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It is a cardinal principle in the Dimekratik
creed, that a nigger, taken from his normal state
uv subjekshun and placed on a level with men,
will bekum overbearin to a degree most irritatin
to the well-regulated Caucashen mind.

I kin testify on this pint from persnal experience.
Ten or fifteen years ago, when I wuz
younger than I am now, and the blood coursed
toomulchuser thro my vanes than it does now, in
the winter uv life, (years gathers wisdom uv mind
at the expense uv strength uv body,) I wuz, wun
summer—a very hot summer—wun day a layin on
my back, resolved in2 a committee uv ways and
means on the question uv suthin to eat. Hunger
overkum my nateral proclivities, and I wuz forst
to go to the nearest grocery and saw sum wood
for a froogal meal uv crackers and cheese and new
rum. While sweatin at this unwonted exertion,
and cussin Eve with all my powers uv cussin, for
eatin the froot that sprouted into sich bitter froot
ez I wuz then tastin, I resolved that ez woman

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brought toil onto me, woman should release me
from it.

Droppin the saw, I to wunst went and washed
my face and offered myself in marriage to five
widders, each uv whom I knowd owned a good
farm. By each uv the five I wuz promptly rejectid,
amid peals uv lafture.

Nary once discouraged, I offered myself to 5
maidens whose fathers hed good farms, and wuz
five times rejected, in three cases bein ignominiously
kicked out uv the house.

Then I bethawt myself uv one more chance.
In the outskirts uv the town wuz a nigger wench,
who earned a very comfortable livin a washin.
Believin that the honor uv hevin a white husband
wood more than compensate her for the
extra labor uv supportin me, and bein sure that
she wood suffishently appreciate my condesenshun
in marryin her, I made her the tender uv my
hart and hand. She accepted, and we wuz married.

For a time all wuz peace. She insisted on my
accompanyin her to church, wich I did, among the
jeers uv the populace.

“Rail on!” thot I, “rail on! I kin stand yoor
railin better than the sweat nessary to answer the
demands uv a cravin stumick.”

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Finally a crisis cum. The flour wuz out—the
pork-barl wuz empty—the taters wuz gone, and
the wood-pile waxed low, and Mrs. Nasby sejested
that I shood supply the achin void that wuz evident
in our house-keepin arrangements.

I replied that I sposed sich wuz the case, and
that she must go and buy, that we mite eat.

“Wha 's de money?” replied she.

“My deer,” retortid I, “yoo hev struck the entire
root uv the trubble in a breath. I hev no
objeckshun to the mere labor uv buyin the provisions—
nay, I wood even go so far as to tote em
home—hed I the money with wich to do it. That
money is for yoo to earn, to prokoor. Permit me
to sejest that yoo to wunst make yoorself the
agreeable foreground to a wash-tub that yoo wunst
wuz, and on the proceeds uv sed tablow we 'll eat
and be merry.”

“Wa-a-t!” sed she, growin white in the face;
“d' ye tink I 'se a-gwine to work to s'port myseff,
now I 'se married?”

“Trooly, I do,” sed I, calmly.

“And yoo, too?”

“Indubitably,” sed I, smilin at the absurdity uv
her questions.

She growd black in the face agin—a angry
gleam shot from her eyes, and her kinky hair

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bekum straight. Suddenly I lost all consciousness.
I felt a sensation uv moving rapidly thro space.
For a minnit I fancied a tightnin sensation at my
throat and at the seat uv my pants, and all wuz
darkness. At last I awoke, and found that she
hed throwd me jest thirty feet out uv the door
into the front yard. I assoomed, then, all the authority
uv a husband. I demanded admittance,
when from a upper window appeared my angelic
spouse, who emptied on my head a bucket uv
skaldin water, informin me that I might expect
such treatment ez often ez I presented myself.

I left that town that nite, with my mind thoroughly
made up ez to the complete cussednis uv
the Ethiopian charikter. No sooner hed I elevated
that ongrateful woman to my level and
made her my ekal, than she expectid me to support
her, the same ez ef she hed bin uv my blood.

I left her in disgust, and to-day, I doubt not,
she and a child, half uv the cuss-tainted blood uv
Ham and half uv the proud Caucashen race,
mourn and weep my prolonged stay. Will I ever
go back? Not any. I made one effort to elevate
the race, and one is enuff. Cood I sell her and
the child, I wood; but ez that is illegal in this
Stait, she may tred her weary path alone.

p631-419

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