SCENE II.
Enter Mrs. Ford.
Mrs. Ford.
Mrs. Page, trust me, I was going to
your house.
Mrs. Page.
And trust me, I was coming to you;
you look very ill.
-- 273 --
Mrs. Ford.
Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to
shew to the contrary.
Mrs. Page.
'Faith, but you do, in my mind.
Mrs. Ford.
Well, I do then; yet I say, I could
shew you to the contrary: O mistress Page, give me
some counsel.
Mrs. Page.
What's the matter, woman?
Mrs. Ford.
O woman! if it were not for one trifling
respect, I could come to such honour.
Mrs. Page.
Hang the trifle, woman, take the honour;
what is it? dispense with trifiles; what is it?
Mrs. Ford.
If I would but go to hell for an eternal
moment, or so, I could be knighted.
Mrs. Page.
3 noteWhat, thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! these
Knights will lack, and so thou shouldst not alter the
article of thy gentry.
Mrs. Ford.
We burn day-light; here, read, read;
perceive, how I might be knighted: I shall think the
worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference
of men's liking; and yet he would not swear;
prais'd women's modesty; and gave such orderly and
well-behav'd reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would
have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth
of his words; but they do no more adhere, and keep
place together, than the hundredth Psalm to the tune
of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this
-- 274 --
whale, with so many tun of oyl in his belly, a'shore at
Windsor? how shall I be reveng'd on him? I think,
the best way were to entertain him with hope, 'till the
wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease.
Did you ever hear the like?
Mrs. Page.
Letter for letter, but that the name of
Page and Ford differs. To thy great comfort in this
mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin brother of thy
letter; but let thine inherit first, for, I protest, mine
never shall. I warrant, he has a thousand of these letters,
writ with blank-space for different names; nay,
more; and these are of the second edition: he will
print them out of doubt, for he cares not what he puts
into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather
be a giantess, and lye under mount Pelion. Well,
I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste
man.
Mrs. Ford.
Why, this is the very same, the very
hand, the very words; what doth he think of us?
Mrs. Page.
Nay, I know not; it makes me almost
ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain
myself like one that I am not acquainted withal;
for, sure, unless he knew some Strain in me, that I
know not myself, he would never have boarded me
in this fury.
Mrs. Ford.
Boarding, call it you? I'll be sure to
keep him above deck.
Mrs. Page.
So will I; if he come under my hatches,
I'll never to sea again. Let's be reveng'd on him;
let's appoint him a meeting, give him a show of comfort
in his suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay,
till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of
the Garter.
Mrs. Ford.
Nay, I will consent to act any villany
against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty:
oh, that my husband saw this letter! it would
give eternal food to his jealousie.
-- 275 --
Mrs. Page.
Why, look, where he comes, and my
good man too; he's as far from jealousie, as I am from
giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasureable
distance.
Mrs. Ford.
You are the happier woman.
Mrs. Page.
Let's consult together against this greasie
Knight. Come hither.
[They retire.
Alexander Pope [1747], The works of Shakespear in eight volumes. The Genuine Text (collated with all the former Editions, and then corrected and emended) is here settled: Being restored from the Blunders of the first Editors, and the Interpolations of the two Last: with A Comment and Notes, Critical and Explanatory. By Mr. Pope and Mr. Warburton (Printed for J. and P. Knapton, [and] S. Birt [etc.], London) [word count] [S11301].