Drances.
Dra.
Here! Here! Fix your selves behind the
Arras, and summon all the Malice of your
Sex to keep you from laughing.
Em.
O! Fear us not, we're too well pleas'd with your
Plot, to interrupt it.
Dro.
I'm charm'd with it! Why you'll reconcile us
to your Liquor, if these are the effects on't.
Dra.
That wou'd be too condescending, Madam, for
Claret is infinitely smaller than Tea.
Em.
Nay, now you're rude Cousen.
Dro.
I can forgive Segnior Drances greater Crimes.
Dra.
Oh! Madam—! But your Ladyship is so charming,
and withal so good; that I take an infinite delight
to exercise your Mercy.
Dro.
And they that cou'd withold it from you, must
not have a Breast like mine.
Em. (Aside)
A loving old Woman, is worse than a
hopeful old Man. Ha! ha! to languish at Sixty! I'd as
soon pray at Sixteen.......
Dro.
But is it possible you cou'd perswade him to think
she has a Passion for his Person?
Dra.
Retire but a moment, Madam, and you'll see,
for I hear him coming.
Em.
If he shou'd come to lose his Place for his Love,
this Business wou'd end too cruelly.
Dra.
I have a Salvo for that, Coz. It shall be nothing
but Mirth—So along.
Dro.
Nothing but Mirth, I'll engage.
(they go behind the Scenes)
[Enter Taquilet.]
Dra.
Taquilet!
-- 26 --
Taq.
Dear Segnior Drances! I'm so overjoy'd at the
greatness of my good Fortune, that I have quite forgot
the unlikelyhood of its being true.
Dra.
There is none, Taquilet—Women have had their
Freaks in all Ages, Læda fell in Love with a Swan; Europa
with a Bull; and can a Lady be disgrac'd with a Butler?
Taq.
Not in the least Segnior! And I'll give her the
best of my Cellar, I warrant—Nay, I have Noble Blood
in my Veins too, for my Father had a Velvet-Pall at his
Funeral.
Dra.
She knows it, Man—Besides, did not my Lady
Brawn marry her Coach-man, and the divorc'd Lady
Spare-none, an Attorney's-Clerk?
Taq.
Ha! ha! Right! Little Segnior, my merry Cousen,
that must be—I'm resolv'd when I am marry'd, to
do something for you.
Dra.
Dear—(Aside) Rascal.
Taq.
But I'm afraid you have too much Wit to make
a great Man—Yet I'll prefer you, and make you my Secretary
the first Dash, for I can't write my self.
Dra.
Oh! A Man of your Quality will be above it.
Taq.
That must be true, for the very Expectation of
Greatness, has spoil'd me for Business, and now if I an't a
Gentleman, I shall be fit for nothing—But, dear Segnior!
Cousen, I mean, how must I behave my self before the
Priest?
Dra.
Puh! That will happen as it does at other Weddings;
you'll look as if you were taking Orders, and
she'll look as if she was taking Physick.
Taq.
So all our Lives after will be Preaching and Spewing?
Dra.
Ha! ha! Why you have been marry'd already,
Taquilet?
Taq.
Never, by the Mass! But I love to know.
Dra.
There is but one Rule after—And that is, when
your Wife has the Spleen, she has been disappointed abroad;
but when she strokes your Cheeks, and is very
loving, you're a Monster, dear Taquilet!
-- 27 --
Taq.
Why then a Man may tell to half an Hour when
he's a Cuckold, by the increase of his Wives good Nature
to him?
Dra.
Right, Taquilet! And 'tis a Discovery you shou'd
pray for—For your honest Woman is Proud! Insolent!
Sickly! and full of Noise, to balance that one good Quality
of being Chast! But your other is Civil, good Natur'd,
Quiet, and without Doctors, to make amends for one ill
Quality that you never see.
(a Knocking without)
Taq.
Ha! Who's that?
Dra.
If it shou'd be some Rival?
[Enter Cæsario]
Taq.
A Rogue in Red! There must be mischief—A
handsome Dog too!
Cæs.
I must speak with the Lady of the House.
Dra.
What's your business, Friend?
Cæs.
Sir, my business no body must know but her self,
and her I must speak with.
Dra.
Sure you're some Italian Prince in Disguise, or
English Esquire, you strut so?
Taq. (Aside)
I must send this Fellow a going—Sir,
you can't do your business then, for my Lady is busy!
Has taken Physick! And is fast asleep! And I'll tell you
presently whether she is not gone out.
(Exit, and returns)
Cæs. (Aside)
A very whimsical Family—!
Taq.
Sir, my Lady says, she can't be spoke with, and
is not at home.
Cæs.
Ha! ha! Then, Sir, I'll just tell her Ladyship,
that I'm sorry I cou'd not meet with her, and go.
Dra.
Hold, Sir, not without our leave.
Taq. (getting behind Drances)
No, Sir, not without
our leave, as Segnior Drances says.
Cæs.
Here she comes! Now Gentlemen without your
leave.
[Enter Villaretta]
Vill.
How's this! Who taught you this Insolence!
(to Taq.)—Sir, I'll ask Pardon for my Kinsman's Folly,
in the other Room.
(Exeune Vil. and Cæs.)
-- 28 --
Taq.
Segnior—! If my Lady was so in love with me,
as you say, she's strangely alter'd!
Dra.
Puh! All Women change, and at all times; so
'tis but to knock that young Fellow o'th' Head, and she'll
come about agen, Man.
Taq.
If it be so, Segnior, I have a Toledo in my Trunk
shall do his business; for I'm a Spaniard by Nature, and
can't live without a Sword and a Snuff-box.
Dra.
Then you may use both, that is, blind him first,
and fight him after.
Taq.
Right, Segnior, there's nothing like Stratagem in
War—So march on to the Enemy.
(Exeunt)
[Re-enter Cæsario, and Villaretta, (a Couch)]
Cæs.
Madam, my only business now is, to restore this
Ring, an idle Servant threw it me; and thus I give it
back.
(offers it scornfully)
Vill. (takes it hastily)
He that refuses it, deserves it not!
Cæs.
Nay, Lady, all merit I wou'd want before you:
I came to plead my Master's, not my own.
Vill. (Aside)
Scorn'd by a Boy!
I wou'd resume my self, and stifle this fond Flame;
But Love forbids.
The little Tyrant baffles all our Reason;
And none can feel the Smart, and hide the Wound!
With a mysterious Cruelty he reigns,
That covers still the Innocent with shame;
The injur'd wear the Tokens of the Guilty,
And falsely here, the Murder'd blushes,
Not the Murderer—!
Yet who can look on him, and blame me?
Cæs.
Lady, I find this Ring amuses you, wore it any
Charm that my returning has destroy'd?
Vill.
Perhaps it did—And a Charm!
Against which the Base alone cou'd be secure.
-- 29 --
Cæs.
Then I thank my Baseness! I am not the first that
have been made happy by Vices—But, dear mysterious
Lady, tell me what you mean?
Vill.
Look on my Face, and you may read my Breast.
Cæs. (kneeling)
Ah! Madam, if I have any interest there—
Vill.
Ha! You have! Speak on—!
Cæs.
I bring a Heart big with tenderness for you, that
lives upon your Looks, and knows no Joy but in beholding
you!
Vill. (takes her by the Hand, and kneels too)
O! charm
me on, Fair Youth—! Thy Words than Hybla drops more
sweet. Infuse new Life into my Soul—Where! O!
Where! has all this cruel Kindness lain?
Cæs.
In Lord Moreno's Bosom.
Vill. (rising quick)
Traytor! What say'st thou?
(Aside) Under how soft Disguise will Villany lie hid?
I'm distracted! I cou'd kill him! A Slave! A Monster—!
A Man—!
(in a low Voice)
Cæs.
I beg for him—What if obtain'd kills me......
Vill.
Ha! What say'st thou, Youth?
(soothingly)
Cæs.
Too much, if you have heard any thing.
Vill.
Fear not to speak, you speak before your Friend.
Cæs.
I shall betray the Cause I come to plead—I dare
not speak.
Vill.
Forgive me Sir, I misinterpreted your Carriage—
Then it is only fear of his Success distracts yon?
Cæs.
Nothing else, I assure you.
Vill. (takes her Hand)
I'm happy yet—!
That Jealousy is kind as it is groundless.
O! Let me here unfold my Bosom to you,
Shew you the Secret of my Soul, my pleasing Cares—
And tenderest Wishes—!
Despise not, gentle Youth, a Victory
That cost so little—to you of all Mankind,
An easy Victory—!
-- 30 --
Cæs. (Aside)
Poor Lady—!
Vill.
Hide a Woman's Blushes—Turn not from me,
nor upbraid me with your Eyes—
Cæs. (Aside)
I pity her, yet dare not help her.
Vill.
Here! Look on this, it is my Picture—That does
not blush, but may grow pale, if you shou'd use it as you
did the Ring.
Cæs.
I will not, Madam, for I'll not receive it, nor
must I hear you more.
(Exit running)
Vill.
Ha! Inhuman! You surely suck'd a Tygress,
And with the Milk, its cruel Nature drew!
—I cannot curse him—Fare thee well!
Such Charms, the coldest Bosom wou'd betray:
“A Fiend like thee, might bear my Soul away!
(lies down on the Couch)
Em.
Ha! ha! ha! Villaretta!
(Enter Emilia)
Vill.
Who's that?
Em.
The happiest Woman in the World, is she that is a
little handsome, no Fool, and that never loves, ha! ha! ha!
Vill.
Don't triumph, good Emilia.
Em.
You'll own then, that a Woman's Resolution to
avoid Men, lasts no longer than she can meet with one
that she likes.
Vill.
Any thing! I'll own her Piety, her Vertue, lasts
no longer, if you'll spare me now.
Em.
You need not fear Quarter from a Heart of Seventeen.
Like you, the Pains of mighty Love I've known,
And learn to pity Woes so like my own.
Vill.
Generous Emilia! You see Love laughs at all our
good Purposes, and will be obey'd in spite of Pennances
and Cloysters.
Em.
Ay! We can't Diet it away! 'Tis a Fever of the
Mind, that all the Water-gruel in the World won't prevent—
But how deep is your Wound?
Vill.
Mortal! Except he that gave it me will search it.
Em.
So much Beauty, and so much Gold too, Villaretta
may despair of nothing amongst Men.
-- 31 --
Vill.
'Twill make 'em do any thing but that indeed in
all Countries; you may bribe a Dutch-man to fight a Spaniard
to forge, and an Enlish-man to betray his Country;
but for Love, Emilia, there is no Bribe, and the Affections
are always honest.
Em.
You may bribe 'em to flatter you, and that's better.
Vill.
How! Than to love in earnest! Sigh for you indeed!
And value none but you?
Em.
Infinitely! For when a Fellow loves in earnest,
he does a thousand sottish things, out of his impertinent
Care of you; whereas, Flattery has all the good Breeding
of Love, without the Folly, then you may part too without
the Tears and Convulsions of your true Lovers.
Vill.
Puh! Every thing is in the power of a gay Humour—
But Satyr, Emilia, is the Vice of Wit, as Bullying
is of Courage; the Love it abuses, wou'd teach it to be
Gentle! Good-natured! Kind! Sincere—! That only
Cordial-drop that sweetens Life, and gives us Joys which
are ally'd to Heaven.
For all we know of what they do above,
Is that they Sing, and that they Love.
Em.
Ha! ha! ha! To be told that Villaretta talk'd thus!
I shou'd as soon suspect a Priest wou'd Preach against
Pluralities, a Physitian against Atheism, or a Woman hate
Detraction—! You that use to laugh at all Lovers, to become
one!
(Sings)
Cloe met Love for his Psiche in Fears,
She play'd with his Dart, and smil'd at his Tears,
Till feeling at length the Poyson it keeps;
Cupid he smiles! and Cloe she weeps!
Vill.
This is some amends for your ill Nature—Well!
There is nothing so right, and since you know my Grief,
you must assist me in the Remedy.
-- 32 --
Em.
The properest Person in the World to advise with
for your true Physitian, shou'd always have felt the Diseases
he's to cure.
Vill.
That wou'd make 'em fit for nothing, but to give
Physick which might not be so proper.
Exeunt.
Enter Drances, and Taquilet.
Dra.
I told you, Courage, as well as Truth, lay in the
second Bottle; and there's no other way [illeg.] the Duello,
Taquilet—What lose your Mistress for a prick in the Guts!
Taq.
Not I, Segnior, if you'll stand by me.
Dra.
As faithfully as if thou wert a Hogshead of Claret—
I'll never stir while there's a drop of Red within
thee—Here he comes.
[Enter Cæs.]
Cæs.
They talk of fighting, I'm afraid to go by 'em.
Taq. (Aside)
That damn'd Red-coat startles me—He
looks so like Murder, that I can think of nothing but
boil'd Hearts, and Throats cut from Ear to Ear.
Dra.
What, a Qualm already?
Taq.
Not in the least, Segnior! I was only thinking
if I shou'd kill this Rascal, in the height of my Rage,
'twou'd grieve me to be hang'd for him—This cursed
Law is what I fear.
Dra.
When you're marry'd, you'll be too rich for the
Law, Taquilet—! Justice, and the foul Disease, hurts no
body but the Poor—! Come, I'll give him the Lie by way
of Challenge.
Taq.
Hold, Segnior, don't be uncivil neither.
Dra. (going up to Cæs.)
Sir—
Cæs.
Have you any business with me, Sir,
Dra.
I come to tell you, Sir, that if you value your
Life, be upon your guard.
Cæs.
S—S—Sir!
Dra.
Unkennel Bilboe out of hand—For thy Adversary
gives no Quarter.
-- 33 --
Cæs.
You mistake, Sir, no body has a Quarrel to me,
for I have wrong'd no Man.
Dra.
If you had, Sir, he'd ha' went to Law with you—
But he fights because he does not know whether he's
wrong'd or not.
Cæs.
Sir, I am no Fighter; and if this business goes on,
must beg Protection of the Lady of the House.
Dra.
I'll see what he says. (goes to Taq.) Come,
Taquilet, cock thy self at him, and advance. Tho' he's
a damn'd Dog at single Rapier, and can hit 'ye within
a Hairs bredth of the left Pap a thousand times together.
Taq.
The Devil he can! I feel his Sword already quite
thro' my Midriff—A Son of a Whore!
Dra.
But I told him such things of you, that have abated
his Courage, and he desires only that you'd favour
him with one Parry, just to save his Honour.
Taq.
Rot his Honour, and his Oath too: Z'bud, he'll
mind it no more than one that takes it to save an Employment.
Dra.
Never think it, a Soldier's Promise—
Taq.
Is like his Religion, which is not to save himself,
but to ruin others.
Dra.
Why, he lives by his Honour.
Taq.
As a Whore by her Love, that is, by pretending
to love, for as soon as she does it in earnest, she starves.
Cæs. (Aside)
I have over-heard 'em, and that Fellow
is certainly as great a Coward as my self. I have half a
mind to try.
Dra.
Frown a little, I say, and look dreadful.
(to Taq.)
Cæs. (Aside)
I can but ask Pardon at last. ? draws)
Villain look to your Life—
Taq. (runs over Dra.)
O Lord! The Devil! I'm kill'd—
Cæs.
Ha! ha! ha! I thought they wou'd not fight,
there was so much Preparation.
Dra. (getting up)
This Rascals fear will infect me,
(draws) Come then—
Cæs.
S—S—Sir!
(trembling)
-- 34 --
Dra.
Since my Friend is not in humour to divert you,
Sir, I will—Come on Sir.
Cæs. (kneels)
O good Sir don't kill me, I can't fight!
Taq.
How's that? (draws) A Rascal, to draw
upon me, and not fight—Death! and Canon-bullets!
Let me come at him—(Aside) If the Dog shou'd
not be in earnest, after all—
Cæs. (rising)
Sir, I'll beg your Pardon for any thing I
have done, but pray don't kill me.
Taq.
Coward! What could'st expect, after affronting
a Man of my Courage, but to be run thro' the Body, and
have thy Skin pull'd over thy Ears.
[Enter Rodoregue]
Rod.
My Friend opprest!
(draws)
Taq. (Aside)
O Lord! I'm a dead Man yet.
(jumps back)
Rod.
If this young Gentleman has offended you, I'll
do you Justice for him.
Taq. (Aside)
My Heart's sunk into my Heel.
Dra.
You, Sir? Why who are you?
Rod.
One, whose Friendship for him is more than
Words, for I wou'd risque my Life in any danger that
might threaten his.
Cæs.
This Obligation, Sir, is more surprizing, as it is
unmerited, and gives me greater Pain for my Safety, than
I had for my Distress—How shall I repay so infinite a
Goodness.
Rod.
You more than do.
Dra.
Come on then, Sir, if you're so brisk.
Cæs. (kneeling between)
O! Hold, for Heaven's sake hold.
Rather on me, Sir, turn your Rage,
On me, the unhappy Cause of this Misfortune,
Than bring so generous a Life in hazzard.
(points to Rod.)
Dra.
Thou art as impertinent with thy fear as a Woman,
and art the first Male-Coward that did not love other
Peoples Fighting.
Enter some Officers of Justice, and seize Rod.
1 Offi.
Segnior, Rodoregue, we Arrest you in the Name
of Duke Moreno, and the Senate, as a Traytor to the
State of Venice.
-- 35 --
Rod.
Ha—! Nay, then I am lost.
2 Offi.
Your Sword Sir?
Rod.
Take it Slave—But be not you concern'd (to Cæs.)
my Friend: I told you of this danger, and now there is
no Remedy—What grieves me most in this Calamity, is,
that it will hinder me from serving you, and make me
lessen what I have done—I blush to ask you for part of
what I gave you—
1 Offi.
Come, Sir, away.
Rod.
Yet I must intreat of you some of that Money,
it was all I had.
Cæs.
What Money, Sir?
“For the fair Kindness you have shewn me here
As well as prompted by your present Trouble,
“I'll make division of my Coffer with you;
“My having is not much—Here's half I'm Master of.
(offers some Silver)
Rod.
Ha! Is it possible; can you then
For the vile Profit of a little Gold,
The Wages of a Slave; Reward of Villains—
(pointing first to the Officers, then to Drances)
Dissolve the sacred Ties of Honour;
And to your Interest sacrifice your Friend:
You put me on a painful Task,
To upbraid you with my Services.
Cæs.
I know of none but what you now did for me;
“Nor know I you by Voice, or any Feature:
“I hate Ingratitude more than Lying,
More than Vanity hates concealment,
Or Shame the Light.
Rod.
O! Heavens themselves!
2 Offi.
Sir, we can't stay.
Rod.
But a moment.
This very Youth I rescued from a Shipwrack;
“Reliev'd him with such Sanctity of Love,
That tho' I'm made a Traytor to the State;
-- 36 --
Yet to favour his Designs, I ventur'd
To land him here in Venice.
Cæs. (Aside)
He speaks as if he believ'd what he said.
1 Offi.
Sir, this is not our business, we'll stay no longer, Sir.
Rod.
I go—For his sake—I'll remove my Eyes,
In pity to the Pains the Guilty always feel
Before the Injur'd—Farewel Sebastian.
(Ex. Offi. and Rod.)
Cæs. (Aside)
Ha! He nam'd Sebastian.
These Accidents have then befall'n my Brother!
Shipwrack'd! Wretched! My Woes fall thick;
And I, perhaps, the unhappy Cause of all.
I'm glad the Warrants at Moreno's Sute:
I must not tell him the mistake; but yet
I'll plead his Cause, and wipe away the Stain,
That lies upon my Brother's Honour.
(Exit)
Dra.
Ha! I'm so astonish'd at the Villany of this Boy,
that I did not mind his going.
Taq.
Such a Coward too, Segnior; but I never knew
a Rogue, but was also a Coward.
Dra.
To disown his Friend, and leave him in his necessity,
a Rascal: I warrant he can't drink above a Pint
for his Share.
Taq.
Let's after him, and beat him.
Dra.
Come on, he deserves it.
(Exeunt)
Re-enter Cæsario with Laura.
Cæs.
I'm glad I met thee, Laura! One can't have to do
with Breeches, I see, without mischief—If I had not been
a Man of great Conduct, I had pay'd for usurping that
blustering Sex.
Lau.
What has happen'd to you, Madam?
Cæs.
Nothing but a Duel or two, which I avoided
with as much care as the French do ill News.
Lau.
Some Lover of the Lady's, I suppose, has met with
you—That wou'd be hard, Madam, to be kill'd for another's
Mistress.
-- 37 --
Cæs.
Nay, it had been for my own Mistress, I assure
you—For tho' I pleaded for Moreno, yet I gain'd for my
self—I sigh'd for him, but she sigh'd for me, Laura.
Lau,
Mischief on all hands! Ha! ha! I shou'd ha'
dy'd with laughing at the mistake! Sure, Madam, you
were so much a Man as to promise her fair?
Cæs.
No, I had nothing of a Man about me at that
time, for I wou'd not delude her.
Lau.
You shou'd ha' given her a little hope, to ha' been
better assured of her Temper, for these Venetian Ladies are
full of Plots—Madam Maintinon her self is not cunninger.
Cæs.
Ha! Thou hast put a doubt in my Head, that I
was not aware of—If this shou'd be a Design?
Lau.
I can put you in a way to know, Madam.
Cæs.
Dear Laura, how? I'd do any thing to be certain
of her disaffection to my Lord Moreno, my Happiness depends
on it.
Lau.
She just sent a Footman for the Duke's Physician,
and I happen'd to answer him—Now, Madam, tho' Ladies
frequently send for him, yet she never did before, and since
your Ladyship's so good at Disguises, I'll dress you up,
and you may pass upon her for him, which is a sure way
to get into her Secrets.
Cæs.
I like it extremely—But how shall I do to talk
like a Doctor, and give Physick?
Lau.
No body does Ladies, you know, Madam, they
only feel their Pulse, and tell 'em a pretty Story.
Cæs.
Then I have no more to do, but think of my
prating Doctor, and I can't fail.
Lau.
The best Pattern in the World, Madam, for he
had a Word and a Pill for every body.
Cæs.
Let's about it quick; and tho' I have not seen the
Duke since I came from her, yet I'm so fir'd with this
Physical Enterprize, that I must pursue it.
And if Moreno does her Thoughts employ;
I come like a true Doctor—to destroy!
End of the third ACT.
-- 38 --
William Burnaby [1703], Love Betray'd; or, the Agreable Disapointment. A comedy. As it was Acted at the Theatre in Lincolns-Inn-Fields. By the Author of The Ladies Visiting-Day (Printed for D. Brown... [and] F. Coggan [etc.], London) [word count] [S33100].
