Mer.
You know since Pentecost the Sum is due;
And since I have not much importun'd you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want Gilders for my Voyage:
Therefore make present Satisfaction;
Or I'll attach you by this Officer.

Ang.
Even just the Sum that I do owe to you,
Is growing to me by Antipholis;
And in the Instant that I met with you,
He had of me a Chain: At five a Clock
I shall receive the Mony for the same;
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his House,
I will discharge my Bond, and thank you too. Enter Antiph. Eph. and Dro. Eph. as from the Courtezans.

Offi.
That Labour you may save: See where he comes.

E. Ant.
While I go to the Goldsmith's House, go thou
And buy a Ropes-end; that I will bestow
Among my Wife, and her Confederates,
For locking me out of my Doors by Day.
But soft; I see the Goldsmith; get thee gone,
Buy thou a Rope, and bring it home to me.

E. Dro.
I buy a thousand Pound a Year; I buy a Rope. [Exit Dromio.

E. Ant.
A Man is well hope up that trusts to you:
I promised your Presence, and the Chain;
But neither Chain nor Goldsmith came to me:
Belike you thought our Love would last too long
If it were chain'd together; and therefore came not.

Ang.
Saving your merry Humour, here's the Note,
How much your Chain weighs to the utmost Raccat,
The fineness of the Gold, and chargeful Fashion,
Which doth amount to three odd Duckets more
Than I stand debted to this Gentleman;
I pray you see him presently discharg'd;
For he is bound to Sea, and stays for it.

E. Ant.
I am not furnish'd with the present Mony,
Besides, I have some Business in the Town;
Good Signior take the Stranger to my House,
And with you take the Chain, and bid my Wife
Disburse the Sum on the Receipt thereof;
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.

Ang.
Then you will bring the Chain to her your self.

E. Ant.

No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

Ang.
Well, Sir, I will: Have you the Chain about you?

E. Ant.
An if I have not, Sir, I hope you have:
Or else you may return without your Mony.

Ang.
Nay, come, I pray you, Sir, give me the Chain,
Both Wind and Tide stays for the Gentleman;
And I to blame have held him here too long.

E. Ant.
Good Lord, you use this Dalliance to excuse
Your breach of Promise to the Porcupine:
I should have chid you for not bringing it;
But like a Shrew, you first begin to brawl.

Mer.
The Hour steals on; I pray you, Sir, dispatch.

Ang.
You hear how he importunes me; the Chain.

E. Ant.
Why, give it to my Wife, and fetch your Mony.

Ang.
Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
Either send the Chain, or send me by some Token.

E. Ant.
Fie, now you run this Humour out of breath:
Come, where's the Chain? I pray you let me see it.

Mer.
My Business cannot brook this dalliance:
Good Sir, say, where you'll answer me, or no;
If not, I'll leave him to the Officer.

E. Ant.
I answer you? Why should I answer you?

Ang.
The Mony that you owe me for the Chain.

E. Ant.
I owe you none 'till I receive the Chain.

Ang.
You know I gave it you half an Hour since.

E. Ant.

You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.

Ang.
You wrong me more, Sir, in denying it;
Consider how it stands upon my Credit.

Mer.
Well, Officer, arrest him at my Suit.

Offi.
I do, and charge you in the Duke's Name to obey me.

E. Ang.
This touches me in Reputation.
Either consent to pay the Sum for me,
Or I attach you by this Officer.

E. Ant.
Consent to pay for that I never had!
Arrest me, foolish Fellow, if thou dar'st.

Ang.
Here is thy Fee; arrest him, Officer;
I would not spare my Brother in this Case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.

Offi.
I do arrest you, Sir; you hear the Suit.

E. Ant.
I do obey thee 'till I give thee Bail.
But, Sirrah, you shall buy this Sport as dear
As all the Metal in your Shop will answer.

Ang.
Sir, Sir, I shall have Law in Ephesus,
To your notorious Shame, I doubt it not. Enter Dromio Sira. from the Bay.

S. Dro.
Master, there's a Bark of Epidamnium,
That stays but 'till her Owner comes aboard;
Then, Sir, she bears away. Our Fraughtage, Sir,
I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
The Oyl, the Balsamum, and Aqua-vitæ.
The Ship is in her Trim; the merry Wind
Blows fair from Land; they stay for nought at all,
But for their Owner, Master, and your self.

E. Ant.
How now! a mad Man! Why, thou peevish Sheep,
What Ship of Epidamnium stays for me?

S. Dro.
A Ship you sent me to, to hire Waftage.

E. Ant.
Thou drunken Slave, I sent thee for a Rope;
And told thee to what Purpose, and what end.

S. Dro.
You sent me for a Ropes-end as soon:
You sent me to the Bay, Sir, for a Bark.

E. Ant.
I will debate this Matter at more Leisure,
And teach your Ears to lift me with more heed.
To Adriana, Villain, hie thee strait;
Give her this Key, and tell her in the Desk
That's cover'd o'er with Turkish Tapestry,
There is a Purse of Duckets, let her send it:
Tell her, I am arrested in the Street,

And that shall bail me; hie thee, Slave; be gone:
On Officer, to Prison 'till it come. [Exeunt.

S. Dro.
To Adriana, that is where we din'd,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her Husband;
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, altho' against my Will,
For Servants must their Masters Minds fulfil. [Exit. Enter Adriana and Luciana.

Adr.
Ah Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Might'st thou perceive austerely in his Eye,
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What Observation mad'st thou in this Case,
Of his Heart's Meteors tilting in his Face?

Luc.
First he deny'd you had in him a right.

Adr.
He meant, he did me none, the more my Spight.

Luc.
Then swore he, that he was a Stranger here.

Adr.
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

Luc.
Then pleaded I for you.

Adr.
And what said he?

Luc.
That Love I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me.

Adr.
With what Persuasion did he tempt thy Love?

Luc.
With Words, that in an honest Suit might move.
First, he did praise my Beauty, then my Speech.

Adr.
Did'st speak him fair?

Luc.
Have Patience, I beseech.

Adr.
I cannot, nor I will not hold me still,
My Tongue, tho' not my Heart, shall have it's Will.
He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
Ill-fac'd, worse Body'd, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse the Mind.

Luc.
Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No Evil lost, is wail'd, when it is gone.

Adr.
Ah! but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others Eyes were worse.
Far from her Nest, the Lapwing cries away;
My Heart prays for him, tho' my Tongue do curse. Enter S. Dromio.

S. Dro.

Here, go; the Desk, the Purse; sweet now make haste.

Luc.

How hast thou lost thy Breath?

S. Dro.

By running fast.

Adr.

Where is thy Master, Dromio? Is he well?

S. Dro.
No; he's in Tartar Limbo, worse than Hell;
A Devil in an everlasting Garment hath him,
One whose hard Heart is button'd up with Steel:
A Fiend, a Fairy, pitiless and rough,
A Wolf, nay worse, a Fellow all in Buff;
A back-Friend, a Shoulder-Clapper, one that countermands
The Passages of Allies, Creeks, and narrow Lands;
A Hound that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot well;
One that before the Judgment carries poor Souls to Hell.

Adr.

Why Man, what is the Matter?

S. Dro.

I do not know the Matter; he is rested on the Case.

Adr.

What, is he arrested? tell me at whose Suit?

S. Dro.

I know not at whose Suit he is arrested; well, but he's in a Suit of Buff which rested him, that I can tell. Will you send him, Mistress Redemption, the Monyin his Desk?

Adr.
Go fetch it, Sister. This I wonder at, [Exit Luciana.
That he unknown to me should be in Debt;
Tell me, was he arrested on a Bond?

S. Dro.
Not on a Bond, but on a stronger thing,
A Chain, a Chain; do you not here it ring?

Adr.
What, the Chain?

S. Dro.
No, the Bell; 'tis time that I were gone;
It was Two e'er I left him, and now the Clock strikes One.

Adr.

The Hour's come back, that I did never hear.

S. Dro.

O yes, if any Hour meet a Serjeant, a turns back for very Fear.

Adr.

As if Time were in debt, how fondly dost thou reason?

S. Dro.

Time is a very Bankrout, and owes more than he's worth to season.

Adri.
Go, Dromio; there's the Mony, bear it strait,
And bring thy Master home immediately.

Come, Sister, I am prest down with Conceit;
Conceit, my Comfort and my Injury. [Exeunt. Enter Antipholis of Siracuse.

S. Ant.
There's not a Man I meet but doth salute me,
As if I were their well acquainted Friend;
And every one doth call me by my Name.
Some tender Mony to me, some invite me;
Some other give me Thanks for Kindnesses;
Some offer me Commodities to buy.
Even now a Taylor call'd me in his Shop,
And show'd me Silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my Body.
Sure these are but imaginary Wiles,
And Lapland Sorcerers inhabit here. Enter Dromio of Siracuse.

S. Dro.

Master, here's the Gold you sent me for; what have you got the Picture of old Adam new apparel'd?

S. Ant.

What Gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

S. Dro.

Not that Adam that kept the Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the Prison; he that goes in the Calves-Skin, that was kill'd for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, Sir, like an evil Angel, and bid you forsake your Liberty.

S. Ant.

I understand thee not.

S. Dro.

No? why 'tis a plain Case; he that went like a Base-Vial in a Case of Leather; the Man, Sir, that when Gentlemen are tired gives them a Fob, and rests them; he, Sir, that takes pity on decay'd Men, and gives them Suits of durance; he that sets up his Rest to do more Exploits with his Mace, than a Moris Pike.

S. Ant.

What! thou mean'st an Officer?

S. Dro.

Ay, Sir, the Serjeant of the Band; he that brings any Man to answer it that breaks his Bond; one that thinks a Man always going to Bed, and saith, God give you good Rest.

S. Ant.
Well, Sir, there rest in your Foolery.
Is there any Ship puts forth to Night? May we be gone?

S. Dro.

Why, Sir, I brought you Word an Hour since, that the Bark Expedition put forth to Night, and then were you hinder'd by the Serjeant, to tarry for the Hoy Delay; here are the Angels that you sent for to deliver you.

S. Ant.
The Fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in Illusions;
Some blessed Power deliver us from hence. Enter a Curtizan.

Cur.
Well met, well met, Master Antipholis.
I see, Sir, you have found the Goldsmith now:
Is that the Chain you promis'd me to Day?

S. Ant.
Satan avoid, I charge thee tempt me not.

S. Dro.

Master, is this Mistress Satan?

S. Ant.

It is the Devil.

S. Dro.
Nay, she is worse, she is the Devil's Dam;

And here she comes in the Habit of a light Wench, and thereof comes that the Wenches say, God dam me, that's as much to say, God make me a light Wench. It is written, they appear to Men like Angels of Light, Light is an Effect of Fire, and Fire will burn; ergo, light Wenches will burn, come not near her.

Cur.
Your Man and you are marvellous merry, Sir.
Will you go with me, we'll mend our Dinner here?

S. Dro.

Master, if you do expect Spoon-Meat, bespeak a long Spoon.

S. Ant.

Why, Dromio?

S. Dro.

Marry, he must have a long Spoon that must eat with the Devil.

S. Ant.
Avoid thou Fiend, what tell'st thou me of supping?
Thou art (as you are all) a Sorceress?
I conjure thee to leave me, and be gone.

Cur.
Give me the Ring of mine you had at Dinner,
Or for my Diamond the Chain you promis'd,
And I'll be gone, Sir, and not trouble you.

S. Dro.

Some Devils ask but the Parings of ones Nail, a Rush, a Hair, a Drop of Blood, a Pin, a Nut, a Cherry-Stone; but she, more covetous, would have a Chain. Master be wise, and if you give it her, the Devil will shake her Chain, and fright us with it.

Cur.
I pray you Sir, my Ring, or else the Chain;
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so?

S. Ant.
Avant, thou Witch! come Dromio, let us go.

S. Dro.

Fly Pride, says the Peacock; Mistress that you know.

Cur.
Now out of Doubt Antipholis is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
A Ring he hath of mine worth forty Duckets,
And for the same he promis'd me a Chain;
Both one and other he denies me now.
The Reason that I gather he is mad,
(Besides this present Instance of his Rage,)
Is a mad Tale he told to Day at Dinner,
Of his own Doors being shut against his Entrance.
Belike his Wife, acquainted with his Fits,
On purpose shut the Doors against his Way.
My Way is now to hie home to his House,
And tell his Wife, that being Lunatick,
He rush'd into my House, and took perforce
My Ring away. This Course I fittest chuse,
For forty Duckets is too much to lose. Enter Antipholis of Ephesus, with a Jailor.

E. Ant.
Fear me not Man, I will not break away,
I'll give thee e'er I leave thee so much Mony,
To warrant thee, as I am rested for.
My Wife is in a wayward Mood to Day,
And will not lightly trust the Messenger.
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
I tell you 'twill sound harshly in her Ears. Enter Dromio of Ephesus with a Ropes-end.
Here comes my Man, I think he brings the Mony.
How now, Sir, have you that I sent you for?

E. Dro.

Here's that I warrant you will pay them all.

E. Ant.

But where's the Mony?

E. Dro.

Why, Sir, I gave the Mony for the Rope.

E. Ant.

Five Hundred Duckets, Villain, for a Rope?

E. Dro.

I'll serve you, Sir, five hundred at the rate.

E. Ant.

To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

E. Dro.

To a Ropes-end, Sir, and to that end am I return'd.

E. Ant.

And to that end, Sir, I will welcome you.

Offi.

Good Sir, be patient.

E. Dro.

Nay, 'tis for me to be patient, I am in Adversity.

Offi.

Good now hold thy Tongue.

E. Dro.

Nay, rather persuade him to hold his Hands.

E. Ant.

Thou whoreson, senseless Villain.

E. Dro.

I would I were senseless, Sir, that I might not feel your Blows.

E. Ant.

Thou art sensible in nothing but Blows, and so is an Ass.

E. Dro.

I am an Ass indeed, you may prove it by my long Ears. I have serv'd him from the Hour of my Nativity to this Instant, and have nothing at his Hands for my Service but Blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating; I am wak'd with it when I sleep, rais'd with it when I sit, driven out of Doors with it when I go from home, welcom'd home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my Shoulders, as a Beggar wont her Brat; and I think when he hath lam'd me, I shall beg with it from Door to Door