SCENE II.
Enter Humber, Hubba, Estrild, Segar, and their Soldiers.
Hum.
At length the Snail doth climb the highest tops,
Ascending up the stately Castle Walls;
At length the Water with continual drops,
Doth penetrate the hardest Marble Stone;
-- 3281 --
At length we are arriv'd in Albion.
Nor could the barbarous Dacian, Soveraign,
Nor yet the Ruler of brave Belgia,
Stay us from cutting over to this Isle;
Whereas I hear a Troop of Phrygians
Under the Conduct of Posthumius Son,
Have pitch'd up Lordly Pavillions,
And hope to prosper in this lovely Isle:
But I will frustrate all their Foolish hope,
And teach them that the Scythian Emperor
Leads Fortune tied in a Chain of Gold,
Constraining her to yield unto his will,
And grace him with their Regal Diadem:
Which I will have, maugre their treble Hosts,
And all the power their petty Kings can make.
Hub.
If she that rules fair Rhamnis golden Gate,
Grant us the honour of the Victory,
As hitherto she always favour'd us,
Right noble Father, we will rule the Land,
Enthonised in Seats of Topaz stones,
That Locrine and his Brethren all may know,
None must be King but Humber and his Son.
Hum.
Courage my Son, Fortune shall favour us,
And yield to us the Coronet of Bays,
That decketh none but noble Conquerors.
But what saith Estrild to these Regions?
How liketh she the temperature thereof?
Are they not pleasant in her gracious Eyes?
Est.
The Plains, my Lord, garnish'd with Flora's wealth,
And over-spread with party-colour'd Flowers,
Do yield sweet contentation to my mind;
The airy Hills enclos'd with shady Groves,
The Groves replenish'd with sweet chirping Birds,
The Birds resounding Heav'nly Melody,
Are equal to the Groves of Thessaly,
Where Phœbus with these learned Ladies nine,
Delight themselves with Musick's Harmony,
And from the moisture of the Mountain tops,
The silent Springs dance down with murmuring streams,
And water all the ground with crystal Waves,
The gentle blasts of Eurus modest Wind,
-- 3282 --
Moving the pattering Leaves of Silvane's Woods,
Do equal it with Tempe's Paradise,
And thus consorted all to one effect,
Do make me think these are the happy Isles,
Most Fortunate if Humber may them win.
Hub.
Madam, where Resolution leads the way,
And Courage follows with embolden'd pace,
Fortune can never use her Tyranny;
For Valiantness is like unto a Rock
That standeth on the Waves of Ocean,
Which though the Billows beat on every side,
And Boreas fell with his tempestuous storms,
Bloweth upon it with a hideous clamour,
Yet it remaineth still unmoveable.
Hum.
Kingly resolv'd, thou glory of thy Sire:
But worthy Segar, what uncouth novelties
Bring'st thou unto our Royal Majesty?
Seg.
My Lord, the youngest of all Brutus Sons,
Stout Albanact, with millions of Men,
Approacheth nigh, and meaneth e'er the Morn,
To try your force by dint of fatal Sword.
Hum.
Tut, let him come with millions of Hosts,
He shall find entertainment good enough,
Yea, fit for those that are our Enemies:
For we'll receive them at the Lances points,
And massacre their Bodies with our Blades:
Yea, though they were in number infinite,
More than the mighty Babylonian Queen,
Semiramis the Ruler of the West,
Brought 'gainst the Emperor of the Scythians,
Yet would we not start back one foot from them:
That they might know we are invincible.
Hub.
Now by great Jove, the supream King of Heav'n,
And the immortal Gods that live therein,
When as the Morning shews his chearful Face,
And Lucifer mounted upon his Steed,
Brings in the Chariot of the golden Sun,
I'll meet young Albanact in th' open Field,
And crack my Launce upon his Burganet,
To try the Valour of his boyish Strength:
There will I shew such ruthful spectacles,
-- 3283 --
And cause so great effusion of Blood,
That all his Boys shall wonder at my strength.
As when the warlike Queen of Amazons,
Penthesilea, armed with her Launce,
Girt with a Corslet of bright shining Steel,
Coopt up the faint-heart Grecians in the Camp.
Hum.
Spoke like a warlike Knight, my noble Son,
Nay, like a Prince that seeks his Father's Joy.
Therefore to Morrow e'er fair Titan shine,
And bashful Eos Messenger of Light,
Expels the liquid sleep from out Mens Eyes,
Thou shalt conduct the right Wing of the Host,
The left Wing shall be under Segar's charge,
The Rearward shall be under me my self;
And lovely Elstrid, fair and gracious,
If Fortune favour me in mine attempts,
Thou shalt be Queen of lovely Albion.
Fortune shall favour me in mine attempts,
And make thee Queen of lovely Albion.
Come let us in and muster up our Train,
And furnish up our lusty Soldiers,
That they may be a Bulwark to our state,
And bring our wished joys to perfect end.
[Exeunt.
SCENE III.
Enter Strumbo, Dorothy, and Trompart, Cobling Shooes, and Singing.
Trom.
We Coblers lead a merry life:
All.
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
Strum.
Void of all envy and strife:
All.
Dan diddle dan.
Dor.
Our ease is great, our labour small:
All.
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
Strum.
And yet our gains be much withal:
All.
Dan diddle dan.
Dor.
With this art so fine and fair
All.
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
Trom.
No occupation may compare:
All.
Dan diddle dan.
Strum.
For merry pastime and joyful glee:
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
-- 3284 --
Dor.
Most happy Men we Coblers be:
Dan, diddle dan.
Trom.
The Can stands full of nappy Ale,
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
Strum.
In our Shop still withouten fail:
Dan diddle dan.
Dor.
This is our Meat, this is our Food:
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
Trom.
This bring us to a merry mood:
Dan diddle dan.
Strom.
This makes us work for Company:
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
Dor.
To pull the Tankards cheerfully:
Dan diddle dan.
Trom.
Drink to thy Husband, Dorothy,
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
Dor.
Why then my Strumbo there's to thee:
Dan diddle dan.
Strum.
Drink thou the rest Trompart, amain:
Dan, dan, dan, dan.
Dor.
When that is gone, we'll fill't again:
Dan diddle dan.
Enter Captain.
Cap.
The poorest state is farthest from annoy,
How merrily he sitteth on his Stool:
But when he sees that needs he must be prest,
He'll turn his note and sing another tune.
Ho, by your leave master Cobler.
Strum.
You are welcome, Gentleman, what will you any
old Shooes or Buskins, or will you have your Shooes clouted;
I will do them as well as any Cobler in Cathnes whatsoever?
[Captin shewing him Press-mony.
Capt.
O Master Cobler, you are far deceiv'd in me, for done
you see this? I come not to buy any Shooes, but to buy
your self; come, Sir, you must be a Soldier in the King's
Cause.
Strum.
Why, but hear you, Sir, has your King any
Commmission to take any Man against his will? I promise
you, I can scant believe it, or did he give you Commission?
-- 3285 --
Capt.
O, Sir, you need not care for that, I need no Commission:
hold here, I command you in the name of our
King Albanact, to appear to Morrow in the Town-House of
Cathnes.
Strum.
King Nactaball, I cry God mercy, what have we
to do with him, or he with us? but you, Sir Master Capontail,
draw your Pastboard, or else I promise you, I'll
give you a Canvasado with a Bastinado over your Shoulders,
and teach you to come hither with your implements.
Cap.
I pray thee good Fellow be content, I do the King's
Command.
Strum.
Put me out of your Book then.
Cap.
I may not.
[Strumbo snatching up a staff.
Strum.
No will, come, Sir, will your Stomach serve you, by
gogs blew hood and halidom, I will have a bout with you.
[Fight both.
Enter Thrasimachus.
Thra.
How now, what noise, what sudden clamour's this?
How now, my Captain and the Cobler so hard at it?
Sirs what is your quarrel?
Cap.
Nothing, Sir, but that he will not take Press-mony.
Thra.
Here, good Fellow, take it at my command,
Unless you mean to be stretch'd.
Strum.
Truly, Master Gentleman, I lack no Mony, if you
please I will resign it to one of these poor Fellows.
Thra.
No such matter,
Look you be at the common House to morrow.
[Exit Thrasimachus and the Captain.
Strum.
O Wife, I have spun a fair thread, if I had been
quiet, I hat not been Prest, and therefore well may I
lament; But come Sirrah, shut up, for we must to the Wars.
[Exeunt.
SCENE IV.
Enter Albanact, Debon, Thrasimachus, and the Lords.
Alba.
Brave Cavaliers, Princes of Albany,
Whose trenchant Blades with our deceased Sire,
-- 3286 --
Passing the Frontires of brave Grecia,
Were bathed in our Enemies lukewarm blood,
Now is the time to manifest your wills,
Your haughty minds and resolutions,
Now opportunity is offered
To try your courage and your eanest zeal,
Which you always protest to Albanact,
For at this time, yea at this present time,
Stout Fugitives come from the Scythians bounds
Have pestred every place with mutinies:
But trust me, Lordings, I will never cease
To persecute the Rascal Runnagates,
'Till all the Rivers stained with their blood,
Shall fully shew their fatal overthrow.
Deb.
So shall your Highness merit great renown,
And imitate your aged Father's steps.
Alba.
But tell me, Cousin, cam'st thou through the Plains?
And saw'st thou there the faint-heart Fugitives
Mustring their Weather-beaten Soldiers,
What order keep they in their Marshalling?
Thra.
After we past the Groves of Caledone,
We did behold the stragling Scythians Camp,
Repleat with Men, stor'd with Munition;
There might we see that valiant minded Knights
Fetching Carriers along the spacious Plains,
Humber and Hubba arm'd in azure blue,
Mounted upon their Coursers white as Snow,
Went to behold the pleasant flowring Fields;
Hector and Troilus, Priamus lovely Ss ,
Chasing the Grecians over Simoeis,
Were not to be compar'd to thee two Knights.
Alb.
Well hast thou painted out in Eloquence
The Portraiture of Humber and his Son;
As fortunate as was Polycrates,
Yet should they not escape our conquering Swords,
Or boast of ought but of our Clemency.
Enter Strumbo and Trompart crying often,
Wild-fire and Pitch, Wild-fire and Pitch, &c.
Thra.
What Sirs, what mean you by these clamors made,
Those outcries rais'd in our stately Court?
Strum.
Wild-fire and Pitch, Wild-fire and Pitch.
-- 3287 --
Thra.
Villains I say, tell us the cause hereof?
Strum.
Wild-fire and Pitch, Wild-fire and Pitch.
Thra.
Tell me you Villains, why you make this noise,
Or with my Lance, I will prick your Bowels out.
All.
Where are your Houses, where's your dwelling-place?
Strum.
Place, Ha, ha, ha, laugh a month and a day at him;
place! I cry God mercy, do you think that such poor
honest Men as we be, hold our Habitacles in Kings Palaces:
Ha, ha, ha. But because you seem to be an abominable
Chieftain, I will tell you our state.
From the top to the toe,
From the head to the shoe;
From the beginning to the ending.
From the building to the burning.
This honest Fellow and I had our mansion Cottage in the
Suburbs of this City, hard by the Temple of Mercury. And
by the common Soldiers of the Shittens, the Scythians, what
do you call them? with all the Suburbs, were burnt to the
ground, and the ashes are left there for the Country Wives
to wash Bucks withal. And that which grieves me most,
my loving Wife, O cruel strife; the wicked Flames did
roast.
And therefore Captain Crust,
We will continually cry,
Except you seek a remedy,
Our Houses to re-edify,
Which now are burnt to dust.
Both cry.
Wild-fire and Pitch, Wild-fire and Pitch.
Alb.
Well, we must remedy these outrages,
And throw revenge upon their hateful Heads,
And you good Fellows for your Houses burnt,
We will remunerate your store of Gold,
And build your Houses by our Palace Gate.
Strum.
Gate! O petty Treason to my Person, no where
else but by your backside; Gate! oh how I am vexed in my
Coller: Gate! I cry God mercy, do you hear, Master King?
If you mean to gratifie such poor Men, as we be, you must
build our Houses by the Tavern.
-- 3288 --
Alba.
It shall be done, Sir.
Strum.
Near the Tavern, Ay, by Lady, Sir, it was spoken
like a good Fellow, do you hear, Sir? when our House
is builded, if you do chance to pass or re-pass that way, we
will bestow a Quart of the best Wine upon you.
[Exit.
Alba.
It grieves me, Lordings, that my Subjects goods
Should thus be spoiled by the Scythians,
Who as you see with lightfoot Foragers,
Depopulate the Places where they come:
But, cursed Humber, thou shalt rue the day
That e'er thou cam'st unto Cathnesia.
[Exeunt.
SCENE V.
Enter Humber, Hubba, Segar, Thrassier, and their Soldiers.
Hum.
Hubba, go take a Coronet of our Horse,
As many Lanciers, and Light-armed Knights,
As may suffice for such an enterprise,
And place them in the Grove of Challidon,
With these, when as the Skirmish doth encrease,
Retire thou from the shelters of the Wood,
And set upon the weakned Trojans backs,
For Policy, joined with Chivalry,
Can never be put back from Victory.
[Exeunt.
Enter Albanact, Clowns with him.
Alba.
Thou base-born Hunn, how durst thou be so bold,
As once to menace warlike Albanact,
The great Commander of these Regions?
But thou shalt buy thy rashness with thy Death,
And rue too late thy over-bold attempts,
For with this Sword, this Instrument of Death.
That hath been drenched in my Foe-mens Blood,
I'll separate thy Body from thy Head;
And set that Coward Blood of thine abroach.
Strum.
Nay, with this Staff, great Strumbo's Instrument,
I'll crack thy Cockscomb, paltry Scythian.
Hum.
Nor wreak I of thy threats thou princox Boy,
Nor do I fear thy foolish Insolency,
And but thou better use thy bragging blade,
-- 3289 --
Than thou dost rule thy overflowing Tongue,
Superbious Briton, thou shalt know too soon
The force of Humber and his Scythians.
[They fight, Humber and his Soldiers run in.
Strum.
O horrible, terrible.
SCENE VI.
Sound the Alarm. Enter Humber and his Soldiers.
Hum.
How bravely this young Briton, Albanact,
Darteth abroad the Thunderbolts of War,
Beating down Millions with his furious Mood:
And in his glory triumphs over all,
Moving the massie Squadrants of the Ground;
Heap Hills on Hills, to scale the starry Sky:
As when Briareus arm'd with an hundred Hands,
Flung forth an hundred Mountains at great Jove,
And when the monstrous Giant Monychus
Hurl'd Mount Olympus at great Mars his targe,
And shot huge Cedars at Minerva's Shield.
How doth he overlook with haughty Front
My fleeting Host, and lifts his lofty Face
Against us all that now do fear his Force;
Like as we see the wrathful Sea from far,
In a great Mountain heapt with hideous Noise,
With thousand Billows beat against the Ships,
And toss them in the Waves like Tennis Balls.
[Sound the Alarm.
Ah me, I fear my Hubba is surpris'd.
Sound again. Enter Albanact.
Alba.
Follow me, Soldiers, follow Albanact;
Pursue the Scythians flying through the Field:
Let none of them escape with Victory:
That they may know the Britons force is more
Than all the Power of the trembling Hunns.
Thra.
Forward, brave Soldiers, forward, keep the chase,
He that takes Captive Humber or his Son,
Shall be rewarded with a Crown of Gold.
-- 3290 --
Sound Alarm, then let them fight, Humber give back, Hubba
enters at their backs, and kills Debon, Strumbo falls
down, Albanact runs in, and afterwards enter wounded.
Alba.
Injurious Fortune, hast thou crost me thus?
Thus in the Morning of my Victories,
Thus in the Prime of my Felicity
To cut me off by such hard overthrow.
Hadst thou no time thy rancour to declare,
But in the Spring of all my Dignities?
Hadst thou no place to spit thy Venome out,
But on the Person of young Albanact?
I that e'erwhile did scare mine Enemies,
And drove them almost to a shameful Flight:
I that e'erwhile full Lion-like did fare
Amongst the dangers of the thick throng'd Pikes,
Must now depart most lamentably slain
By Humber's Treacheries and Fortune's spights:
Curst be her Charms, damn'd be her cursed Charms
That doth delude the wayward Hearts of Men,
Of Men that trust unto her fickle Wheel,
Which never leaveth turning upside-down.
O Gods, O Heav'ns, allot me but the place
Where I may find her hateful Mansion,
I'll pass the Alps to watry Meroe,
Where fiery Phœbus in his Chariot,
The Wheels whereof are deck'd with Emeralds,
Casts such a Heat, yea such a scorching Heat,
And spoileth Flora of her chequered Grass;
I'll overturn the Mountain Caucasus,
Where fell Chimæra in her triple Shape,
Rolleth hot Flames from out her monstrous Panch,
Scaring the Beasts with Issue of her Gorge?
I'll pass the frozen Zone where Icy flakes
Stopping the Passage of the fleeting Ships
Do lye, like Mountains in the congeal'd Sea,
Where if I find that hateful House of hers,
I'll pull the fickle Wheel from out her Hands,
And tye her self in everlasting Bands.
But all in vain I breathe these Threatnings,
The Day is lost, the Hunns are Conquerors,
-- 3291 --
Debon is slain, my Men are done to Death,
The currents swift swim violently with Blood,
And last, O that this last Night so long last,
My self with Wounds past all Recovery,
Must leave my Crown for Humber to possess.
Strum.
Lord have Mercy upon us, Masters, I think this
is a Holy-day, very Man lyes sleeping in the Fields, but
God knows full sore against their Wills.
Thra.
Fly, noble Albanact, and save thy self,
The Scythians follow with great Celerity,
And there's no way but Flight, or speedy Death,
Fly, noble Albanact, and save thy self.
[Sound the Alarm.
Alba.
Nay let them fly that fear to die the Death,
That tremble at the Name of fatal Mors,
Ne'er shall proud Humber boast or brag himself,
That he hath put young Albanact to flight:
And lest he should triumph at my decay,
This Sword shall reave his Master of his Life,
That oft hath sav'd his Master's doubtful Life:
But oh my Brethren if you care for me,
Revenge my Death upon his Traiterous Head.
Et vos queis domus est nigrantis regia ditis,
Qui regitis rigido stygios moderamine lucos,
Nox cæci regina poli, furialis Erinnys,
Diique deæque omnes, Albanum tollite regem,
Tollite flumineis undis rigidaque palude;
Nunc me fata vocant, hoc condam pectore ferrum.
[Stabs himself.
Enter Trompart.
O what hath he done? his Nose bleeds; but I smell a Fox,
Look where my Master lyes, Master, Master.
Strum.
Let me alone, I tell thee, for I am dead.
Trom.
Yet one, good, good, Master.
Strum.
I will not speak, for I am dead, I tell thee.
Trom.
And is my Master dead?
O Sticks and Stones, Brickbats and Bones,
And is my Master dead?
O you Cockatrices, and you Bablatrices,
That in the Woods dwell:
-- 3292 --
You Briers and Brambles, you Cook-shops and Shambles,
Come howl and yell.
With howling and screeking, with wailing and weeping,
Come you to lament.
O Colliers of Croyden, and Rusticks of Royden,
And Fishers of Kent.
For Strumbo the Cobler, the fine merry Cobler
Of Cathnes Town:
At this same stoure, at this very hour
Lies dead on the Ground.
O Master, Thieves, Thieves, Thieves.
Strum.
Where be they? cox me tunny, bobekin, let me
be rising, be gone, we shall be robb'd by and by.
SCENE VIII.
Enter Humber, Hubba, Segar, Thrassier, Estrild, and the Soldiers.
Hum.
Thus from the dreadful Shocks of furious Mars,
Thundring Alarums, and Rhamnusia's Drum,
We are retir'd with joyful Victory,
The slaughter'd Trojans squeltring in their Blood,
Infect the Air with their Carcasses,
And are a Prey for every rav'nous Bird.
Est.
So perish they that are our Enemies:
So perish they that love not Humber's Weal.
And mighty Jove, Commander of the World,
Protect my Love from all false Treacheries.
Hum.
Thanks, lovely Estrild, solace to my Soul.
But, valiant Hubba, for thy Chivalry
Declar'd against the Men of Albany,
Loe here a flowring Garland wreath'd of Bay,
As a reward for this thy forward Mind.
[Sets it on his Head.
Hub.
This unexpected Honour, noble Sir,
Will prick my Courage unto braver Deeds,
And cause me to attempt such hard Exploits.
That all the World shall sound of Hubba's Name.
Hum.
And now, brave Soldiers, for this good Success,
Carouse whole Cups of Amazonian Wine,
Sweeter than Nectar or Ambrosia,
And cast away the Clods of cursed care,
With Goblets crown'd with Semeleius Gifts,
-- 3293 --
Now let us march to Abis Silver Streams,
That clearly glide along the Champane Fields,
And moist the grassie Meads with humid drops.
Sound Drums and Trumpets, sound up chearfully,
Sith we return with Joy and Victory.
[Exeunt.
Charles Gildon [1709–1710], The works of Mr. William Shakespear; in six [seven] volumes. Adorn'd with Cuts. Revis'd and Corrected, with an Account of the Life and Writings of the Author. By N. Rowe ([Vol. 7] Printed for E. Curll... and E. Sanger [etc.], London) [word count] [S11401].
