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The Grand Central Committee having been thus happily
organised, devoted itself with exemplary diligence to the
important concerns of the Presidential election, which, from
this time forth, became the engrossing subject of all men's
thoughts. A volume would not suffice to develop the multifarious
labors of the committee. I could not, in less space,
recount the resolutions, with long argumentative preambles,
linking by means of Whereases, like rings, whole newspaper
loads of facts, invented for the purpose;—the addresses,
the speeches copied from the Globe, and extracts from private
letters—to say nothing of the paragraphs, the sole off-spring
of editorial brains, and all the other machinery employed
by the committee to defame, traduce, and vilify
General Harrison, for the unpardonable sin of being thought
by the Whigs a fit man to preside over this vast republic.

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It was our duty to render, if possible, his very name offensive
in the nostrils of the people. In this endeavor it may
easily be imagined that we found abundance to do in rummaging
up old scraps of history, the falsification of public
records, the oblique interpretation of equivocal laws, and
in practising all the other customary arts of warfare known
to the New Light tactics.

Admirable is that wisdom of the New Democracy which
has provided such an ordeal of punishment for the man who,
in opposition to their wishes, dares to make claim to the
favor of the people. What better chastisement can be inflicted
upon such rash aspirant, than this preliminary gantlet
which it is ordained for him to run before he can be made
sensible of the insolence of his pretensions? Thrice tormented
is it his lot to be, in the fiery furnace of hatred,
malice and all uncharitableness, before he shall see the end
of his vain probation. As certain tribes of Indians have a
custom of torturing, to the verge of stoutest human endurance,
the candidate for the honor of being accounted a Brave;
so in imitation of this commendable usage did we determine,
in no less degree, to torture the man whom the hardihood
of the Whigs had placed before the nation for the like
empty and unavailing honor.

It did truly seem to the New Lights no small insolence of
those men who call themselves Whigs, to propose any individual
for the presidency, whilst the people were already
favored with a chief whose whole life was lustrous with the
radiance of the Quodlibetarian democracy. The very idea
of a New Light presupposes an innate, inherent, and intuitive
fitness to fill any station of any kind or degree whatever;
and here was one distinguished as the very fountain of New
Light principles already at the head of the nation, dispensing
the favors and wielding the power of his great office to the
supreme content of all Quodlibetarians—the only persons

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in this republic whose interests deserve to be held of any
account in the concerns of government. Nothing but the
rankest faction could originate an opposition to his beneficent
administration. Acting upon this conviction, the Central
Committee certainly did not spare General Harrison.

It was, however, soon remarked that the General was a
little stronger with the people than we supposed him to be;
and sundry were the changes to which we were consequently
obliged to resort in our mode of attack. The abolitionism
we never lost sight of: the selling of white men
into slavery for debt, was also a steady topic; and some of
the more ingenious of the committee fell upon the device of
proving the old General a coward: but our great effort was
to convert him and all his friends into old Blue Light Federalists.
This was always considered our master stroke; and
I may appeal to all the New Light papers of this day for
evidence, that in that department of our labors we plied our
task with an industry that has never been surpassed. The
Jersey election, also, we turned to great account in congress,
and certainly blew our trumpet on that question both loud
and long; it was a noble illustration of our zeal for State
Rights, which all the world knows is one of the favorite
articles in our present faith. With an eye to this same
question of State Rights, we succeeded in getting up a tolerable
good commotion in congress, on the subject of State
debts; holding it our duty, as friends of the sovereignty of
the states, to do all in our power to break down their credit,
and to warn the world against placing any confidence in
their pledges—although, upon this subject, I am bound to
confess that our success has not answered our expectations.

There was one movement upon which our committee
placed great reliance. Mr. Van Buren, and indeed the
whole New Light Democracy, had so often changed their
course upon public measures, as I have already shown, that

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the nation had been by degrees brought into a belief that
every public man was, of necessity, and from the very
nature of his organization, bound to certify, at least once a
year, the state of his principles, and the character of his
opinions on all questions of policy whatever. Now Mr.
Van Buren, in 1836, came to the Presidency upon a very
summary, and to himself, very comfortable profession of
faith. All that he professed at that time was, to follow in
the footsteps—which said footsteps had scope and variation
enough to allow him to take any path he thought proper.
General Harrison, in that contest of 1836, did not enjoy this
advantage, but was compelled to be somewhat specific in
the indication of the grounds upon which his election claimed
to be based. He had, consequently, not only been very full
in this exposition, but had likewise referred his interrogators
to a vast amount of written and printed opinions, which
on divers occasions, in the course of his public career, he
had found reason to express.

In the present canvass it was determined by our committee,
and in fact by our New Light friends in general, that
he should reiterate afresh every thing he had ever said or
written on public matters, and that we should, by no means,
be content with mere references to past declarations. Indeed,
it seemed to our New Light Democracy, that, inasmuch
as our President kept no opinions more than three
years old, at the outside, it was impossible that General
Harrison could be so antiquated as to stick to his for a longer
term. Confiding in this impression, plans were laid by the
New Lights to write letters to the General in the guise of
friends, and in case he should refer the querists to his former
expositions, without full and ample repetition of all he had
said before, to bring a whirlwind of indignant reproof about
his ears as a man who was afraid to trust the public with
his sentiments. This stratagem succeeded beyond the most

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sanguine expectation of the New Lights. The General
was caught in the trap; and such a clamor as was raised has
never before been known in any part of the world.

“He won't answer questions!” exclaimed the Globe.
“Gracious Heaven! what an insult to the intelligence of
a nation of vigilant, truth-seeking, anxiously-inquiring freemen!
A silent candidate! What contumely to the people!
What contempt of the fundamental principles of free government!”

“Gracious Heaven! what contempt of the people!” reechoed
The Quodlibet Whole Team.

“Gracious Heaven! what contumely!” shouted The
Bickerbray Scrutinizer.

“Gracious Heaven!” &c., &c., ejaculated two thousand
patriotic, disciplined, footstep-following papers of all dimensions,
from six by twelve to three feet square, from one end
of the Union to the other. Never was there such a Gracious
Heavening carried on in this country!

In the midst of all this, successively came on the Connecticut,
Rhode Island and Virginia elections. The results
every body knows. Although ostensibly and to outward
appearance against us, we saw in them what our infatuated
opponents could not see, the certain token of our success.
It was evident to us from the returns of these elections, that
a great reaction must occur; and Mr. Doubleday now very
sagely remarked, “that there was no longer room to doubt
that we should beat the Whigs in the fall.” But the Whigs,
instead of desponding at these events, began to take heart,
and straightway set about getting up a Convention in Baltimore.
Well, that convention was held on the Fourth of
May. I was present, and I pronounce it to have been a
thorough failure. The Whigs have represented that at
least twenty thousand persons were assembled on that occasion.
According to the accurate system of computation

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adopted by the New Lights, and which is infallible in regard
to the numbers attending Whig meetings, the whole
assemblage, including boys and blacks, did not quite reach
two thousand, and of those a large number were New
Lights.

Still it is due to truth that I should say, there were some
timid men in our committee who were not altogether satisfied
with the appearances of the day. We found it difficult
to make them comprehend how the late elections had operated
in our favor. Yet it is a fact that we never were
thoroughly convinced of the certainty of our success, until
we saw the returns in these elections. Connecticut and
Rhode Island we had before considered doubtful: we now
had no doubt. And as to Virginia, we became at once fully
persuaded that our success there was actually “brilliant:”—
such is the beautiful operation of the New Light philosophy
in bringing consolation to its votaries under apparent disaster,
and suggesting encouragement where others would
despond.

Yet it must not be concealed that these incidents produced
some slight sensation in our committee. Mr. Flam wrote
from Washington a letter of grave reflection. “Although,”
said he, “our success in Virginia has transcended our expectations,
yet we are not quite certain that our Abolition
battery has been altogether very effective. Indeed, it is
questioned here, whether it would not be as well to abandon
it, and even point the guns in the opposite direction. Martin
has room enough yet to turn—and, as it is rather manifest
that Virginia considers our charge of abolitionism against
Harrison a humbug, and as the whole South will probably
fall into the same opinion, (in which, in my judgment, they
would not be very far wrong,) the propriety of taking the
opposite ground is well worthy of consideration. Van's
affinities are with the North; so that if it can be made

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clearly to appear to be his interest to take this backward
leap, his southern principles are not yet more than cobwebs
in his way. We must think of this. In the meantime, it
is the desire of the President and his managing friends here,
that you not only continue to brand the opposition as Federalists,
but call them British Whigs. This is rendered
necessary by the fact that the opposition have just discovered
that Van Buren voted against Madison and the War,
and supported Clinton and the Peace party. By anticipating
the ground and charging the Whigs as under British
influence, we shall take off the edge of this assault, and
avoid the effect of another reminiscence against the President—
I mean his instructions to M'Lane, on the West
India Question, which the Whigs impute to him as a truckling
to Great Britain. Besides this, you know, Martin has
been very assiduous of late in courting the good opinion of
Victoria—so, by all means, drive at The British Whigs!
Keep your eye upon Amos Kendall who has consented to
act as fugleman. His health is so much shattered by the
diseases of the Post Office, that he is compelled to retire;
and as his physician prescribes “the excitement of composition”
as his only cure, he is about to devote himself to
the Extra Globe, in which sheet he will be able to indulge
his imagination in the creation of those chaste and prurient
fancies for which he has been remarkable from a child. The
pure and simple inventions of that paper are ass's milk to
his wasted constitution.”

Thus admonished, our Central Committee proceeded in
their labors with the most spirited activity; and it was not
long before the whole Union was ringing with our charge
against the British Whigs.

It was at this juncture, that I suggested to the Committee
the propriety of making this compilation of the Annals of
Quodlibet. I explained to them how important it was that

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the world should be made acquainted with the history and
character of that New Light Philosophy which had worked
such wonders in our Borough. It was very obvious that
even our friends were not fully aware of the height and
the depth of this sublime theory, nor of its extreme efficacy
in the administration of the government. It had taken the
world by surprise, and had grown up, in a few years, into
a system which no naturalist had yet defined; and had assumed
an importance in the affairs of this country which
few persons were able fully to appreciate. Impressed with
this conviction, I disclosed to the Committee the purpose
which, for some time past, I had secretly cherished, of collating
from my manuscripts all such particulars in the history
of Quodlibet as might serve to elucidate this subject.
The Committee knew that my materials were ample; and
they had more than once been pleased to express their admiration
of those poor talents which I had oftentimes exhibited
in the effusions of my humble pen. The subject was
now brought up to the notice of the Committee on the motion
of my friend, Mr. Younghusband, in a resolution too
laudatory for my modesty to insert in this book. Readily
and cheerfully did the Committee condescend to assign this
task to my endeavors;—confiding the matter and the manner
thereof to my sole discretion, with the single injunction that
I should abstain from all such incidents of mere personal or
private concernment, as might by captious or invidious critics
be designated as savoring of romance. Faithfully, as in
my judgment, I could, have I obeyed this injunction; and
with the frankness and veracity of one who chronicles for
posterity, rather than the present times, have I set forth all
such matters of fact and comments of opinion, as shall guide
my readers to a true knowledge of the doctrine of the New
Light Quodlibetarian Philosophy.

p239-225

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