Hugh Evans.
SHALLOW.
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a
Star-Chamber Matter of it: If he were twenty
Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert
Shallow, Esq;
Slen.
In the County of Glocester, Justice
of Peace, and Coram.
Shal.
Ay, Cousin Slender, and Custalorum.
Slen.
Ay, and Rato-lorum too; and a Gentleman born,
Master Parson, who writes himself Armigero, in any Bill,
Warrant, Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero.
Shal.
Ay that I do, and have done any time these three
hundred Years.
Slen.
All his Successors, gone before him, have don't;
and all his Ancestors, that come after him, may; they may
give the dozen white Luces in their Coat.
Shal.
It is an old Coat.
Eva.
The dozen white Lowses do become an old Coat
well; it agrees well Passant; it is a familiar Beast to Man,
and signifies Love.
Shal.
The Luce is the Fresh-fish, the Salt-fish is an old
Coat.
-- 126 --
Slen.
I may quarter, Coz.
Shal.
You may, by marrying.
Eva.
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
Shal.
Not a whit.
Eva.
Yes per-lady; if he has a quarter of your Coat,
there is but three Skirts for your self, in my simple Conjectures;
but that is all one: If Sir John Falstaff have committed
Disparagements unto you, I am of the Church, and
will be glad to do my Benevolence, to make Atonements
and Compremises between you.
Shal.
The Council shall hear it; it is a Riot.
Eva.
It is not meet the Council hear of a Riot; there
is no Fear of Got in a Riot: The Council, look you, shall
desire to hear the Fear of Got, and not to hear a Riot; take
you viza-ments in that.
Shal.
Ha; o' my Life, if I were young again, the Sword
should end it.
Eva.
It is petter that Friends is the Sword, and end it;
and there is also another Device in my Prain, which peradventure
prings good Discretions with it: There is Anne Page,
which is Daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty
Virginity.
Slen.
Mistress Anne Page? she has brown Hair, and speaks
like a Woman.
Eva.
It is that ferry Person for all the Orld, as just as
you will desire; and seven hundred Pounds of Monies, and
Gold, and Silver, is her Grand-sire upon his Deaths-bed
(Got deliver to a joyful Resurrections) give, when she is able
to overtake seventeen Years old: It were a good Motion,
if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a
Marriage between Master Abraham, and Mistress Anne
Page.
Slen.
Did her Grand-sire leave her seven hundred Pound?
Eva.
Ay, and her Father is make her a petter Penny.
Slen.
I know the young Gentlewoman; she has good
Gifts.
Eva.
Seven hundred Pounds, and possibility is goot
Gifts.
Shal.
Well; let us see honest Mr. Page: Is Falstaff
there?
-- 127 --
Eva.
Shall I tell you a Lie? I do despise a Liar as I do
despise one that is false; or as I despise one that is not true.
The Knight, Sir John, is there; and I beseech you be ruled
by your Well-wishers. I will peat the Door [Knocks] for
Master Page. What hoa? Got bless your House here.
Enter Mr. Page.
Page.
Who's there?
Eva.
Here is Got's plessing, and your Friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here's young Master Slender; that peradventures
shall tell you another Tale, if matters grow to
your likings.
Page.
I am glad to see your Worship's well: I thank you
for my Venison, Master Shallow.
Shal.
Master Page, I am glad to see you; much good do
it your good Heart: I wish'd your Venison better; it was
ill kill'd. How doth good Mistress Page? And I thank you
always with my Heart, la; with my Heart.
Page.
Sir, I thank you.
Shal.
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no I do.
Page.
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
Slen.
How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir? I heard
say, he was out-run on Cotsale.
Page.
It could not be judg'd, Sir.
Slen.
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
Shal.
That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault; 'tis
a good Dog.
Page.
A Cur, Sir.
Shal.
Sir, he's a good Dog, and a fair Dog; can there
be more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff
here?
Page.
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
Office between you.
Eva.
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
Shal.
He hath wrong'd me, Master Page.
Page.
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Shal.
If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not that so,
Mr. Page? He hath wrong'd me, indeed he hath, at a word
he hath, believe me, Robert Shallow, Esquire, saith, he is
wrong'd.
Page.
Here comes Sir John.
-- 128 --
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym and Pistol.
Fal.
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the
King?
Shal.
Knight, you have beaten my Men, kill'd my Deer,
and broke open my Lodge.
Fal.
But not kiss'd your Keeper's Daughter.
Shal.
Tut, a pin; this shall be answer'd.
Fal.
I will answer it straight: I have done all this.
That is now answer'd.
Shal.
The Council shall know this.
Fal.
'Twere better for you if it were known in Council;
You'll be laugh'd at.
Eva.
Pauca verba, Sir John, good Worts.
Fal.
Good Worts? Good Cabage. Slender, I broke your
Head: What Matter have you against me?
Slen.
Marry Sir, I have Matter in my Head against you,
and against your Cony-catching Rascals, Bardolph, Nym
and Pistol.
Bar.
You Banbury Cheese.
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Pist.
How now, Mephostophilus?
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Nym.
Slice, I say, pauca, pauca: Slice, that's my Humour.
Slen.
Where's Simple, my Man? Can you tell, Cousin?
Eva.
Peace, I pray you: Now let us understand; there
is three Umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is,
Master Page, fidelicet, Master Page; and there is my self, fidelicet,
my self; and the three Party is, lastly, and finally,
mine Host of the Garter.
Mr. Page.
We three to hear it, and end it between them.
Eva.
Ferry goot; I will make a Prief of it in my Notebook,
and we will afterwards orke upon the Cause with as
great discreetly as we can.
Fal.
Pistol.
Pist.
He hears with Ears.
Eva.
The Tevil and his Tam; what Phrase is this, he
hears with Ear? Why, it is Affectations.
Fal.
Pistol, did you pick Mr. Slender's Purse?
Slen.
Ay, by these Gloves did he, or I would I might never
come in mine own great Chamber again else, of seven
-- 129 --
Groats in Mill-sixpences, and two Edward Shovelboards,
that cost me two Shilling and two Pence a piece, of Yead
Miller; by these Gloves.
Fal.
Is this true, Pistol?
Eva.
No; it is false, if it is a Pick-purse.
Pist.
Ha, thou Mountain Foreigner: Sir John, and Master
mine, I combate Challenge of this Latin Bilboe: Word
of Denial in thy Labras here; word of Denial; Froth and
Scum, thou ly'st.
Slen.
By these Gloves, then 'twas he.
Nym.
Be advis'd, Sir, and pass good Humours: I will say
marry trap with you, if you run the Nut-hooks Humour
on me; this is the very Note of it.
Slen.
By that Hat, then he in the red Face had it; for tho'
I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk,
yet I am not altogether an Ass.
Fal.
What say you, Scarlet and John?
Bard.
Why, Sir, for my part, I say, the Gentleman had
drunk himself out of his five Sentences.
Eva.
It is his five Senses: Fie, what the Ignorance is!
Bard.
And being fap, Sir, was, as they say, cashier'd;
and so Conclusions past the Car-eires.
Slen.
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter;
I'll ne'er be drunk whil'st I live again, but in honest, civil,
godly Company for this Trick: If I be drunk, I'll be drunk
with those that have the Fear of God, and not with drunken
Knaves.
Eva.
So Got udg me, that is a virtuous Mind.
Fal.
You hear all these Matters deny'd, Gentlemen, you
hear it.
Enter Mistress Anne Page, with Wine.
Page.
Nay, Daughter, carry the Wine in; we'll drink
within.
Slen.
Oh Heav'n! this is Mistress Anne Page.
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.
Page.
How now Mistress Ford?
Fal.
Mistress Ford, by my Truth you are very well met;
by your leave, good Mistress.
Page.
Wife, bid these Gentlemen Welcome: Come,
we have a hot Venison Pasty to Dinner; Come, Gentlemen,
I hope we shall drink down all Unkindness.
[Ex. Fal. Page, &c.
-- 130 --
Manent Shallow, Evans and Slender.
Slen.
I had rather than forty Shillings, I had my Book
of Songs and Sonnets here.
Enter Simple.
How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait
on my self, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about
you, have you?
Simp.
Book of Riddles! Why, did you not lend it to Alice
Short-cake upon Alhollowmas last, a Fortnight afore Michaelmas.
Shal.
Come Coz, come Coz; we stay for you: A word
with you Coz: Marry this, Coz, there is, as 'twere, a Tender,
a kind of Tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here: Do
you understand me?
Slen.
Ay Sir, you shall find me reasonable: If it be so, I
shall do that is Reason.
Shal.
Nay, but understand me.
Slen.
So I do, Sir.
Eva.
Give ear to his Motions, Mr. Slender: I will description
the Matter to you, if you be Capacity of it.
Slen.
Nay, I will do as my Cousin Shallow says: I pray
you pardon me; he's a Justice of Peace in his Country,
simple tho' I stand here.
Eva.
But that is not the Question: The Question is concerning
your Marriage.
Shal.
Ay, there's the point, Sir.
Eva.
Marry is it; the very point of it, to Mrs. Anne
Page.
Slen.
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable
Demands.
Eva.
But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command
to know that of your Mouth, or of your Lips: For
divers Philosophers hold, that the Lips is Parcel of the
Mouth: Therefore precisely, can you marry your good
Will to the Maid?
Shal.
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Slen.
I hope, Sir; I will do as it shall become one that
would do Reason.
Eva.
Nay, Got's Lords and his Ladies, you must speak
possitable, if you can carre-her your Desires towards her.
-- 131 --
Shal.
That you must:
Will you, upon good Dowry, marry her?
Slen.
I will do a greater thing than that upon your Request,
Cousin, in any Reason.
Shal.
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet Coz, what
I do is to pleasure you, Coz: Can you love the Maid?
Slen.
I will marry her, Sir, at your Request: But if there
be no great Love in the beginning, yet Heav'n may decrease
it upon better Acquaintaince, when we are marry'd,
and have more occasion to know one another; I hope upon
Familiarity will grow more Content: But if you say, marry
her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
Eva.
It is a ferry discretion Answer; save the fall is in
th'Ord dissolutely: The Ort is, according to our meaning,
resolutely; his meaning is good.
Shal.
Ay, I think my Cousin meant well.
Slen.
Ay, or else I would I might be hang', la.
Enter Mistress Anne Page.
Shal.
Here comes fair Mistress Anne: Would I were
Young for your sake, Mistress Anne.
Anne.
The Dinner is on the Table; my Father desires
your Worship's Company.
Shal.
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
Eva.
Od's plessed Will, I will not be absence at the
Grace.
[Ex. Shallow and Evans.
Anne.
Will't please your Worship to come in, Sir?
Slen.
No, I thank you Forsooth heartily; I am very well.
Anne.
The Dinner attends you, Sir.
Slen.
I am not a-hungry, I thank you Forsooth: Go Sirrah,
for all you are my Man, go wait upon my Cousin Shallow;
a Justice of Peace sometime may be beholding to his
Friend for a Man. I keep but three Men and a Boy yet, 'till
my Mother be dead; but what though, yet I live a poor
Gentleman born.
Anne.
I may not go in without your Worship; they will
not sit 'till you come.
Slen.
I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
though I did.
-- 132 --
Anne.
I pray you, Sir, walk in.
Slen.
I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruis'd my
Shin th' other Day, with playing at Sword and Dagger
with a Master of Fence, three Veneys for a Dish of stew'd
Prunes, and by my troth I cannot abide the smell of hot
Meat since. Why do your Dogs bark so? be there Bears
i' th' Town?
Anne.
I think there are, Sir, I heard them talk'd of.
Slen.
I love the Sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel at
it as any Man in England. You are afraid if you see the
Bear loose, are you not?
Anne.
Ay indeed, Sir.
Slen.
That's Meat and Drink to me now; I have seen
Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the
Chain; but, I warrant you, the Women have so cry'd and
shriekt at it, that it past: But Women indeed cannot abide
'em, they are very ill-favour'd rough things.
Enter Mr. Page.
Page.
Come, gentle Mr. Slender, come; we stay for you.
Slen.
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, Sir.
Page.
By Cock and Pye you shall not chuse, Sir;
come, come.
Slen.
Nay, pray you lead the Way.
Page.
Come on, Sir.
Slen.
Mistress Anne, your self shall go first.
Anne.
Not I, Sir, pray you keep on.
Slen.
Truly I will not go first, truly-la: I will not do
you that wrong.
Anne.
I pray you, Sir.
Slen.
I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome; you do
your self wrong, indeed-la.
[Exeunt.
Charles Gildon [1709–1710], The works of Mr. William Shakespear; in six [seven] volumes. Adorn'd with Cuts. Revis'd and Corrected, with an Account of the Life and Writings of the Author. By N. Rowe ([Vol. 7] Printed for E. Curll... and E. Sanger [etc.], London) [word count] [S11401].
