Hum.
What Basilisk hath hatched in this place,
Where every thing consumed is to nought?
What fearful Fury haunts these cursed Groves,
Where not a root is left for Humber's Meat?
Hath fell Alecto with envenom'd blasts,
Breathed forth poison in these tender Plains?
Hath tripple Cerberus with contagious foam,
Sow'd Aconitum 'mongst these wither'd Herbs?
Hath dreadful Fames with her charming rods
Brought barrenness on every fruitful Tree?
What not a Root, no Fruit, no Beast, no Bird,
To nourish Humber in this Wilderness?
What would you more, you Fiends of Erebus?
My very Intrails burn for want of drink,
My Bowels cry, Humber give us some meat,
But wretched Humber can give you no meat,
These foul accursed Groves afford no meat:
This fruitless soil, this ground brings forth no meat.
The Gods, hard-hearted Gods, yield me no meat.
Then how can Humber give you any meat? Enter Strumbo with a Pitch-fork and a Scotch-Cap.

Strum.

How do you, Masters, how do you? how have you 'scap'd hanging this long time? i'faith I have 'scaped many a scouring this Year, but I thank God I have past them all with a good couragio, couragio, and my Wife and I are in great love and charity now, I thank my Manhood and my strength; for I will tell you, Masters, upon a certain Day at Night I came home, to say the very truth, with my Stomach full of Wine, and ran up into the Chamber, where my Wife soberly sate rocking my little Baby, leaning her back against the Bed, singing lullaby. Now when she saw me come with my Nose foremost, thinking that I had been Drunk, as I was indeed, snatch'd up a Faggot-stick in her hand, and came furiously marching towards me, with a big Face, as though she would have eaten me at a bit; thundering out these words unto me. Thou drunken Knave, where hast thou been so long? I shall

teach thee how to benight me another time; and so she began to play Knaves Trumps. Now, although I trembled, fearing she would set her ten Commandments in my Face, ran within her, and taking her lustily by the middle, I carried her valiantly to the Bed, and flinging her upon it, flung my self upon her, and there I delighted her so with the sport I made, that ever after she would call me sweet Husband, and so banish'd brawling for ever; and to see the good Will of the Wench, she bought with her Portion a Yard of Land, and by that I am now become one of the richest Men in our Parish. Well, Masters, what's a Clock? It is now Breakfast time, you shall see what Meat I have here for my Breakfast.

Hum.
Was ever Land so fruitless as this Land?
Was ever Grove so graceless as this Grove?
Was ever Soil so barren as this Soil?
Oh no: the Land where hungry Fames dwelt,
May no ways equalize this cursed Land;
No, even the climate of the Torrid Zone
Brings forth more fruit than this accursed Grove.
Ne'er came sweet Ceres, ne'er came Venus here;
Triptolemus the God of Husbandmen,
Ne'er sow'd his Seed in this foul Wilderness.
The hunger-bitten Dogs of Acheron,
Chac'd from the nine-fold Puriphlegiton,
Have set their Foot-steps in this damned Ground.
The Iron-hearted Furies arm'd with Snakes,
Scatter'd huge Hydra's over all the Plains,
Which have consum'd the Grass, the Herbs, the Trees,
Which have drunk up the flowing Water Springs. Strumbo hearing his Voice starts up, and puts his Meat in his Pocket, seeking to hide himself.

Hum.
Thou great Commander of the starry Sky,
That guid'st the Life of every mortal Wight,
From the inclosures of the fleeting Clouds
Rain down some Food, or else I faint and dye.
Pour down some Drink, or else I faint and dye.
O Jupiter, has thou sent Mercury
In clownish Shape to minister some Food?
Some Meat, some Meat, some Meat.

Strum.

O alas, Sir, ye are deceiv'd, I am not Mercury, I am Strumbo.

Hum.
Give me some Meat, Villain, give me some Meat,
Or 'gainst this Rock I'll dash thy cursed Brains,
And rend thy Bowels with my bloody Hands,
Give me some Meat, Villain, give me some Meat.

Strum.

By the Faith of my Body, good Fellow, I had rather give a whole Ox, than that thou shouldst serve me in that sort. Dash out my Brains! O horrible, terrible. I think I have a quarry of Stones in my Pocket.