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Locke, David Ross, 1833-1888 [1872], The struggles (social, financial and political) of Petroleum V. Nasby... embracing his trials and troubles, ups and downs, rejoicings and wailings; likewise his views of men and things; together with the lectures Cussed be Canaan, The struggles of a conservative with the woman question, and In search of the man of sin. With an introduction by Hon. Charles Sumner. Illustrated by Thomas Nast... (I. N. Richardson and Company, Boston) [word count] [eaf635T].

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XXIV. CONFESSION OF FAITH. Church uv St. Vallandigum, }
Orgust the 31st, 1863.

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We hed the gloriusist kind uv a season yisterday. The
winders wuz opend, and a shower uv pure Dimekratik grace
desendid upon us, and we wuz blest. Glory! We reseeved
into our Zion eighteen young men, who reseevd the faith by
inheritance, ther fathers hevin alluz voted the strait tickit.
The follerin is the Confeshun uv Faith to which they subscribed: —

Queshn. — Dost bleeve that Canaan wuz doomd to bondage
becoz uv Noer's gittin tite; that Hayger and Onezimus prove
the skriptoorality of the fugitive-slave law; that, taken ez a
hull, they show that the ketchin uv niggers with dorgs is commendible
and evangelikle?

Dost bleeve that the present war is unconstooshnel and unholy;
that it wuz brot on by the Abolishnists interferin with
slavery; that the bombardment uv Sumter wuz rite, tho
hasty?

Dost bleeve that Linkin is a tyrant and usurper; that he hed
no rite too subjoogate the South; that his callin out troops
waz unconstooshnel; and that everything he hez dun, since
the war begun, is likewise unconstooshnel?

Dost bleeve that Vallandigum wuz sent into the world to
save the Dimekratik party; that in doin it he wus arestid at
Dayton, tried afore Ponteus Burnside, and sent Sowth; that,
after three months, he riz agen in Canady, whence he shel cum
ez soon ez he's electid?

Dost bleeve that the central committis is the sole dispenser
uv opinion, and wiltest thow alluz yawp wen they wink?

Dost bleeve that skratchin a tikkit is the onpardonable sin?

Dost bleeve that this war wuz got up to free niggers, and
that to-day Linkin hez seventy-five thousand niggers in the
North, a feedin on fride oysters and hot punch?

Dost bleeve that Lee is the greatest gineral uv the age, and
that all reports uv Fedral victries is lies?

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Dost bleeve Ben Butler's a beast, and Hamlin a mulatter?

Wilt pledge yurself to uncompromisinly oppose yoor sisters
marrying niggers, no matter how much they want to?

To all uv these questions the candidates anserd, “I dost.”
Bro. Tuttle extendid the rite hand uv fellowship, and, after
making a + to their names, wich I hed previously ritten in
our church-book, they wuz made members of my flock.

The coz is prosperin. We commense a series uv revival
meetins next week, and hev made extensive preparashens therefor.
Ten barls uv new whisky and twenty barls uv beer hev
bin pervided. Ther will be a outporin.

Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.

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