Nicholas.
Cap.
O wonderful convenient.
Edm.
I can tell you, Captain, simply though it lies
here, 'tis the fairest Room in my Mother's House, as dainty
a room to Conjure in, methinks,—why you may
bid, I cannot tell how many Devils welcome in't; my Father
has had twenty in't at once!
Pye.
What, Devils?
Edm.
Devils, no Deputies, and the wealthiest Men he
could get.
Sir God.
Nay, put by your Chats now, fall to your Business
roundly, the Fescue of the Dial is upon the Chriscross
of Noon; but oh, hear me, Captain, a qualm comes
o'er my Stomach.
Cap.
Why, what's the Matter, Sir?
Sir God.
Oh, how if the Devil should prove a Knave
and tear the Hangings.
Cap.
Fuh, I warrant you, Sir Godfrey.
Edm.
Ay, Nunkle, or spit Fire upo'th' Sealing.
Sir God.
Very true too, for 'tis but thin Plaistered, and
'twill quickly take hold a' the Laths; and if he chance
to spit downward too, he will burn all the Boards.
Cap.
My Life for yours, Sir Godfrey.
Sir God.
My Sister is very curious and dainty o'er this
Room, I can tell you, and therefore if he must needs spit,
I pray desire him to spit i'th' Chimney.
Pye.
Why, assure you, Sir Godfrey, he shall not be brought
up with so little Manners, to spit and spawl a'th' floor.
-- 3232 --
Sir God.
Why I thank you, good Captain, pray have a
care I,—fall to your Circle, we'll not trouble you I
warrant you, come, we'll into the next room, and because
we'll be sure to keep him out there, we'll bar up the Door
with some of the Godlies Zealous Works.
Edm.
That will be a fine Device, Nuncle; and because
the ground shall be as holy as the Door, I'll tear two or
three Rosaries in pieces, and strew the Pieces about the
Chamber; Oh! the Devil already.
[Runs in. Thunders.
Pye.
'Sfoot, Captain, speak somewhat for shame; it Lightens
and Thunders before thou wilt begin, why when?
Cap.
Pray Peace, George,—thou'lt make me
laugh anon, and spoil all.
Pye.
Oh, now it begins again; now, now, now! Captain.
Cap.
Rhumbos-ragdayon, pur, pur, colucundrion, Hois-Polis.
Sir God. through the Key-hole, within.]
Oh admirable Conjurer!
has fetcht Thunder already.
Pye.
Hark, hark, again Captain.
Cap.
Benjamino, gaspois-kay-gosgothoteron-umbrois.
Sir God.
Oh, I would the Devil would come away quickly,
he has no Conscience to put a Man to such Pain.
Pye.
Again.
Cap.
Flowste kak opumpos-dragone-leloomenos-hodge podge.
Pye.
Well said, Captain.
Sir God.
So long a coming? O would I had ne'er begun't
now, for I fear me these roaring Tempests will destroy
all the Fruits of the Earth, and tread upon my Corn
—oh, i'th' Country.
Cap.
Gog de gog, hobgoblin, huncks, hounslow, hockley te
coome park.
Wid.
O Brother, Brother, what a Tempest's i'th' Garden,
sure there's some Conjuration abroad.
Sir God.
'Tis at home, Sister.
Pye.
By and by I'll step in, Captain.
Cap.
Nunck Nunck Rip-Gascoines, Ips, Drip-Dropite.
Sir God.
He drips and drops, poor Man; alas, alas.
Pye.
Now, I come.
Cap.
O Sulphure Sootface.
Pye.
Arch Conjurer, what would'st thou with me?
-- 3233 --
Sir God.
O, the Devil, Sister, i'th' Dining-Chamber;
sing, Sister, I warrant you that will keep him out; quickly,
quickly.
[Goes in.
Pye.
So, so, so; I'll release thee; enough Captain, enough;
allow us some time to laugh a little, they're shuddering
and shaking by this time, as if an Earthquake were
in their Kidneys.
Cap.
Sirrah George, how was't, how was't? did I do't
well enough?
Pye.
Woult believe me, Captain, better than any Conjurer,
for here was no harm in this; and yet their horrible
expectation satisfied well, you were much beholding to
Thunder and Lightning at this time, it grac'd you well,
I can tell you.
Cap.
I must needs say so, George, Sirrah if we could ha'
convey'd hither cleanly a Cracker, or a Fire-wheel, t'ad
been admirable.
Pye.
Blurt, blurt, there's nothing remains to put thee to
pain now, Captain.
Cap.
Pain? I protest, George, my Heels are sorer than
a Whison Morris-dancer's.
Pye.
All's past now,—only to reveal that the
Chain's i'th' Garden, where, thou know'st, it has lain these
two Days.
Cap.
But I fear, that Fox Nicholas has reveal'd it already.
Pye.
Fear not, Captain, you must put to it th' venture
now: Nay 'tis time, call upon 'em, take pity on 'em, for I
believe some of 'em are in a pitiful Case by this time.
Cap.
Sir Godfrey, Nicholas, Kinsman,—'sfoot
they're fast at it still; George, Sir Godfrey?
Sir God.
Oh, is that the Devil's Voice? how comes he
to know my Name?
Cap.
Fear not, Sir Godfrey, all's quieted.
Sir God.
What, is he laid?
Cap.
Laid; and has newly dropt
Your Chain i'th' Garden.
Sir God.
I'th Garden! in our Garden?
Cap.
Your Garden.
Sir God.
O sweet Conjurer! whereabouts there?
Cap.
Look well about a Bank of Rosemary.
-- 3234 --
Sir God.
Sister, the Rosemary-bank, come, come; there's
my Chain, he says.
Wid.
Oh, happiness! run, run.
[Supposeth to go.
Edm.
Captain Conjurer?
[Edm. at key-hole.
Cap.
Who? Master Edmond?
Edm.
Ay, Master Edmond; may I come in safely without
Danger, think you?
Cap.
Puh, long ago, it is all as 'twas at first;
Fear nothing, pray come near,—how now, Man?
Edm.
Oh! this Room's mightily hot i'faith; 'slid, my
shirt sticks to my Belly already; what a steam the Rogue
has left behind him? Foh, this room must be air'd, Gentlemen,
it smells horribly of Brimstone,—let's open
the Windows.
Pye.
Faith, Master Edmond, 'tis but your Conceit.
Edm.
I would you could make me believe that, i'faith,
who do you think I cannot smell his Savour, from another;
yet I take it kindly from you, because you would not put
me in a Fear, i'faith; a my Troth I shall love you for this
the longest Day of my Life.
Cap.
Puh, 'tis nothing, Sir, love me when you see
more.
Edm.
Mass, now remember, I'll look whether he has
sindged the Hangings, or no.
Pye.
Captain, to entertain a little sport till they come;
make him believe, you'll charm him invisible, he's apt to
admire any thing, you see, let me alone to give force
to't.
Cap.
Go, retire to yonder end then.
Edm.
I protest you are a rare Fellow, are you not?
Cap.
O Master Edmond, you know but the least part of
me yet; why now at this Instant I could flourish my Wand
thrice o'er your Head, and charm you invisible.
Edm.
What you could not? make me walk invisible
Man? I should laugh at that i'faith; troth I'll requite your
Kindness; an you'll do't, good Captain Conjurer.
Cap.
Nay, I should hardly deny you such a small kindness,
Master Edmond Plus, why, look you, Sir, 'tis no more
but this, and thus agen, and now y'are invisible.
Edm.
Am I faith? who would think it?
-- 3235 --
Cap.
You see the Fortune-teller yonder at farther end
o'th' Chamber, go toward him, do what you will with him,
he shall ne'er find you.
Edm.
Say you so, I'll try that i'faith—
[Justles him.
Pye.
Hoe now Captain? who's that justled me?
Cap.
Justled you? I saw no body.
Edm.
Ha, ha, ha,—say 'twas a Spirit.
Cap.
Shall I?—may be some Spirit that haunt
the Circle.
Pye.
O my Nose, agen, pray conjure then, Captain,
[Pulls him by the Nose.
Edm.
Troth this is exlent, I may do any Knavery now
and never be seen,—and now I remember me, Sir Godfrey
my Uncle abus'd me t'other day, and told Tales of me to
my Mother—Troth now I'm invisible, I'll hit him
a round whirrit a'th'ear, when he comes out a'th'garden,—
I may be reveng'd on him now finely.
Enter Sir Godfrey, Widow, Frances, Nicholas with the Chain.
Sir God.
I have my Chain again, my Chain's found
again.
[Edmond strikes him.
O sweet Captain, O admirable Conjurer.
O, what mean you by that, Nephew?
Edm.
Nephew? I hope you do not know me, Uncle?
Wid.
Why did you strike your Uncle, Son?
Edm.
Why, Captain, am I not invisible?
Cap.
A good jest, George,—not now you are not, Sir,
Why did not you see me, when I did uncharm you?
Edm.
Not I, by my troth, Captain;
Then pray you pardon me, Uncle,
I thought I'd been invisible when I struck you.
Sir God.
So, you would do't? go,—you're a foolish Boy,
And were I not o'ercome with greater Joy,
I'd make you taste Correction.
Edm.
Correction, push—no, neither you nor my
Mother, shall think to whip me as you have done.
Sir God.
Captain, my joy is such, I know not how to
thank you, let me embrace you, O my sweet Chain, gladness
e'en makes me giddy, rare Man; 'twas just i'th' Rosemary-bank,
as if one should ha laid it there,—O cunning,
cunning!
-- 3236 --
Wid.
Well, seeing my Fortune tells me I must marry;
let me marry a Man of Wit, a Man of Parts, here's a worthy
Captain, and 'tis a fine Title truly la to be a Captain's
Wife, a Captain's Wife, it goes very finely, beside all the
World knows that a worthy Captain is a fit Companion to
any Lord, then why not a sweet Bed-fellow for any Lady,
—I'll have it so—
Enter Frailty.
Frail.
O Mistress, Gentlemen, there's the bravest Sight
coming along this way.
Wid.
What brave Sight?
Frail.
O, one going to burying, and another going to
Hanging.
Wid.
A rueful Sight.
Pye.
'Sfoot, Captain, I'll pawn my Life the Corporal's
Coffin'd, and old Skirmish the Soldier going to Execution,
and 'tis now about the time of his waking; hold out a little
longer, sleepy Potion, and we shall have exlent Admiration;
for I'll take upon me the Cure of him.
Enter the Coffin of the Corporal, the Soldier bound, and led by Officers, the Sheriff there.
Frail.
O here they come, here they come!
Pye.
Now must I close secretly with the Soldier, prevent
his impatience, or else all's discovered.
Wid.
O lamentable seeing, these were those Brothers,
that fought and bled before our door.
Sir God.
What, they were not, Sister?
Skir.
George, look to't, I'll peach at Tiburn else.
Pye.
Mum—Gentles all, vouchsafe me Audience,
and you especially, Master Sheriff:
Yon Man is bound to Execution,
Because he wounded this that now lyes cofin'd.
Sher.
True, true, he shall have the Law,—and
I know the Law.
Pye.
But under Favour, Master Sheriff, if this Man had
been cur'd and safe again, he should have been releas'd
then?
Sher.
Why, make you Question of that, Sir?
Pye.
Then I release him freely, and will take upon me
the Death that he should die, if within a little Season I
do not cure him to his proper Health again.
-- 3237 --
Sher.
How, Sir? recover a dead Man?
That were most strange of all.
[Frances comes to him.
Fran.
Sweet Sir, I love you dearly, and could wish my
best part yours,—O do not undertake such an impossible
venture.
Pye.
Love you me? then for your sweet sake I'll do't:
Let me entreat the Corps to be set down.
Sher.
Bearers, set down the Coffin,—this is wonderful,
and worthy Stow's Chronicle.
Pye.
I pray bestow the freedom of the Air upon our wholsome
Art,—Mass his Cheeks begin to receive natural
warmth: Nay, good Corporal, wake betime, or I shall have
a longer Sleep than you,—'sfoot, if he should prove
dead indeed now, he were fully reveng'd upon me for making
a Property on him, yet I had rather run upon the Ropes,
than have the Rope like a Tetter run upon me, O—he
stirs—he stirs again—look, Gentlemen, he recovers,
he starts, he rises.
Sher.
Oh, oh, defend us—out, alas.
Pye.
Nay, pray be still; you'll make him more giddy
else,—he knows no Body yet.
Corp.
Zowns; where am I? cover'd with Snow? I
marvel?
Pye.
Nay, I knew he would Swear the first thing he did,
as soon as he came to Life again.
Corp.
'Sfoot, Hostess—some hot Porridge,—oh, ho, lay
on a dozen of Faggots in the Moon Parlour, there.
Pye.
Lady, you must needs take a little pity of him i'faith,
and send him into your Kitchen Fire.
Wid.
O, with all my Heart, Sir Nicholas and Frailty, help
to bear him in.
Nich.
Bear him in, quotha, pray call in the Maids, I shall
ne'er have the Heart to do't, indeed la.
Frail.
Nor I neither, I cannot abide to handle a Ghost,
of all Men.
Corp.
'Sloud, let me see, where was I drunk last Night?
hah—
Wid.
O, shall I bid you once again take him away?
Frail.
Why, we're as fearful as you, I warrant you—
oh—
-- 3238 --
Wid.
Away, Villains, bid the Maids make him a Cawdle
presently to settle his Brain—or a Posset of Sack, quickly,
quickly.
[Exeunt, pushing in the Corps.
Sher.
Sir, whatsoe'er you are, I do more than admire
you.
Wid.
O I, if you knew all, Master Sheriff, as you shall
do, you would say then, that here were two of the rarest
Men within the Walls of Christendom.
Sher.
Two of 'em, O wonderful: Officers, I discharge
you, set him free, all's in tune.
Sir God.
Ay, and a Banquet ready by this time, Master
Sheriff, to which I most cheerfully invite you, and your late
Prisoner there: See you this goodly Chain, Sir, mum, no
more Words, 'twas lost and is found again; come, my inestimable
Bullies, we'll talk of your Noble Acts in sparkling
Charnico, and instead of a Jester, we'll ha the Ghost i'th'
white Sheet sit at upper end o'th' Table.
Sher.
Exlent, merry Man, i'faith.
[Exit.
Fran.
Well, seeing I am enjoin'd to love, and marry,
My foolish Vow thus I casheer to Air
Which first begot it,—now, Love, play thy part;
The Scholar reads his Lecture in my Heart.
[Exeunt.
Charles Gildon [1709–1710], The works of Mr. William Shakespear; in six [seven] volumes. Adorn'd with Cuts. Revis'd and Corrected, with an Account of the Life and Writings of the Author. By N. Rowe ([Vol. 7] Printed for E. Curll... and E. Sanger [etc.], London) [word count] [S11401].
