Host.

What wouldst thou have? Boor, what? Thick-skin, speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.

Simp.

Marry, Sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff, from Mr. Slender.

Host.

There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle, his Standing-bed and Truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the Story of the Prodigal, fresh and new; go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: Knock, I say.

Simp.

There's an old Woman, a fat Woman gone up into his Chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, Sir, 'till she come down; I come to speak with her indeed.

Host.

Ha! a fat Woman? The Knight may be robb'd: I'll call. Bully-Knight! Bully-Sir John! speak from thy Lungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine Ephesian calls.

Fal.

How now, mine Host?

Host.

Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat Woman: Let her descend, Bully, let her descend; my Chambers are honourable. Fie, Privacy? Fie.

Fal.

There was, mine Host, an old fat Woman even now with me, but she's gone.

Simp.

Pray you, Sir, was't not the wise Woman of Brainford?

Fal.

Ay marry was it, Mussel-shell, what would you with her?

Simp.

My Master, Sir, my Master Slender sent to her, seeing her go thro' the Street, to know, Sir, whether one Nym, Sir, that beguil'd him of a Chain, had the Chain, or no.

Fal.

I spake with the old Woman about it.

Simp.

And what says she, I pray Sir?

Fal.

Marry she says, that the very same Man that beguil'd Master Slender of his Chain, cozen'd him of it.

Simp.

I would I could have spoken with the Woman her self, I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him.

Fal.

What are they? Let us know.

Host.

Ay, come; quick.

Simp.

I may not conceal them, Sir.

Host.

Conceal them, or thou dy'st.

Simp.

Why, Sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne Page, to know if it were my Master's Fortune to have her or no.

Fal.

'Tis, 'tis his Fortune.

Simp.

What, Sir?

Fal.

To have her, or no: Go; say the Woman told me so.

Simp.

May I be bold to say so, Sir?

Fal.

Ay Sir; like who more bold.

Simp.

I thank your Worship: I shall make my Master glad with these Tidings.

Host.

Thou art clarkly; thou art clarkly, Sir John: Was there a wise Woman with thee?

Fal.

Ay, that there was, mine Host, one that hath taught me more Wit than ever I learn'd before in my Life; and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.

Bard.

Out alas, Sir, Cozenage; meer Cozenage.

Host.

Where be my Horses? Speak well of them, Varletto.

Bard.

Run away with the Cozeners; for so soon as I came beyond Eaton, they threw me off from behind one of them in a Slough of Mire, and set Spurs, and away; like three German Devils, three Doctor Faustusses.

Host.

They are gone but to meet the Duke, Villain, do not say they be fled; Germans are honest Men.

Eva.

Where is mine Host?

Host.

What is the Matter, Sir?

Eva.

Have a care of your Entertainments; there is a Friend of mine come to Town, tells me there is three Cozen-Jermans

that has cozen'd all the Hosts of Reading, of Maiden-Head, of Cole-Brook, of Horses and Mony. I tell you for good Will, look you, you are wise, and full of Gibes and vlouting-Stocks, and 'tis not convenient you should be cozened; fare you well.

Caius.

Ver'is mine Host de Jarteer?

Host.

Here, Master Doctor, in Perplexity and doubtful Delemma.

Caius.

I cannot tell vat is dat; but it is tell-a-me, dat you make a grand Preparation for a Duke de Jamany; by my trot, der is no Duke dat the Court is know, to come: I tell you for good Will; adieu.

Host.

Hue and Cry, Villain, go; assist me, Knight, I am undone; fly, run, Hue and Cry, Villain, I am undone.

Fal.

I would all the World might be cozen'd, for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the Ear of the Court, how I have been transformed, and how my Transformation has been wash'd and cudgel'd, they would melt me out of my Fat, Drop by Drop, and liquor Fishermens Boots with me; I warrant they would whip me with their fine Wits, 'till I were as crest-faln as a dry'd Pear. I never prosper'd since I forswore my self at Primero. Well, if my Wind were but long enough, I would repent. Now, whence come you?

Quic.

From the two Parties, Forsooth.

Fal.

The Devil take one Party, and his Dam the other, and so they shall be both bestow'd; I have suffer'd more for their Sakes, more than the villainous Inconstancy of Man's Disposition is able to bear.

Quic.

And have not they suffer'd? yes, I warrant, speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good Heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white Spot about her.

Fal.

What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten my self into all the Colours of the Rain-Bow; and I was like to be apprehended for the Witch of Brainford, but that my admirable Dexterity of Wit, my counterfeiting the Action of an old Woman deliver'd me, the Knave Constable had set me i'th' Stocks, i'th' common Stocks for a Witch.

Quic.

Sir, let me speak with you in your Chamber, you shall hear how things go, and, I warrant, to your Content. Here is a Letter will say somewhat. Good Hearts, what ado is here to bring you together? Sure one of you does not serve Heav'n well, that you are so cross'd.

Fal.

Come up into my Chamber.