The contemplashen uv the nigger, hez, in time past, given
me a great deal uv trouble. Nigger hez to me bin a incubus—
a nitemare. I never cood see why the species wuz created;
never cood I understand why they wuz put onto the face uv
the earth, any more than toads or other disgustin objects. But
last nite a lite bust onto me — I seed it all!

I wuz low-sperited and deprest. Jeff Davis a pinin in a
loathsum dungeon — the English capitalists a mournin for their
cotton-bonds, and refusin to be comforted because the Confedracy
is not — Mrs. Surratt a danglin in the air — military courts
plenty and habis corpusis scarce — the loosenis with wich
people put ther munny into 7-30's — the soljers returnin and
goin for constooshnel Dimekrats, and the ginral demoralization
uv Dimokrasy, all conspired to give me the horrors, and to
add to my distress my jug wuz out! To avoid madness, I took
up the Bible (I board with a justice uv the peace, who hez to
keep one to swear witnesses on), and happened to open at the
9th chapter uv Gennesis. Yoo know all about the blessid
chapter.

Noah, after the water went down, come down from Aryrat,
went into farmin, and planted grapes extensive. One day he
took a drink too much, and laid down with insuffishent clothin
onto him. His second son, Ham, saw him in that fix, and when

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Noah awoke, while his hair wuz still pullin, he cust him and
his posterity, and sed they shood be servants forever.

Ham (wich in the original Hebrew signifies the hind-quarter
uv a hog), wuz the father uv the Afrikins, and they hev bin
slaves ever sence.

I seed a lite to-wunst — I realized the importance uv the
nigger. He is the connectin link in the chain uv circumstances
wich led to the formashen uv the Dimekratic party. He hez
kept the blessid old macheen a runnin to this day. Observe:

Whisky (or wine, wich is the same thing) made Noah tight.

Ham saw Noah inebriated.

Noah cust Ham, wich turned him into a nigger and a servant.

That the Skripters mite be fulfilled, the childern uv Ham
wuz brot to America, to be servants here.

Wickid men set themselves agin the Skripters, and tried to
make men uv the niggers.

The Dimekratik party ariz for the purpus uv keepin the
nigger down, and that deliteful biznis hez given them employment
for more than 30 years.

Ez I shet the book I cood not help remarkin, in the words
uv the sammist, —

Sposin Noah, instid uv plantin grapes, hed gone to practisin
law, or into the grocery biznis, or buyin prodoose on commishn,
or puttin up patent medicines — he woodent hev got inebriated;
he woodent hev cust Ham; Ham woodent hev turned
black; there woodent hev bin no niggers, no Ablishnists, and,
consequently, no Dimekrats.

Or, sposn all uv Ham's childern hed taken diptheria, and
died; the same results wood hev follered.

Whisky made nigger — nigger made Dimokrasy. Take
away whisky and nigger, and Dimokrasy woodent be uv no
more akkount than a one-armed man at a raisin.

Whisky! Nigger! Dimokrasy! O, savory trinity!

We don't none uv us read the Skripters enuff.

p635-205

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