L. U. E.
Dogb. (R. C.)
Are you good men and true?
Verges. (C.)
Yea, or else it were pity but they should
suffer salvation, body and soul.
Dogb.
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them,
if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen
for the prince's watch.
Verges.
Well, give them their charge, neighbour
Dogberry.
Dogb.
First, who think you the most desartless man to
be constable?
Verges.
Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal; for
they can write and read.
Dogb.
Come hither, neighbour Seacoal: (crosses, C.)
Heaven hath blessed you with a good name: to be a well-favoured
man is the gift of fortune; but to write and read
comes by nature.
Seacoal. (L. C.)
Both which, Master Constable—
-- 33 --
Dogb. (C.)
You have: I knew it would be your answer.
Well, for your favour, sir, why, give heaven thanks, and
make no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
let that appear when there is no need of such vanity. You
are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for
the constable of the watch: therefore, bear you the
lantern: (gives it) This is your charge:—You shall comprehend
all vagrom men; you are to bid any man stand,
in the prince's name.
Seacoal.
How if a will not stand?
Dogb.
Why then, take no note of him, but let him go;
and presently call the rest of the watch together, and
thank heaven you are rid of a knave.
Verges. (R. C.)
If he will not stand when he is bidden,
he is none of the prince's subjects.
Dogb.
True; and they are to meddle with none but
the prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in
the streets; for, for the watch to babble and talk, is most
tolerable, and not to be endured.
Seacoal.
We will rather sleep than talk; we know
what belongs to a watch.
Dogb.
Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
watchman, for I cannot see how sleeping should offend:
only, have a care that your bills be not stolen:—Well,
you are to call at all the alehouses, and bid those that are
drunk get them to bed.
Seacoal.
How if they will not?
Dogb.
Why then, let them alone till they are sober:
if they make you not then the better answer, you may
say, they are not the men you took them for.
Seacoal.
Well, sir.
Dogb.
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by
virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
why, the more is for your honesty.
Seacoal.
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not
lay hands on him?
Dogb.
Truly, by your office, you may; but, I think,
they that touch pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable
way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him show
himself what he is, and steal out of your company.
-- 34 --
Verges.
You have been always called a merciful man,
partner.
Dogb.
Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will; much
more a man who hath any honesty in him. (crosses, R.)
Verges.
If you hear a child cry in the night, you must
call to the nurse, and bid her still it.
Seacoal.
How, if the nurse be asleep, and will not
hear us?
Dogb.
Why then, (crosses, C.) depart in peace, and let
the child wake her with crying; for the ewe that will not
hear her lamb when it baes, will never answer a calf when
he bleats.
Verges. (R.)
'Tis very true.
Dogb.
This is the end of the charge. You, constable,
are to present the prince's own person; if you meet the
prince in the night, you may stay him.
Verges.
Nay, by'rlady, that, I think he cannot.
Dogb.
Five shillings to one on't with any man, that
knows the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without
the prince be willing: for, indeed the watch ought to
offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a man against
his will.
Verges.
By'r lady, I think it be so.
Dogb.
Ha! ha! ha! Well, masters, good night:
(going, L.) an there be any matter of weight chances, call up
me. Keep your fellows' counsels and your own, and good
night.—Come, neighbour.
Exeunt Dogberry and Verges, L.
Seacoal.
Well masters, we hear our charge: let us go
sit upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.
Re-enter Dogberry and Verges, L.
Dogb.
One word more, honest neighbours: I pray you,
watch about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being
there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night. Adieu!
be vigilant, I beseech you.
Exeunt Dogberry and Verges, L.—the Watch go up, C.
Borachio. (without, R.)
What, Conrade!—
Seacoal. (aside, to his party at back)
Peace, stir not.
-- 35 --
Enter Borachio, R. 1 E.
Borach.
Conrade, I say!
Enter Conrade, R. 1 E.
Conrade. (R.)
Here, man, I am at your elbow.
Borachio.
Stand thee close, then, under this penthouse,
for it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard, utter
all to thee.
Seacoal. (aside)
Some treason, masters; yet stand
close.
Borach.
Therefore know, I have earned of Don John
a thousand ducats.
Conrade.
Is it possible that any villainy should be so
dear.
Borach. (C.)
Thou should'st rather ask, if it were
possible any villainy should be so rich; for, when rich
villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may have what
price they will.
Conrade.
I wonder at it.
Borach.
That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest
that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is
nothing to a man.
Conrade.
Yes, it is apparel.
Borach.
I mean the fashion.
Conrade.
Yes, the fashion is the fashion.
Borach.
Tush! I may as well say, the fool's the fool.
—But seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion is?
Sea. (aside as before)
I know that Deformed; he has
been a vile thief these seven year; he goes up and down
like a gentleman: I remember his name.
Borach.
Didst thou not hear somebody?
Conrade.
No; 'twas the vane on the house.
Borach.
Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief
this fashion is? how giddily he turns about all the hot
bloods, between fourteen and five and thirty.
Conrade.
Art not thou thyself giddy with the fashion
too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of
the fashion.
Borach.
Not so, neither: but know, that I have to-night
wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the
-- 36 --
name of Hero; she leans me out at her mistress' chamber
window; bids me a thousand times good night.—I tell
this tale vilely: I should first tell thee, how the prince,
Claudio, and my master, planted, and placed, and possessed
by my master, Don John, saw afar off, in the orchard, this
amiable encounter.
Conrade.
And thought they, Margaret was Hero?
Borach.
Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio;—
(Watchmen preparing to advance) but the devil, my master,
knew she was Margaret: away went Claudio enraged;
(Watchmen advance softly) swore he would meet her, as
he was appointed, next morning at the temple, and there,
before the whole congregation, shame her with what he
saw over-night, and send her home again without a husband.
(the Watchmen have crept cautiously forward, they spring upon Conrade and Borachio and seize them)
Sea. (R. C.)
We charge you in the prince's name stand!
Oatcake. (C.)
Call up the right master constable.
Exit a Watchman, L.
We have here recovered the most dangerous piece of
lechery that ever was known in the commonwealth.
Seacoal.
And one Deformed is one of them; I know
him; he wears a lock.
Conrade.
Masters, masters—
Seacoal.
You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant
you.
Conrade.
Masters—
Seacoal.
Never speak; we charge you, let us obey you
to go with us.
Exeunt, L. with Prisoners in custody.
Charles Kean [1858], [Much Ado About Nothing. A Comedy, in five acts. By William Shakespeare, in] Lacy's acting edition of plays, dramas, farces, extravaganzas, etc. etc. as performed at the various theatres. Volume 35 containing Love Knot. Much Ado About Nothing. Ticklish Times. A Lucky Hit. Faint Heart Never Won Fair Lady. Double Dummy. Spectre Bridegroom. Birthplace Of Podgers. Crossing The Line. Children of the Castle. Nothing Venture Nothing Win. Fra Diavolo (Burlesque). Margaret Catchpole. My Wife's Dentist. Schoolfellows. (Thomas Hailes Lacy [etc.], London) [word count] [S40500].
