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I am here, and mizrable!

I am not less than 213 per cent. more mizrable
nor I used to be!

I consoomd 2 hours uv the Sutherin Confedracy's
time, and a 12-foot board, assertainin the
eggsact increese uv misery wich I am engoyin,
with the above result.

Wen I wuz draftid I wuz not particularly
dissatisfied. My posishen wuz becomin precarious.
Looizer Jane (the wife uv my buzum)
had cut off my supplies, and wuz a wasting
the money she reseevd fer washin on bread
and clothes fer the childern, and misunderstandins
and coolnisses ensood. I whaled her in the
afternoon, when she wuz tired, and she whaled
me in the mornin, when she wuz fresh. Had
I expendid the energy and strength consoomd
in whalin Looizer Jane in choppin cord-word,
I mite hev ownd a farm. I then tried the credit
system, but the unanimity with wich the barkeepers
all remarkt that “that thing wuz played
out,” wuz trooly surprisin to the undersined.

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Knowin that I cood at eny time desert to my
Suthern frends, I felt satisfied at bein draftid.
Sence my enrollment in the ranks uv the Pelicans,
the romance uv the thing hez departid.
Nothin 2 eat, nothin to wear, no money, and
hard work. This is our fix. The plump, rosy
Nasby is no more—anserin 2 his name is a lean
indiviggooal, upon whose nose a bullet cood be
split.

I determined to better myself by marriage.
The idee wuz sejestid by our second corpral,
who interdoost me 2 a widder lady who lived
jest out uv town—the owner uv 2 thousand
akers. The akers inspired me, and I prest my
soot with vigger and arder. In a week the
thing wuz dun. I caught the regimental chaplin
sober enuff wun nite, and we wuz married.

Fer a day I wuz a happy man. I contemplatid
MY plantashen, and wept teers uv goy.
Suddenly my happiness bustid. The sargent
informed me that my wife—the future sharer
uv my goys and sorrers—wuz a OCTOROON, one-8th
NIGGER!—that she wuz a slave left in charge
by her mistress, and that the corpral did it jest
fer a goak! A purty goak to play upon a Dimekrat!
Nasby marryin a nigger!

My views hev changed on the slavery

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question. Amalgamashen is the cuss uv slavery.
The blacks hev bleached and bleached, until it
is almost impossible to distinguish the slave from
his owner. Wen the mix becomes wuss, wat
then? Wen the slave is ez white ez his master,
wat are yoo goin to do? Slavery, like a
man with a tape-worm, hez within itself the elements
necessary to its destruction. Amalgamashen
is the tape-worm uv slavery.