X. FRIENDLY LETTER.
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Friend Elias:—You ask me menny questions
about the draft that bothers me. It iz curis how it
duz act, but it waz jist so in scripter times, “2 wimmin
waz at a mill a grinding (corn i reckon), one
waz took, and t'other want took.” There aint enny
dout but the draft iz for 3 years, or thereabouts, but
i think a person would hav a rite to sell out hiz
chanse at enny time during the 3 years, or thereabouts,
for a premium, provided he could show tu
the government that he waz conscientzly oppozed tu
hard tak and bilyus fever.
Again: Aleyens aint liable for the draft, espeshila
if tha cum from the city ov Ireland, and hav bin
in the habit, for the laste 5 years, ov voting the
Againly: Widder-wimmin, and their only son iz -- 036 --
exempt, provided the widder's husband haz alreddy
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sarved 2 years in the war, and iz willing tu go agin;
i beleave the supreme corte haz desided this thing
Onse more: If a drafted man shud run awa with
hiz draft, he proberly wouldn't ever be allowed to
stand a draft agin, this looks severe at fust site, but
the more yu look at it, the more yu can see the
wisdom into it.
Onse morely: Xempts are thoze who hav bin
drafted into the stait prizzen, for triing tu git an
honest living bi supporting 2 wives at onst; also,
all them people who are crazee, and unsound on the
goose; also, all nusepaper korrespondents and fools
Onse morely again: No substidude will be acksepted,
who iz less than 3, or more than 10 feet
high, he must know how to chaw terbacker and
drink whiskee, and must'nt be afeered ov the itch
nor the rebels. Moral Karakter aint required, the
government furnishes that, and rashuns.
Conclusively: No person kan be drafted but twice
in 2 different plases without hiz consent, but awl
men haz a rite tu be drafted at least onst; i don't
think even a rit ov habus corpus could deprive a
man ov this laste, blessed privlege.
Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 , Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].