Shal.

Ay, ay, Sir John, here am I.

Fal.

Saints and good angels guard us! what is this?

Shal.

Come, Sir John, draw, draw.

Fal.

It calls me by my name too! Jesu Maria! It is no deceptio visûs. In the name of heav'n and earth, what art thou? Ouphe, fairy, ghost, hobgoblin, or demon? Exorciso te.—Pater noster—

Shal.

Come, Sir John, don't think to put me from my purpose, you know me very well. You know justice Shallow to his cost.

Fal.

How! can this thing be Robert Shallow of Gloucestershire, esq; justice of the peace, and of the quorum? I took it for some strolling ghost escap'd out of purgatory, by all that's terrible.

Shal.

Sir John, this mockery shall not suffice you.

Fal.

Nay, it is true, as I am a sinner.

Shal.

Will you fight me, Sir John, or will you not?

Fal.

Fight thee! When thou seest the princely eagle descend to encounter with the tomtit. What! shall the lofty elephant wield his proboscis against a mite? Shall Sir John Falstaff draw his martial sword against such a pigwidgeon as thou?

Shal.

What then did you come here for, Sir John? If you would not be treated as a coward, lay down your target, and draw.

Fal.

Lay down my target, sayst thou? Who would be fool then? Look ye, master Shallow (since shallow thou wilt be) if I fight, it must be on equal terms. It is but equitable that my body should be secur'd, when I engage with an unsubstantial form; a thing that has none. Dost thou think me such a goose-cap as to lay open this fair round belly to the point of thy rapier, when thou presentest not a mark for me. It were as good as pricking at a lottery, ten thousand blanks to a prize, to make a thrust at thee. It were indeed more than a miracle to hit what, rhetorically speaking, is impalpable. But come, if thou must fight with me, thou shalt not say I deal unfairly by thee. To draw my sword would be needless: for hit thee I never shall.—That's flat. Therefore Toledo rest thou in thy scabbard. This is my ward. (Stands on his defence with his target.) Carry thy point as thou wilt: if thou canst not come into me before thou art weary, the

money is mine; if thou dost, and woundest me, I will then—keep it to pay the surgeon. So, come on.

Shal.

Sir John, you are a cowardly knave, and I will kill you if I can.

Fal.

Well said, master Shallow.—Bravo!—To't again.— Sa—Sa.

Ha! have I nabb'd you? You should have appointed sticklers, Mr. Shallow. What if I should cut thy throat now?

Shal.

Sir John, my life is in your hands: but you know you have wrong'd me.

Fal.

Well then, thy wrongs be forgotten; and, on that condition, I give thee back thy forfeited life.

Shal.

And I hope also you won't bear malice, Sir John, against me for the future.

Fal.

By the Lord, not I. I do admire thy magnanimity and valour. Why, thou art the very mirror of prowess, and pink of 'squire errantry. John of Gaunt was a fool to thee. Were I a king thou shouldst, for this day's work, be made a knight with all the honours of chivalry. Nay, by our lady, I will take majesty upon me, and knight thee myself. Rise up Sir Robert Shallow, knight of the most horrible order of combatants and murderers of the fifth button. And now, Sir Robert, if thou dost not think the title I've bestow'd on thee worth the thousand pound I owe thee; I give thee my word, that, when sack is cheap, and I have money to spare, I will think of thee; and so farewell, Sir Robert Shallow, knight.