XLIV. FOR A FU MINNITS AMUNG THE SPEERITS.
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Bi invitashun i had the happiness tew attend a
speerit cirkle in the good old town ov Billingsville
last week. A long haired feller bi the name of Professer
McGuire, with a face that looked like a
sucked lemon, waz the midwife ov the okasion. It
seemed that a Mister Bloodgood wanted a dispatch
from Miss Jerusha Perkins, who, he claimed, was in
the speerit land. After the kandel waz subdued
and strikt silence ensued, sum ov the alfiredest
thumps took plase on the tabel; mi hair begin tew
stan up, and i wished i waz out ov the consarn; but
after taking an akount ov stock i cum tew the inference
that i could knock the spots oph from the whole
bileing ov them, if it cum to actooal bizzness i
agreed tew set still and see the whole sport.
In a fu space ov time McGuire begin tew git news -- 129 --
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from Jerusha, which he ced waz official and waz in the
shape ov a letter, and he wud translate it as follers:
May 20th, Speerit Land, 1846.
“Dear Augustus Sidney Bloodgood: Having a
fu spare time tew devote terestial things, i take mi
pen in hand tew rite yu a fu lines. I am well, and
hope theze fu lines will find yu enjoying the same
blessin. I hav jist returned from the gardin ov
Eden whare i hav bin with Dave Sturgiss, who was
killed at the battell ov Gettisburg bi gitting choked
with a pease ov hard tacks. The weather iz fine,
and there iz evry prospeck ov krops; I never see
the potaters look finer. Dri goods is cheap here, yu
can buy good factory cottin cloth, yard wide, for
eleven cents a yard and hav thred thrown in. I see
the Widder Bostwick yesterday, she looks as starched
up as ever.
“Would yu beleaf it, dear Augustus, that ugly -- 130 --
Miss Snubdin is here, how yu used tew hate her!
yu kno yu used tew sa that she wud go tew that uther
land ov speerits. Let me hear from yu oftin thru
the dear McGuire. Me and anuther speerit bi the
name of Julia roost on the same celestial tree, and
we oftin talk over the fellers we used tu know, and
yu kan bet high, dear Augustus, that yu are the
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one that i brag on. Don't let enny ov them terestial
mortals fool yu with their luv, for Jerusha's essence
has no affinitee but for her corporeal jewell,
Augustus Sidney Bloodgood.”
At this junkter thare waz 6 raps on the tabel
about az fast and loud az tho there waz playing
kards, and sumboddy about being eukered; then
awl was still and the kandels waz lit, and evry boddy
sot in aw and amazement. The sircle broke up immejiately,
and i passed out with mi frend, who asked
me what i thought ov speerit manifestashuns now.
I told him i thought if evrything waz on the square,
that Bloodgood had a ded sure thing on Jerush.
Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 , Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].