We shall now proceed to the consideration of the several
planets.

MERCURY.

This planet, with the exception of the asteroids, is the

[figure description] Page 059.[end figure description]

smallest of the system. It is the nearest to the Sun, and,
in consequence, cannot be seen (on account of the Sun's
superior light), except at its greatest eastern and western
elongations, which occur in March and April, August and
September, when it may be seen for a short time immediately
after sunset and shortly before sunrise. It then appears
like a star of the first magnitude, having a white twinkling
light, and resembling somewhat the star Regulus in the constellation
Leo. The day in Mercury is about ten minutes
longer than ours, its year is about equal to three of our months.
It receives six and a half times as much heat from the Sun
as we do; from which we conclude that the climate must be
very similar to that of Fort Yuma, on the Colorado River.
The difficulty of communication with Mercury will probably
prevent its ever being selected as a military post; though it
possesses many advantages for that purpose, being extremely
inaccessible, inconvenient, and, doubtless, singularly uncomfortable.
It receives its name from the God, Mercury, in
the Heathen Mythology, who is the patron and tutelary Divinity
of San Diego County.

VENUS.

This beautiful planet may be seen either a little after
sunset, or shortly before sunrise, according as it becomes
the morning or the evening star, but never departing quite
48° from the Sun. Its day is about twenty-five minutes
shorter than ours; its year seven and half months or thirty-two
weeks. The diameter of Venus is 7,700 miles, and she

[figure description] Page 060.[end figure description]

receives from the Sun thrice as much light and heat as the
Earth.

An old Dutchman named Schroeter spent more than ten
years in observations on this planet, and finally discovered a
mountain on it twenty-two miles in height, but he never could
discover any thing on the mountain, not even a mouse, and
finally died about as wise as when he commenced his
studies.

Venus, in Mythology, was a Goddess of singular beauty,
who became the wife of Vulcan, the blacksmith, and we regret
to add, behaved in the most immoral manner after her
marriage. The celebrated case of Vulcan vs. Mars, and the
consequent scandal, is probably still fresh in the minds of
our readers. By a large portion of society, however, she was
considered an ill-used and persecuted lady, against whose
high tone of morals, and strictly virtuous conduct not a
shadow of suspicion could be cast; Vulcan, by the same
parties, was considered a horrid brute, and they all agreed
that it served him right when he lost his case and had to
pay the costs of court. Venus still remains the Goddess of
Beauty, and not a few of her protégés may be found in
California.

THE EARTH.

The Earth, or as the Latins called it, Tellus (from which
originated the expression, “do tell us),” is the third planet
in the Solar System, and the one on which we subsist, with
all our important joys and sorrows. The San Diego Herald

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is published weekly on this planet, for five dollars per annum,
payable invariably in advance. As the Earth is by no means
the most important planet in the system, there is no reason to
suppose that it is particularly distinguished from the others
by being inhabited. It is reasonable, therefore, to conclude,
that all the other planets of the system are filled with living,
moving and sentient beings; and as some of them are superior
to the Earth in size and position, it is not improbable
that their inhabitants may be superior to us in physical and
mental organization.

But if this were a demonstrable fact, instead of a mere
hypothesis, it would be found a very difficult matter to persuade
us of its truth. To the inhabitants of Venus, the
Earth appears like a brilliant star, very much, in fact, as
Venus appears to us; and, reasoning from analogy, we are
led to believe that the election of Mr. Pierce, the European
war, or the split in the great Democratic party produced but
very little excitement among them.

To the inhabitants of Jupiter, our important globe appears
like a small star of the fourth or fifth magnitude. We
recollect some years ago gazing with astonishment upon the
inhabitants of a drop of water, developed by the Solar Microscope,
and secretly wondering whether they were or not reasoning
beings, with souls to be saved. It is not altogether a
pleasant reflection that a highly scientific inhabitant of
Jupiter, armed with a telescope of (to us) inconceivable
form, may be pursuing a similar course of inquiry, and indulging
in similar speculations regarding our Earth and its

[figure description] Page 062.[end figure description]

inhabitants. Gazing with curious eye, his attention is suddenly
attracted by the movements of a grand celebration of
Fourth of July in New York, or a mighty convention in
Baltimore. “God bless my soul,” he exclaims, “I declare
they're alive, these little creatures, do see them wriggle!”
To an inhabitant of the Sun, however, he of Jupiter is
probably quite as insignificant, and the Sun man is possibly
a mere atom in the opinion of a dweller in Sirius. A little
reflection on these subjects leads to the opinion, that the
death of an individual man on this Earth, though perhaps
as important an event as can occur to himself, is calculated
to cause no great convulsion of Nature or disturb particularly
the great aggregate of created beings.

The Earth moves round the sun from west to east in a
year, and turns on its axis in a day; thus moving at the
rate of 68,000 miles an hour in its orbit, and rolling around
at the tolerably rapid rate of 1,040 miles per hour. As our
readers may have seen that when a man is galloping a horse
violently over a smooth road, if the horse from viciousness
or other cause suddenly stops, the man keeps on at the
same rate over the animal's head; so we, supposing the
Earth to be suddenly arrested on its axis, men, women,
children, horses, cattle and sheep, donkeys, editors and members
of Congress, with all our goods and chattels, would be
thrown off into the air at a speed of 173 miles a minute,
every mother's son of us describing the arc of a parabola
which is probably the only description we should ever be
able to give of the affair.

[figure description] Page 063.[end figure description]

This catastrophe, to one sufficiently collected to enjoy it,
would, doubtless, be exceedingly amusing; but as there would
probably be no time for laughing, we pray that it may not
occur until after our demise; when, should it take place, our
monument will probably accompany the movement. It is a
singular fact, that if a man travel round the Earth in an eastwardly
direction, he will find, on returning to the place of
departure, he has gained one whole day; the reverse of this
proposition being true also, it follows that the Yankees who
are constantly travelling to the West, do not live as long by a
day or two as they would if they had staid at home; and supposing
each Yankee's time to be worth $1.50 per day, it may
be easily shown that a considerable amount of money is annually
lost by their roving dispositions.

Science is yet but in its infancy; with its growth, new
discoveries of an astounding nature will doubtless be made,
among which, probably, will be some method by which the
course of the Earth may be altered and it be steered with the
same ease and regularity through space and among the stars,
as a steamboat is now directed through the water. It will
be a very interesting spectacle to see the Earth “rounding
to,” with her head to the air, off Jupiter, while the Moon is
sent off laden with mails and passengers for that planet, to
bring back the return mails and a large party of rowdy Jupiterians
going to attend a grand prize fight in the ring of
Saturn.

Well, Christopher Columbus would have been just as
much astonished at a revelation of the steamboat, and the

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locomotive engine, as we should be to witness the above performance,
which our intelligent posterity during the ensuing
year, A. D. 2,000, will possibly look upon as a very ordinary
and common-place affair.

Only three days ago we asked a medium, where Sir John
Franklin was at that time; to which he replied, he was cruising
about (officers and crew all well) on the interior of the
Earth, to which he had obtained entrance through Symmes'
Hole!

With a few remarks upon the Earth's Satellite, we conclude
the first Lecture on Astronomy; the remainder of the
course being contained in a second Lecture, treating of the
planets, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn and Neptune, the Asteroids,
and the fixed stars, which last, being “fixings,” are, according
to Mr. Charles Dickens, American property.

THE MOON.

This resplendent luminary, like a youth on the 4th of
July, has its first quarter; like a ruined spendthrift its last
quarter; and like an omnibus, is occasionally full, and new.
The evenings on which it appears between these last stages
are beautifully illumined by its clear, mellow light.

The Moon revolves in an elliptical orbit about the Earth
in twenty-nine days twelve hours forty-four minutes and three
seconds, the time which elapses between one new Moon and
another. It was supposed by the ancient philosophers that
the Moon was made of green cheese, an opinion still entertained
by the credulous and ignorant. Kepler and Tyco
Brahe, however, held to the opinion that it was composed of

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Charlotte Russe, the dark portions of its surface being sponge
cake, the light blanc mange. Modern advances in science
and the use of Lord Rosse's famous telescope, have demonstrated
the absurdity of all these speculations by proving conclusively
that the Moon is mainly composed of the Ferro—
sesqui—cyanuret, of the cyanide of potassium! Up to the
latest dates from the Atlantic States, no one has succeeded in
reaching the Moon. Should any one do so hereafter, it will
probably be a woman, as the sex will never cease making an
exertion for that purpose as long as there is a man in it.

Upon the whole, we may consider the Moon an excellent
institution, among the many we enjoy under a free, republican
form of government, and it is a blessed thing to reflect that
the President of the United States cannot veto it, no matter how
strong an inclination he may feel, from principle or habit, to do so.

It has been ascertained beyond a doubt that the Moon has
no air. Consequently, the common expressions, “the Moon
was gazing down with an air of benevolence,” or with “an
air of complacency,” or with “an air of calm superiority,” are
incorrect and objectionable, the fact being that the Moon has
no air at all.

The existence of the celebrated “Man in the Moon” has
been frequently questioned by modern philosophers. The
whole subject is involved in doubt and obscurity. The only
authority we have for believing that such an individual exists,
and has been seen and spoken with, is a fragment of an
old poem composed by an ancient Astronomer of the name of
Goose, which has been handed down to us as follows:

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The evidence conveyed in this distich is however rejected
by the sceptical, among modern Astronomers, who consider
the passage an allegory. “The man in the South,” being
supposed typical of the late John C. Calhoun, and the “cold,
hot porridge,” alluded to the project of nullification.

END OF LECTURE FIRST.

Note by the Author.—Itinerant Lecturers are cautioned
against making use of the above production, without obtaining
the necessary authority from the proprietors of the Pioneer Magazine.
To those who may obtain such authority, it may be well
to state, that at the close of the Lecture it was the intention of
the author to exhibit and explain to the audience an orrery, accompanying
and interspersing his remarks by a choice selection
of popular airs on the hand-organ.

An economical orrery may be constructed by attaching
eighteen wires of graduated lengths to the shaft of a candlestick,
apples of different sizes being placed at their extremities to represent
the Planets, and a central orange resting on the candlestick,
representing the Sun.

An orrery of this description is however liable to the objection,
that if handed around among the audience for examination,
it is seldom returned uninjured. The author has known an instance
in which a child four years of age, on an occasion of this
kind, devoured in succession the planets Jupiter and Herschel,
and bit a large spot out of the Sun before he could be arrested.

J. P.

p547-076

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