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Manifest destiny iz the science ov going tew the
devil, or enny other place before yu git thare. I
may be rong in this centiment, but that iz the way
it strikes me, and i am so put together that when enny
thing strikes me i immejiately strike back. Manifest
destiny mite perhaps be blocked out agin az the
condishun that man and things find themselfs in with
a ring in their nozes and sumboddy hold ov the
ring. I may be rong agin, but if i am, awl i hav
got tew sa iz, i don't kno it, and what a man don't
kno ain't no damage tew enny boddy else. The tru
way that manifess destiny had better be sot down iz,
the exact distance that a frog kan jump down hill
with a striped snake after him; i dont kno but i may
be wrong onst more, but if the frog don't git
ketcthed the destiny iz jist what he iz a looking
for.

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When a man falls into the bottom ov a well and
makes up hiz minde tew stay thare, that ain't manifess
destiny enny more than having yure hair cut
short iz; but if he almoste gits out and then falls
down in agin 16 foot deeper and brakes off his neck
twice in the same plase and dies and iz buried thare
at low water, that iz manifess destiny on the square.
Standing behind a bull in fly time and gitting kicked
twice at one time, must feel a good deal like manifess
destiny. Being about 10 seckunds tew late
tew git an express train, and then chasing the train
with yure wife, and an umbreller in yure hands, in
a hot day, and not getting az near tew the train az
you waz when yu started, looks a leetle like manifess
destiny on a rale rode trak. Going into a tempranse
house and calling for a little old Bourbon
on ice, and being told in a mild way that “the
Bourbon iz jist out, but they hav got sum gin that
cost 72 cents a gallon in Paris,” sounds tew me like
the manifess destiny ovmoste tempranse houses.

Mi dear reader, don't beleave in manifess destiny
untill yu see it. Thare iz such a thing az manifess
destiny, but when it occurs it iz like the number ov
rings on the rakoon's tale, ov no grate consequense
onla for ornament. Man wan't made for a machine,

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if he waz, it waz a locomotiff machine, and manifess
destiny must git oph from the trak when the bell
rings, or git knocked higher than the price ov gold.
Manifess destiny iz a disseaze, but it iz eazy tew
heal; i hav seen it in its wust stages cured bi sawing
a cord ov dri hickory wood. I thought i had it
onse, it broke out in the shape ov poetry; i sent a
speciment ov the disseaze tew a magazine, the magazine
man wrote me nex day as follers,

“Dear Sur: Yu may be a dam phule, but yu
are no poeck. Yures, in haste.”

p674-075

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