Port.

You'll leave your noise anon, ye Rascals; do you take the Court for Paris Garden? ye rude Slaves, leave your gaping.

Within.

Good Mr. Porter, I belong to th'Larder.

Port.

Belong to the Gallows, and be hang'd, ye Rogue: Is this a Place to roar in? Fetch me a dozen Crab-tree Staves, and strong ones; these are but Switches to 'em: I'll scratch your Heads; you must be seeing Christnings? Do you look for Ale and Cakes here, you rude Rascals?

Man.
Pray, Sir, be patient; 'tis as much impossible,
Unless we swept them from the Door with Cannons,
To scatter 'em, as 'tis to make 'em sleep
On May-day Morning, which will never be:
We may as well push against Pauls, as stir 'em.

Port.
How got they in, and be hang'd?

Man.
Alas, I know not, how gets the Tide in?
As much as one sound Cudgel of four Foot,
You see the poor remainder, could distribute,
I made no spare, Sir.

Port.
You did nothing, Sir.

Man.
I am not Sampson, nor Sir Guy, nor Colebrand,
To mow 'em down before me; but if I spar'd any
That had a Head to hit, either young or old,
He or she, Cuckold, or Cuckold-maker;
Let me ne'er hope to see a Chine again,
And that I would not for a Cow, God save her.

Within.
Do you hear, Mr. Porter?

Port.
I shall be with you presently, good Mr. Puppy.
Keep the Door close, Sirrah.

Man.

What would you have me do?

Port.

What should you do, but knock 'em down by the dozens? Is this Moorfields to Muster in? Or have we some strange Indian with the great Tool, come to Court, the Women so besiege us? Bless me! what a fry of Fornication is at the Door? On my Christian-Conscience, this one Christning will beget a thousand, here will be Father, God-father, and all together.

Man.

The Spoons will be the bigger, Sir; there is a Fellow somewhat near the Door, he should be a Brasier by his Face, for o' my Conscience twenty of the Dog-days now reign in's Nose; all that stand about him are under the Line, they need no other Penance; that Fire-Drake did I hit three times on the Head, and three times was his Nose discharged against me; he stands there like a Mortar-piece to blow us up. There was Haberdasher's Wife of small Wit, near him, that rail'd upon me, 'till her pinck'd Porringer fell off her Head, for kindling such a combustion in the State. I mist the Meteor once, and hit that Woman, who cry'd out Clubs, when I might see from far, some forty Truncheons draw to her Succour, which were the hope o'th' Strand, where she was quarter'd; they fell on, I made good my Place; at length they came to th' Broom-staff to me, I defy'd 'em still, when suddenly a File of Boys behind 'em, loose shot, deliver'd such a shower of Pibbles, that I was fain to draw mine Honour in, and let 'em win the Work; the Devil was amongst 'em, I think surely.

Port.

These are the Youths that thunder at a Play-house, and fight for bitten Apples, that no Audience but the Tribulation of Tower-Hill, or the Limbs of Lime-House, their dear Brothers, are able to endure. I have some of 'em in Limbo Patrum; and there they are like to dance these three Days; besides the running Banquet of two Beadles, that is to come.

Cham.
Mercy o'me; what a Multitude are here?
They grow still too; from all Parts they are coming,
As if we kept a Fair here? where are these Porters?
These lazy Knaves? Ye've made a find Hand, Fellows?
There's a trim Rabble let in; are all these
Your faithful Friends o'th' Suburbs? We shall have
Great store of room, no doubt, left for the Ladies,
When they pass back from the Christning?

Port.
And't please your Honour,
We are but Men, and what so many may do,
Not being torn in pieces, we have done:
An Army cannot rule 'em.

Cham.
As I live,
If the King blame me for't, I'll lay ye all
By th'Heels, and suddenly; and on your Heads
Clap round Fines, for neglect: Y'are lazy Knaves,
And here ye lye baiting of Bombards, when
Ye should do Service. Hark, the Trumpets sound,
Th'are come already from the Christning;
Go break among the Press, and find a way out
To let the Troop pass fairly; or I'll find
A Marshalsea shall hold ye play these two Months.

Port.
Make way there, for the Princess.

Man.
You great Fellow,
Stand close up, or I'll make your Head ake.

Port.
You i'th' Chamblet, get up o'th' Rail,
I'll peck you o'er the Pales else. [Exeunt.

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