Fal.

How! Master Shallow consulting with his lawyer! are ye thereabouts friend Shallow? would you hamper me with an action? (Aside.) I will pass them by.

Shal.

Sir John, Sir John, a word with you if you please.

Fal.

O my good friends Robert Shallow, Esq; and Master Slender! how fare ye gentlemen both?

Law.

Sir John, Mr. Shallow here has—

Fal.

Ha! what mine old acquaintance Master Wheedlepoint! how is it with your health, Master Wheedlepoint?

Law.

Pleadwell is my name, Sir John.

Fal.

Right.—I cry you mercy.—Roundabout Pleadwell, I think. My memory is not so retentive as—

Law.

No offence, Sir John: that is not the case.

Fal.

Marry but it is, Mr. Pleadwell; a treacherous

memory is my great defect: and a misnomer in law thou knowest—

Law.

Would be matter of consequence Sir John. But that is not our business at present. Mr. Shallow here hath put a case.—

Fal.

Ay, Master Shallow should know something of the law too. Was not he at Clement's-inn when thou wert first enter'd there? That must be many years ago, Mr. Pleadwell.—Let me see. How many years ago must that be, Master Shallow?—Why you carry your age well, Mr. Pleadwell.

Shal.

Pretty well, pretty well, Sir John, but that—

Fal.

Nay marry, I say, very well, Master Shallow. And pray what is become of young Puzzlecause, and Dick Silvertongue, your fellow students there? they were call'd to the bar, I suppose. That Dick was a prate-a-pace rogue; and a devil among the bona robas. He and Master Shallow here were two with the wenches. Ha, Master Shallow!

Shal.

No matter, Sir John, at present we would confer on other business.

Fal.

Nay, gentlemen, if ye are on business, I crave your pardon, and leave ye. I am not us'd to be impertinent.

Law.

You are not a going, Sir John; it is with you our business lies.

Fal.

Business with me!

Shal.

Yes, about the thousand pound, Sir John.

Fal.

What mean you, Master Shallow?

Shal.

That you borrow'd of me, Sir John.

Slen.

Yes, Sir John, the thousand pound you borrow'd of my cousin Shallow, Sir John.

Fal.

Take me with ye, gentlemen, both; let me understand ye. You presented me, indeed, with a thousand pound to promote your interest at court, Master Shallow; and may depend on it, if I can serve you—

Shall.

Fiddle, faddle, Sir John, I expect my money again: your interest at court is not worth a farthing.

Fal.

I cannot help that; the more is my misfortune, Mr. Shallow; you see my heart is good.

Law.

If so, Sir John, you will not refuse to give Mr. Shallow something to shew for his money, under your hand.

Fal.

How dost thou know that, Mr. Pleadwell? I must consult my counsel in this case.

Law.

There is no need, Sir John; I will draw up a little instrument, to which thou wilt set thy hand immediately.

Fal.

Not while I have a head, Master Pleadwell, I like not running hand over head in these matters. By latter Lammas, or saint Falstaff's day, I may perhaps bethink me.

Law.

I know of no saint of thy family in the kalendar, Sir John.

Fal.

Well, well, there may be saints of a worse. Our merit hath not stood in the way of promotion; that's all: and yet there are as many whoremasters there as lawyers, I believe. But I cannot tarry now to hold farther question with thee; fatigued as I am, and earnest to reach my lodgings yonder.

Law.

If thou wilt there sign the instrument, Sir John, we will attend you thither.

Fal.

Wilt thou? it is a notorious bawdy-house.

Law.

No matter, Sir John.

Fal.

No matter, sayst thou? Is it then no matter for one of the grave sages of the law to be seen in a public bawdy-house? Lord, Lord, what will this world come to! My conscience, however, is more tender: I should be sorry to give such occasion of scandal.

Law.

Please you, Sir John, to be serious. Let us rightly understand each other.

Fal.

With all my heart, good Master Pleadwell; then, to be plain with you, I find you do not know me. You talk to me of restitution and conditions; did'st thou ever know Sir John Falstaff make restitution on any conditions? And dost thou think me so unpractis'd a courtier as to return the perquisites of my calling, because I am turn'd out; or to restore the purchase of my good will, because I am not likely to get in. What take ye me for a younker? a geck? Go to—you cannot play upon me.—Master Shallow, rest you content: your money is in good hands; and, if I do not spend it like a gentleman, never trust me with a thousand pound again.

Shal.

Oh! that I ever did trust such a caitiff!

Law.

But, pray, were these the conditions, Mr. Shallow? Was you to be repaid by a place at court?

Slen.

To be sure. Why what do you think, Mr. Pleadwell, cousin Shallow was fool enough to lend a thousand pound for nothing? Why, I, myself, was to be made a great man too; and that into the bargain.

Shal.

Cousin Slender, speak in your turn, I pray you.

Law.

Were these terms specified?

Fal.

Not indeed on parchment, signatum et sigillatum, Mr. Pleadwell. A courtier's promise is not, indeed, very good in law. But I can tell ye the posts I should have procur'd for these noble 'squires: and by'r lady, thou wilt say they would have been well occupied. Having a little pique or so at my Lord-chief-justice, and Mr. Shallow, here, thinking himself qualified, I promis'd him my interest for his worship's removal from the quorum to his lordship's place on the bench. Was it not so, Mr. Shallow?

Shal.

Don't belye me, Sir John, don't cheat me of my money, and laugh at me too. Robert Shallow esquire will not put up with that.

Fal.

Then for Mr. Slender here, I purpos'd, for his address and elocution, to have got him appointed orator to the house of parliament; or otherwise, in consideration of his figure and magnanimity, to have made him a staff officer, or captain of horse, at the least.

Slen.

Nay, Sir John, you did not tell me what; but I expected some notable place, I'll assure ye: for I look upon myself, plain 'squire as I stand here, to be somebody.

Shal.

Coz, coz, you are an ass, coz.

Slen.

Why, why, I didn't lend him any money; I.

Law.

Justice Shallow, this is a very simple affair. I am sorry it is not in my power to serve you in it. Sir John, if you had either honour or honesty, you would restore the money; but, as you make pretensions to neither, I leave you.

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