europe, a profession of
men was indulged, in the houses of the great, called
the Joculators. So late as the time of James I. we
had one of these of the name of Archy. The Duke
of Buckingham having taken offence at something
that he said, had him whipped. It was thought beneath
a man of honour to have taken notice of it;
and inflicted punishment. I consider the bulk of our
editors as succeeding to the joculators of the early periods;
and as the knights of character and dignity of
those times were not bound to notice the follies, however
gross of jesters; so now a gentleman is not bound
to notice the defamation of gazettes; nay, as in the
former instance, it was deemed uncourteous, and unbecoming
to resent what the fool said, so now what a
printer chuses to publish. Selden in his table talk remarks,
“That a gallant man, is above ill words.
We have an example of this in the old Lord of Salsbury,
who was a great wise man. Stone had called
some Lord about the Court fool. The Lord complains,
and has Stone whipped. Stone cries, I might
have called my Lord of Salsbury often enough, fool
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before he would have had me whipped.” As in the
case of the Merry Andrew, even when there was no
wit, it was taken for wit; so now, when an editor
means to divert, however dull his abuse, it ought to
be the mode to laugh, to keep those who know no better
in countenance.
The captain rising and putting himself in the attitude
of speaking, seemed to claim the attention of the
audience. I would wish to know, said he, how the ancients
managed these matters in the republics of
Greece and Rome especially. For since I have been
abroad, and heard public speeches, I find that it is no
unusual thing to draw illustrations from the sayings
and doings of antiquity. In deliberate assemblies talking
of governments, they tell you of the Amphytrionic
Council; the Achean league, the Ionian confederacy.
What was the freedom of the press at Athens
or at Rome?
The fact is, said an academician, there was no press
at these places, or in these times. The invention of
printing is of later date. But they had what they called
the style, and they impressed their thoughts upon
wax. They made use of ink in copying upon vellum
and parchment. But notwithstanding the want of a
press, they were not without satyric salt in their writings.
Nor are we to suppose that they were altogether
free from what we denominate scurrility.
They could call a spade a spade. Aristophanes was
a blackguard. His Comedy of the Clouds is a sufficient
specimen. Lucilius, amongst the Romans was a
rough man. Cum lutulentus flueret, &c. Do we suppose
that nature was not then the same as it is now?
On board the Roman gallies was there no low humour?
In the Roman camps none? In the Forum
no occasional ribaldry? Would not this naturally get
up into higher walks? Would it not creep into corporations?
sometimes in verse; sometimes in prose.
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[figure description] Page 022.[end figure description]
The poet speaks of the fesscenine verses. Amongst
the Romans the Saturnalia, or days of Saturn became
a festival, in which it was allowable to exercise their
faculties in all intemperance of language.
This is all wide of the question, said an unlearned
man, holding his hand upon his nose; it is shall we
tolerate the pole-cat in this village?—For, maugre
all the pains that may have been taken to restrain the
pett, and confine it by a matting. I feel a portion of the
fetor this very moment, come across my nose, by a
puff of wind from that quarter, where it is. I move
that the question be taken, whether, whatever becomes
of the press, the nuisance of this beast, be suffered in
the vicinity. For what can a newspaper do, compared
with this? It is sent us and we read the publication.
But this is involuntary, on our part, and there
is no saving ourselves from the exhalation.
I move the previous question said a friend to the
baboon; I move that the press be put down.
There is hardship both ways, said an elderly inhabitant.
In a community different interests will exist.
Family interests; family attachments; party conceptions;
and party interests. To have a printer all on
one side, is an inequality. What if we prevail upon
the owner, or as he would call himself the publisher
of the pole-cat, to give up or sell out his establishment,
dismiss the wild beast, or return it to the mountains,
and institute in its place, a counter press of types
and black-ball that may be a match for Porcupine.
The Captain, rising hastily; a thing unusual with
him; for he was naturally grave and sedate; but suddenly
feeling the impulse of the congruity, he started
from his seat, and seconded the proposition of another
press; for said he, the very kind of editor qualified
for such a press, is at hand; a waiter of mine. A
bog-trotter, taken, not on the Balagate, but, on the
Irish mountains: an aboriginal of the island; not your
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[figure description] Page 023.[end figure description]
Scotch-Irish, so called, a colony planted in Ulster, by
king James the first of England, when he subdued
the natives; but a real Paddy, with the brogue on his
tongue, and none on his feet; brought up to sheep-stealing
from his youth; for his ancestors inhabiting
the hills, were a kind of free-booters, time immemorial,
coming down to the low grounds, and plundering
the more industrious inhabitants. Captured by traps
set upon the hills, or surrounded in the bogs, attempting
his escape, he had been tamed and employed,
many years, digging turf, before he came to my
hands. I bought him from an Irish vessel, just as a
curiosity, not that I expected much service from him;
but to see what could be made of a rude man by care
and patience. The rogue has a low humour, and a
sharp tongue; unbounded impudence. And what
may be a restraint upon the licentiousness of his press,
should he set up one, he is a most abominable coward;
the idea of cudgeling will keep him in bounds;
should he over-match Porcupine, and turn upon his
employers. He has all the low phrases, cant expressions,
illiberal reflections, that could be collected from
the company he has kept since he has had the care of
my horse, and run after my heels in town and country
for several years past. What is more, he has been in
France, and has a spice of the language, and a tang of
Jacobinism in his principles, and conversation, that
will match the contrary learning carried to an exorbitant
excess in Porcupine. I do not know that you
can do better than contribute to a paper of his setting
up. He may call it the Mully-Grub, or give it some
such title as will bespeak the nature, of the matter
it will usually contain.
The academician at this came forward. I am far,
said he, from a disposition to spoil sport; but when
the useful is mixed with the jest, I count every point
gained.
-- 024 --
[figure description] Page 024.[end figure description]
Omne tulit punctum—
I never had intended more, said the pole-cat man,
than to reach the sensations of the multitude, and bring
them to their senses. It is only by an appeal to the
sense of feeling that the mind sometimes can be
awakened. The public have now some idea that the
licentiousness of the press, is not more a nuisance in
the moral, than offensive smells are in the physical
world. I will agree that the cut be removed, and as a
substitute, shall subscribe to the Mully-Grub.
-- 025 --
CHAPTER III.
[figure description] Page 025.[end figure description]
THE day after the town meeting, the Captain
began to reflect, that he could not avoid being implicated
in the character of the paper about to be established.
O'Regan was known to be his servant; at least
to be under his influence, and he would be considered
the real editor; Teague the ostensible, and though
the fact was known at home, that he had nothing to
do with it, yet abroad, it would bear a different construction,
and refutation would be difficult. Having
supported the character of a gentleman, and being
still willing to support that character, how could he
endure to have the volumes of scurrility, that would
appear, imputed to him; or supposed to be admitted
with his approbation. Uneasy with this upon his
mind, he could see no way to get out of the labyrinth
in which he had involved himself, by inadvertently
proposing Teague. He thought it however his duty,
to disclose to the bog-trotter, the office to which he
was destined. Maintaining good faith, he was unwilling
to make use of his influence to dissuade from
the undertaking; or to deter by representing the
danger that existed, and the consequences that might
ensue. This he could easily have done, by suggesting
the guillotine, or even a cudgeling, the more
-- 026 --
[figure description] Page 026.[end figure description]
common mode of punishment, in this republic. But
good faith forbade.
But what was the amazement of every one, when
news was brought, that Porcupine, had decamped in
the mean time. Whether it was that the talents of
Teague had been magnified; and he did not choose
to engage in competition with one so much his superior,
lest he should lose by comparison, the reputation
he had acquired; or what is more likely, the
constables were after him for debt, his press and
types having been seized the day before, and sold for
rent, and new demands, of a smaller nature coming
against him, fines and penalties also hanging over
him for libels; and damages recoverable in actions
of defamation; but so it was, that he had disappeared.
The Captain was relieved from the embarrassment
which he had endeavoured to conceal, because he
now saw a way open to set aside the idea of a press,
which he had reason to apprehend his bog-trotter
would not be competent to conduct with reputation.
Townsmen, and fellow-citizens, said he, seizing
an opportunity to speak, the reason has ceased upon
which we had proposed to act: the setting up
the bog-trotter in the capacity of an editor as a
match for Porcupine, for he has disappeared;
and what need we buff at the bear when there
is no bear to buff at. Unless indeed we could set
him up, expecting from him a chaste and pure paper
containing solid information, and strictures useful to
the republic. But that from his education and manners,
we have no reason to expect. It is true, if he
had sense to collect the ideas, and give them expression,
he has had opportunities to observe what if
known and digested, might essentially serve to preserve
from extremes in a free government. He has
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[figure description] Page 027.[end figure description]
seen the folly of the people of France, if, those occasionally
thrown into the representative assemblies,
could be called the people. He has seen the folly of
these in reducing all things to the first elements instead
of accommodating to existing establishments;
of deracinating from the foundation church and state,
and bandying the term liberty until ignorance and
usurpation terminated in despotism. For though at
the commencement of a revolution, active and uninformed
spirits, are useful, or perhaps absolutely necessary,
like the subterranean fire throwing up continents;
yet as in this case, the fostering dews and the
breath of the atmosphere, are necessary to give soil
and impregnate with vegetation; so after the stirrings
of mens minds, with a political convulsion, deliberate
reason, and prudent temperament are necessary, to
preserve what is gained, and turn it to advantage.
But this sans culotte, for so he was called in France;
and well he might; for he was without femorals
when he went away, and when he came back; this
sans culotte is not a Mirabeau. He has kept no
journal: he has made no observations except of
mens heads chopped off by the guillotine. He has
brought back little with him, but ce que dit; que ce
vous la; donnez moi, and such like. I think we are
well off with him and let him go to his vocation.
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[figure description] Page 028.[end figure description]
Scotch-Irish, so called, a colony planted in Ulster, by
king James the first of England, when he subdued
the natives; but a real Paddy, with the brogue on his
tongue, and none on his feet; brought up to sheep-stealing
from his youth; for his ancestors inhabiting
the hills, were a kind of free-booters, time immemorial,
coming down to the low grounds, and plundering
the more industrious inhabitants. Captured by traps
set upon the hills, or surrounded in the bogs, attempting
his escape, he had been tamed and employed,
many years, digging turf, before he came to my
hands. I bought him from an Irish vessel, just as a
curiosity, not that I expected much service from him;
but to see what could be made of a rude man by care
and patience. The rogue has a low humour, and a
sharp tongue; unbounded impudence. And what
may be a restraint upon the licentiousness of his press,
should he set up one, he is a most abominable coward;
the idea of cudgeling will keep him in bounds;
should he over-match Porcupine, and turn upon his
employers. He has all the low phrases, cant expressions,
illiberal reflections, that could be collected from
the company he has kept since he has had the care of
my horse, and run after my heels in town and country
for several years past. What is more, he has been in
France, and has a spice of the language, and a tang of
Jacobinism in his principles, and conversation, that
will match the contrary learning carried to an exorbitant
excess in Porcupine. I do not know that you
can do better than contribute to a paper of his setting
up. He may call it the Mully-Grub, or give it some
such title as will bespeak the nature, of the matter
it will usually contain.
The academician at this came forward. I am far,
said he, from a disposition to spoil sport; but when
the useful is mixed with the jest, I count every point
gained.
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[figure description] Page 029.[end figure description]
less offending the self-love of men than what has the
appearance of immediate and direct instruction. Nor,
will the publication of the foregoing hints on the illiberality
of the press, be thought, even now altogether
useless; for though since the death, or departure, of
the two monsters just named, there has been an ebb
of this flood of scurrility, yet dropping the figure, the
American press, has not been wholly free from the
stains of the like paragraphs. The application therefore
may not be wholly without an object, and, in the painting
there may be seen some existing resemblances.
For though, as the almanac-makers, say “it is calculated
for a particular meridian, yet it may without sensible
variation, serve other latitudes.” No man can
have a higher opinion of the dignity of station occupied
by the editor of a paper under a free government,
than I have. I think it one of the most honourable, as
well as the most useful in society. I am unwilling
therefore that it be degraded, and I am happy to observe
that the example of the two monsters mentioned,
has had the effect to disgust the public.
I take the pulpit, the courts of judicature, and the
press, to be the three great means of sustaining and
enlightening a republic. The Scripture is replete
with the finest sayings of morality. With a scholar
of the Latin and the Greek school, it is delightful to
quote in conversation, or writing, the classical sentences
of antiquity, aptly applying them to the occasion:
enriching the discourse with apposite thoughts;
pleasing the hearer, or the reader, and doing credit to
the person himself; drawing out from his treasury,
things new and old. But these writings of an oriental
cast, contain pithy observations upon life and manners,
than which there can be nothing more delightful to
remember and quote, and more profitable to carry into
practice. Reading the Scriptures by young
-- 030 --
[figure description] Page 030.[end figure description]
people; hearing them explained and introduced by quotation,
sermon and lectures from the pulpit, raises the
affections to virtue, and helps the judgment in the conduct
of life.
The courts of judicature, are a school of justice,
and honour. A great ground of the law, are the principles
of universal justice. The discussion of council;
the verdicts of juries, the decision of the courts,
have respect to the great principles of moral honesty.
But the sphere is confined, compared with that of
the press, which has an extensive range; and for this
reason ought to preserve the greater delicacy in language
and sentiment. Even the war of the sword
has its laws.—It is not allowable to poison springs, or
the means of life. In a paper war nothing is justifiable
that does not tend to establish a position, or determine
a controversy; that which outrages humanity,
is the cruelty of a savage who puts to death with torture,
or disfigures, to gratify revenge.
To know what may be said in a paper, or in what
manner it may be said, the editor whom the public alone
knows, need only consider what would become a
gentleman to say, in promiscuous society. Whether
conversing in the manner he writes, or in which, what
is inserted, is written, he would be heard with respect,
and treated with civility. Good breeding is as necessary
in print as in conversation. The want of it equally
entitles to the appellation of an ill-bred-man.
The press can have no more licence than the tongue.
At the tribunal of common sense, it has less, because
an expression might escape a man, which might receive
pardon, or excuse, as the offspring of inadvertence;
but writing is deliberate, and you may turn
back and strike out the allusion, or correct the term.
National character is interested in the delicacy of
the press. It is a disgrace to a people to have amongst
-- 031 --
[figure description] Page 031.[end figure description]
them volumes of scurrility circulated through their
post-offices, with a peculiar privilege of centage,
placed upon the benches in our public houses, or sent
home to our private dwellings.
Is this the occupation to which it ought to be an
honour to belong; to which a father would wish to
put a son, having educated him with the best advantages,
and giving him, as he had thought, a duty as
sacred as the priesthood, and with a more exclusive
sphere of action than the barrister; having it in high
commission by the constitution of his country, “to
canvass the conduct of men in public offices,” and
inform the public, “where the matter is proper for
public information.”
It does not follow, that because a man takes a paper,
that he approves of all that is in it. It is certainly
censurable to continue our subscription to a
paper, the prevailing tenor of which is defamatory of
individuals; but were we to reject a paper because
it is occasionally so, there are few papers that we
should take at all. The American press, has been
abominably gross, and defamatory, and there are few
publications of this nature, that have been at all times
unexceptionable. A man will be astonished sometimes
to hear of himself, or of others, what has not
the slightest foundation, but in the invention of the
paragraphist. There may be some prototype, filmy
origin to the unsubstantial fabric; perhaps not even
a vapour, but in the breath of the defamer. Is the
assassin odious, and not the author of anonymous
abuse? Yet such is the evror of opinion with some,
that they think it not dishonourable to attack anonymously.
It is cowardice in a free country, where
the law is equal; where no Cæsar exists to make it
necessary to conceal the author of the pasquinade.
A brave man will scorn subterfuge, and shade. An
honest man will avow himself and his opinions.
-- 032 --
CHAPTER IV.
[figure description] Page 032.[end figure description]
NOTWITHSTANDING the Captain thought
he had got quit of Teague, in the matter of the press,
he had still some trouble. For the bog-trotter was
dissatisfred. He had an hankering after the editorship,
and talked of taking up subscriptions. To put
him off, the Captain suggested the publishing his
travels. Teague, said he, if many a man had what
you have in your power, he would make a fortune by
it. You have been in the Conciergerie. That of itself,
might make a chapter that would fill a volume.
If you take up subscriptions, why not for such a work
as that? It will sell for a ready penny these times; I
would advise you to go about it.
Och, on my shoul, said Teague, but it would make
a book as big as the praists' bible, if I was to tell all
dat I saw on toder side de great water. In dat great
country, old France; where de paple talk all at once
wid de brogue on deir tongues, and say nothing. De
devil burn me, but deir footres, and parbleus, would
make a book, as big as a church staple.
Well done Teague, said the Captain; you must
then set about it. The first thing it will behoove you
to consider, is the manner in which it will be written;
whether your narration shall be in the first person, as,
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[figure description] Page 033.[end figure description]
“I did this,” and “I said that;” or whether in the
third person, as it were one speaking of you, as,
“O'Regan having done so, and made an observation
to this effect.” And whether it shall be in the way
of continued narrative, with chapters, or in the shape
of a journal, or be cast in the way of letter. For all
these modes of writing are used as best suits the traveller;
or may be thought most pleasing to the reader.
One advantage you will have, that you need not
stick pertinaciously to the truth; for travellers have
a licence to deviate; and they are not considered as
on oath, or upon honour in giving their accounts;
embellishment is allowable. Some illumination of
the narrative: though, confining yourself to the truth
strictly, I make no doubt, your story will be sufficiently
extravagant, and of course, border on the marvellous.
The fact was, that the bog-trotter had incidents
sufficient to enliven his history. He had been in the
suit of Anacharsis Cloots, and personated an Esquimaux
Indian; he had been taken up in a balloon
some distance from the earth, and let down by a parachute,
instead of a sheep. It is true, this was not
with his own consent, but by force; the Parisians
thinking it of little account whether the experiment
was made with him or a less valuable animal. It is
true, to make amends for this, a royalist lady fell in
love with him, thinking he had a resemblance to the
young Duke of Orleans. He had made a fortunate
escape in the conciergerie. A prisoner in the next
cell, No. 1, finding the letter G, put upon his door,
which stands for guillotine; exchanged for a few
louis's with O'Regan, No. 2 — But an order came to
reprieve No. 1, and to take No. 2, meaning the bogtrotter.
The consequence was, that the Frenchman
was put into the cart, and our sans culotte escaped.
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[figure description] Page 034.[end figure description]
It would make a book, to exhaust these particulars,
and many more that occurred. The Captain having
recommended the work, was concerned to have it
accomplished with some credit to those concerned,
and therefore thought it advisable to give the author
some hints before he entered on the task.
Teague, said he, the first thing to be thought of, is
a place to write. The extremes are two, the cellar and
the garret. The cellar was chosen by an orator of
Greece, to write his orations, or at least to prepare
for the writing them; for in this, he is said to have
copied over eight times the history of Thucidydes.
Whether it is the darkness, or the solitude of the cavern,
that is congenial to the talent of writing, may be
a question. I should think, however, that the ærial
mansion of a garret is most favourable to the lighter
species of writing, such as madrigals; or paragraphs
in magazines, or novels. But as yours is a serious
work, it may be above the subterranean, and below the
firmament. Perhaps a middle story may suffice. It
will depend, however, on your head. If you find
yourself light, go down; if heavy, mount; and thus
adjust your apartment to your feelings. The wasps
chuse the garret; but the spider is found in the cellar;
and his weaving is an emblem of the composition
of an author.
As to stile, just write as you would speak, and give
your account with simplicity, without affectation;
understanding your subject well, and using no more
words, than is necessary to express your meaning.
As to paper, whether common or woven; or as to
type, whether single or double pica; these are terms
I do not understand. I see them in the advertisements,
and that is all I know about them. Whether
duodecimo, octavo, or folio, will depend upon the
bulk of what is to be printed.
-- 035 --
CHAPTER V.
[figure description] Page 035.[end figure description]
THE Captain had now been more than a
month at home, making enquiry into the history of
the village; what changes in the domestic affairs of
his neighbours; what good or bad fortune had happened
to individuals, at the same time walking
through the town, and observing the improvements
or dilapidations in the buildings or streets. It was
obvious that little attention had been paid, for some
time, to public works; the pavements were neglected,
and the ways and water-courses suffered to fill up.
An aqueduct begun, to bring a spring from the hill,
was left unfinished.
What can be the reason of all this, said he, to the
citizens?
It was answered, that the chief and assistant burgesses
had been extravagant; that the works, which,
by the charter of incorporation they had a power to
project, were extensive, and the consequent taxes
which they had a right to impose, and which became
necessary, were thought oppressive. The people had
left out these officers at the annual election, and
chosen new. That these wishing to preserve popularity,
had let all matters rest, and had neither made
improvements, nor raised taxes.
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[figure description] Page 036.[end figure description]
And will this please always. They have turned
out one set for doing too much; and they will turn
out the other next for doing nothing.
But why not hit a medium, said the Captain?
A difficulty occurs, continued the speaker. In the
works projected, the people insist that no man shall
be consulted in his own occupation. The mason shall
make out the bills of scantling; and the carpenter
determine the arches of a stone bridge.
That is, said the Captain, as in a city that I passed
through in my travels. The physicians claimed a
right to judge of laws, and the lawyers of physic.
Reversing the maxim, that every man is to be trusted
in his own profession.
This is republicanism run mad. The sovereign
people would do well to imitate other sovereigns, at
least in this; that they trust even foreigners in the
arts, and not by an unreasonable jealousy, loose the
advantage of judgment, which it is not in the nature
of things, that they themselves can possess.
Political divisions will always exist. It is inseparable
from the nature of a community. And it is
not in the nature of things that the power can be long
on one side. The duration depends upon the judgment
of using it. The people will revolt from themselves
when they find they have done wrong, and that side
which was now the weakest will become the strongest.
Accounts were received, and Teague himself occasionally
announced that he had succeeded in taking
up subscriptions for his commentaries. But it had
never occurred to any one that the bog-trotter could
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[figure description] Page 037.[end figure description]
neither read nor write. But the difficulty now presenting
itself, a school-master offered his services to
be his amanuensis.
But amongst the advertisements on the tavern and
shop doors, the Captain observing one day a notice of
the want of a suitable person in the academy to instruct
in the French language, he was led to reflect, that after
dictating his publication, Teague would be out of
employment, and that a vacancy of this kind might
tally with his faculties, having been in France, the very
country where the language was vernacularly spoken;
that his attainments must be much superior to those
who had acquired the tongue only from dead books,
the ear not accustomed to the sounds of familiar conversation.
Losing no time he waited on the Principal of the
Academy, and gave him an account of the pedeseque,
and of his pretensions.
The Principal was astonished; but concealed his
surprize. He could easily comprehend the incompetency
of this man to teach the language in a school
of learning, where it is expected to be taught grammatically;
and the absurdity of taking his lingo, for
French, if he had the brogue in that pronunciation
as he had in English. But it might not be so easy a
matter to convince the Captain of this who appeared
to have an undue opinion of his acquirements. Nevertheless
he endeavoured to make himself intelligible
on this subject, by observing that there was a
wide difference between a public professor in a college,
and a private tutor who attends pupils occasionally:
that in a seminary of learning the rudiments of
a language were usually taught by rules; and it was
an object to understand the parts of speech into which
the tongue was divided; the use of the articles, if
there were any; the inflexions of the cases, the
-- 038 --
[figure description] Page 038.[end figure description]
variations of the genders, the conjugations of the verbs;
the concords of syntax; and after all this the idiom,
or peculiar phrases, and structure of the sentence:
that from what the Captain had informed him, and
what he himself had gleaned from others, of the characteristics
of this subordinate, the academy was not
his province, but the village. He might employ his
talents to advantage, instructing young gentlemen
and ladies in the knowledge of the French tongue, at
their own houses; with a grammar, and without a
dictionary; or without a grammar; and with the
voice and diction only. For in fact it was of little
consequence how they were taught; for they would
learn nothing: and barbers and tumblers that had
come in and undertaken to instruct; had done as well
as wiser masters; for they had amused their pupils;
and amusement was all that pupils would be willing
to receive. Enough if they can get a word or two that
sounds like French, to throw out to a lady in a dance;
as parlez vous madame; or s'l vous plais.
It may be a digression, said the Captain; but it is
a profitable lesson. Do you conceive that the American
youth are too hastily manufactured, and come
forward too soon into life.
Unquestionably, said the Principal. Education here
is unnaturally hastened. Our minority is too short
to make a great man. We “overstep the modesty
of nature,” and suffer our young men to come forward
into councils that require the heads of age. Hence
our juvenile speeches in debates. Hence the wild
fire in our councils. The young gentlemen of the
village are above learning; as soon as they have got on
a pair of pantaloons, and half boots. They are out
of their education, and men before their time. We
had an election the other day; for a chief burgess.
It was a matter of astonishment to those of the old
-- 039 --
[figure description] Page 039.[end figure description]
school, to see a youth come forward, born after his
competitor had been ranked with the sages of the village,
and claim the suffrages of the citizens. It had
an unfavourable effect upon the very dumb creation.
It was not enough that the lads under age, began to
raise their voices, and vociferate; but it seemed that
the young of animals had gained upon their growth,
and were old before they had attained maturity. The
young dogs barked more; whether it was from an
impression of the atmosphere; or an imitation of the
sounds of men.
-- 040 --
CHAPTER VI.
[figure description] Page 040.[end figure description]
TO give the bog-trotter time to write his history,
the Captain turned his attention for a while to
other objects. There was an old lawyer in the village
that had left off practice, and accompanied by a
blind fidler, gave lectures occasionally, at what he
called his inns of court, on the practice of the law, of
which he pretended to have had great experience;
and in fact he had been a long time at the bar; and
from age was now unfit for the circuit, especially being
blind, and unless in a carriage, which the roads
did not well admit, could not conveniently go abroad;
and the small practice of the village, scarcely sufficed
for the occupation of his time, or the means of his
support. The want of sight rendered him incapable
of conveyancing, and all he could do was to give
council, or argue a cause by which he made a penny;
but to fill up his time, and put his learning to account,
he had set on foot lectures for young students,
and amused himself at intervals with a tune on the
violin which the fidler played, and for which the by
standers threw in a five-penny bit of silver, such of
them as did not attend to the law lecture, or could
derive any benefit from it. Thus, clubbing their talents,
and joining in amusement, and in business as
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joined in the loss of vision, they made a living; the
scraper receiving his six cents and a half for his tune
on the instrument, and the lawyer the same money
for his breath on the abstract subject of the study and
practice of the law.
It may be asked how it came to pass, that he could
lay down the principles of a successful practice in a
profession, and at the same time not to have become
enriched by it himself, so as to be above the necessity
in his old age, of making money, by the best means
in his power to procure his support, the profession
being lucrative itself, especially where any one excels
in the knowledge of it, and is ordinarily industrious
in the pursuit. But the answer is easy; that
the making money and keeping it are two distinct
things: for so it was, that this lawyer now blind, had
let a great deal of business go through his hands,
without making much by it; from a want of skill to
make money stick. He thought always more of gaining
the suit and the praise of managing it well, than
of the fee. Hence it was that he had credit as a pleader,
but not as the maker of a great estate.
It is doubtless a general rule that the way to be rich
is to excel in your profession, and whoever excels
may in general be rich, and it is a folly not to make
this use of it. But we see that with all the lovers of
the arts, painting, music, statuary, eloquence, there
is a neglect of riches, the mind carried off from the
love of money, and placed upon the art itself. The
main chance is overlooked; and it is only late in life
that the folly is discovered by the person himself,
though others had been remarking it all his life long.
But though not profitable to the professor, to cultivate
an art for its own sake, yet it is useful and pleasing
to the world; and Quintilian who has left us a
book on the eloquence of the bar, is more valued,
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because he has given more pleasure to those who have
come after him, than others who had made perhaps
more by their practice, but whose memory has gone
with themselves, at the same time that their estates
went to others.
As a sample of the lectures of the blind lawyer,
we shall give the following.
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IT is necessary to comprehend perfectly the
facts of the case, and this to enable;
1. To frame the action; trespass, or trespass on
the case; &c.
2. To frame your declaration: that is, to put a
precise statement of the cause of action upon the record.
3. To examine the witnesses, preparatory to the
trial.
I say nothing of the science necessary to draw a declaration;
though there is great delicacy and beauty,
in making a legal statement of your cause of action
with brevity, perspicuity, and technical correctness.
Nor do I mean to touch on the vigilance on your part
or liberality, to your adversaries, in conducting the
cause to issue and trial, taking rules and giving notice.
This is not the stage where all advantages are
fair. These are preliminaries to the contest, and as
in the wager of battle the combatant makes oath, that
he uses no enchantment; so a liberal lawyer will disdain
to avail himself of an oversight, or take a catch
which has no effect upon the merits of a cause. If
he observes a defect which it becomes necessary to amend,
in civil cases, he will point it out and give leave
to do it. This I grant he is not bound to do; but it is
for the credit of the profession that such liberality
should be cultivated, and justice will lose nothing by
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it. Strict rules of pleading, strictly pursued, are not
inconsistent with this liberality! Professional men,
can understand the boundaries and distinctions. It is
not within my present compass to go into them.
Preparatory to the trial; a great point is, the examination
of the witnesses to be adduced by your client;
such of them as are willing to say what they
know, prior to their being called in court. It is of
moment for you to know what you can prove by any
one of them, that you may bring them to the point
immediately; and save the time of the court from impertinent
relation. It is necessary for the sake of
your client to sift them well, and know the testimony
they are about to give. The council above who has
thus sitted them, should undertake to examine. When
the conduct of the cause, rests with me, and the responsibility,
I would suffer no assistant to ask a question
of my witnesses Let him take his turn, and fill
up his part in cross examining the witnesses of the adversary.
When the testimony is closed in a jury trial,
the cause is usually lost or won: and a single question
injudiciously put, may have been the cause of
losing it. Yet there is nothing more difficult for a
leading council than to restrain the impetuosity of his
associates, and their avidity to ask questions.
It is a matter of great judgment when a witness
has answered well, to let the answer rest. It is favourable
to truth to let it rest; for by putting it again,
and again, you confuse the mind, and you may
get the very reverse of what he had before said; or at
least you may get it so disturbed, as to be unintelligible,
and do you no good.
If it occurs to an assistant council who has not previously
examined; that a question may be put with
advantage, he can suggest it to the leading, or examining
council, and leave him to judge. The wish of
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seeming to be doing something for his money is the
cause of that propensity to interrogate that prompts
improperly to take up the examination.
The taking down the testimony is so managed as
to consume time unnecessarily in our courts. All
concerned in a cause, must take down and wait for all.
The testimony must be taken down as if it was to be
read again to the court, or sent to the jury in the style
of a written deposition. Unnecessary matter is taken
down; for there are seldom more than a few sentences
in the testimony of a witness that are material to
the cause. But it is to seem very busy, and doing
something for the client, where in fact nothing is done
that leads to an ostentation of taking down, even
where there is nothing to take. I have actually known
this to take place at the bar.
Well; what do you know of this matter?
Why, in fact, I know little about it.
Stop, stop a little, let me take that down.
Well; you say you know little about the matter.
Nothing at all—only—
Stop, stop, let me take down what you have said—
A thing like this exhausts the patience; yet it is
difficult for a court to correct it. It must depend upon
the good sense of the council themselves, to select,
and confine their notes to what is of substance in the
evidence.
The greatest effort in the management of a cause,
is the taking exception to evidence. For this purpose,
it is necessary that from the commencement of the
trial, the leading council lies by; thinks much; says
little; bends his whole mind, to preserve himself unruffled:
sets forward the junior, and assistant council
to spar where it may be necessary; to make prolusions,
and gain time.
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As for instance; a piece of evidence is offered. It
strikes the leading council, that exception lies against
it. But he is not clear; nor is he prepared to support
the exception. An assistant council takes the
exception. It is run down and completely answered.
Not a word more: but the leading council has had
time to consider.
If he had not thought proper to give it up; he
would have risen in full force.
And if he had been answered with some shew of
reason, the assistant would have rejoined, and done
justice to the argument. For let it not be thought
that though I mark the parts of the assistant council,
I do not well know that the greater lawyer, may have
the subordinate part assigned him; or may fall into
that place, in the management of a cause, on the trial.
The greater general may happen to have the command
of a detachment only; or be employed to bring
on, or relieve, in the course of an engagement.
For law is an image of war; and as in war, the
greatest praise, is to discharge your duty wherever it
may be assigned; so, on a trial. A column standing
still, and never brought forward, or discharging a
shot, but simply keeping ground, may have done the
real execution, and gained the battle. A thought suggested
is sometimes more than an argument.
But, nevertheless elocution has its place, and noble
praise. It is delightful to hear one speak well where
he ought to speak. “The words of the wise are like
nails; fastened in sure places.” Great indulgence
must be made, for young pleaders; but I have it not
in view to treat, not of what is to be indulged; but of
what is to be approved. Brevity is the soul of eloquence,
and amplification, the usual fault. Few err
in saying too little. Tediousness is the more common
extreme: padding, and beating on the point.
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After a passion is excited, there is danger of “tearing
it to rags.”
The opening of the case, before the evidence is introduced,
is a matter of some delicacy; and a principle
is brevity; and stating the proper proof, rather
below what it will turn out. When disappointed in
the expectation raised, the mind is dissatisfied, and
with difficulty can do justice to what is proved. It is
in the application of the evidence that eloquence finds
her province at the bar. And yet here it is that less
harm can be done by weak or unskilful advocates,
than in any part of the contest. The court and jury
are attached to the evidence. The mind is stedfast
upon this, and if a flourisher runs off; he may talk;
it is only a loss of time. It is here that less experienced
council may be suffered to amuse themselves;
and can do little harm, more especially if there is
some one to follow to review the facts, apply the law,
and clench the argument. The harm that can be
done, is to weary the mind, and relax the spring of
attention. This is mischievous; but cannot well be
prevented. The council must be heard. But there
is much less danger to a cause, in this, than from an
injudicious touch in the conduct of it, through the
evidence.
With regard to reading authorities in the opening,
or reply; or in the conduct of the trial generally, I
have but a single observation. It is better to adduce
no authority, at all, than one which has a doubtful
application, because it brings in question the discernment
of the council; and gives an opportunity to the
adversary, to flourish and run down. General reason,
is a safer ground, than doubtful decisions.
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CHAPTER VII.
[figure description] Page 048.[end figure description]
A great uproar had, in the mean time taken
place in the village. The doctrine of abating nuisances,
had been much in conversation, since the
town meeting in the matter of the pole-cat. It came
so far, that an incendiary proposed to abate, or burn
down the college. Because, said he; all learning is
a nuisance.
A town meeting had been called on the occasion;
and whether from a wish to see a bon-fire; or from
the hatred of the ignorant, to all that places the informed
above them; the proposition however unreasonable
and illegal had its advocates. It had been
actually carried, and a person was now on his way
with a brand lighted to set fire to the building.
The alarm was given; and the more considerate
rushed out to endeavour to prevent conflagration.
Force was vain; and reason avails little with a
mob. The only way to oppose their resolution is
indirectly by turning the current of their thoughts
aside and to the attaining the same thing in another
way. The principal and professors had harangued
in vain. It was threatened that if they did not stand
out of the way, they would burn them, with the college.
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The Captain had come up; and venturing to speak;
gentlemen, said he, it is not for the college that I am
about to speak; it is for yourselves; your object is
to put down learning; and do you not know that it is
put down already. Why will you do a useless thing?
It is calling in question your understanding, to do a
needless mischief.
Is not learning put down already? the methodists
are the best preachers. Take a horse jockey and in
two weeks from the jump, he is in a pulpit. No need
of Latin, Greek, Hebrew; a poilyglot bible; systems
of divinity; a commentary, a treatise, an essay, or a
dissertation: all is plain sailing now.
All this tends to put learning down, so that you
have all the advantage of this, without the trouble.
Why burn the college?
The building will serve useful purposes, when the
professors are driven out of it.
Politicians say, that though they have no learning,
they feel no want of it. Is it to be supposed that a
workman does not know whether he wants tools?
All this ends when learning and law are put down.
Trial by battle must regulate society. We shall then
want barracks and hospitals. This building will accommodate
invalids.
I do not know, said a sedate man among the crowd,
whether after all, a little learning may not be in some
cases, useful. It is a great help to weak people. I
have seen a book, entitled, Hukes, and e'en to had up
crippled Christians breeks. That is hooks and eyes to
hold up breeches. Alluding, by the bye, to hooks
and eyes which were in use before buttons. What are
called gallowses, have succeeded to the assistance of
buttons, but have not altogether superseded them.
Not that I mean to insinuate that the disuse of hooks
and eyes, lead to the gallows in the proper sense of
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the word, any more than that learning does. Though
many a man that wears buttons has been hung. Perhaps
more without buttons than with them. But I
mean to say that a young man, before he comes to
the years of discretion may as well be employed in
learning to make marks upon paper, as playing at
nine-mens-morrice, and it does him no more harm
to try to read Greek, than to trace partridge tracks.
The mind must be employed in something to keep
it out of harm's way, and reclusion in a seminary is
useful, if for nothing else at least to keep young people
within doors, which the academician could not
easily do, unless, the device of books was used to beguile
the hours of study. And though a great part
of their learning, is but the knowledge of hooks and
crooks, yet the exercise of the mind renders them more
expert in thinking; and though Latin is of no more
use to raise the devil than English, now a days; yet
it is a gentle exercise to learn it, and makes the boys
grow faster. It keeps them from their mothers who
are apt to spoil their offspring by too much indulgence.
The idea of getting a task, accustoms the
mind to obedience. Now there are some branches
of science that are really useful, such as speaking and
writing intelligibly, and casting up accounts. Nor
is the time altogether thrown away in learning mathematics,
especially the theory of the mechanical
powers. Some are of opinion that this study has
been of great use in navigation, and water works.
The ancients lound their account in it, in the construction
of the Catapult. But, at least, what harm,
in letting pedants chop logic, and boys laugh, in the
seminaries? A berring pickle, or a Merry Andrew,
is allowed to amuse people, and we do not pull down
their stalls. A ventriloquist is suffered to take his
dollar from us, and we make no remonstrance.
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Lectures, on moral philosophy are at least as innocent as
this. I do not know any better recreation for a lad
of mettle than to listen to a dissertation on eloquence,
or a discourse on chronology, and history. It sharpens
his wit to talk over affairs with his equals. But
there is one reason that serves for a hundred. It is
not every one that is born a genius, and can do without
the help of education. I am therefore for continuing
these crudities a little longer. When we can
afford it better, we can pull down the college. This
speech had a good effect, and the mob retired.
But before they were aware, the flame had broken
out in another direction. The mob retiring, had entered
into altercation amongst the mselves, and began
to blame one another. Some, for not going on to
burn the college, and others, for having thought of it
at all. In opposition to the last, the first grew outrageous,
and began to exclaim, and to curse and to swear,
and said, damn them, but if they had not burned a
college, they would burn or pull down, a church.
They had actually prepared faggots, and were on their
way a second time, to execute a new mischief.
The alarm was given, the chief burgess, and assistants,
and respectable inhabitants assembled! Great
reliance was had upon the Captain, from his success,
in the former instance; and when the two forces,
that of the mob, and that of the community stood face
to face, and were in opposition, ready to fall on, the
one to commit waste, and the other to defend, he
was called upon to come forward and harangue.
He obeyed instantly, but was well aware that a stratagem
in war cannot succeed a second time, and therefore
instead of attempting to decoy and turn aside
their passions, thought proper to attack them directly
by the opposite, fear. Madmen, said he, what do
you mean? Is it to rob, plunder and murder that you
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have assembled? Come on; but in coming you must
meet with this weapon, brandishing his hanger; I am
alone; but a legion is behind me and will be with
me speedily.
But as I am at all times averse from the use of
force until it becomes necessary; I am willing in
the mean time to hear reason. Why is it that you
would pull down a church, and abolish the christian
worship in the village?
It is not our intention to abolish christianity, said a
grave man amongst them, but to put down the preacher
at this place; who is not an American republican,
but quotes the English commentators in his sermons,
Henry's annotations on the Bible; Burket on the
New-Testament; Pool's Synopsis, Tillotson and
Baxter, and many others. We wish to abolish these,
and have nothing but our own commentaries. Are
we to be drawing our proofs from under a monarchy,
and refering to tracts and essays published in Great
Britain? Have we no sense of our own to explain
texts of Scripture, and apply doctrines? It is time to
emancipate ourselves from these shackles, and every
man be his own expounder, or at least confine our
clergy to the Bible and the Psalm book, or such of
our divines, as have written amongst ourselves, and
are of our own manufacture in a republican government.
Religion, said the Captain, is of no government.
Wines are the better for being brought over seas, and
our best brandies are from monarchies. Where was
the cloth of that coat made? Will you reject a good
piece of stuff because it came through the hands of
an aristocratic weaver? These are false ideas of what
is right, and useful to mankind. The common law
is not the worse for having been the common law of
England, and our property and birth right which our
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[figure description] Page 053.[end figure description]
ancestors brought with them; nor is our Bible the
worse for having been translated under James the
first of England, which translation we still use, and
from which we repeat all sentences of Scripture. Nor
are systems of theology, or harmonies of the evangelists
the worse for having been written in another
country. Why do we use the English language? Is
it not because we cannot easily substitute another; or
have no better to substitute. The Shanese, or Delaware,
or Piankisha, may be softer, but not so copious
or of equal energy and strength. But even if in
all respects superior, can we by an act of volition,
transfer it into common use and make it all at
once, our vernacular tongue?
The grave man made no answer; but the more
violent were still disposed to pull down the church.
At the alarm created by the uproar, the pedagogue,
and the pedeseque, who had in the mean time
been engaged in composing the book, had run out,
and left the manuscript in hands, on the table. A
wag stepping in, had written an addition to a chapter.
And coming back, the school-master had resumed
his labour, without observing it. The chapter in
hands was that which gave an account of his ascent
in a balloon; and the addition was as follows:
—“Passing a cloud, I put out my hand, and
took a piece of it, and squeezed it like a spunge, and
the water ran out. The sun went north about; but
never set. At the distance of about fifty leagues above
the earth, we saw a white bird sitting on the corner
of a cloud. We took it to be one of Mahomets
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[figure description] Page 054.[end figure description]
pigeone. If we had had a gun we could have shot it.
Passing by the moon we saw a man selling lands at
auction. He wished us to give a bid; but we told
him, we had not come to buy land in the moon. We
came across a comet, but it was asleep. It looked
like a tarapine; but had a tail like a fox.
The balloon struck a wasp's nest, and we were in
danger of the stings.
Coming near a hail bank, we filled a hat: the hail
stones were about as large as a pigeon's egg.
A thousand miles above the earth we passed
through a field of turkey buzzards. This would
seem to be their region; and accounts for the circumstance,
that no one has ever found a nest of one
of these. Their rookeries are out of sight, in the atmosphere.
As we approached one of the heavenly bodies—It
appeared like an island. We struck upon a planet,
but Blanchard got out and pushed off the balloon.
We supposed it to be Mercury, as we heard orators
haranguing, and a multitude of tongues.
There were marriages going on in Venus, and in
Mars, we heard the drums beat.
In Jupiter we heard swearing, Proh! Jupiter; O!
Jupiter! by Jupiter.
We meant to have a pull at one of Saturn's rings,
but were blown off the coast, and found ourselves in
the latitude of Herschell. Provisions failing, we
thought proper to shape our course to the earth again.
The first thing we saw was the forest of Ardennes,
which appeared like a shamrock; the Pyrenean
mountains seemed a bed of parsley, and the Atlantio
Ocean, was about as large as Loch Swilly.
Within about a furlong of the earth, Blanchard
gave me the parachute, and I came down. It was in
a field of corn among reapers. They took me for a
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sheep, and thought to have mutton; but finding their
mistake, they invited me to breakfast.
Teague with his amanuensis returning, resumed
his memoir, not observing the interlopation which,
in the mean time had been made. Some have thought
it was the best chapter in it. At least it is the most
extravagant.
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CHAPTER VIII.
[figure description] Page 056.[end figure description]
HAVING now a little time upon his hands,
the Captain thought of repeating his visit to the blind
lawyer, and fidler; and happening at an interval of
the blind man's lectures he drew him into conversation,
on the subject of the law. What is this common
law, said he, which you speak of, and why cannot
it be abolished? The common law of England!
why not a common law of our own; now that we are
an independent government?
It is our own common law, said the lawyer. We
derive it from a common source with the inhabitants
of Britain. Shall the people on that side the water
alone possess this jurisprudence, which our common
ancestors possessed, just because we have left the
island? It was because our birth-right to this law was
questioned that we resisted in war, and declared our
independence. The right to representation is a principle
of the common law, and this right was denied
to the colonies. The right of trial by jury is a principle
of the common law, and this in some cases, was
abridged, in others, taken away altogether. On what
ground were these defended; on the ground that
they were our inheritance by the common law.
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But why called common law? It was so called as
distinguished from the laws of particular places. It
was a system common to the whole people. The
term came into use after the heptarchy.
A ground of this law is reason; or the principles
of universal justice. The application of these principles
to particular cases, forms a great part of the common
law: the application of the principles of justice
to that infinity of cases, which arise on the intercourse
of men in a state of society: obligations independent
of contract, or contracts themselves. We
read the decisions in such cases, because the reason
of those who have gone before, is a help to those that
follow.
Rules of pleading, rules of evidence, the practice
of courts, are the result of experience, and our own;
or adopted by us, as a part of the common law. This
law forms a system begun in the woods of Germany;
taking its rise amongst our Saxon ancestors, it was
brought with them into Britain; receiving accessions
from what it found good in the island to which it
came.
Abolish the common law? why not abolish the art
of medicine, because it has been cuitivated in Great
Britain? Sydenham, Harvey and Mead, are thought
to have added to the science. The British chymists,
have increased the materia medica. Why not make
war upon the apothecaries, because they sell English
drugs?
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Just at that instant a hurly burly was heard half
a square distant; people rushing into an apothecary
shop, and jugs thrown out at the window. It was a
mob collected to break up the Doctor.
A Latin master from the college, lifting up his
hands in the attitude of a man attempting to ring a
bell, was endeavouring to appease the multitude, in
such address as was on his tongue from the classic
authors: cives, cives, quis furor vos agitat! vesania
quæ versat! quæ dementia cepit! Infelix pecus! oh!
heu! proh hominum. Insanire decet, ratione, modoque.
It availed nothing. The outrage was continued.
Glass and earthen ware, broken; powders and liquids
filled the atmosphere with vapour, and a variety of
smells. Ah! said an orator, it is full time to return
to the simplicity of early times, when men had recourse,
in case of internal diseases, or external
wounds, to the barks of trees, or the plants of the
fields, and had not yet become acquainted with extractions
and decoctions put in phials, and called drops,
to make the well sick, and poison the living.
It would have made a good drawing in a picture, to
have seen the apothecary at work, in the mean time,
endeavouring to clear the shop, with a cudgel, sometimes
pelting a rioter; at other times breaking the
head of one of his own jugs.
A preacher stood by exhorting to carry on the
work. He had taken a text. “There is a time to
build, and a time to pull down.” He thought this a
pulling down time. The greater part of his audience
appeared to think him orthodox, and were shewing
their faith, by their works, at the expence of the
dispensary. Good God, called out the son of Esculapius,
will no one assist? shall I be ruined? The industry
of years dissipated in a day: all my
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[figure description] Page 059.[end figure description]
laudanum, my pepper-mint, sulphur, vitriol, oils, acids,
my tartar, and arsenic; all gone to pot, or rather the
pots gone with them, jars, jugs, and glister-pipes:
what devastation! what havock! Is it for sport, or
for profit? Oh; the folly, the fury, the madness of
the populace! They are indeed the swinish multitude.
A herd of swine in a century, would not have
done so much damage.
At this point of the game, whether by design, or accident,
a cry of fire had been raised; and the fire company
with their engine and buckets were up, and began
to play upon the building, throwing the water in
at the windows, and at the door, so that the people in
the house, and the Doctor himself were as wet as rats,
and occasionally the pipe carried round with a sweep,
came upon the by-standers without. The preacher
got his Bible wet, and his Psalm book; and the Latin
master called out “Jam satis terris;” or that there
was rain enough; and the orator, thought it a new
way, of quelling mobs. The Captain said he had seen
something of the kind attempted in repressing bees,
when they swarmed, throwing water on them, and
that the riots of men were analogous.
But what can they mean, said a peace officer by attacking
this mans boluses? Do they mean to put an
end to the practice of physic? among the savages
they attribute aches, and pains in the flesh and bones,
to a bad spirit that has got into the muscles, and the
tendons, and by rubbing with the hand, and pressing
the parts they endeavour to expel it. The chaffing
has sometimes a good effect, and if there thould not
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[figure description] Page 060.[end figure description]
be an evil spirit to drive out, it eases and relieves from
the complaint. But though exercise and temperance
may preserve health, and cold and warm bathing,
and friction of the joints may relieve from a
rheumatic pain, yet in a multitude of cases the specifics
of pharmacy may be found useful; especially in
a society of close population, where we have not woods
and forest to run in, and where sedentary occupations
keep people sitting half their time. And though after
all, the diagnosis, or distinguishing diseases, is in
many cases, but a guess, and the means of cure still
more conjectural, yet still there is something in the
province of science, and the skill of the well read and
experienced physician.
Why then do you not put the law in force against
such an attack upon the druggist, said an orator? You
see his chest of medicine broken open, before your
eyes, and his shelves pulled down, and the tables under
foot, and yet no one bound over, or the riot act
read.
Soft and fairly said the peace officers, all in good
time.
Take sail from the mast when there comes too
strong a blast. A madness prevails at present. It
will be but of a fortnights continuance. When the people
get a thing into their heads, the best way is to let
them go on. They will come to themselves by and
by.
But in the mean time they will do a great deal of
harm, said the Captain.
It is in the atmosphere said the orator! is it imported,
or of domestic origin, said a thinking man among
the croud.
It may be imported, or it may be of domestic origin
said a simple man; for both abroad and at home, we
-- 061 --
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have instances of such madness occasionally breaking
out, owing to some subtil gas in the holds of vessels,
or that breeds in our own streets. It may come from
France or Ireland: but what is there to hinder it
springing up here, where there are as good materials
to work upon, as on the other side the water. Human
nature is the same every where.
-- 062 --
CHAPTER IX.
[figure description] Page 062.[end figure description]
THE memoir of the bog-trotter had now made
its appearance, and was read with avidity by all ranks,
and classes of the community. The novelty of the
matter made the stile agreeable and it was called up
as a model of fine writing. In fact the school master
who was the real author, Teague furnishing only materials,
had some knowledge of the English grammar,
and had read the Pilgrims Progress, the Seven
Champions of Christendom, Reynard the Fox, the
Siege of Troy, and had a diction not unpleasing, and
tolerably correct.
The place of a professor of rhetoric in the college,
being vacant, it was suggested that the new author
might be an acquisition to give lectures on eloquence,
and Teague was, as usual, elated, with the proposition,
and solicited the Captain to countenance the
matter, with the trustees of the seminary, that, if he
had failed in the political, he might have a chance of
clevation in the literary world. The Captain accordingly
lent his aid, and though, with some reluctance,
undertook to press the matter with the friends of the
institution, still doubting in his own mind the capacity
of the candidate for a chair in a university. It is
true, he had heard tell of lectures on taste and
-- 063 --
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criticism, by those, who had not much taste, and were
no great critics themselves. But this was considered
as abuse, and not to pass into precedent. However,
he consented and did broach the matter. It was likely
to be carried and would have been carried, but for
the other professors, who said it would be a burlesque
on them, and threatened to resign if the thing was
pushed any farther, as in their opinion, however
great the fame of this phenomenon might be, he was
in fact, but an illiterate person, and fitter for a professor
of gymnastics, than of letters in an academy.
A professor of gymnastics, then let him be, said the
Captain. It is true he has not read Salzman on the
athletics of schools, or Strutt on the games and pastimes
of England; nevertheless he can play, at prison
best, barley-bret; blind-mans-buff; the hindmost of
three, and fool in the corner. He is no slouch at
swere-arse; is a pretty good hitch at a wrestle; and
can run and leap abundantly well.
So saying, he turned about, and walked away, with
his stick in his hand, to look for the bog-trotter, and
to bring him forward for the professorship; but had
not walked far, before he fell in with the remains of the
Doctor's shop that had been thrown out upon the
street; and where was Teague in a stall turned doctor,
and selling drugs to the multitude, arsenic for
worm-powder, and laudanum for wine-cordial. He had
picked up the phials when the apothecary had run off
fearing the multitude, and the people thinking this
man his deputy, or substitute, selling off at a low
price, were willing to take a bargain while they could
get it.
The Captain was irritated on the score of humanity,
and for the first time, made a stroke at the bogtrotter.
The cudgel lighting on a box of Spanish flies
that was going off at twelve and a half cents, dis
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A dialogue ensued, and much
But the result was, that the vendue
and it came to be understood, that
not the real owner of the ware-house,
and purchasers might be called upon to pay
for the drugs a second time. This last consideration
had an effect and the bidding ceased.
At this time John Murdoch came up, a shrewd
man, though not in any office, and being well acquainted
with the Captain, and the history of the bogtrotter,
made free to speak upon the occasion, and
addressing himself to the Captain; for the bog-trotter
had run off, whether fearing the stick, or to spend
the money he had gathered. Captain, said he, Nemo
omnibus horis sapit; no man is wise at all times.
You have been a long time seeking to get your man
into place, and now that he had got into place without
you; for accident often does more for a man than
his best friends; you have been unwilling that he
should stay in it. Nay, you have driven him from it.
He had just got into a good way in an honourable and
lucrative profession, and you have stopt his career
with your batabuy, or shalelah, a weapon which, from
his infancy he had been taught to dread. Do you
think the greater part of doctors are better read than
he was; or even if better read, does their reading
turn to more account? Will the people employ them
sooner, because they are learned in their profession?
Or, even if learned, is their skill the more to
be depended on? One of the faculty has said; ars
nostra conjecturalis est. Hoffman ran down
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Boerhaave; Cullen, Hoffman; Brown, Cullen; and the
system now among the physicians, is a hotch potch,
or mixture of all. O'Regan might have been a quack;
but the faculty tell us that medicine is much indebted
to quacks. Mercury was brought into use by them,
and it is now the panacea, the specific for all diseases,
the consumption itself. Gravity is the most practical
qualification. Could not Teague assume a grave appearance;
a sober physiognomy, a measured step,
with a cane in his hand; a steady look straight bebefore;
a nod to those that pass by, as if from a
thinking man? Could not he feel a pulse, and speak
mysteriously, if he could not speak learnedly, not
having given clinical lectures, or attended them? Or
could he not hold his tongue a long time, and say
nothing; which would answer the purpose just as
well; for silence is obscurity, and obscurity is sublimity.
When the patient is dead, it was the disease
killed him, not the doctor. Dead men tell no tales.
Facilis descensus averni. I have heard the blind lawyer
discoursing to this effect, that in the profession
of the law, which is an ostensible profession, and
more likely to expose a man's parts, or faculties of
mind than almost any other, yet it is not always understood
who is the real lawyer; and a man may
have made an estate at the bar, before it is found out
that he is a fool. If he loses the cause by his mismanagement,
he lays it on the jury: or if the court
decide on a point of law contrary to the advice he had
given, what can I help it, says he, if a commission
cannot give sense. It is the law of the books, though
it is not the law of their heads. The client submits,
and is better pleased with his counsel, than with an
honest fellow who had told him in the first instance;
or would tell him in the last, that his cause was none
of the best; and the verdict, or judgment right. If
-- 066 --
[figure description] Page 066.[end figure description]
this is the case in a profession, that, in comparison of
the other, is visible, and tangible; that you can reach
it in its exhibition, what must it be in an art which
is less in view; where the ignorance of the practitioner
is capable of more concealment; and the man
dies who is most hurt, and carries his complaint before
Minos, and Rhadamanthus, who wait until the
doctor comes to give him a fair hearing?
It is not that I had any doubt, said the Captain, of
his getting into practice, that I had been opposed to
his empiricism. My apprehension rather was, that
he would get too much practice, and have too many
lives to answer for morally and in conscience, if not
legally. For what did he know of drugs, or of their
effect upon the constitution? If you go to conscience
and morality with it, I have done, said Mr. Murdoch.
You leave no reasoning for me. I was speaking as a
man of the world, and the making a living: if you
feel yourself entramelled with that sort of doctrine,
you are on the other side the line: I have no concern
with you: You belong to the old school.
The doctor, in the mean time had come back, and
was examining the depredations.
An inventory was taken under the direction of the
Captain that what remained might be compared with
the original stock, and the loss ascertained, that it
might be compensated to the poor man by subscription.
As to what had been purloined by Teague in
the way of sale, he undertook himself to make up
that, having been somewhat accessary to it by introducing
the bog-trotter to the village.
-- 067 --
CHAPTER X.
[figure description] Page 067.[end figure description]
FROM what has been stated of the activity of
mind among the inhabitants of this village, and especially
from the samples that have been given of their
attention to politics it will not be a subject of wonder,
that there was a village coffee-house, on a small scale
in this place, and that the people sometimes met here,
to smoke a pipe, and take a glass of beer and read a
news paper. It might be called a beer house, if what
was drank in it gave the name; for more ale was
drank than coffee; but in imitation of the larger
towns it was called a coffee house. It happened that
the Captain wishing to learn the news of the coffee-house,
took a walk there.
Teague, with what he had collected from the sale
of the drugs, had been here before them; and taking
on himself the air of a politician, had called for pipes
and tobacco, and was looking over a gazette; not that
he could read; but to induce people to believe that
he read; occasionally also, as if unconscious of those
around him, throwing out a sentence, in French; a
little of which he had acquired as a parrot would
language: such phrases, as save qui peut: tam pis
pour lui; a la guillotine. Nor did he neglect the
shrug of the shoulders, a habit of expressing the
-- 068 --
[figure description] Page 068.[end figure description]
emotions of the mind, which remained still in some
degree among the republicans, though it had been
contracted under the monarchy, when people were
afraid to speak out, and raised the back, when they
did not dare to lift the voice; and dumb signs served
instead of a viva voce declaration. This suited the
bog-trotter and enabled him to conceal his ignorance.
Not that he had the prudence to intend this; but imitating
what he had seen abroad, he took up the character
at home.
The attention of the benches was attracted by his
physiognomy, and attitude; and in the opinion of
some, he was taken for a French minister or consul;
by others for an emigrant of distinction that had lost
his property, for the sake of his title of nobility.
The Captain hearing these surmises, impelled by
the natural candour of his mind, could not avoid explaining.
It is neither French minister, nor consul,
said he; but my bog-trotter, that I had detected
some time ago, selling drugs, and passing himself
for a physician. He might be qualified to be a horse
doctor, but certainly not to practice on the human
constitution. But what particularly excited indignation,
was his purloining the medicines, taking and
carrying away, what did not belong to him, and was
aggravated by the circumstance, of the things being
thrown into the open air, by the rioters who had broken
the house, and dispersed the shop, to the great
injury of the poor apothecary whose property they
were. I had taken it on myself to chastise him, considering
myself under obligation to restrain him, having
been accessary to his coming to the village. And
if you will give me leave gentlemen, and excuse the
time and place, I will take the liberty to deal a few
blows at this instant, as he cannot conveniently escape
from the boxes before my stroke overtakes him.
-- 069 --
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Not giving time for reflection, or reply on the part
of those present, he raised his baton, and was about
to strike; Teague on the other hand, had up his
heart of oak, also, if not to offend, at least, to defend,
and parry the stroke; his countenance in the
mean time arguing submission: his words also,
whether from fear, or respect, softening and conciliatory.
God love your soul, said he, and be aisy; and
not be after beating me before dese paple dat know
nothing o' de matter; that will take you for an
ould fool, beating and fighting for nothing: Just
for making a copper out o' de offals of a farrier, selling
dem to de paple when de mountebank himself
ran off. It is a good job to be making a penny in
hard times. If your honour will give me lave, I will
introduce your honour, to dese paple dat have taken
me for a French minister. I tought I had looked
more like a papish Praist. But as dey know best, it
is all de same to me. I will drink your honour's
health in a tankard of ail if your honour will plase to
call for it. Dese shivil looking strangers, dat I never
saw before, will like your honour better than kicking
and cuffing wid your shalelah and putting yourself
in a passion wid a bog-trotter, dat never meant you
any harm.
The address seemed reasonable; and those present
interfering, the Captain consented to let him off,
advising more honesty and fair dealing for the future.
But, in his apology to the company, for what might
seem an impropriety in behaviour, he was led to give
the history of the Hibernian, and the circumstance of
his being in France, which accounted for his affecting
the French manner, and occasional attempts at
the language. This in the mean time led to a general
conversation on the affairs of France, and the history
of the revolution. Observations were made
-- 070 --
[figure description] Page 070.[end figure description]
above the ordinary stile of beer-house conversation;
and of which, though expressed in a desultory manner,
as each one took the pipe from his mouth, or
listened to the suggestions of others, it may be worth
while to give a sample.
One of these who had a considerable fluency of
tongue, and ready memory, observed, “That the loss
of liberty in the course of that revolution was owing
to the unskilfulness of those who conducted it.”
But in like situations, said another, is it reasonable
to expect more skill? The mass of the people conducted
the revolution, and is it in the nature of things,
for them to stop at a proper point?
It is in the nature of things, said another; but it is
a rare felicity. It is natural to distrust him who proposes
to stop short of what seems a complete reform.
The sovereign people is as liable to the impulse of passion,
and as open to the insinuations of flatterers as an
individual tyrant. The courtier devoid of principle,
in the democratic hall, gets the ear of the populace,
as he would that of a Prince, and abuses it.
I do not know well what a man can better do, said
another, than just to fall in with the current of opinion
and when it changes, change with it. We are right,
say the people. You are right, says the man of prudence.
We were wrong, say the people. You were
wrong, says the same man. Who is ever displeased
with a person that has been in the same error with
himself?
That is true said the Captain: but is there no such
thing as public spirit? Is there not a spice of virtue
to be found in a republic? Who would not devote
himself for the public good? Were Phocion, and
Philopoemen time servers? I grant that it is not the
way ultimately to make friends of them, and to have
their confidence. Let school boys propose to rob a
-- 071 --
[figure description] Page 071.[end figure description]
hen-roost, they will respect him who dissuaded,
though it was not popular, but incurred the imputation
of cowardice, and a want of spirit, at the time. Let
them rob a garden, and be brought to punishment,
they will revere him who had told them it was wrong
but was hurried along with them, and suffered by
their fault. It is by these means that amongst savages,
strong minds obtain the ascendancy and are trusted
by the nation. Great is the force of truth, and it
will prevail. It requires great courage to bear testimony
against an error in the judgment of the multitude;
as it is attended with present disreputation.
Yet courage is virtue, and is its own reward.
The great mischief of democracy is party, said an
orator, who had taken the pipe from his teeth.
It is the great advantage of it, said his neighbour,
It is the angel that descends at a certain season and
troubles the pool of Bethsaida, that the lame person
may be made whole. Were it not for party, all things
would go one way; the commonwealth woudl stagnate.
But let one party obtain the ascendancy, and does it
not come to the same thing. All things will go one
way then; or rather stand still.
Not so, said the captain; no party can maintain
power long. The ascendancy carries its overthrow
along with it. The duration depends upon the judgment
of the leaders of the councils. But the leaders,
will find that they cannot lead always. While they
were struggling up the ascent, every one was willing
to be helped, and took advice. But on the top of the
precipice, scampver and hoop, and there is no restraining
them. A leader of judgment, will always find it
more difficult to manage his own people than to combat
his adversaries. They cannot be bruoght to halt
-- 072 --
[figure description] Page 072.[end figure description]
at a proper point; and their errors bring them down
again, as those in power did before them.
However, this is wandering from the point, said a
man in a black wig; we were talking of the French;
who says that Bonaparte did not usurp the government?
I am of that opinion, said the Captain; for there
was no government to usurp. He put down the directory,
who had themselves put down the councils.
The banishment to Cayenne, is a proof of this.
I agree with you, said an individual on the other
side of the box, or bench, as it rather might be called.
It was the Mountainards that runed the republic, at
the very time they were running down others under
the charge of incivicism, and conspiracy against the
republic.
Doubtless, said the Captain; It is in popular intemperance,
that aristocracy, and despotism have
their source.
At this instant the blowing of a horn announced the
arrival of the post; the late papers were brought into
and all began to read.
-- 073 --
CHAPTER XI.
[figure description] Page 073.[end figure description]
THE Captain having a short space of time to
spare from his avocations, and disposed to take the air,
had walked out and coming near the small building
which served as a hospital for the village, was disposed
to visit it and see the state in which it was, with
what new objects, since he had been absent on his
peregrinations.
He was shewn by the keeper an extraordinary object
in a cell, a man who imagined himself a moral
philosopher, delivering lectures. His observations
were occasionally fraught with good sense. While
the Captain stood, in the passage opposite his door, he
made a note of some part of his discourse, and which,
having had an opportunity of copying, we shall give
to the reader. It was on the subject of the resentment
of injuries.
“It is a strange thing, said he that we cannot submit
with equanimity to evils in the moral world, as we
do in the natural. We expect a fair day, and there
comes a foul. Is it any gratification to us, to beat the
air, or stamp upon the puddle? Who would think of
giving the cow-skin to a hurricane? Yet the greatest
damage is sometimes done by a blast of wind. He
would be thought a madman, and be sent to this
-- 074 --
[figure description] Page 074.[end figure description]
place, who was deprehended buffeting a whirlwind,
even though it had torn up by the roots, or broken
down a fruit tree. He must be out of his senses indeed,
that would have recourse to a bludgeon, in case
of an attack by an inundation. It would be a laughing
stock to see even a Turk giving the bastinado, to a
hot season, or to cold weather. The knout to a Russian
winter! Did the Pope ever excommunicate a
storm on the ocean? What man is angry with a
squall of wind? He considers it as an evil, and composes
his mind to the loss of his merchandize. Is
ingratitude less to be expected? And yet when it happens,
we reprobate, and seek revenge. Sufferings
from moral causes, are just as common as from natural.
And yet when an injury is committed by a human
creature, we are taken by surprise, and lose temper.
Cannot we turn away, as from a sudden gust,
and take shelter under some one willing to protect
us, without thinking more of the enemy that had
beaten us, with his fist, or abused us with a bad
tongue? The pelting of a hail stone never induces
you to use hard words, or to demand satisfaction of
the atmosphere; and yet you will send a challenge,
and risk your own life to punish a man that has barely
slighted you in manner, or in words. Why not take
the other side of the road, and pass him by as you
would a pond of water, or a marshy place? Cannot
we take the necessary precautions against calumny, as
we would against foul air, without putting ourselves
in a passion with the author of the defamation any
more than with a vapour, or an exhalation? But
there is such a thing, as will and intention in the moral
agent. Is this any thing more than an idea, a
matter of our own imaginations? It is the same thing
to us whether there is a spirit in the winds, or no spirit
when a house is blown down; or the roof carried
-- 075 --
[figure description] Page 075.[end figure description]
away. What is it to us, whether the cause thinks,
or does not think. We blame it the most sometimes
because it does not think. We call in question the
understanding of a man when he wrongs us; and say,
if he had the reflection of a reasonable being, he would
have conducted himself in a different manner. And
yet the consideration that he had not reflection, does
not mitigate, but increases our resentment. Oh! the
inconsistency of human life and manners. I am shut
up here as a madman, in a mad place, and yet it appears
to me that I am the only rational being amongst
men, because I know that I am mad, and acknowledge
it, and they do not that they are mad, or acknowledge
it.”
As far as my small judgment goes, says an orator,
when he is about to express an opinion; and yet he
does not think his judgment small. He would take
it much amiss if any one took him at his word, and
would say, true it is, your judgment is but small. All
think themselves wise, wise, wise. But I say, fools,
fools, fools. At this he threw himself down on his
couch, and fell asleep.
In the next apartment was an insane person, who
stiled himself the “Lay Precher,” who took his
text as usual; and began to preach. Book of Judges,
21. 25. “In those days there was no King in Israel;
and every man did that which was right in his own
eyes.”
That was right, said a mad democrat, who was
confined in a cell across the passage. When we got
quit of a king, the same thing was expected here,
“that every man should do that which was right in
his own eyes;” but behold we are made to do that
which is right in the eyes of others. The law governs,
and this law is made up of acts of assembly, and the
decisions of the courts; and a kind of law they call
-- 076 --
[figure description] Page 076.[end figure description]
the common law. A man's nose is just as much upon
the grind-stone as it was before the revolution. It is
not your own will that you must consult; but the
will of others. Down with all law, and give us a free
government, “that every man may do that which is
right in his own eyes.”
Madman, said the Preacher; thou knowest not
what thou sayest. It is not allowable that men should
do that which is right in their own eyes. A man is
not a proper judge of right in his own cause. His
passions bias his judgment. He cannot see the right
and justice of the case. The want of a king in Israel
was accompanied with the want of laws. I do not
mean to say that, without a king there cannot be
laws. But kings are put here for government, that
being the government, at that period known in the
world. For even a mixed monarchy is an improvement
of later times. The meaning is, there being
no government, every man did that which was right
in his own eyes; and ten to one, but it was wrong in
the eyes of others: A wild state of anarchy. A time
for Sampson to live, that could knock down people
with “the jaw bone of an ass.”
What worse, said the democrat, than amongst us,
where we see honest men knocked down with the
jaw bones of lawyers, arguing a cause, and the judges
that decide upon the case.
Passing on, the Captain came to the stair case,
and ascended to the second story; he wished to see a
mad poet who had been engaged in travestying his
travels. He had the advantage of a commodious
apartment, more so, than some of those who have
surpassed him in his art in different places and periods
of the world. The poet Dryden was not so well
accommodated, at the time he wrote his St. Cecilia's
Ode, which is thought to be the best of his
-- 077 --
[figure description] Page 077.[end figure description]
compositions. The poet that we have before us, was a quiet
man, and had the privilege of the hospital, to go and
come as he pleased, but not to go without the walls.
He was confined here by his relations merely as a
matter of convenience, being so absent in mind, that
he was incapaple of taking care of himself. The
manuscript, in doggerel verse, would seem to be sufficient
to compose a book, half as large as Hudibras.
He was overjoyed to see the Captain, who was the
hero of his poem; and the Captain was no less amused
to see him, and the adventures of which he made
a part turned into rhyme. His sensations were equally
sublime with those of the Trojan hero, when he
saw the war of Troy in the paintings hung up in the
hall of the queen of Carthage. The circumstance
was not less entertaining to him as the actor, or the
speaker in the course of the adventures so recorded,
and he consented to accept a copy, not that he meant
to give it to the press, but to cast his eye over it, for
his particular amusement: nevertheless, the manuscript
having fallen into our hands, we shall select
parts of it, and according as the reader seems to like
that which he gets, we shall give him more. In the
mean time we shall dismiss the Captain from the
hospital, not but that there was much more to see and
hear amongst the Bedlamites still, but affected with
melancholy and weary of the scene. At the same time
doubting with himself, whether those he saw confined
were more devoid of reason than the bulk of men running
at large in the world. He had no doubt of one
being a lunatic of whom the keeper made mention,
but whom he had not an inclination to visit, in the second
story; for he was said to be employed looking
at the moon, with a pair of spectacles which he took
for a telescope. For lunacy means moon-struck, and
this seemed to be the case with him.
-- 078 --
CHAPTER XII.
[figure description] Page 078.[end figure description]
HAVING turned his back on the hospital,
there was a concourse of people: the cry was a new
code of laws.
A new code, said a grave man? Is not the old,
the result of experience, a gradual accession of rules
and regulations in society? Begin again, and you
would come to the same result at last. But to form
laws from abstract comprehension, fitted to all exigencies,
is not within the compass of the powers of man.
It is sufficient if he can form a schedule or plan of
government; this is the outline, the interior gyrations,
must be made up from repeated experiments.
The words new code, were mistaken by some
amongst the crowd, for no code.
No code, was repeated through the multitude.
What no laws at all, said the grave man?
No laws, was the outcry immediately, and every
vociferous person wishing to hear himself speak, and
every timid person, afraid of being suspected of incivicism,
began to call out, no laws.
That will never do, said the grave man, it were
better to have no judges than to have no laws, or at
least as bad. For how can men judge but by laws.
Arbitrary discretion is a blind guide.
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The words no judges, had been heard more distinctly
than the rest, and supposing it to be a substitute
for no laws, voices came from every quarter in
support of the amendment. I support the amendment;
I agree to the substitute, no judges, no
judges.
The clamour became general, down with the
judges.
This puts me in mind, said the Captain, of the
sermon of the Lay Preacher. I should have no objection
to an amendment of the law, or to new judges
but no laws, no judges, is more than I had expected
to have heard in an assembly of republicans.
A person standing by was struck with the good
sense and moderation of this remark, and stepping
forward, made his harangue.
I will not say, said he, that I am for no judges;
But this I will say, that new judges is a desideratum
in the body politic. The grater part that we have
are grown gray, and are as blind as bats: they cannot
see without spectacles. I am for new judges.
You talk of judges, said the grave man, as if it was
as easy to make a judge of law as to make a bird-cage,
or a rat-trap.
What, said a merry fellow, shall we have new
shoes, new pantaloons, and new every thing; and
shall we not have new judges? We shall never do
any good with the present set of judges on the bench.
It was carried that there should be new judges.
But having disposed of the old, it became a question
whom they should elect for new. The bog-trotter
was proposed for one, having had his name up
before in the matter of the newspaper.
What, my waiter, said the Captain? Yes, your
waiter, said a wag, or a fool, I do not know which.
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You astonish me, said the Captain. My waiter a
judge of the courts. He will make sad work on a
bench of justice. He will put down all law. He will
silence all lawyers. He will have no law: no books;
no cases; all plain sailing, with him. Every man his
own lawyer, state his own cases, and speak for himself.
No Hooks and Crooks; no Hawkins; no Bacons;
or Blackstones; or Whitestones; no Strange
cases; no law of evidence. Every man sworn and
tell what he knows, whether he has seen it, or heard
it, at second, or at first hand: interest or no interest;
all the same; let the jury believe what they
think proper; and the judge state the law from his
thumbs ends without books.
This is madness, and here I have more trouble on
my hands with this bog-trotter, than I have ever had
before. It is a more delicate matter to see him placed
on the seat of justice, to administer the laws, than to
be in the Senate House, and assist to make them.
For in that case he would be but a component member
of a great body, and his errors, might be lost in
the wisdom of the other members. But in the capacity
of judge he is sole, or with but a few, and it is
an easier matter to frame a single law than to expound
and apply a thousand.
Gentlemen, said he, addressing himself to the
multitude, you will ruin your administration. You
will bring disgrace upon it. The people will not feel
your error at once; but they will feel it by and bye,
and will depose you who have been the most active
in this cavalcade. That is, they will withdraw from
you their confidence. The abuse of power leads to
the loss of it. No party in a government, can exist
long, but by moderation and wisdom. The duration
of power, will always be in proportion to the discreet
use of it. I am shocked at your indiscretion. Have
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not some of you read Don Quixotte? In the capacity
of judge, Sancho Panzo made some shrewd decisions;
or rather Cervantes made them for him; for, I
doubt much whether Sancho ever made one of them.
But who is there of you, will make decisions for
Teague. I doubt much whether he would take advice,
or let any one judge in his behalf. Besides
that of a judge is not a ministerial office, and cannot
legally be exercised by deputy. You will make pretty
work of it with Teague for a judge. It may be according
to the light of nature; but not according to
the law of nature that he will judge. At least, not
according to the law of nations: for no nation under
heaven ever had such a judge. Not even in the most
unenlightened times. If he had a knowledge even of
the old Brehon law, in his native country, it might
be some help. But in matters of meum and tuum he
has a certain wrong headedness that hinders him
from ever seeing right. He thinks always on the
one side; that is on his own side. But what he
would do between suitors, I am not so clear, but I
take it he would be a partial judge. The man has
no principle of honour or honesty. He would be an
unjust judge.
Will not the commission make him a judge, exclaimed
one of the multitude.
But will it make him capable of judging, said the
Captain?
Why not, said a boisterous man. What else
qualifies or makes fit. Can the most sensible man,
or the most learned person, judge without a commission?
Doubtless that is the authority, said the Captain.
But still the capacity.
Capacity! Said a man, with a bit out of the one
side of the membrane of his nose, snivelling in his
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speech; capacity! Give me the commission, and I
will shew you the capacity. Let me see who will
dare to question my capacity.
Such a burlesque, said the blind lawyer, tends naturally
to the overthrow of justice. For able and conscientious
men will withdraw from a degraded station.
Intrigue, worse than, perhaps, the arm of flesh itself,
will come to be employed in the management of causes.
Security of person, property, and reputation, the
great end of civil institutions, will be rendered precarious.
The security of them depends upon fixed and
known rules, as well as the application of them. It
is not an easy matter to attain a knowledge of these
rules. The laws of a single game at school, or of
such as employ manhood, in an hour of amusement,
is a thing of labour to acquire. The law parliamentary;
or rules of a legislative body, is not learnt in a
day. And yet without a knowledge of it, there is a
want of order, as well as dispatch in business. The
laws of municipal regulation in a community, laws
of external structure, and internal police, are not attainable
with the celerity of a moments warning.
But when we come to the rules of property, the laws
of tenure and of contract, a field opens, that startles
the imagination. Even the study of years, makes
but a sciolist. But, you will say, lay aside rules.
Let all decisions spring from the dictates of common
sense applied to the particular case before the judge.
But the mere arbitrary sense of right and wrong, is
an unsafe standard of justice. A free government, is
a government of laws. A Cadi or a Mufti are tolerable
only in despotic countries. You are destroying
your republic by undermining the independence, and
respectability of your judiciary. It is that branch of
the government, on which liberty most essentially
depends.
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The multitude seemed to be but little moved by
these observations, which made it necessary for the
Captain to try what could be done with the bog-trotter
himself, to dissuade him from accepting the appointment.
Accordingly, taking him aside, he spoke
to him as follows:
Teague, said he, will there be no end of your
presumption? I take it to be a great error of education
in our schools, and colleges, that ambition is
encouraged by the distribution of honours, in consideration
of progress in letters; that one shall be
declared the first scholar in languages, another in
mathematics. It is sufficient that the fact be so
without announcing it. The self-love of the student
will find it out himself, without information, and his
fellows will be ready to acknowledge it, provided that
it is not arrogated, or a demand made that it be formally
acknowledged. For this takes away the friendship
of others, and corrupts the moral feelings of the
successful competitor himself. Ambition springs up,
that accursed root which poisons the world. Now,
you cannot lay your ambition to the charge of schools
or colleges: for, you have never been at any seminary
whatever, as far as I understand, if I may guess
from your want of attainments in academic studies;
and yet notwithstanding you have never been in the
way of the distinction of grades, and prizes, and literary
honours; you have discovered an ambition of a
full grown size, even at this early period of your life.
It must be a bad nature that has generated this preposterous
aiming and stretching at promotion. A
wise man will weigh, what he undertakes; what his
shoulders can bear, and what they cannot. He will
consider whether the office is fit for him, or whether
he is fit for the office. He will reflect that the shade
is oftentimes the most desirable situation. Do you
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see that bird upon the tree there? It builds its nest
with care, and endeavours to render it convenient.
But does it build it on the topmost bough, exposed
to the sun, and the heavy rain; or rather does it not
choose an inferior branch in the thickest of the umbrage?
Take a lesson from the fowls of heaven, and
the brutes of the field. It is not the elevation of place,
but the conveniency of accommodation that governs
them. Ambition is an accursed germe of evil in the
human mind. It is equally destructive of the happiness
of the possessor and of that of others. You a
republican, and yet destitute of republican virtue, the
basis of which I take to be humility and self-denial.
Were I the master of an academy, the first, and continual
lesson would be, to attain science, and be
learned; but as to seeming so, to consider it as of no
account. Science would discover itself. The possessing
knowledge would be its own reward. The concealment
of all self-knowledge of this advantage, not
only constitutes the decent and the becoming in life,
but lays the foundation of emolument in the good will
of others. It may be pardonable in early age to have
pride in the advantage of bodily form; but we call
in question the modesty of a youth, male or female,
who seems to set an inordinate value, on a limb or a
feature. How much less tolerable, the pride of mental
superiority. But of all things under heaven the
most contemptible, and the least sufferable, is that of
incompetency to a trust, and the aspiring to a place,
for which the candidate is not qualified; or, even if
qualified, against modesty, and the claims of others.
It brings a man to be the subject of a laugh, and ridicule.
Do you know that the making you a judge,
was but a farce, in the manner that Sancho Panzo
was advanced to a government. You have read
the Don Quixotte of Cervantes, I presume. But
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what do I say; you read Don Quixotte! you have
read nothing; and yet you would be a judge. Ambition,
I tell you, is an evil. You have read of Julius
Cæsar, in the Roman history. Again I forget myself.
You have read nothing. But I may tell you of
him. What was the purple to him compared with
losing the affections of his countrymen? Though, by
the bye, there is some reason to think that it was
neck or nothing with him, and that self-preservation
made it necessary to usurp the empire, things having
come to that state at Rome, that if he did not usurp,
another would. But a good republican, and a virtuous
man, would rather fall, than save his life, at the
expence of the rights of others. But it slips my memory
that I am talking to a bog-trotter. There is
no making a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Suppose
you were made a judge; in this hurly burly of the
public mind, would your standing be secure, even
with the most perfect competency for the place? You
would not stand two throws of a weaver's shuttle.
Your chair, under you, would be like an old piece of
furniture bought at a vendue, put together for sale;
the glueing gone, and the joints broken. It would
fall before it had felt half your weight, and leave you,
with your backside upon the floor. New judges today,
and the public mind would have desired new
judges to-morrow Consider the physical consequence
of being broken from the bench. Take my word it
is not a common breaking this; it will affect your
frame at every change of the weather. It will make
an almance of your whole system. It will make your
joints ache. It will be worse than a sprain in the ancle;
or a rheumatism in the limbs; or a sciatica in
the small of the back. It will give you a cholic every
new moon, and take away your sleep at midnight. It
will give you the jaundice; and hurt your
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complexion. Your eyes will become yellow, and your cheeks
green. You will lose your appetite; and not be able
to eat, even when you can get it. Why man; it
will blister your feet, and break your shins. It will
bring you to death's door, before you have lived half
your days.
By de holy poker, said Teague, I will be no judge,
if dat is de way of it. Dey may judge for demselves;
I will be no judge. De devil a judge will I be; I
would sooner dig turf or be a horse jockey at fairs in
Ireland, dan be a judge on dose terms; so dey may
make whom dey please a judge for me.
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CHAPTER XIII. CONTAINING OBSERVATIONS.
[figure description] Page 087.[end figure description]
TO speak seriously upon the subject, I doubt
much, whether in the present commercial state of
society, and where property is not held in common,
people would be safe and prosperous without law altogether.
I do not know whether, even lawyers are
not a necessary evil. It is true, they take up more
time, than is perhaps necessary, in their pleadings,
and cite more authorities than are absolutely applicable
to the point in question. The younger council
read authorities, to shew that they have read, and the
older to prove that they have not forgotten. I would
allow ninety nine cases out of an hundred, that have
nothing to do with the matter; but the citing five
hundred cases, not one of which is any thing to the
purpose, is carrying it to an excess which in strictness
cannot be justified. It takes up time, and is not
paying a proper respect to the common sense of the
country. A little original reason and reflection of the
advocate himself might answer the purpose in some
cases. The reason of a man's own raising, may be
as good as that which is bought at market.
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—What is't t'us,
Though it were said by Trismegistus?
Not that I mean to undervalue, much less to lay
aside altogether, the assistance of borrowed reason,
and the auxiliary deductions of other men, whether
on this side the water or beyond it. But there is
such a thing as being enslaved to authorities, or at
least, loading the argument with too much incumbrance
of quotations. It depends a good deal upon
the countenance given by the court to such a lumber
drawn from old books; yet the correcting it requires
an infinity of care, lest you lose the advantages of
recurring to first principles.
Antiquos recludere fontes. The profound divine
reads the commentators and thence assists the comments
which he makes himself. The avoiding one
error leads into a worse.
—Fuga Culpæ,
In vitium ducit.
In tearing up the darnel, the wheat may come
with it. The books must be read.
Nocturna manu, versate diurna.
But in an argument, I value more the judgment
of selection, than the labour of collecting. It is a
flattering thing to a court, to take it for granted, that
they understand first principles; and even a jury are
not displeased when you seem to suppose in the summing
up the evidence, and the remarks upon it, that
they themselves can see a thing that is as plain as a
pike-staff. Hence, long speaking, and an over-minute
investigation, is sometimes odious. Or to attempt
to make them believe what cannot be believed,
makes a man sick, provided he is not disposed to
laugh. This depends a good deal on the natural
playfulness of his mind or the mood in which he is,
from the want of food, or sleep. I excuse the people
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shewing a dissatisfaction to the trial by jury, under
the pleadings of advocates, when the harangues, in
an evening are like to prove eternal. When the
stream of the orator turns upon itself; visits the
ground that it had left, and is unwilling to quit the
enchanted borders of the argument.
Yet, I think, all things considered, that there is
some use in courts of justice; and that it would not
consist with antient habits, to lay them aside all at
once. Liberty has been accustomed to them. I do
not find that she has ever done without them. Wherever
she comes, she seems to call for them.
There is a strange coincidence between liberty,
and an established jurisprudence. Whether it be
matter of accident, or a connection in the natural existence,
may deserve investigation. To give the devil
his due, there is a good deal of pains taken in the
courts to secure a fair trial, in the empanneling the
jurors, and the admissibility of evidence, whether
oral or written. As to the protecting the suitors from
each other, and what is called the consequential contempt,
it is a matter too delicate to touch upon, and
we shall pass it by. But it seems to me that the
peace is better kept, than if there were no courts at
all, and no protection given to the parties, relative to
the matter in question, even out of doors. However,
this I leave to the consideration of the prudent.
Some are of opinion that it would be better to argue
all matters of meum, or tuum, in the public papers,
or in hand-bills posted upon trees. The principal objection
I see to this, is that the suitors waxing warm
in the controversy, would call one another names and
come to blows. A great deal of ill-blood between
neighbours might shew itself. How could you keep
lawyers from writing in the gazettes, any more than
from speaking at the bar? And here, their jargon
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reduced to paper, would spread wider, and have more
permanence than floating on the atmosphere with
which their breath had mixed it in the first instance.
The theories of ingenious men are not to be discouraged;
yet it is not to be taken for granted that every
theory that is plausible, is practicable; and will be
found to answer the expectations of the most deliberate
projector.
The independence of judges, is a favourite theme
with the judiciary themselves. And doubtless there
is some reason on their side. For the Scripture
says, “the fear of man bringeth a snare;” and the
man that has most influence, in elections, is likely to
be most feared by an elective officer. It would not be
a state conducive to justice; that in giving judgment,
the judge should be under the temptation to be looking
about, and turning in his mind, the probability
of being turned out in consequence of the judgment
he was then to give: whether John O'Nokes, or John
O'Stiles were to be the next members of the Legislative
body. But this supposes judges fallible, and
subject to the weakness of human nature, which is
not to be supposed at all.
But if you confer independence any more than in a
ministerial officer, the judge becomes impudent.
Power corrupts. It is natural to count too much
upon a man's standing. Every one overrates his own
importance; much more his own services. Self-love,
and self-consequence swells, and produces oedematous
effects. The man that has given his vote at an
election, or written a paper, will conceive that he has
turned the election; that day light springs because he
has croaked. He will denounce the man that differs
from him, as swerving from the faith; the orthodoxy
of the creed; making no allowance for the different
organization of the brain, and the conception of
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things. How much more intolerant is a man like to
be, that conceives himself fixed in a seat for an interminable
period.
There is such a thing as tyranny in judges; and I
am no enemy to the investigation of official conduct.
But let the power paramount, the people take care
that they exercise not tyranny themselves; or give
way to passion, which even in a body politic, is possible.
Let the sovereign, like that of all the earth, do
justice; and consider that the possession of power is
upheld by justice.
But as to the notion of some, that law, lawyers, and
judges, might be laid aside altogether; I doubt as
already hinted, the good policy of this. At least the
experiment may be premature. Republican principles
have purified the world a good deal; but I do
not know that it is just come to this, that men are
universally virtuous. Some vestiges of that ironage
yet remain. The old man of federalism enters yet a
little into our dealings with each other. I admit that
public offices are pretty well purged; but there are
unfair transactions yet spoken of among the multitude.
It may be too soon yet to abolish all law, and
jurisprudence. I admit that courts of law are a check
upon the freedom of the press, and I excuse the publishers
of gazettes, in their zeal to have them overthrown,
or at least reduced to fear and subordination.
Because it is drawing all things to their own examination.
But are they sure that they are good republicans
in this? Or, indeed that they consult their own
security in the event of this licence. For prostrate
the courts, and the cudgel prostrates themselves.
While they are pushing at a judge, they are preparing
the way for some robust man in due time, to push at
them. With different weapons it is true. For the
weapons of the press, are spiritual, or of the mind;
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but that of the bludgeon is corporal, and made of
wood, or some other material of a solid substance.
It is not the interest of a printer that a judge be rendered
timid, by persecution; for he stands between
the cudgelist, or pugelist in a controversy with the man
of types. Thus the freedom of the press, is supported
by the laws, and by the due enforcement of them. Yet
it is natural for a man at first view, to think, that if
there were no courts, he could write with less restraint.
He could make every man tributary to his
opinion; or to his measures; for if he did not libel, he
could threaten to libel, and compel a submission.
It seems to me that a poor man is safer in a country
of laws, than in one without laws. “For wealth
maketh many friends;” and I do not hear any complaints
that the rich are favoured in the courts. But,
that may be owing to the mode of trial, which is in
the face of the world, and where lawyers are suffered
to make as free with the character and conduct of a
rich rogue in a cause, as with one of a more circumscribed
estate. This last is one argument I have
just hit upon, in favour of lawyers; and I find myself
well disposed to give them a lift when I can with
propriety. For though I would be willing to muzzle
them a little in their speeches; yet I do not wish to
see them run down altogether.
Fortitude is a requisite qualification in a judge. It
requires resolution to preserve order at the bar; overawe
petulance; arrest impertinence in manners, or
in argument; suppress side-bar conversation; and
render the practice tolerable to practitioners of mild
and modest demeanor; of delicate and gentle disposition;
of scrupulous honour, and liberality in the
conduct of a suit, or management in courts. Resolution
is necessary to decision unequivocal and satisfactory,
unawed by forensic opinion or the influence
of individuals. It is dangerous therefore to sap this
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spirit of independence, by the precarious tenure of
the office, while at the same time the right of the
citizen is examined, and the power of the court considered
in its latitude and operation. All I mean to
say, is, that the examination of the judicial conduct is
a high trust, in the view of an enlightened public,
and answerable to the present time, and to posterity,
for the consequences.
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CHAPTER XIV.
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WHAT is the reason of the fluctuations of
parties in republics?
The reasons are many. But one is the unskilful
driving of the state carriage, by those who get possession
of the curricle. Phaeton, you know, though
he had the best advice from his father
In medio tutissimus ibis.
The middle way is the best; yet before the middle
of the day, he had set the earth on fire. The people
are always honest, but oftentimes the instruments of
their own servitude; by distrust where they ought to
have confidence, and confidence where they ought to
have distrust. The bulk cannot have perfect information;
and that reach of thought which observation,
and experience gives. They must trust a good deal
to others in the science of government, and the expediency
of public measures; and it depends upon
those whom they do trust, whether the power of a
party is long lived, or short. All depends upon the
wisdom, and integrity of those that lead. What ruined
the federal administration, but the intemperance
of driving. The upright disapproved, and the prudent
forsook it. The unskilful pilots were not aware
of an under current that had begun to set. Extremes
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will always beget the same effect; and like the tension
of a chord, produce a return in a contrary direction.
Judgment, how far to go, and where to stop,
is the great secret. Trained shaft horses, that will
back down the inclined plane of a hill, are excellent
in a team. Younglings, though mettlesome, and generous,
are apt to draw too fast, upon a declivity or
even on a plain.
For that reason, I cannot say, that I am favourable
to a change of representatives every year, even when
what has been done, does not altogether please me.
Because experience is a great softner of the mind; it
gives knowledge. A man after some times begins to
understand the game, and to find out who it is that
takes a lead with a view to some object of his own.
That may be unfathomable in the early breaking of
the business, and yet come out at last. Or a man may
come to see his own error, and profit by the recollection.
But how will an honest man in a deliberate body,
know what to trust but his own judgment? Nothing.
Then let him think humbly, diligently, extensively,
distrusting pre-conceived opinions, and laying his
mind open to the light of truth. Yet there may be
some rules to guide the judgment. Such as trusting
the judgment of others who have had experience in
the science, or establishment, relative to which, the
question is agitated, or the measure proposed. Every
one is to be trusted in that thing, of which he has
some knowledge.
That man is to be trusted who is free from the
imputation of inordinate selfishness in private life.
You will find an artist that is fonder of the art than the
emoluments. There are men that connect the public
good with their own happiness; generous spirits
who manifest this by their disinterestedness in ordinary
transactions. This is a good sign, and ought to
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inspire confidence in their agency, in public matters.
The man that covets good will more than money, and
the praise of benevolence, more than that of private gain,
has some soul in him, and other things equal, is to be
trusted before him of a contracted spirit, and self-love
in all his actions.
But after all, things will take their course; and no
party in a republic will retain power always, because
they will abuse it; but the duration of power in an
elective government will depend considerably upon
the being able to distinguish between vigour and moderation.
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CHAPTER XV. CONTAINING OBSERVATIONS.
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THERE is a natural alliance between liberty
and letters. Men of letters, are seldom men of
wealth, and these naturally ally themselves with the
democratic interest in a commonwealth. These form
a balance with the bulk of the people, against power,
springing from family interest, and large estates. It
is not good policy in republicans to declare war against
letters; or even to frown upon them, for in literary
men is their best support. They are as necessary
to them as light to the steps. They are a safe
auxiliary; for all they want is, to have the praise of
giving information. The study of political law, and
municipal jurisprudence qualifies to inform, and hence
at the commencement of the American revolution,
lawyers were the first to give the alarm and assert
the rights of the people. Shall we forget the recent
services of lawyers in the framing the federal, and
state constitutions? The name of lawyer ought not
to be hunted down, because there are characters, unworthy
of the profession, with whom the love of
money is inordinate, and insatiable.
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There is ground, for the regret, that literary institutions
are not favoured; that it has become a popular
thing to call out against learning, as not necessary
to make republicans. The knowledge of our
rights, and capacity to prosecute, and defend them,
does not spring from the ground; but from education,
and study. Under a federal government; we are
peculiarly situated. We stand in need of law, learning,
and legal abilities to support ourselves in a contest
with the claims of the general government, which,
as it bounds the state jurisdiction, must in the nature
of things encroach upon it. It is of great moment,
with a view to this very object that our judiciary be
composed of able men, that under the concurrent
jurisdiction of the courts, it may be able to hold its
own; or more especially, that from a want of confidence
in the abilities of the state judges, recurrence
may not be had to the tribunals of the United States,
by legitimate election, or by those collusions against
which it is difficult to guard.
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CHAPTER XVI.
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THE rumour had prevailed, that the judges
had been broke.
Is it upon the wheel? Said a learned man; for he
did not think it could be with the bow-string that they
had been punished; for that is the mode towards
public officers, in the dominions of the Grand Seignior;
nor did he think it could have been with the
knout or bastinado; as that is usual only in Russia,
and makes a part of the penal code, at the discretion of
the Czar.
Not upon the wheel, said a by-stander; they are
not broke in that sense of the word. It is but a removal
from office, that is intended by the word, broke;
and not the breaking of the back, or the limbs, or any
part of the body.
Why break them? said the learned man, even in
that sense of the word. That is remove.
Because they gave a wrong judgment, said the by-stander.
There could na be a better reason, said a Scotch
gentleman, it is contrary to the very end o' their
creation.
Why not reverse their judgment? said the scholar.
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Because it is better to reverse themselves, said
the Scotch gentleman; and let them and their judgment
a' go thegether.
At saying this, a person came in who gave intelligence,
that the 4th of July being about to be celebrated,
the people had made choice of Teague O'Regan,
the Captain's man, to deliver an oration, on this,
the anniversary of our independence, and to draw up
the toasts.
Will absurdities never cease? said the Captain,
in a free government. My bog-trotter chosen to deliver
an harangue, in commemoration of the men, and
measures, of our great national contest! It is for the
celebration of the festival. Astonishing!
Teague, said he, I could have put up with the
great variety of functions to which you have been
proposed; or have proposed yourself; even that of a
judge of the courts of law; as being matters of a
mere secular nature, and forensic concern; but to be
the organ of the celebration of a festival, which has
become in a manner sacred, by the cause to which it
is consecrated, is beyond all endurance; and as to the
drawing up toasts, or sentiments for the day, you are
incompetent. You may be equal to the fabrication
of a common place allusion to the prevailing cry, and
make it the voice of the occasion, as for instance, to
give a slap at the judges.
But as to hitting off thoughts on the principles of
government; or practical application in the measures
of the administration, you are unequal to the task.
With regard to Teague himself, he had as little
thought of delivering an oration, or drawing up toasts
as any one else could have. The apothecary who
meant to sell medicines on that day, on a stage, had
employed him to act in the capacity of tumbler; not
that he could tumble; but that he could not tumble;
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and so, by preposterous attempts at agility would answer
the purpose of moving laughter, and drawing the
attention of the multitude, who being collected for
that purpose, might be drawn into another, the purchase
of worm powders, lozenges, and usual drugs.
The celebration of our national anniversary, will
no doubt, be continued while the union of these states
exists. It may be continued by the parts probably
after a dis-union; an event certain, and inevitable;
but which, the wise and the good delight to contemplate
as remote; and not likely to happen for innumerable
ages The orations delivered on this day,
may greatly contribute to postpone the event of a disunion,
by patriotic, and conciliatory sentiments. For
this reason, the best abilities, and the most virtuous
hearts ought to be chosen to be the orators of the occasion.
But the toasts, or sentiments given on the convivial
libations; not in honor of imaginary deities, as amongst
the Greeks and Romans; but in honor of deceased
heroes, who have passed from a scene where
they were mixed with us, and to a scene, where we
shall be mixed with them; these expressions of the
public mind, ought to be the peculiar care of the
aged and the wise. They ought to be the lectures of
wisdom. Taking up the matter in this point of view,
what delicacy ought to be attached to the expression
of sentiment. Let it be considered that on a single
thought may depend the essence of liberty; health
or poison may be communicated by a word. For the
toasts of this day are considered as indications of the
public will, and yet without a due sense of the solemn
obligations of honor and honesty, toasts are brought
forward, perhaps by an individual, in accommodation
to a local prejudice, and merely to accomplish the
purpose of an election to a public body. For the fact
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is, that toasts are not always real expressions of the
sentiments of even a majority of those who suffer them
to pass; they are introduced by the mistake of those,
who substitute the sentiments of the uninformed for
that of the whole community. But all that is illiberal,
on these occasions, ought to be avoided. All inhumanity,
and injustice. All anticipation of judgment
on cases depending; all expressions calculated to inflame
the decision. For a popular clamour once raised
is difficult to be resisted.
Democracy has its strength in strict integrity; in
perfect delicacy; in elevation and dignity of mind. It
is an unjust imputation, that it is rude in manners,
and coarse in expression. This is the characteristic
of slaves, in a despotism; not of democrats in a republic.
Democracy embraces the idea of a standing
on virtue alone; unaided by wealth or the power of
family. This makes “the noble of nature” of whom
Thomas Payne speaks. Shall this noble not know his
nobility, and be behind the noble of aristocracy who
piques himself upon his honour, and feels a stain upon
his delicacy as he would a bodily wound? The democrat
is the true chevalier, who, though he wears
not crosses, or the emblazoned arms of heraldry, yet
is ready to do right, and justice to every one. All
others are impostors, and do not belong to the order
of democracy. Many of these there are no doubt;
false brethren; but shall the democrat complain of
usurpation; of undue influence; or oppression and
tyranny from ambitious persons; and not be jealous,
at the same time of democratic tyranny in himself,
which is the more pernicious, as it brings a slur upon
the purest principles?
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BOOK II.
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IT has been asked, why, in writing this memoir;
have I taken my clown, from the Irish nation?
The character of the English clown, I did not well understand;
nor could I imitate the manner of speaking.
That of the Scotch I have tried, as may be seen, in
the character of Duncan. But I found it, in my
hands, rather insipid. The character of the Irish
clown, to use the language of Rousseau, “has more
stuff in it.” He will attempt any thing.
The American has in fact, yet, no character;
neither the clown, nor the gentleman. So that I
could not take one from our own country; which I
would much rather have done, as the scene lay here.
But the midland states of America, and the western
parts in general, being half Ireland, the character of
the Irish clown, will not be wholly misunderstood,
It is true the clown is taken from the aboriginal
Irish; a character not so well known in the North of
that country; nevertheless, it is still so much known,
even there, and amongst the emigrants here, or their
descendants, that it will not be wholly thrown away.
On the Irish stage, it is a standing character; and
on the theatre in Britain, it is also introduced. I
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have not been able to do it justice, being but half an
Irishman, myself, and not so well acquainted with
the reversions, and idiom, of the genuine Thady, as
I could wish. However, the imitation at a distance
from the original, will better pass than if it had been
written, and read, nearer home. Foreigners will not
so readily distinguish the incongruities; or, as it is
the best we can produce for the present, will more
indulgently consider them.
I think it the duty of every man who possesses
a faculty, and perhaps a facility of drawing such
images, as will amuse his neighbour, to lend a hand,
and do something. Have those authors done
nothing for the world, whose works would seem
to have had no other object but to amuse? In
low health; after the fatigue of great mental exertion
on solid disquisitions; in pain of mind,
from disappointed passions; or broken with the
sensibilities of sympathy, and affection; it is a
relief to try not to think, and this is attainable, in
some degree; by light reading. Under sensations
of this kind, I have had recourse more than once to
Don Quixotte; which doubtless contains a great deal
of excellent moral sentiment. But, at the same
time, has much, that can serve only to amuse. Even
in health, and with a flow of spirits, from prosperous
affairs, it diversifies enjoyments, and adds to that
happiness of which the mind is capable. I trust
therefore, that the gravest persons, will not be of
opinion that I ought to be put out of the church, for
any appearance of levity, which this work may seem
to carry with it.
I know there have been instances, amongst the
puritans of clergymen, degraded for singing a Scotch
Pastoral. But music is a carnal thing compared with
putting thoughts upon paper. It requires an opening
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of the mouth, and a rolling of the tongue, whereas
thought is wholly spiritual, and depends, not on any
modification of the corporeal organs. Music, however,
even by the strictest sects, is admissable in sacred
harmony, which is an acknowledgment, that even
sound, has its uses to soothe the mind or to fit it
for contemplation.
I would ask, which is the most entertaining work,
Smollet's history of England; or his Humphrey Clinker?
For as to the utility, so far as that depends upon
truth, they are both alike. History has been well said
to be the Romance of the human mind; and Romance
the history of the heart. When the son of Robert
Walpole asked his father, whether he should read to
him out of a book of history; he said; “he was not
fond of Romance.” This minister had been long engaged
in affairs; and from what he had seen of accounts
of things within his own knowledge he had little
confidence in the relation of things which he had
not seen. Except memoirs of person's own times biographical
sketches by cotemporary writers: Voyages,
and Travels, that have geographical exactness,
there is little of the historical kind, in point of truth,
before Roderick Random; or Gil Blas.
The Eastern nations in their tales, pretend to nothing
but fiction. Nor is the story with them the less
amusing because it is not true. Nor is the moral of it
less impressive, because the actors never had existence.
This, I have thought it sufficient to say, by way
of introduction in this place.
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CHAPTER I.
IF the memoir of the bog-trotter had not advanced
the author to a professor's chair; it had, at
least, procured him admission to a number of learned
societies; abroad and at home: should a new edition
of the work come to be published, it will take up, at
least, two quarto pages, to contain the names of these
member-ships, and honours.
But, notwithstanding the most pressing solicitations,
he could not be brought to accept of an introduction
to the St. Tammany Society; owing to the impression
which he still retained of being an Indian
chief, from which he had a narrow escape in the early
part of this work. For unfortunately, it had been explained
to him, that St. Tammany was an Indian
Saint; and that the Society met in a wigwam, and exchanged
belts. They offered to make him a Sachem;
but all to no purpose; the idea of scalping, and tomhacking,
hung still upon his mind. It was by compulsion,
in France, that he took upon him the character
of an Esquimaux, in the procession of Anacharsis
Clootz.
The Captain presented himself to the Society, explaining
these things; and that, in fact, such had been
the alarm of the author of the memoir, at the
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proposition of being made a member, that he had absconded
a day or two before. The Society took his excuse;
and made the Captain, an honorary member in
his place
This was no object with the Captain, as he was a
candidate for no office; and could draw no advantage
from a promiscuous association. Nor did he see that
he could be of any use to mankind in this new capacity,
as the propagation of the gospel in foreign parts,
or amongst the savages, made no part of the duty.
For though Tammany himself may have been a
Saint, there are few of his disciples that can pretend
to sanctity, superior to common christians. Or, at
least, their piety consists more in contemplation,
than in active charity, and practice. We hear of no
missionaries from them, amongst the aborigines
of the continent, as we should be led to expect from
being called the St. Tammany Society. For it is to be
presumed, that this Saint had been advanced into the
calender from the propagation of the christian faith,
as was St. Patrick; St Andrew, and others. And
though, as these old societies, with that of St. George,
St. David, &c. the duty of evangelists may be excused,
the countries to which they belong, being long
since christianized; yet the native Americans which
St. Tammany represents, are whole nations of them
infidels. The sons of St. Tammany ought certainly
to think a little of their brothers that are yet in blindness,
and lend a hand to bring them to light. It is
not understood, that even a talk has been held with a
single nation of our Western Tribes; though it
could have cost but a few blankets, and a keg of rum
to bring them together; and in council a little wampum,
and killikaneeque.
But our modern churches, have not the zeal of
the primitive: or that zeal is directed to a different
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object, the building up the faith at home; and that in cicivil
affairs, more than spiritual, doctines, it is not
the time now to go about “in sheepskins, and goat
skins,” to convert the heathen, to the gospel; but the
citizens to vote for this or that candidate. The Cincinnati
being a mere secular society, is excusable; but
the Saint Societies, would seem in this, to depart from
the etimology of their denomination. I know that
some remark on the word Cincinnatus; and think
that it ought to be pronounced as well as spelled, St.
Cinnatus; and in that case all would be on a footing.
I have no objection, provided that it makes no schism;
for even the alteration of a name might make a
schism. And a schism in a society militant, such as
this is, might occasion a war of swords; and not a
war of words only. I will acknowledge that I would
like to have the thing uniform, St. Cinnatus, with
the rest. So that if it could be brought about without
controversy, it would contribute to the unity of designation.
But controversy, is, above all things to be
avoided. And nothing is more apt to engender controversy,
than small matters. Because, small things
are more easily lost than great. Or; because it vexes
a man more, to find his adversary boggle at a trifling
matter of orthodoxy when he has swallowed the
great articles of credence, than to have to pull him up,
a cables length, to some broad notion, that separates
opinion and belief. To apply it to the matter of the
spelling; qui heret in litera, heret in cortice. That
is, to give it in English, it may depend upon a single
letter how to draw the cork. All consideration therefore
ought to be sacrificed to good humour, and conviviality,
and I would rather let the heathen name remain,
than christian it at the expence of harmony,
and concord. But to return from this digression, to
the St. Tammany Society, of which I was speaking,
and which had some time ago convened.
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It was a new thing to the Captain, to take a seat in
the wigwam, and to smoke the calumet of peace.
But he was disappointed in his expectations, of seeing
Indian manners, and customs introduced, and made
a part of the ceremony. There was some talk of
brightening the chain, and burying the hatchet; but he
saw no war-dance. What is more, even the young
warriors were destitute of the Indian dress. There
was not a moccasin to be seen on the foot of any of
them; not a breech-clout; nor had they even the
natural: or rather, native brands and marks, of a true
born Indian. No ear cut in ringlets; no broach in
the nose; or tatooing on the breast. All was as
smooth, and undisfigured, as the anglo Americans
that inhabit our towns, and villages.
The Grand Sachem, made a speech to the Captain,
not in Indian; but in German; which answered
the end as well; for he did not understand it. But
it was interpreted, and related to the proposition of
making him a Chief, which he declined, professing
that it was more his wish to remain a common Indian,
than to be made even a half-king,* not having it
in view to remain much in the nation; or attend the
council fires a great deal. He contented himself
with putting some queries, relative to the History of
St. Tammany; of what nation he was? Did he belong
to the North, or the South? The East, or the
West? On what waters did he make his camp?
How many moons ago did he live? Where did he
hunt? Who converted him; or whom did he convert?
Why take an Indian for the tutelary saint of the
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the hurdies o' a thousand. Ye see our executive
dinna do much better in their appointments to judicial
and ministerial offices, than the rabble folk themselves
to the legislative. It all comes to the same
thing in every government; the wind blaws, and the
feathers and the fern get uppermost.
At this instant he was awa ened by a bustle out
of doors. The fact was; a disagreement had taken
place between Teague and the hostler at the inn,
about their skill respectively in rubbing down and
currying horses. Teague had made use of a single
grab of hay, which he held with both hands, and impressed
the horse, rubbing him from side to side, and
up and down with all his might. The other with a
wisp in each hand, rubbed; the right hand passing
to the left, while the left hand passed to the right, in
a traverse or diagonal direction. The hostler valued
himself on having been groom, as he pretended,
to a nobleman in England, and therefore must be
supposed to understand the true art of currying.
Teague maintained his opinion, and way of working
with a good deal of obstinacy, until at last it came
to blows. The first stroke was given by Teague,
who hit the hostler on the left haunch with his foot,
when he was stooping down to shew Teague how to
rub the fetlock. The hostler recovering, and seizing
Teague by the breast, pushed him back with a
retrograde motion, until he was brought up by a
cheek of the stable door. Resting against this,
Teague made a sally, and impelled his antagonist
several yards back, who finding at length behind
him the support of a standing trough, which the carriers
used for a manger to feed their horses, recovered
his position, and elanced Teague some distance
from the place of projection. But Teague still
keeping hold of the collar of his adversary, had
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He cannot withstand the whole, if they should take
offence without reason; and he may be consciously
scrupulous of fighting; or may be afraid to fight;
which will answer the end just as well; or he may
have the good sense and fortitude, to declare off;
which by the bye requires more courage, than the
bulk of men possess. It requires a courage above all
false opinion; and the custom will never be put out
of countenance, until some brave men set the example.
There is nothing that a wise man need fear,
but dishonor, founded on the charge of a want of virtue;
on that which all men, of all places, and of all
times, will acknowledge to be disreputable. Under this
head, will not be found the refusal of a challenge.
Nothing can be great, the contempt of which is great,
Is it not great to despise prejudice, and false opinion?
“He that ruleth his spirit, is greater than he that
taketh a city:” but, he that is above the false sentiments
of others, presents to me the image of a superior
power, that ascends through the vapours of the
atmosphere and dissipates the fog. The world is
indebted to the man that refuses a challenge; but who
can owe any thing to him that accepts it; for he sanctions
an unjust law? Doubtless, the accepting of a
challenge, is pardonable as a weakness; but still it is
a weakness. The man is a hero, who can withstand
unjust opinion. It requires more courage, than to
fight duels. To sustain life, under certain circumstances,
calls for more resolution than to commit suicide.
Yet suicide is not reputable. Brutus in the
schools condemned it; but at Philippi, adopted it.
Because his courage failed him.
But cudgelling follows the refusal of a challenge.
Not if there is instant notice given to a peace officer.
But posting follows. Notice of that may be given
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society, a public body, of any kind might be presumed
to bear more than an individual, because, the offence being
divided amongst a greater number; it can be but
a little, that will be at the expense of any one person.
If therefore, any son of St. Tammany, or St. Cinnatus,
should feel himself hurt by our lucubration, let
him consider that it is better to laugh than be angry;
and he will save himself, if he begins to laugh first.
Though, after all, some will say, there is nothing to
laugh at; and in this, they will be right. For at the
most, it can only be a smile. It is a characteristic of
the Comedy of Terence; that he never forces your
laugh; but to smile only. That I take to be the criterion
of a delicate and refined wit; and which was
becoming the lepos, or humour of such men, as Lelius,
and Scipio, who are thought to have formed his
taste, and assisted him in his dramatic compositions.
Yet I must confess, if I could reach it, I would like the
broad laugh; but it is difficult to effect this, and, not, at
the same time, fall into buffoonery, and low humour.
Laughing is certainly favourable to the lungs; and
happy the man, whose imagination leads him to risible
sensations, rather than, to melancholy.
All work, and no play, makes Jack a dull boy. But
I have no idea of laughing, any more than of playing
without having perfomed the necessary task of duty,
or labour. An idle laughing fool, is contemptible and
odious; and laughing too much is an extreme, which the
wise will avoid. Take care not to laugh, when there
is nothing to laugh at. I can always know a man's
sense, by his song, his story, or his laugh. I will not
say his temper; or principles; but certainly his share
of understanding. The truth is, this composition has
more for its object than merely to amuse though that
is an object. But I doubt whether we shall receive
cerdit for our good intentions. For truth lies in a
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well; and unless there is some one to draw the bucket,
there is no getting it up.
We have been often asked for a key to this work.
Every man of sense has the key in his own pocket.
His own feelings; his own experience is the key. It
is astonishing, with what avidity, we look for the application
of satire which is general, and never had a
prototype. But the fact is, that, in this work, the picture
is taken from human nature, generally, and has
no individual in view. It was never meant as a satire
upon men; but upon things. An easy way, to slur
sentiments, under the guise of allegory; which could
not otherwise make their way to the ears of the curious.
Can any man, suppose, upon reflection, that if
ridicule was intended upon real persons, it would be
conveyed in so bungling a manner that people would
be at a loss to know, who was meant? That is not
the way, we fix our fools caps.
Let any man put it to himself, and say, would he
wish to be of those that give pain by personal allusion,
and abuse. Self-love, for a moment may relish the
stricture; but could never endure to be thought the
author. In attacking reputation, there are two
things to be considered, the manner, and the object.
When the object is praise-worthy, there is an openness
a franknes, and manliness of manner, which commands
respect. But even where the object is a public
good, the manner may excite contempt. Let our
editors of news-papers, look to this, those of them
who wish to be considered gentlemen; such as have
no character to lose, and never wish to have any, may
take all liberties, and occupy their own grade.
But as we were saying, public bodies, and societies
of men, ought not to take offence easily; nor resent
violently. “As they are strong, be merciful.” A
single person is not on a footing with a great number.
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He cannot withstand the whole, if they should take
offence without reason; and he may be consciously
scrupulous of fighting; or may be afraid to fight;
which will answer the end just as well; or he may
have the good sense and fortitude, to declare off;
which by the bye requires more courage, than the
bulk of men possess. It requires a courage above all
false opinion; and the custom will never be put out
of countenance, until some brave men set the example.
There is nothing that a wise man need fear,
but dishonor, founded on the charge of a want of virtue;
on that which all men, of all places, and of all
times, will acknowledge to be disreputable. Under this
head, will not be found the refusal of a challenge.
Nothing can be great, the contempt of which is great,
Is it not great to despise prejudice, and false opinion?
“He that ruleth his spirit, is greater than he that
taketh a city:” but, he that is above the false sentiments
of others, presents to me the image of a superior
power, that ascends through the vapours of the
atmosphere and dissipates the fog. The world is
indebted to the man that refuses a challenge; but who
can owe any thing to him that accepts it; for he sanctions
an unjust law? Doubtless, the accepting of a
challenge, is pardonable as a weakness; but still it is
a weakness. The man is a hero, who can withstand
unjust opinion. It requires more courage, than to
fight duels. To sustain life, under certain circumstances,
calls for more resolution than to commit suicide.
Yet suicide is not reputable. Brutus in the
schools condemned it; but at Philippi, adopted it.
Because his courage failed him.
But cudgelling follows the refusal of a challenge.
Not if there is instant notice given to a peace officer.
But posting follows. Notice of that may be given
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also, and a court, and jury brought to criticise upon
the libel.
Why is it, that a public body is more apt to take
offence, than an individual? Because, every one becomes
of consequence in proportion, as he is careful
of the honor of the whole. It is oftentimes, a mere
matter of accident, whether the thing is well, or ill
taken. If one should happen to call out, that it is an
insult, another is unwilling to question it, lest he
should be suspected of incivism, and lose his standing
in society in general; or, in that to which he
more particularly belongs. The misconception of one
forces itself upon another; and misconstruction prevails.
That which was the strongest proof of confidence
in the integrity, and justice of the body, is viewed
as distrust; and a concern for their honor, considered
a reproach. The most respectful language
termed insolence. Implicit submission attributed to
disrespect. Self-denial overlooked, and wantonness of
insult substituted in its place. This, all the offspring
of mistake; which it is the duty of the individual to
remove. But how can he speak if his head is off,
before he knows, that the offence is taken? Protesting
therefore that I mean no offence to either of these
societies, or the individual members, in any thing I
have said, I request them to take it in good part;
or, if there should seem to be ground of affront, they
will give me a hearing, and an opportunity to explain.
There is no anticipating absolutely, and to all extent,
what a person might say for himself if he was heard.
That presumption which had existed might be removed.
His motives might appear laudable; or at the
worst, originating in a pardonable weakness. Whether
or not, the credit of the tribunal with the world,
might render it expedient to observe these
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appearances. They did it in France under the revolutionary
government; and even the emperor, seems to consider
it as indispensible. If therefore any thing in these
chapters should unfortunately give umbrage to the
sons of St. Tammany, or to the Cincinnati members,
I pray a citation, and demand a hearing. I trust I shall
be able to convince them that I am not deficient in
respect for them individually, or as public bodies.
* A half-king, means double king, or king of two nations,
who have him speit between them.
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CHAPTER II.
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THE Captain walking by himself, could not
avoid reflecting on the nature of government; a union
of souls, and corporal force. It makes all the difference
that we see between the savage, and civilized
life. The plough, the pully, the anchor, and the
potters wheel, are the offspring of government; the
loom, the anvil, and the press. But how difficult to
link man with man; how difficult to preserve a free
government! The easiest thing in the world, says
the clown, if the sage will only let it alone. It is the
philosopher that ruins all.
There is some foundation for this. A mere philosopher
is but a fool, in matters of business. Even in
speculation, he sometimes, imagines nonsense. Sir
Thomas More's Utopia has become proverbial; Harrington's
Oceana has become a model for no government.
Locke's Project was tried in South Carolina.
It was found wanting. Imagination, and experiment
are distinct things. There is such a thing as practical
sense. Do we not see instances of this every day?
Men who can talk freely, but do nothing. They fail
in every thing they attempt. There is too much vision
mixed with the fact. Want of information of
what has been; the not examining the fitness and
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congruity of things, leads to this. You see a tradesman
framing a machine. A chip less, or more spoils
the joint.
Where is the best account to be found of the Roman
commonwealth? In Polibyus. In what did its
excellence consist? In its balances. What invented
these? The exigencies of the case. Some were
adopted in the first instance; others as remedies to
the mischiefs that occurred. Were the sages of any
use here? A little Sallust says, “considering the
history of the Roman people, that the Gauls were before
them in bravery, and the Greeks in eloquence;”
yet Rome, has become the mistress of the world; I
have found that it has been owing to a few great men
that happened to arise in it. Were these men demagogues?
Not in a bad sense of the word. They did
not deceive the people for their own ends. How do
demagogues deceive people? How do you catch a
nag? You hold a bridle, in your left hand, behind
your back; and a hat in your right, as if there were
something in it, and cry cope. What do demagogues
want by deceiving the people? To ride them. What
do they pretend they have in the hat? oats, salt; any
thing they find a horse likes.
How do you distinguish the demagogue from the
patriot? The demagogue flatters the clown, and finds
fault with the sage. The patriot, and the sage, unless
you mean the vain philosopher, mean the same
thing. The Jewish prophets were all of them sages.
They were seers, or men that saw far into things. You
will find they were no slouches at blaming the people.
“My people Israel is destroyed for lack of knowledge.”
“I am wounded in the house of my friends.”
This may be said of liberty, when republicans give it a
stab. The lamentations of Jeremiah are but the
weepings of a patriot over the errors of the people.
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Yet the people are always right, say the demagogues.
I doubt that. Tom fool, may laugh at the expression,
“save the people from themselves.” Nevertheless,
there is something in it. It is a scripture phrase,
“go not with a multitude to do evil;” which would
seem to imply that the multitude will sometimes do
wrong.
Do the multitude invent arts? Or some individuals
among them? It is sometimes a matter of accident.
Sometimes a matter of genius. But it is but one out
of a thousand that happens to hit upon it; or that
has the invention to contrive. But government is an
easy matter; and has no wheels like a watch. What
is it that enables one man to see farther into things
than another in matters of government? What is it
that makes him a seer? Thinking, looking, examining.
Does it come by inspiration? More by experience.
What are the wheels in our government that
are like to go first? The Judiciary, the Senate, the
Governor. Is this the order in which they will go?
Precisely. Does any man mean it? Not at all. How
can it then happen? In the natural progress of
things. Will one house become a tyrant? It will
come to be the few; and the few were always tyrants.
Will it be but a few in the house, that will govern?
It will come to one at last. It will take fifty years to
bring it to this. I do not say that it will be a hopstep,
and jump; or a running leap, all at once.
But we have the press here. Suppose a leading
print in the hands of a patriot. He will keep all
right. Yes, provided he is a sage at the same time.
That is, that his information on the nature of government,
is equal to his patriotism; or that his passion
does not betray him into error; the journal of L.
Ami du peuple by Marat, was patriotic; but it ruined
the republic. An uninformed inflammatory print, is a
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corruptress of public opinion. It is the torch that
sets Troy on fire. There is no Marat, amongst us,
at the head of a Journal; but there may come to be.
It is a difficult thing to trim the state vessel. The altering
the stowage will put out of trim. The Hancock
was taken, by altering the stowage. It destroyed
the trim. Yet trimmers are unfavourably spoken of.
That is, I presume, halting between two opinions.
“Why halt ye between two opinions?” But preservers
of the balance are not trimmers in this sense of
the word.
But how is it that the people can do wrong, when
they mean well? An uninformed spirit of reform may
prevail. How can passion prevail? The axletree is
heated, by the nave, and the hob is set on fire. The
nave heats itself by its own motion; and fire is communicated
to the whole carriage.
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CHAPTER III.
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THIS was the day of the fair held twice a year
in the village. The people had come in and erected
booths. The Captain took a walk to see the fair, and
on the first stall he saw boxes. What are these, said
the Captain? Cases for lawyers, said the Chapman.
What will the lawyers do with these, said the Captain?
Put them on their back-sides, said the Chapman.
That will make them look like soldiers, with
cartouch boxes, said the Captain. No matter for that,
said the Chapman. A lawyer can no more move
without cases, than a snail without a shell. They must
have authorities.
They have too many sometimes, said the Captain,
as I have heard the blind lawyer say; but your cases,
or cartouch boxes, I presume, are meant as a burlesque.
Not altogether, so, said the Chapman; but a
little bordering on it. These boxes might answer the
purpose, of carrying cases, to the court; but an honest
man might put them to a better use: so I say
no more, but sell my wares to the customer.
At the next stall was Tom the Tinker, with old
kettles mended, and new ones for sale. Ay, Tom,
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said the Captain, this is better than resisting laws;*
even the excise law.
I have found out a better way than resisting laws,
now, said the Tinker.
What is that, said the Captain?
Abolish the courts, and demolish the judges, and
the laws will go of themselves.
Ah! Tom, said the Captain, leave the public functionaries,
to the public bodies; you have nothing to
do with them
But I should have something to do with them, said
the Tinker, if I had a voice in a public body
But you have not a voice, said the Captain.
But I may have, said the Tinker.
I would rather hear your voice in your shop, said
the Captain; and the sound of your hammer, on a
coffee pot, or a tea kettle. You can patch a brass
candle-stick, better than the state, yet, I take it,
Tom.
Or solder spoons either, said Tom; but every
thing mnst have a beginning.
At the next stall was a hard-ware man; in the
next, a Potter with his jugs Anacharsis, according
to Diogenes Laertius, invented the anchor, and the
Potters wheel; he was a more useful man than him
that invented fire-arms; though it is a question with
some, whether gunpowder has not rendered war less
sanguinary.
A Toy man had his stall next. As the Captain was
looking at his baubles, an accident happened on the
other side the way At a short turn, a cart had
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overset. It was light, and loaded with empty kegs. Nevertheless
the driver wanted help to lift it up.
The Chapman, the Toyman, the Potter, the hardware
man, and Tom the Tinker were endeavouring
toassist. The Tinker and the hard-ware man, had set
their shoulders, to the cart. They hove it up; but,
by too violent a push threw it to the other side. The
Chapman, and Toyman, thought to set the matter
right, and in the adverse direction, applied their force,
being on the other side the cart; and to do them justice,
gave a good hoist; but over-did the matter, as
much as was done before; for the cart came back
and lay prostrate in the same direction, as at first.
The driver, in the mean time, was dissatisfied,
Gentlemen, said he, do you mean to assist, or to injure
me? It may be sport to you; but it is a loss to
me, to have my cart broke, and my kegs staved. It is
all wrong, said the Captain. Why not let the thing
stand upon the horizontal? None of your tricks upon
travellers. Let the poor man's cart have fair play,
and stand upon its own bottom.
Aye, aye, said a misanthrope; this comes of bad
doings. You must be going to the woods; and disturbing
innocent forests; cutting down young trees;
making staves, and hooping kegs. This is just the
way they make laws; to hoop people as you would a
barrel. It is right to overturn the cart, on account of
the manufacture it carries.
Ah; it is in this manner, said a moral drawing
man; that people overturn the state If the vehicle
goes to the one side, it is the act of a patriot to set it
right. But unskilful persons, pass the line of gravity;
so that as much mischief arises, from too much
force as too little. Passing the line of gravitation, in
erecting a body, is like wounding a principle of the
Constitution. All errors of expediency may be
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amended; but the violations of principle are vital, and terminate
in death. Put that fellow in a pulpit, and he
could preach, said a by-stander; do you hear what
a sermon, he makes upon a cart? He could take a
text; Nebuchadnezzar, or Zerubabel; and lengthen
out a discourse for a fortnight.
In the meantime, the Captain, was almost carried
off his feet, by a crowd of people going to see the learned
pig. Has he the tongues, said Angus Sutherland, a
Scotchman? He has two, said a wag. The Hebrew,
and the Erse, I trow, said the Scotchman. No; the
squeel, and the gruntle, I ween, said the drolling person.
That is his vernacular said the Scotchman; but
I mean his acquired languages. I do not know that
he has acquired any, said the drolling man; but he is
considerably perfected in those that he had before.
Weel, that is something, said Angus; but he has
got a smack o'the mathematics, I suppose. A little
of algebra, said the wag; the plus, and minus, he understands
pretty well.
The conversation, was interrupted by the vociferation
of a man, in soliloquy at a distance. He appeared
to be in great agitation: clinching his fists, and striking
them against each other. An abominable, slander,
said he; I a scholar! I a learned man! it is a
falsehood. See me reading! He never saw me read.
I do not know a B. from a bull's foot. But this is the
way to injure a man in his election. They report of
me that I am a scholar? It is a malicious fabrication.
I can prove it false. It is a groundless insinuation.
What a wicked world is this in which we live. I a
scholar! I am a son of a whore, if I ever opened a
book in my life. O! The calumny; the malice of
the report. All to destroy my election. Were you
not seen carrying books, said a neighbour?
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Aye, said the distressed man; two books that a
student had borrowed from a clergyman. But did I
look into them? Did any man see me open the books?
I will be sworn upon the evangelists: I will take my
Bible oath, I never looked into them. I am innocent
of letters as the child unborn. I am an illiterate man,
God be praised, and free from the sin of learning, or
any wicked art, as I hope to be saved; but here a report
is raised up, that I have dealings with books, that
I can read. O! The wickedness of this world? Is
there no protection from slander, and bad report?
God help me! Here I am, an honest republication; a
good citizen, and yet it is reported of me, that I read
books. O! The tongues of men! Who can stop reproach?
I am ruined; I am undone; I shall lose
my election; and the good will of all my neighbours,
and the confidence of posterity. It is a dreadful
thing that all the discretion of a man, cannot save him
from evil-speaking, and defamation.
It is a strange contrast, thought the Captain, that
we admire learning in a pig; and undervalue it in a
man. The time was, when learning would save a
man's neck; but now it endangers it. The neck
verse, is reversed. That is, the effect of it. For the
man that can read goes to the wall; not him that is
ignorant. But such are the revolutions of opinion.
Of all things in the world, said a speculative philosopher,
I should the least expect science in a pig;
though the swinish multitude are not without good
moral qualities; or the semblance of these, by propensitive
instinct. The herd of deer avoid, or beat
off the chaced, or wounded companion: but attack a
hog in a gang, and the bristles of all are up, to make
battle There is an esprit de corps; or a principle
of self-preservation. They do not wait until they are
taken off one by one; but make a common cause in
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the first instance. When the twenty-one deputies in
the National Assembly of France, were denounced,
there were, no doubt, a great number that saw the injustice;
but not the consequence. They were willing
that the bolt should pass by themselves, and were silent.
But those that followed, soon felt the case to be
their own, though they did not make it at first. The
hogs have more sense, or nature is more faithful than
reason. A sailor on board a ship may not like his comrades;
but if they are charged with mutiny wrongfully,
he is interested and will see it if he is wise; for
it concerns him that they be dealt with fairly. For
injustice to them, leads, to injustice to himself. A
third mate may dislike the first, or second, or the Captain,
himself, and have no objection to change them;
but the mistake, or injustice of owners towards these,
affects himself. If one goes at this turn; another
may go at the next; until all fall to unjust accusation.
If the independence, and safety of command is affected
all officers suffer, and the service is injured. The
picking off one at a time is politic in those that assail;
but fatal to those that are assailed. Polyphemus
devoured but one of the soldiers of Ulysses in a day. So
that it does not follow, that hog, likes hog, more
than sheep, likes sheep; or that bristle is champion
for bristle; when he comes to take his part; but that,
the law of self-preservation, is better understood; or
felt by this animal. But as to teaching a pig any
thing like human knowledge, though not a new thing,
would seem to be of little use. Crows were taught
to speak in the time of Augustus Cæsar; as we find
from the story of the Cobler, and his crow. The
Poet Virgil talks of cattle speaking;
—Pecudesque locutæ.
But this was a prodigy. Learning must go somewhere,
as a river that sinks in one place rises in
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another. If erudition is lost with men, it is well to find
it with pigs. The extraordinaries are always pleasing.
The intermediate grades of eloquence, from a
Curran to a Parrot, are not worth marking.
A little learning is a dangerous thing.
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring.
If a man cannot be a Pollyglotist, he may as well
be a goose.
It was at a time things took this turn that Balaam's
ass spoke. There was darkness all over Europe,
for six or ten centuries, and little knowledge of
the scientific kind to be found with man, fish, fowl
or beast. A glare of light sprung up, and has prevailed
awhile. Men of science have been in repute
in monarchies; and in some republics: or at least
science itself has had some quarter. But it is now
scouted, and run down. The mild shade of the evening,
the crepusculum approaches. A twilight, that
the weakest eye can sustain. The bats will be out
now. The owl can see as well as the cat. If there
is less light, there is more equality of vision; which
may be for the best.
That fellow could preach too, said a by-stander;
and give him a text. What a speech he has made
upon a shoat!
But looking up, they saw a man actually preaching;
or something like it in a tavern door, with a
newspaper in his hand. It was upon the subject of
oeconomies. For now all is oeconomy. Not making;
but saving. This discourse was a lecture, on the subtraction
of aliment, and the making water go farther
by boiling it. Saving the scales of fish; and the stem
beaten out of flax; curtailing wages, and doing less
work; all things by the minimum: he would have
all Miscroscopes; no Telescopes. Minutiæ,
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Minutiæ, Minutiæ; nothing great, comprehensive; or
magnificent in his projects Themistocles knew how
to make a great state, out of a small commonwealth.
But was it by saving, or by gaining that he did it?
Was the sweep of his mind contracted; or extensive?
Had the Zar of Muscovy a great heart? Did he reduce
mountains by particles; or employ his mind
upon hen coops? These were questions, the oeconomist
answered in the affirmative. But some doubted
the orthodoxy of the doctrine, and left the congregation.
In a public house, was heard the music of a fiddle,
and a bag-pipe. It was Duncan the quondam waiter
of the Captain who had made a match of the bag-pipe
against the violin. Play up, said Duncan to the piper;
now “the Coming o' the Camrons;” now the Reels o'
Bogie. Play up; I could dance amaist involuntarily;
as, I were bit by the Taran ula.
The Latin master was of the company; and encouraged
the contest, by the application of classic
phrases; such as,
Et vitula tu dignus, et hic——
Boni quoniam cenvenimus ambo.
Tale `uum carmen, divine poeta.—
But more noise; though, perhaps less music was
heard out of doors coming down the street A crowd
of people; boys and grown persons, were following
O'Dell the revolutionist. For Ca Ira, or the Marscilles
hymn, he bawl'd out the following—
Down with the sessions, and down with the laws;
They put me in mind of the school-master's taws.
There's nothing in nature that gives such disgust,
As force and compulsion to make a man just.
Hillelu; Billelu, set me down aisy.
Hillelu; Billelu, &c.
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A lawyer's a liar; old Sooty his father;
He talks all day long, a mere jack a-blather.
His books, and his papers may all go to hell,
And make speeches there, sings Lary O'Dell.
Hillelu, &c.
The state is a vessel, and hoop'd like a tub;
And the adze of the cooper it goes dub, a dub.
But hooping and coopering, is fitting for fools;
Away wid all learning, and shut up the schools.
Hillelu, &c.
A horse eats the less, when you cut off his tail;
And chickens hatch faster, the thinner the shell.
A clerk in an office night do two things in one,
Hatch eggs while he sits, and writes all alone.
Hillelu, &c.
The song may be good, as to music, said the Captain;
but I do not like the sentiments: especially the
concluding couplet. It seems to me, that oeconomy
has become parsimony; the oppsite extreme of prodigality;
or extravagance. The one is odious; the
other contemptible. All tax; or no tax. There is no
medium. And yet all that is excellent lies in the medium.
But no tax, and oeconomy will as certainly destroy
an administration, as all tax, and extravagance.
The meanness of starving offices; establishments; improvements,
will attach disreputation to the agents;
and operate a removal from the body politic; or the debilication
of the body politic itself. But in all things
there is a tendency to extremes. The popular mind
does not easily arrest itself when descending upon an
inclined plain of opinion. Popular ballads are an
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index of the public mind. Hence we see that an antipathy
to laws, lawyers, and judges, is the ton at present
and also that oeconomy is the ruling passion of the time.
Yet in all these things, there may be an excess. For
the people are not always right. Unless in the sense of
the English law, that “The king can do no wrong.”
Doubtless whatever the people do is legally right;
but yet not always politically right. For do we not
find from the voice of history, that those men are
thought to have deserved best of their country, who
have occasionally withstood the intemperance of opinion.
Self seekers only “are all things to all men”
Three things are necessary to constitute a great man.
Judgment, fortitude, and self-denial It is a great thing
to judge wisely. Perhaps this may be said to comprehend
the whole. For judging wisely upon a large
scale, will embrace fortitude, and self-denial. Hence,
in the Scripture phrase, bad men are called fools. It
is but cutting down the fruit tree, to hark in with a
popular cry for the moment. All is gained for the
present. But there is nothing for the next year Such
a man may get into a public body, but will not long
retain his seat; or, if he does, he loses all, in the
esteem of the virtuous, and the wise. But I doubt whether
the people are so mad for oeconomy It originates
with those who are conscious to themselves that they
cannot please them by great actions; and therefore attempt
it by small. The extreme has been that of unnecessary
expenditure; and it is popular to call out economy;
which the people-pleaser gets into his mouth
and makes it the shibboleth of just politics. But the
people-pleaser is not always the friend of the people.
Do we find him in war the best general who consults the
ardour of his roops, wholly, and fights when they cry
out for battle? Pompey yielded to such an outcry,
and lost the field of Pharsalia. A journal was
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published in France, by Marat, under the direction, or,
with the assistance of Robespierre, entitled “L ami
du peuple” There could not be a more seducing
title; and yet this very journal was the foe of the
people. I have no doubt, but that Marat meant well
to the people; but he had not an understanding above
the public, and judgment to correct the errors of occasional
opinion He was of the multitude himself,
and did not overtop them by having higher ground from
whence to observe. He had not been a sage before he
became a journalist. Hence he denounced the Girondists
the philosophers of the republic; Condorcet,
and others who had laid the foundation of the revolution.
He denounced them because they suggested a
confederate republic, such as Montesquieu projected,
and America has realized. Marat took up with the
simple, the one and indivisible; the populace understood
this, but not the complication, and it prevailed;
but the republic went down.
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I never had a doubt with the Captain, but that
the bulk of the jacobins in France meant well; even
Marat and Robespierre considered themselves as denouncing,
and trucidating only the enemies of the republic.
What a delightful trait of virtue discovers
itself in the behaviour of Peregrine, the brother of
Robespierre, and proves that he thought his brother
innocent. “I am innocent; and my brother is as innocent
as I am.” Doubtless they were both innocent.
Innocent of what? Why; of meaning ill. “The time
shall come, when they that kill you, shall think they
are doing God service.” Peregrine, led the column
with his drawn sword in his hand, that entered and retook
Toulon. He threw himself into the denunciation.
This ought to be a lesson to all republicans to
have charity, for those that differ in opinion. Tiberus,
and Caius Gracchus at Rome meant well; Agis, and
Cleomines at Sparta the same; but they attempted a
reform, well, in vision, and imagination, but beyond
what was practicable or expedient. They fell victims
to the not distinguishing the times; the advanced
state of society, which did not comport with the original
simplicity of institutions.
Marat the journalist and Robespierre were pushed
gradually to blood; by the principle, which governed
them, of taking it for granted that all who thought
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first book of Euclid, we do not lay down every postulate,
and axiom; nor do we go through the demonstration
of every preceding problem, on which this is
built; but we refer to such of them as enter into that
which is before us. The demonstrations of Euclid
are brief; and that constitutes their excellence. Ad
eventum festinat. Here is no detour; or winding
that does not accelerate, and force the conclusion.
In the mean time, the blind lawyer being at hand,
delivering a lecture, had heard of the tribulation of
his brother the gag'd lawyer; and for the honour of
the profession, stretching out his hands to the people,
had obtained his enlargement; and the removal of
the peg. But it was said, this would be a warning to
the advocate, to shorten his speeches for the future.
The branks which had been upon his head; that is,
the woodys which had tied the knob, were laid aside
for another occasion.
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a cabin in the western country. A strong man takes
hold of the end of a log, and he lifts faster than the
other. From the unskilfulness and inequality of his
exertions, accidents happen. Prudent people do not
like rash hands. States have been best built up, by
the wise as well as the honest.
There are men that we dislike in office. All men
approved Marius, says the historian Sallust, when he
began to proscribe, now and then, a bad man; but
they did not foresee what soon happened, that he did
not stop short, but went on to proscribe the good. It
is better to bear an individual mischief, than a public
inconvenience. This is a maxim of the common law.
That is, it is better to endure an evil in a particular
case, than to violate a general principle. There ought
to be constitutional ground, and a just cause to remove
the obnoxious. It will not do even in Ireland,
to hang a man for stealing cloth, because he is a bad
weaver.
Where parties exist in a republic, that party will
predominate eventually which pursues justice. A
democratic party, will find its only security in this.
“If these things are done in the green tree, what
shall be done in the dry” If democracy is not just,
what shall we expect from aristocracy, where the
pride of purse, and pride of family, raises the head;
swells the port; produces the strut, and all the undervaluing
which the few have for the many? Aristocracy,
which claims by hereditary right, the honours
and emoluments of the commonwealth. Who
does not dislike the presumption of the purse proud,
and the pride of connections? And it is for that reason
that I wish my fellow democrats, “my brethren
according to the flesh,” to do right; to shew their
majesty, the nobility of their nature, by their discrimination,
and their sense of justice. For I am a
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democrat, if having no cousin, and no funds; and only
to rely on my personal services, can make me one. And
I believe this is a pretty good pledge for democracy
in any man. Unless indeed, he should become a
tool to those that have cousins and funds; and this
he will not do if he has pride. He might be made a
despot, but this can only be by the peoples destroying
the essence of liberty, by pushing it to licentiousness.
A despot is a spectre which rises chiefly from
the marsh of licentiousness. It was the jacobins made
Bonaparte what he now is.
* The chief of the insurrection, in the western parts
of Pennsylvania, in the year 1794, called himself, Tom
the Tinker.
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CHAPTER IV.
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A CAVALCADE was coming by, and upon enquiry
it was found to be a crowd of people with a lawyer
gagged. The knob in his mouth was rather long;
and the poor man seemed to be in pain, by the extension
of his jaws. He could not speak; which was
a great privation, it being his daily employment, and
the labour of his vocation. For the people thought
he spoke too much, or at least was tedious in his
speeches, and took up the time of the court, and
juries, unnecessarily. But this was a new way of
correcting amplification in an orator. It is true that
things strike more than words, and the soldier, in a
Roman assembly, who held up the stump of his arm
lost in battle, pleaded more effectually, for his brother,
the accused, than all the powers of eloquence.
But it was a wicked thing, and entirely a la mob, to
stretch the jaws so immeasurably. But the people
will have their way; when they get a thing into their
heads, there is no stopping them; especially on a
fair day, such as this was. It is true the thing was
illegal, and he could have his action, but they took
their chance of that. The fact is, the tediousness of
lawyers, in their harangues, is beyond bearing, and
is enough to drive the people to adjustment bills, and
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any thing, to get quit of them. The opener of a
cause, must lead you into the whole transaction, instead
of leaving it to the evidence to do it. He must
give you a view of the whole scope of his case. This
might be in a few words. But he wants to make a
speech; a strong impression at the first. He must
tell you how he means to draw up his evidence; how
to fight his men. I should not like my adversary to
know this; I would not tell the court, lest he should
hear it. What would we think of a general who
should mount the rostrum in the presence of the enemy,
and explain the order of his battle? I love the
art of managing a cause for its own sake, and I like
to see it scientifically won The less speaking, almost
always, the better for a cause. There is such a thing,
as “darkening counsel by words without knowledge.”
Atticism is favourable to perception in the hearer. We
do not carry wheat to be ground before it is sifted of
the chaff. Yet there may be an error on the other
side. The declination to brevity may be too great.
I am afraid to say much on this head, lest I should
be understood to undervalue eloquence, and check it
altogether. But certain it is, that the excess is on
the side of quantity, in speaking at the bar at present.
The juries feel it, and twist, and turn themselves into
all shapes to avoid it. The courts feel it, and on
many occasions, groan for deliverance.
What necessity on a point of law to read all cases,
that have relation to the subject? To give a lecture
on the elementary principle, and adduce cases, from
the first decision to the last It has been in vogue
with the clergy, to begin with Genesis, and end with
Revelations; to prove their doctrine as they go along,
by an enchainment of texts; and to say the same
thing over again, in many different words. But in
demonstrating the forty-seventh proposition of the
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differently upon a subject were traitors; and that a
majority of vote was the criterion of being right. The
mountain, the bulk of the national assembly, could
not but be in their opinion, infallible. The eternal
mountain at whose foot every one was disposed to
place himself; the mountain on whose top were
“thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud;” but
not a natural mountain of the earth, collecting refreshing
showers, and from which descended streams. It
was a mountain pregnant with subterranean fire. It
burst, and exists a volcano to this day. So much for
the majority of a public body, being always right; and
so much for a journalist meaning well, and yet destroying
the republic. It is a truth in nature and a maxim in
philosophy “that from whence our greatest good
springs, our greatest evils arise.” A journalist of
spirit is a desideratum in a revolution. But when
the new island, or continent is thrown up from the bottom
of the ocean; and the subterranean gas dissipated,
why seek for a convulsion? But rather leave nature
to renew herself with forests, and rivers, and
perennial springs. But that activity which was useful
in the first effort, is unwilling to be checked in
the further employment; and under the idea of a progressing
reform, turns upon the establishment which
it has produced, and intending good, does harm.
The men are denounced that mean as well as the
journalist, and perhaps understand the game better
than himself though they differ in judgment on the
move. In a revolution, every man thinks he has done
all. He knows only, or chiefly what he has done
himself. Hence he is intolerant of the opinions of
others, because he is ignorant of the services which
are a proof of patriotism; and of the interest which is
a pledge of fidelity. Fresh hands especially, are apt
overdo the matter, as I have seen at the building of
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CHAPTER V.
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IT was a legal proceeding, in this village, that
when any one was suspected of insanity, a commission
of lunacy issued, and an enquiry was held to ascertain
the fact. An inquisition was holden at this
time on the body of a man, and it was the right of
the defendant, when the evidence on the part of the
commonwealth was closed, to be heard in his defence.
On this occasion the accused person made use of his
privilege.
THE MADMAN'S DEFENCE.
Fellow-Citizens;
It is an aukward situation in which you see me
placed, to be obliged to maintain that I am in my
right mind, and not out of my senses. For even if I
speak sense, you may attribute it to a lucid interval.
It is not a difficult matter, to fix any imputation upon
a man. It is only to follow it well up “Line upon
line; precept upon precept; here a little and there a
little” There is nothing but a man's own life, and
a course of conduct, that can rebut the calumny. It
is therefore in vain, to answer in gazettes, or to go
out into the streets and call out falsehood. The more
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[figure description] Page 140.[end figure description]
pains you take to defend yourself, the more it is fixed
upon you. For the bulk of mankind are on the side
of the calumniator, and would rather have a thing
true, than false. I believe there would be no better
way, than for a man to join in, and slander himself,
until the weight of obloquy, became so great, that
the public would revolt, and from believing all, believe
nothing. I have known this tried with success.
But how can one rebut the imputation of madness?
How disprove insanity? The highest excellence of
understanding, and madness, like the two ends of a
right line, turned to a circle, are said to come together.
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mensura dementiæ.
Great wits to madness sure are near allied;
And this partitions do the bounds divide.
Hence you will infer that I may appear rational,
and quick of perception, and even just in judgment
for a time, and yet be of a deranged intellect. What
can I tell you, but that it is the malice of my enemies,
that have devised this reproach, in order to hinder
my advancement in state affairs? It is true there
are some things in my habit, and manner that may
have given colour to the charge; singularities. But
a man of study, and abstract thought, will have singula
ities Henry Fielding's Parson Adams; and Doctor
Orkborn in Mrs. D' Arbray's Camilla, are examples
of this. A man of books will be abstract, or
absent in conversation, sometimes in business.
A man of books, said the Foreman of the Jury! a
scholar! Ah! You are a scholar, are you. Ah, ha;
that is enough; we want no more. If you are not a
madman, you must be a knave, and that comes to the
same thing. Say, gentlemen, shall we find him guilty?
What say you, is he mad?
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[figure description] Page 141.[end figure description]
1. Juryman; he seems to be a little cracked.
2. He does not appear to be right in his head.
3. I cannot think him in his right mind.
4. He is beside himself.
5. Crazy.
6. Out of his reason.
7. Deranged.
8. Insane.
9. Mad.
10. Stark mad.
11. As mad as a March hare.
12. Fit for Bedlam.
Verdict—Lunacy.
The court to whom the inquisition was returned,
thought it a hard case, as there was no other evidence
than his own confession of being addicted to
books, and gave leave to move an arrest of judgment;
and ordered him before themselves for examination.
You are a man of books—
A little so.
What books have you read?
History, divinity.
What is the characteristic of history?
Fiction.
Of Novels?
Truth.
Of metaphysics?
Imagination.
Of natural philosophy?
Doubt.
What is the best lesson in moral philosophy?
To expect no gratitude.
What is the best qualification of a politician?
Honesty.
The next best?
Knowledge.
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[figure description] Page 142.[end figure description]
The next best?
Fortitude.
Who serves the people best?
Not always him that pleases them most.
It seems to the Court, said the Chief Justice, that
the man is not altogether mad. He appears rational
in some of his answers. We shall advise upon it.
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As for the blind lawyer, humanity interposed on
his behalf. There is a generosity in the public mind
that leads them to pass by the unfortunate. The sovereign
people, like other sovereigns, do not make
war upon bats. His lectures were short, and did not
cost much. The loss of money, leaves a bite behind
it worse than the sting of the wasp. It is this that
excites a prejudice against lawyers; and yet people
are, themselves, to blame. It is their own self-love,
and unwillingness to think themselves in the wrong,
that leads to law. Covetousness, deceives.
O, si angulus ille, mihi foret—
I must have that nuke of woods, that rins out there.
It will mak a calf pasture.
I admit that bar oratory is carried to excess, and
there is too much of it occasionally; it is valued by
the quantity, more than the quality. But there is a
great deal of excellent oratory to be found at the bar.
There are stamina, though retrenchments might be
made.
—Cum luculentus flueret,
Erat quod tollere posses.
The great defect is, the making many points; the
that had but one way to escape, stood as good a
chance, as the fox that had a thousand. Seize the
turning point of the cause; if it can be done, and
canvass that. The stroke of the eye, or coup d' eil,
which characterizes the great general, is the being
able to see, at once, the commanding point of the
field: to abandon out posts, and concentrate his forces.
Why need a man be taking time to shew, in how
many ways, he can kill a squirrel? If he can take him
down with a rifle ball, at once, it is enough.
Oratory has no where a finer province, than at the
bar. In a deliberative assembly, there is no such
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Political studies ought to be the great object with
the generous youth of a republic; not for the sake of
place or profit; but for the sake of judging right,
and preserving the constitution inviolate. Plutarch's
lives is an admirable book for this purpose. I should
like to see an edition of 10,000 volumes bought up in
every state. Plutarch was a lover of virtue, and his
reflections are favourable to all that is great and good
amongst men.
-- 145 --
CHAPTER VI.
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THE madman being out upon bail, walked about
seemingly disconsolate; and fell in with a philanthropic
person, who endeavoured to console him.
You may think yourself fortunate, said he, that the
charge had not been that you were dead. You might
have been tumbled into a coffin, and buried before
you were aware. When a public clamour is once
raised, there is no resisting it. People will have the
thing to be so, lest there should be no news. For the
stagnation of intelligence is equal to the want of breath.
I will venture to say that in three days, were I to undertake
it, I could have it believed that the soul had
gone out of your body, and that you were a walking
mummy. It is only to insist upon it, and spread it,
and a part will be credited; at first, and finally the
whole. Thank fortune that you are upon your feet
upon the earth. You are not the first that have been
buried alive. On opening a coffin, the corpse has been
found turn'd upon its face. In a tomb it has been
found out of the coffin, and laying where it had wandered,
thinking to get out.
Good heavens! said the madman, this is enough
to turn one's brain indeed. I begin to feel my head
swimming. Is it possible that without the least
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foundation, such a proposition should come to be believed?
Believed; ay; and people would be found to
swear to it. You have no conception from how small
beginnings great things arise.
Ingrediturque solo, & caput inter nubila condit.
You have seen a wood-pecker. It is astonishing how
large a hole it makes with so small a beak. It is owing
to successive impressions. Since common fame
has begun with you, it is well that it has taken that
turn; and made you only mad.
If that is the case, said the man of books, I ought to
be reconciled. It might have been worse.
-- 147 --
CHAPTER VII.
[figure description] Page 147.[end figure description]
IT may seem strange that in the present current
of prejudice against learning, and learned men,
the schoolmaster had not been taken up, that spoke
Latin. The fact was, the people did not know that
it was Latin. Some took it for one language, and
some for another. Thus, when he accos'ed persons
in the street, with his puzzling phrases to translate,
either on account of the peculiarity of the idiom, or
the elipsis of the sentence, answers were given correspondent
to the mistake. Thus:
Nil admirari—
I do not understand Spanish.
Simplex munditiis—
I never learned Welsh.
Ambiguoque vultu—
It is Greek to me.
Lacrimæ rerum—
I do not understand Dutch.
Mea Valentiam, si quis—
I have never been among the Indians.
—Esse Sua
Parati—
Potatoes are very good.
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THERE has certainly been a great deal of
vain learning in the world; and good natural sense
has been undervalued. “Too much learning may
make a man mad.” It may give him a pride and vanity
that unfits for the transaction of serious affairs. I
would rather have a sober sedate man of common
sense in public councils, than a visionary sciolist just
from the academies. But solid science is ornamental,
as well as useful in a government. Literary acquirements
may be undervalued. A man may not be a
scholar himself; but he may have a son that may.
“The child may rue that is unborn.”
A check given to the love of letters. The offspring
of a plain farmer may be a philosopher; a lawyer a
judge. Let not the simplest man therefore set light by
literary studies. The bulk of our youths are sufficiently
disposed to indolence of themselves. It requires
all the incitement of honours and emoluments to trim
the midnight lamp. The rivalship of the states ought
to be in their public foundations; in producing men of
letters. Popular distrust of them ought not to be
promoted. The coxcomb; the macaroni springs up
in the cities; The illiterate in the country village.
Legal knowledge, and political learning, are the stamina
of the constitution. The preservation of the
constitution is the stability of the state.
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[figure description] Page 149.[end figure description]
scope. Questions of finance have nothing to do with
the heart. No man can be an orator at the bar, that
has not a burning love of justice. For it is this gives
the soul of oratory. An advocate thinking merely of
the fee can be no orator. The soul must be expanded
by the love of virtue.
In a deliberative assembly, it is difficult to be honest.
Party will not suffer it. At the bar a man may be
honest. For, in a cause he is not supposed to speak
his own sentiments, but to present his side of the argument;
and with truth in his statements. The attempting
to hold what is not tenable, is a mark of
weakness. Why then a prejudice against lawyers?
I exclude attornies that are mere money gatherers;
or professional men, that screw the needy, and grind
the faces of the poor. Such there will always be.
But nature presents nothing without an allay of evil.
As to the blind fiddler if it should be asked, why he
was not accounted mad, it was because he was not
denounced. There is a great deal in calling out mad
dog. Besides, the insignificance of the scraper, protected
him in the republic. He was so busy scraping,
that he never meddted with politics, and this was a
great help And as he played every tune to every
one that asked, having no predilection for Langolee,
above Etric Banks, he gave no offence.
—Nunquam contra torrentem, brachia,
Direxit, sic octaginta annos vidit in aula.
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CHAPTER VIII.
[figure description] Page 150.[end figure description]
A CATTLE driver had come from the western
settlements, to exchange at the fair, stock, for salt,
iron, and women. In barter for the last article, a cow
was given for a girl. The settler went out, in the
first instance, with a rifle, a hatchet, and a knapsack.
Having fixed on a spot at a spring head, the next
thing was to fall saplins and construct a hut. A small
piece of ground was then cleared of the under-wood,
and this formed into a brush fence to inclose it. He
returned then to the interior of the country, and the
next summer, going out with a hoe, and a stock of
provisions, on a pack-horse, he began his cultivation.
Having tamed a buffaloe, or got a cow from Padan
Aram, he had in due time, milk in abundance. This
put it into his head to get a milk-maid; in other words
a wife. The traders in this article, usually chose those
of the less opulent, whose dress answered all the ends
of fashion without the affectation. The elbows were
bare, because the sleeves did not reach; and the folding
doors of the bosom were undrawn, because they
had been always open. There was no occasion for
flesh coloured pantaloons; for the pantaloons were
the natural flesh itself, discovered through the rents
of the muslin by the waving of the wind, like a light
cloud upon a bed of air, in an April day.
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[figure description] Page 151.[end figure description]
When these virgins, “nothing loath,” had been
conducted to the bowers mantled with the natural vine,
an offspring arose in a few years, such as that from
whence the poets have drawn their best fictions. You
will have no occasion to read Ovid's Metamorphosis,
to have an image of Daphne, or Proserpine; Diana
and her nymphs; the Dryads, Hamadryads, or other
personages. Just cross over into these new forests
and there you have them in reality: maids bathing
their snowy limbs in transparent streams; climbing
the mountain top, collecting flowers, or gathering the
berries of the wood Nature is here in her bloom;
no decay or decrepitude. All fragrancy, health, and
vivacity.
The stripling of these woods, is distinguished from
the city beau; but it will not become me to say who
has the advantage: whether the attitude of the presented
rifle; or that of the segar in the teeth, is the
most manly? Which looks best, the hunting shirt
open at the neck, or the roll of muslin that covers it,
and swells upon the chin? These are things to be
canvassed by the curious. I am of opinion, however,
that it is better to be clear sighted than purblind, and
to be able to see a deer in a thicket, than to have need
of a glass, before the nose to direct the steps where
there is nothing to stumble over.
It can be no slur upon the descendant of a western
settler, that his mother was obtained in barter, with
her hair descending to her girdle; or waving in ringlets
on her shoulders; and the moisture of her eye
brightened with a tear at the emigration; when he
considers, that, in all times, and in all places, matrimony,
to use the pun of Bishop Latimer, has been,
in a great degree, a matter of money; and the consideration
of the contract not always what the lawyers
call a good consideration, that is affection; but a
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[figure description] Page 152.[end figure description]
valuable one, wealth. Even if the circumstance should
be considered as less honourable than a marriage settlement
with forms, and perfect equality, in the transaction;
it will be forgotten in a century or two, and it
may come to be doubted whether there was ever such
a thing as barter at all.
A noise of a different kind was now heard in another
quarter. It was occasioned by a brick-bat which
had fallen from the heavens, or the top of a chimney;
or been thrown by some one, which is just as likely,
and hit the stall of an honest Frenchman, who sold
hair-powder. He construed it an insult, and insisted
upon knowing, what no one could inform him of;
or if they could, was not disposed to do it; that is,
whence it came? Diable! diable! said he, in a rage.
Si j' etois, d' en la France. If I vere in my own contree—
Le miserable police. Dish contree has une
ver bad police.
A l' en enfer,—Foutre, Foutre, Foutre!
Parce que je suis un jacobin. I be de jacobin.
Dish ish de enrage. Vill kill all de honest republican.
Ah! aristocrats; c' est que vous voulez
me tuer—C' est une terrible conspiration. It ish van
terrible conspiracy.
Civility to a foreigner induced the multitude to interpose,
and endeavour to pacify. But strangers are
jealous, and it was an hour before he could be persuaded
by some that spoke the language, to believe
that the thing might have been a matter of accident.
He had threatened to make a representation to the
government, and demand the interposition of the executive.
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[figure description] Page 153.[end figure description]
There is reason to think that he had dropped it;
as we have seen no diplomatic correspondence on the
subject.
A seller of patent medicines gave out that he had
bought them from a chymist who had invented a new
vegetable. Discovered, you mean, said a naturalist.
No; Invented, said the patent doctor. He made it
himself. I have some of the seeds in my pocket.
Out of what did he make it? Hydrogen; oxygen;
carbonic acid, and muriate of soda.
It is beyond my comprehension: what does the
seed look like, said the naturalist? Coriander seed;
or mustard, said the doctor. Here is a sample of it,
giving him a grain or two.
And it is out of this you make your drops, said the
naturalist? Certainly, said the doctor.
And a new seed will produce new drops, said the
naturalist; and perform new cures in the world.
Undoubtedly, said the doctor: what use could there
be in inventing it, if it did not?
I wish he would invent a new planet, said the naturalist.
That he could do readily enough, said the doctor;
but there are more than are good already. They shed
malign influences.
Aye, quo' the Scotchman; there is such a thing
as “evil stars.”
-- 154 --
CHAPTER IX.
[figure description] Page 154.[end figure description]
A COMPANY of village players were acting a
pantomime. Harlequin represented a politician with
the people on his back. Incurvated and groaning, he
seemed to feel the pressure exceedingly.
I like burlesque very well, said a spectator. A
man must imagine himself Atlas, forsooth, with the
heavens on his shoulders! The people would walk on
their feet if he would let them alone. What matters
it, if by attempting to sustain them, he gets his rump
broke?
That is all the thanks a patriot ever got, said a
wise man.
Are not the people strong enough of themselves?
said the spectator.
Strength of mind is improvable, said the wise man.
Hence strength of mind differs more than strength of
body. The aggregate of mind is one thing and a
distinguished mind another. It is not so absurd, to
suppose that one mind, in a particular case, may excel
another. The social compact is a noble study.
He who has devoted himself greatly to it, may be
supposed to have made some progress. Why should
he not have credit for his good intentions? Why
make him the object of a public exhibition, because
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[figure description] Page 155.[end figure description]
he thinks himself the support of the community?
Public spirit ought to be supported, and hints well
meant, well taken. It is but an innocent hypocondriasis
for a man to apprehend that he is doing good,
by his lucubrations. That he is a pillar of the commonwealth.
See how he grins, and balances, said the spectator,
speaking of the Harlequin, because the people, in his
opinion, are too much to the one side.
It is an easy thing to turn even virtue into ridicule,
said the wise man. But selfishness was never an amiable
quality. And can there be a nobler effort of benevolence
than to seek the public good? If one individual
misses it; another hits; and the principle is
salutary. It is not him that sails with the wind of
popular opinion that always consults the interest of
the populace. At the same time, I am for keeping
up the spirit of the people. It is the atmosphere of liberty.
And though this atmosphere is the region of
lightning and engenders storms, yet in it we breathe, and
have our being. But I speak of the angel that guides
the hurricane; the good man of more temperate
counsels, and who, from age, experience, or extent
of thought, sees the consequence of things, and applies
the prudence of restraint to the common mind
in the violence of its emotions.
Why shall we censure such a man should he indulge
the ambition of restraining the people; or rather
of supporting them by counselling moderation.
He is sometimes the best friend that reproves. A flatterer
never was a friend. The caricature of a man
having the people on his back, is an aristocratic fetch
to discourage a love for the people, and a disposition
to promote their real interest. This Harlequin is set
on by the enemies of the people, and with a view to
disparage republican exertions.
The spectator was silent.
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[figure description] Page 156.[end figure description]
While the Harlequin was acting The Oppressed
Politician, as the pantomime was called, a pedlar had
thrown himself into nearly a similar position; and
though it may seem strange, an accidental conjunction
of attitude. He had got his stall on his back; and
gave out that he had taken an oath, not to set it down,
until the people at the fair, had bought off all his
goods. He was on his hands, and feet, and bellowing
like the bull of Phalaris, affecting to be overcome,
with the load of his pack. The people, out of humanity;
credulous to his distress, came from every quarter
to hear his complaint, and ease him of his goods.
A partner was handing out the merchandize, and disposing
to the customer, as fast as he could come at the
articles. The back-bent man, in the mean time, in
his inclined posture, was gathering up the dollars,
thrown upon the ground, and putting them into his
hat; not omitting, the groans necessary to attract a
continuance of commiseration.
Christian people, said he, ease me of my wares, or
I shall have to break my back, or to break my oath.
You had better break your oath than your back,
said a man passing by; I have no money to throw
away upon a rogue.
A rogue! Said the burthened man. If I were a
rogue I could break my oath; but it is conscience
keeps me here. I cannot break my oath; and my back
must be broke. Help good people help; buy my wares
and ease me of my load.
You son of a whore, said a rude man, cannot you
stand up, and your pack will fall off?
Ay but it is my oath, said the Pedlar, that keeps it
on, until all my goods be bought.
It ish a tam sheat, said an honest German; he ish
a liar and a rogue. His back ish not broke more ash
mine. His pack ish light ash a feather; wid shilks,
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[figure description] Page 157.[end figure description]
and such tings, dat weigh nothing. He is a tam sheat
and a rogue.
I am muckle o' your way o' thinking, said Donald
Bain, the weaver; it is a' a stratagem, to get his hand
in folks pockets, and wile awa' the penny. The deel an
aith has he ta'en. It is a' a forgery.
It ish a devlish contrivance, said the German.
It is all de love of de monish, said a Jew. His conscience
is monish; I go anoder way to de exchange
dish morning.
Nevertheless credulity prevailed; and some continued
to purchase.
If at the hundreth edition of this work, a century
or two hence, it should be published with cuts, like
Don Quixotte, and other books of an entertaining
cast; the figure of the Pedlar and his pack may afford
a good drawing; and the Harlequin, at the same
time, with the people on his back.
The moral of the distressed politician is obvious to
every one. It is natural for us to suppose that the
world cannot do without us. O what will they do
when we are gone, is the language of almost every
man's heart in some way or other. I will venture to
say there are chimney sweepers, who think that all
will go to pot, when they drop off. Yet the world
goes on its gudgeons, and all things that are therein
revolve just as before!
What will we do for a general, said one to me,
when Fayette deserted to Sedan.
What? when Dumourier went off said another?
He may be yet in the ranks said I, who will termi
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nate the revolution. It came nearly to pass; for the
was at that time but in the low grade of what
we call a subaltern.
I have reflected with myself whence it is that men
of slow minds, and moderate capacities, and with less
zeal and perhaps less principle, execute offices, and
sustain functions with less exception, than others of
more vigour and exertion; and I find it owing to a
single secret; laissez nous faire; “let us be doing:”
that is, let subordinates, do a great deal themselves.
“He is right;” it is well; and if it is wrong, self-love
saves the error: men had rather be suffered to
be wrong, than to be set right against their wills.
What errors of stupidity have I seen in life, in the
small compass of my experience, and the sphere of
my information; and these errors the object of indulgence,
because there was nothing said or done to
wound the pride of the employer. This is a lesson to
human pride and vanity It is a lesson of prudence to
the impetuous. The sun lets every planet take its
course; and so did General Washington. That was
the happy faculty that made him popular.
His fort was, in some degree, the laissez nous faire;
“The not doing too much.”
Yet the lovers of an art, may be excused in being
hurt when they see the artist err. The lovers of the
public may deserve praise who wish to set the world
right and do a little towards it. It is the error of vigorous
minds, to say the least of it; and oftentimes,
the excess of virtue.
Sometimes, it is an instinctive impulse of spirit that
cannot be resisted Alcibiades superseded in the command
of the Athenian army, but remaining in the
neighbourhood could not avoid pointing out to the generals
who succeeded him and who were his enemies,
the errors they were about to commit, and which
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advice, neglecting, they were overthrown with their forces,
by the under the conduct of Lysander,
and disgraced. Moreau though superseded
by the directory, and serving only as a volunteer, stepped
forward to an unauthorized command, and saved
the army on the defeat, and death of Joubert.
The critic will say, what use can there be in such
representations? We do not write altogether for
grave, or even grown men; our book is not for a day
only. We mean it for the coming generation, as
well as the present; and intending solid observations,
we interlard to make the boys read.
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CHAPTER X. CONTAINING EXPLANATIONS.
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IN my observations on the licence of the press
in the early pages of this book, it may be seen that I
have had in view personal, and not political stricture.
The difference of these I cannot so well express as in
the words of the greatest orator in the knowledge of
history, Curran of Ireland. I quote him to give myself
an opportunity of saying how much I admire him.
It is on Finerty's trial for a libel, that the following
correct sentiments are beautifully expressed.
“Having stated to you gentlemen, the great and
exclusive extent of your jurisdiction, I shall beg leave
to suggest to you a distinction that will strike you at
first sight; and that is the distinction between public
animadversions upon the character of private individuals,
and those which are written upon measures of
government, and the persons who conduct them; the
former may be called personal, and the latter political
publications. No two things can be more different in
their nature, nor, in the point of view in which they
are to be looked on by a jury. The criminality of a
merely personal libel, consists in this, that it tends to
a breach of the peace; it tends to all the vindictive
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paroxisms of exasperated vanity; or to the deeper,
and more deadly vengeance of irritated pride.—The
truth is, few men see at once that they cannot be hurt
so much as they think by the mere battery of a newspaper.
They do not reflect, that every character has
a natural station, from which it cannot be effectually
degraded, and beyond which it cannot be raised by
the bawlings of a news-hawker. If it is wantonly aspersed,
it is but for a season, and that a short one
WHEN IT EMERGES LIKE THE MOON
FROM BEHIND A PASSING CLOUD TO ITS
ORIGINAL BRIGHTNESS. It is right however,
that the law and that you, should hold the strictest
hand over this kind of public animadversion that
forces humility and innocence from their retreat
into the glare of public view — That wounds and sacrifices
that destroys the cordiality and peace of domestic
life; and, that, without eradicating a single vice or a
single folly, plants a thousand thorns in the human
heart.”
It will not give universal satisfaction to have introduced
the name of Porcupine, or Calender. For
though no man can respect these characters; yet, consciousness
of having once favoured them from other
motives, will touch the self-love of some, as it will be
said the one is dead; and the other run away, and it
was not worth while, or perhaps liberal, to make use
of their names even in a dramatic way; or as a character
in a fable. As to Porcupine, it was said at the
time, that though occasionally coarse in his language,
and gross in his reflections, yet such a spirit and stile
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of writing, was necessary to counteract the excess of
democratic principles; that in fact, it did good. I
doubt upon that head; or rather to the best of my
judgment, it did harm to the cause which it was
thought to serve. Indignation is insensibly transfered
from the advocate to the cause.
It has been said, in the British Parliament, that
“He deserved a statue of gold for the services rendered
here.” This is a great mistake. He did injury
to the character of British manners and liberality. It
produced something like a personal resentment against
the whole nation whence such a writer came. An
intemperate partizan in public or in private life, can
never serve any cause.
But it was not with a view to pourtray this spectre
of scurrility that the name is introduced; but because
it suited to the counterpart, Polecat. I had thought
of Panther; but Porcupine, could be drawn from real
life, and was at hand.
I will not say, that before Porcupine came and
since, there has not been a portion of scurrility in
some gazettes, unworthy of the press. There has
been too much; but I believe the example and the
fate of this monster, and his successor Calender, has
greatly contributed to reform the abuse. It is a check
upon an editor, to be threatened, not with a prosecution;
but to be called, a Porcupine; or a Calender.
It will be natural for a reader to apply in his
own mind, the history of the village and its agitations,
to the state where we live; and it will be asked, what
ground is there for the idea, that here we talk of
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pulling down churches; or burning colleges. There is
no ground so far as respects churches; but it is introduced
by way of illustration. What if any one
should say, let us have no books, and no doctrines,
but the ten commandments, the Lord's prayer, and
the apostles creed? Give us the gospel in a narrow
compass, and have no more preaching about it. This
would be no more than is said of the law; why cannot
we have it in a pocket book, and let every man be
his own lawyer? Our acts of assembly fill several
folio volumes; and yet these are not the one thousandth
part of our law. Why not, at least, put the
acts of assembly in a nut shell? Ask our legislators.
What else law have we but the acts of the legislative
body? The law of nations forms a part of the municipal
law of this state. This law is of great extent, and
to be collected from many books. The common law,
before the revolution, made a part of our law; and by
an act of our legislature of the 28th January, 1777, it
is recognized and established to be a part of our law,
and “such of the statute laws of England as have heretofore
been in force.” This law must be collected
from commentaries, and decisions. It is of an immense
extent. Because the relations of men, and the
contracts of parties, are of an infinite variety. But
how is Turkey governed? Do the mufti require such
a multiplicity of rules? No, nor the cadi in Persia;
because “having no law, they are a law unto themselves.”
There is no jury there. It must be a profession,
a business of study to understand our law:
we cannot therefore burn the books of law, or court-houses,
any more than we can dispense with sermons
and commentaries on the Bible; or pull down religious
edifices.
I will not say, that people talk of burning colleges;
but they do not talk much of building them up. The
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constitution provides, Art. 7. “That the legislature
shall, as soon as conveniently may be, provide by law
for the establishment of schools throughout the state,
in such manner that the poor may be taught gratis.”
Sec. 11. “The arts and sciences shall be promoted
in one or more seminaries of learning.” We do not
hear of much exertion on this head; either in the
legislative body, or out of doors. But what is more
exceptionable; or at least unfortunate, in the opinion
of literary men, and perhaps in the opinion of some
that have the misfortune not to be learned, is that
learning does not seem to be in repute universally.
The surest means in some places, as is said, to make
your way to a public function, is to declaim against
learning. It would be a libel on the body politic, if
a state could be the subject of a libel, to say, or to insinuate
that this is general. But it is hard in some
places. I do not know that it is carried so far that a
candidate for an office will affect not to be able to
write, but make his mark; but it is not far from it;
for he will take care to have it known, that he is no
scholar; that he has had no dealings with the devil in
this way; that he has kept himself all his life, thank
God, free from the black art of letters; that he has
nothing but the plain light of nature to go by, and
therefore cannot be a rogue; that as for learned men
that have sold themselves to the devil, they may go
to their purchaser; he will have nothing to do with
old nick or his agents. This is not just the language
used; but it is the spirit of it. It may be a caricature,
as we distort features to mark deformity more deformed.
But the picture is not without some original of
this drawing. To speak figuratively, as we say of
fevers, it may be in low grounds, and about marshes
that we have the indisposition; that is, in the secluded
parts of the country. But so it is that it does exist.
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It is true, the savages of our frontier country, and
elsewhere, dispense with the use of letters; and at a
treaty, Canajohalas and other chiefs make their marks.
They are able counsellors, and bloody warriors, notwithstanding.
The Little Turtle defeated General
St. Clair, who is a man of genius, and literary education;
and yet the Little Turtle can neither read nor
write, any more than a wild turkey; or a water tarapin.
But let it be considered, that the deliberations
of the council-house, at the Miami towns, embrace
but simple objects; and a man may throw a tomhawk,
that holds a pen, but very aukwardly. So that there
is nothing to be inferred from this, candidly speaking.
I grant that Charlemagne, made his mark, by dipping
his hand in ink, and placing it upon the parchment.
It was his hand, no doubt; but it must have taken up
a large portion of the vellum; and it would have
saved expence, if he could have signed himself, in a
smaller character. But what may pass, in an illiterate
age, with an emperor, will not be so well received
in a more enlightened period, and in the case of a
common person.
It is not the want of learning that I consider as a
defect; but the contempt of it. A man of strong mind
may do without it; but he ought not to undervalue the
assistance of it, in those who have but moderate parts
to depend upon. It is a bad lesson to young people;
who had better take a lesson from their books. At
any rate, it is good to have the thing mixed; here a
scholar and there an illiterate person; that the honesty
of the one may correct the craft of the other.
How comes it that a lawyer in this state seems to
be considered as a limb of satan? There is a great
prejudice against them. It would seem to me that it
is carried to an extreme. An advertisement appeared
some years ago in a Philadelphia newspaper of a
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ship just arrived with indented servants; tradesmen
of all descriptions; carpenters, joiners, and sawyers.
The error of the press had made it lawyers. It gave
a general alarm; for the people thought, we had
enough of them in this country already.
But if we have lawyers at all; it is certainly an
advantage to have them well educated. Were it for
nothing else but the credit of the thing, I should like
to see an enlightened, and liberal bar in a country.
It is thought that learning makes them make long
speeches. If that should be made appear; I bar learning;
for I like brevity: with Shakespeare, I think it
“the soul of wit.”
I attribute the making long speeches, to the taking
long notes. When every thing is taken down, every
thing must be answered, though it is not worth the
answering. This draws replies long into the night;
and we labour under the disadvantage of not having
woolsacks to sleep upon as they have in England,
while the council are fatiguing themselves; or at
least the juries.
The prejudice against lawyers stands upon the
ground with the prejudice against learning. The majority
are not lawyers, or learned men. A justice of
the peace is a deadly foe to a lawyer; for what the one
loses, the other gets. The chancery jurisdiction of
a justice is hewn out of the jurisdiction of the courts
of law, and abridges the province of the lawyer. It is
well if it does not edge out the trial by jury. How?
This mode of trial is retained by the courts of law.
But who are at the bottom of this hostility to the
courts of law. I will not say the holy army of justices;
though some may break a spear at it. I believe there
are of them, that think their jurisdiction is sufficiently
encreased; but there are others who would not object
to a little more.
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In China there are no courts of law or lawyers;
all justices of the peace. They call them Mandarins.
In capital cases, there is an appeal to the emperor.
There is no jury trial there.
A limb of the law, is a good name for a lawyer;
for we say a limb of Satan; and a lawyer in a free
country is the next thing to it: a thorn in the flesh to
buffet the beople. There is freedom enough in the
constitution; why need we be afraid of aristocracy in
practice? Every man is brought up to the bull-ring
in a court of law, be he rich or poor; but the scheriff,
in Arabia, who is a justice of the peace; not like our
sheriff here, though it is spelt the same nearly, can
summons no jury; at least he takes care not to do it.
But the governments of those countries, are arbitrary,
not free. It is an astonishing thing to me, that a free
government, and the exclusion of lawyers, cannot well
be reconciled.
How can the overthrow of a judiciary tribunal, affect
liberty? No otherwise than as it militates against
a branch of the government. Take away a branch
from a tree, and the shade is reduced. What is a
branch that is born down by the rest? But suppose
the judiciary branch goes; the legislative and executive
remain. There are two sprigs to the legislative
branch. Which is strongest? That of the house of
representatives. Is there no danger of this out-growing
the other two? There is half a spring in the executive.
But the great sprig of the house of representatives
is “the rod of Aaron that will swallow up the
other rods.” There is a talk now of abolishing the senate.
That will be talked of, unless it becomes an
enregistering office. It is hoped that will never be.
In this I allude not to any disposition that has yet
shewn itself in the house of representatives; but to
what I have heard broached out of doors.
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Despotism is not a self-born thing. It has its origin
in first causes. These not perceptible, like the
gas that produces the yellow fever. Why call out
against the fever? It is the gas that is the cause.
Whence sprung the emperor that now affects the
French? From the mountain of the national assembly.
It is the madness of the people that makes emperors.
They are not always aware when they are planting
serpents teeth. Reflecting men saw the emperor, in
the insurrections of Paris; in the revolutionary tribunals;
in the dominancy of the clubs; in the deportations
to Cayenne. Whether it springs from the seed,
or grows from the plant; is oviparous, or viviparous,
despotism is not of a day; it is of gradual increase.
Will not the people give him credit that can point
out to men, where a germ of it exists.
In what is hinted at, in several pages of the preceding
chapter, of hostility to laws and a disposition
to overthrow establishments, and judges, I have in
view, not the proceedings of a public body, but the
prejudices of the people. It is talk out of doors that
I respect. And this is the fountain which is to be
corrected. Representatives must yield to the prejudices
of their constituents even contrary to their own
judgment. It is therefore into this pool that I cast
my salt. It is to correct these waters that I write this
book. I have been in the legislature myself, and I
know how a member must yield to clamours at home.
For it comes within the spirit of the princple, to obey
instructions.
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In the song which I have put into the mouth of O'Dell,
I have nothing else in view but to give a picture
of the excess of the spirit of reform. It is taken from
the life; for though not in verse, yet I have heard
similar sentiments expressed by the uninformed.
The talk of abolishing the courts, and the judges,
is a language which I put into the mouth of Tom the
Tinker; yet is more general than is imagined. I
am afraid it may affect ultimately the democratic interest;
to which I feel myself attached; for I aver
myself to be a democrat. No Perkin Warbeck, or
Lambert Simnel; but a genuine Plantagenet. Hence
my concern for their honour and existence, which can
alone be supported by their wisdom, and their justice.
Judges are impeached, and violent persons will
have them broke before they are tried. But accusation
and condemnation are not the same thing. It is
not on every bill that is found by a grand jury that
there is not a defence.
There is nothing to be collected from any hints of
mine that I arraign the justice or policy of the impeachment;
much less, that I wish to see it quashed,
or withdrawn. I have it only in view to arraign preconceived
opinions, and the forestalling the public
judgment.
Sublime is that tribunal that is to judge judges.
The highest judicature of the body politic. It presents
an awful, but majestic spectacle. Our senators,
in this capacity are the representatives of heaven. I
see them seated on a mount “fast by the throne of
God;” the stream of justice issuing at their right
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hand; full and equal in its current; crystal in its
fountains, and giving vegetation to the groves and
gardens on its borders: The stream of injustice at
their left, bursting like a torrent of enflamed naptha,
scorching and consuming all before it.
It lies with this sublime court to give its lessons of
impartial justice to the subordinate judiciaries. I rejoice
in this power of the constitution. I shall submit
to its decisions.
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IT occurs to me, that I shall have all the lawyers
on my back; because I have said to them, as
was said to the Pharisees, “Use not vain repetitions
as the heathens do: for they think they shall be heard
for their much speaking.” By the bye the heathen
with us, that is, the savages of North America, are
not long speakers. They call it a talk, it is true;
but it is raised above a common conversation. And
they are not tedious speakers; short, clear and pithy,
are the characteristics of their eloquence.
The heathen—are the Gentile nations here meant,
that bordered on Judea? or does it refer to the redundance
of the Greek and Roman eloquence? The
loquacious Greek was proverbial. When a language
becomes copious, the speakers become verbose.
But the lawyers will say, “how can we help it?
The client will have talk for his money. He purchases
his plantation by the acre; he sells his wheat
by the bushel; or if a shopkeeper in the city, he
measures tape by the yard. Omnia deus dedit, says
the Latin scholar, Numero, mensura, et pond ere.
He will have quantity, let what will go with the quality.
For of that he is not a judge.
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I admit it is difficult to get a man to understand
that the cause is oftentimes won, with judgment and
silence, like the game of chess. All depends upon
the move. A client will say, you ought to refund
me something; or take less than I promised. You
had no trouble. Or he will go away, and say, lawyer
M`Gonnicle took twenty dollars from me, and did
not say a word.
He was six hours on his feet, says a man coming
from the court. This sounds well and it looks as if
the man was a great lawyer. So that self-preservation
is at the bottom of long speaking. Or is it in
accommodation to false opinion.
I admit something in all this. An advocate will
occasionally find himself under the necessity of saying
more than is necessary, in order to save appearances,
and to satisfy his client who is not like the court and
jury, weary of the harangue. But this is not the
great cause of prolixity. It has a deeper root; it is a
false stile of eloquence that has been introduced, and
is become fashionable. I have asked chief justice
Shippen, if he could recollect and trace, the origin
and progress of it. Is it imported, or of domestic
origin? He thinks it was introduced by John Dickinson,
who was an agreeable, but a lengthy speaker.
At nisi prius; or at bar in England, there was no
such thing. But whether there is or not; is of no
account. The thing ought not to be. Because it
will lead to the loss of the jury trial.
A lawyer must say every thing that his ingenuity
can suggest on the subject. The strongest reasons
are not sufficient; he must bring up the weaker. After
throwing bombs, he must cast jackstones.
There is more sense in the common mind than is
imagined; and close thought in strong words will be
understood, and a few will suffice.
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The bar of this state is said to excel in legal knowledge;
but certainly is behind none in liberality of
practice; and delicacy in argument. In practice, no
catches, or as the common people call it, snap judgments;
lying in wait at the docket; making surreptitious
entries, and giving trouble to get slips set right.
This the meanest lawyer can do. A rat can gnaw
the bowstring of Philoctetes. The drawback in the
opinion of foreigners, and the feelings of the people
here, is the length of speeches.
I will not say that hence arises wholly the prejudice
against lawyers. A prejudice against the liberal
professions, exists in all countries; or they are made
the subjects of invective from the occasional abuse of
their privileges. “Woe unto you lawyers,” is a scripture
expression, and applies to the priests among the
Jews who were the interpreters of the law of Moses.
The physicians of all countries are said to kill people.
And as to advocates they get no quarter in any country.
Wits will exclaim even without ill will. Don
Quevedo, a Spanish writer, in his vision of hell, tells
us, that he observed a couple of men lying on their
backs asleep in a corner, with the cobwebs grown
across their mouths. He was told these were porters,
and had been employed in carrying in lawyers, but
there had been no occasion for their services, for a
century past, these cattle had come so fast of themselves,
that the carriers had laid themselves up, in
the interval of business, to take a nap there.
As to the length of speaking, how can it be helped
in advocates? Not by any act of the legislature, constitutionally,
at least in criminal cases; for it is provided
by the constitution that in criminal cases, the
party shall be heard by himself and his counsel. But
this provision was not meant to exclude the right in
civil cases, which existed at the common law; but
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because in capital cases, in the courts of criminal
jurisdiction in England, counsel was not allowed to
the accused, except on law points, arising on the
trial. In civil cases the legislature may change the
law or modify it; but I am not able to say, what regulation
by an act of the legislature, might be expedient;
or what practicable by the courts themselves.
The safest and most easy remedy would be in the bar
themselves; cultivating a stile of eloquence of greater
brevity, and endeavouring to be more laconic in their
speeches.
They are not aware that this length of speaking
has become unsufferable. That resentment against
the bar on that account, has been accumulating, and
is now ready to overwhelm their existence. It is a
great cause of that obloquy against the proceedings
of the courts of justice, which is heard in this state.
Delay is the effect; and delay is an obstruction of
justice.
But delay is the cause of loss to the lawyer. It is
a vulgar idea, but founded in mistake, that lawyers
delay causes for the sake of fees. It is their interest
to have speedy trials, as much as with merchants to
have quick returns. It is the interest of the advocates
that I endeavour to promote, in suggesting a reform
in the length of pleadings. I am endeavouring, in
the scouted language of some reasoners, “to save the
lawyers from themselves.” It is on this principle
that I attempt to school them a little on the point of
oratory at the bar.
Some one will say, that I but affect to treat them
thus cavalierly. That it is like the case of an Indian
in a skirmish, of which I have heard, on the west of
the Ohio, who on his party being defeated, pursued
one of his own people, with his tomhawk lifted up,
ready to strike, and was mistaken for a volunteer.
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In the heat of the affair seeing him alert, and pursuing,
they thought the one before him was in good
hands, and they let them both escape.
To apply the story. It may be thought that I affect
to school the profession, to save it from arbitration
laws, in the spirit of what has been called the
adjustment bill. I am not one of those with whom it
has been clear, that the adjustment bill passed into a
law, would do any injury to lawyers. It might winnow
off some of the chaff, but better corn would come
to the mill. I have no idea that any thing can hurt
the profession, but the overthrow of liberty. Council
to advise, and an advocate to speak, will be always
wanted where the laws govern and not men. Rules of
property and contract in civil cases, and the principles
of law in matters of life, liberty, and reputation,
will always call for the assistance of the head, and
the powers of speech, in a republic.
My concern in the case of innovations, doubtless
meant for improvements, has been that the experiment
would not shew wisdom in the framers; but, on
the contrary, discredit the administration by which
they had been introduced; or, if tolerated, and approved,
would lead to aristocracy, and despotism in
the end. This by gradations insensible, as opiates
unnerve the constitution. It would take a volume to
trace gradatim, how, and why this would be brought
about; and after all it may be a spectre of the imagination.
Let the wise determine. Were I a practising
lawyer, as probably I may soon be, I should apprehend
little from it on the score of profit, and loss to
the profession. My idea is, that eighteen months
would put an end to it, and it would, by that time,
have sowed a pretty fruitful field of controversy, that
would last as many years. As to the constitution, it
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seems to be in vain to talk to the people about it, when
it is in the way of what they wish, and must have.
But hinting as has been done with regard to the
exuberance of oratory at the bar, it is to be taken subject
to the exception of cases which cannot be considered
in a few words; either where the facts are
complicated, and the evidence extensive; or where a
point of law embraces an extensive scope of argument.
The elucidation in some cases, must be drawn from
the law of nature; the law of nations; the municipal
law. Statutes, commentaries, and decisions must be
examined at full length.
It is not half a day, or a day, that will suffice always,
to do justice to a question. The court themselves
will stand in need of the careful preparation,
and the miuute investigation of the counsel. The
bringing forward lucidly, and arguing a matter well,
is a great help to a court. It is doing for them, what
they would have to do for themselves, without their
assistance.—The labour of the counsel is the ease of
the court. Many a midnight thought is expended by
the laborious lawyer, of which the court feels the benefit,
in the light which he throws upon the subject
of the litigation. It is the
—Rudis indigestaque moles,
of the unprepared that wastes the most time.
It is the highest effort of a strong mind to condense.
Having taken a comprehensive view of the
whole horizon of the subject, the man of talents collects
the principles that govern and illustrate the case.
To state and press these, is the effort of the great
orator. To reduce to generals, and bring forward
the result.
But in order to speak short upon any subject—
think long. Much reflection is the secret of all that is
excellent in oratory. No man that speaks just enough,
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and no more, ever wearies those that hear him. And
that is enough which exhausts the subject, before the
patience of the auditory.
There is such a thing as alarming the patience. A
speaker branches out his subject. It is all proper that
this should be done in his own mind. It is necessary
that he should have a system of argument, and a certain
order of arrangement. But I do not approve of an
explanation of this. I remember the alarm which I
have felt listening to a speaker in the pulpit, when
he has spread out the table of his doctrine into heads
and sections. When he had done with the first, that
is well, thought I. But then, there is the second
head; will he be as long upon that? Now if he had
said, This point of doctrine arises from the text, I
would have heard it out without fore-casting in my
mind that the ulterior divisions were to come yet. It
is not in the language of nature to have such compartments.
It is well enough in a book of didactic dissertation.
For there is one can lay down the volume,
and amuse himself otherwise when he is weary. The
Indian in his talk has an order in his mind, and pursues
it by the wampum belt, as the Catholic says his
prayer by his beads. It is not the secret of persuasion,
which does not steal upon the heart; and whatever
the effect in matters of the judgment, may be the
annunciation of method; it is unfavourable to all that
interests the heart, and governs the imagination. You
will see no such thing in Demosthenes or CurranCicero
has something of it, but I always thought it a
blemish. Ars est celare artem.
There is no such thing in the works of nature.
Artificial gardens sometimes present that view, but
these are not in the best taste.
The hills and mountains, vales, and extensive plains
are dispersed with a beautiful variety. The stars of
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the heavens are not at marked distances. There is a
concealed regularity, order and proportion in all that
affects. The mind remains cold where there is
nothing that surprises and comes unexpectedly
upon it.
END OF THE FIRST VOLUME.
