Clown.
Prov.
Come hither, sirrah: can you cut off a man's head?
Clown.
If the man be a batchelor, Sir, I can: but if
he be a marry'd man, he is his wife's head, and I can
never cut off a woman's head.
Prov.
Come, Sir, leave me your snatches, and yield
me a direct answer. To morrow morning are to die
Claudio and Bernardine: here is in our prison a common
executioner, who in his office lacks a helper; if
you will take it on you to assist him, it shall redeem
you from your gyves: if not, you shall have your
full time of imprisonment, and your deliverance with
an unpitied whipping; for you have been a notorious
bawd.
Clown.
Sir, I have been an unlawful bawd, time
out of mind, but yet I will be content to be a lawful
hangman: I would be glad to receive some instruction
from my fellow-partner.
Prov.
What hoa, Abhorson! where's Abhorson, there?
Enter Abhorson.
Abhor.
Do you call, Sir?
Prov.
Sirrah, here's a fellow will help you to morrow
in your execution; if you think it meet, compound
with him by the year, and let him abide here with you;
if not, use him for the present, and dismiss him. He
cannot plead his estimation with you, he hath been a
bawd.
-- 424 --
Abhor.
A bawd, Sir? fie upon him, he will 6 notediscredit
our mistery.
Prov.
Go to, Sir, you weigh equally; a feather
will turn the scale.
[Exit.
Clown.
Pray, Sir, by your good favour; (for, surely,
Sir, a good favour you have, but that you have a
hanging look;) do you call, Sir, your occupation a
mistery?
Abhor.
Ay, Sir; a mistery.
Clown.
Painting, Sir, I have heard say, is a mistery;
and your whores, Sir, being members of my occupation,
using painting, do prove my occupation a
mistery: but 7 note
what mistery there should be in hanging,
if I should be hang'd, I cannot imagine.
Clown.
Sir, it is a mistery.
Abhor.
Proof.—
Clown.
Every true man's apparel fits your thief. If
it be too little for your thief, your true man thinks it
big enough. If it be too big for your thief, your thief
thinks it little enough; so every true man's apparel
fits your thief.
-- 425 --
Re-enter Provost
Prov.
Are you agreed?
Clown.
Sir, I will serve him: for I do find, your
hangman is a more penitent trade than your bawd; he
doth oftner ask forgiveness.
Prov.
You, sirrah, provide your block and your
ax to morrow, four o' clock.
Abhor.
Come on, bawd, I will instruct thee in my
trade; follow.
-- 426 --
Clown.
I do desire to learn, Sir; and I hope, if
you have occasion to use me for your own turn, you
shall find me (a) noteyare: for, truly, Sir, for your kindness
I owe you a good turn.
[Exit.
Prov.
Call hither Barnardine, and Claudio:
One has my pity; not a jot the other,
Being a murth'rer, tho' he were my brother.
Alexander Pope [1747], The works of Shakespear in eight volumes. The Genuine Text (collated with all the former Editions, and then corrected and emended) is here settled: Being restored from the Blunders of the first Editors, and the Interpolations of the two Last: with A Comment and Notes, Critical and Explanatory. By Mr. Pope and Mr. Warburton (Printed for J. and P. Knapton, [and] S. Birt [etc.], London) [word count] [S11301].
