Doll Tearsheet.
note
Host.
I'faith note, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an
excellent good temperality: your pulsidge beats as extra-ordinarily
as heart would desire; and your colour, I warrant
you, is as red as any rose, in good truth, la! But, i'
faith note, you have drunk too much canaries note; and that's a
marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere
one note can say ‘What's this? note’ How do you now?
Dol.
Better than I was: hem!
Host.
Why, that's note well said; a good heart's worth
gold. Lo note, here comes Sir John.
Enter Falstaff.
Fal. [Singing note]
‘When Arthur first in court’—Empty
the jordan. [Exit note First Drawer].—[Singing note] ‘And was a
worthy king.’ How now, Mistress Doll!
Host.
Sick of a calm; yea, good faith note.
Fal.
So is all her sect note; an note they be once in a calm, they
are sick.
Dol.
You note muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you
give me?
Fal.
You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.
Dol.
I make them! gluttony and diseases make them note;
I make them not.
Fal.
If the cook help to make note the gluttony, you help
-- 401 --
to make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll, we catch
of you; grant that, my poor note virtue, grant that.
Dol.
Yea, joy note, our chains and our jewels.
Fal.
‘Your brooches, pearls, and ouches:’ note for to serve
bravely is to come halting off, you know: to come off the
breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely;
to venture upon the charged chambers bravely,—
Dol.
Hang yourself, you muddy conger note, hang yourself note!
Host.
By my troth note, this is the old fashion; you two
never meet but you fall to some discord: you are both,
i' good truth note, as rheumatic as two dry toasts; you cannot
one bear with another's confirmities. What the good-year note!
one must bear, and that must be you: you are the weaker
vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.
Dol.
Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full
hogshead? there's a whole merchant's venture of Bourdeaux
stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the
hold. Come, I'll be friends with thee, Jack: thou art going
to the wars; and whether I shall ever see thee again or no,
there is nobody cares note.
Re-enter First Drawer. note
note
First Draw. note
Sir, Ancient Pistol's note below, and would
speak with you.
Dol.
Hang him, swaggering rascal! let him not come
hither: it is the foul-mouthedst rogue in England.
Host.
If he swagger, let him not come here: no, by my
faith note; I must live among note my neighbours; I'll no swaggerers:
-- 402 --
I am in good name and fame with the very best:
shut the door; there comes no swaggerers here: I have
not lived all this while, to have swaggering now: shut the
door, I pray you.
Fal.
Dost thou hear, hostess?
Host.
Pray ye note, pacify yourself, Sir John: there comes
no swaggerers here.
Fal.
Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient.
Host.
Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne'er note tell me: your note ancient
swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master
Tisick, the debuty note, t'other note day; and, as he said to me, 'twas note
no longer ago than Wednesday note last, ‘I’ good faith note, neighbour
Quickly,’ says he; Master Dumbe note, our minister, was
by then; ‘neighbour Quickly,’ says he, ‘receive those that
are civil; for,’ said note he, ‘you are in an ill name:’ now a' note said
so, I can tell whereupon; ‘for,’ says he, ‘you are an honest
woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what
guests you receive: receive,’ says he, ‘no swaggering companions.’
There comes note none here: you would bless you to
hear what he said: no, I'll no swaggerers.
Fal.
He's no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater note, i'
faith note; you may stroke him as gently as a puppy grey-hound:
he'll note not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her
feathers turn back in any show of resistance. Call him
up, drawer.
[Exit First Drawer.
Host.
Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man
my house, nor no cheater: but I do not love swaggering,
by my troth note; I am the worse, when one says swagger: feel,
masters note, how I shake; look you, I warrant you.
Dol.
So you do, hostess.
-- 403 --
Host.
Do I? yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere note an
aspen leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers.
Enter note Pistol, Bardolph, and Page.
note
Pist.
God save note you, Sir John!
Fal.
Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge
you with a cup of sack: do you discharge upon mine
hostess.
Pist.
I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two
bullets.
Fal.
She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall note hardly offend her.
Host.
Come, I'll drink no proofs nor no bullets: I'll note
drink no more than will do me good, for no man's pleasure,
I.
Pist.
Then to you, Mistress Dorothy; I will charge you.
Dol.
Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What!
you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away,
you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for your master.
Pist.
I know you, Mistress Dorothy.
Dol.
Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung,
away! by this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy
chaps, an note you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you
bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale juggler, you! Since
when, I pray you, sir? God's light note, with two points on
your shoulder? much! note
Pist.
God let me not live, but note I will murder your ruff
for this.
Fal.
No more, Pistol; I would not have you go off
here: discharge yourself of our company, Pistol note.
Host.
No, good Captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain.
Dol.
Captain! thou abominable damned cheater, art
-- 404 --
thou not ashamed to be called captain? An note captains were
of my mind, they would truncheon you out, for taking note
their names upon you before you have earned them. You
a captain! you slave, for what? for tearing a poor whore's
ruff in a bawdy-house? He a captain! hang him, rogue!
he lives upon mouldy stewed prunes and dried cakes. A
captain! God's light note, these villains will make the word as
odious as the word ‘occupy;’ which was an excellent good
word before it was ill sorted note: therefore captains had need
look to't note.
Bard.
Pray thee, go down, good ancient.
Fal.
Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.
Pist.
Not I: I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I
could tear her: I'll be revenged of note her.
Page.
Pray thee, go down.
Pist.
I'll see her damned first; to Pluto's damned
lake, by this hand note, to the infernal deep, with note Erebus and
tortures vile also. Hold hook and line, say I. Down,
notedown, dogs! down, faitors note! Have we not Hiren here? note
Host.
Good Captain Peesel, be quiet; 'tis note very late,
i' faith note: I beseek note you now, aggravate your choler.
Pist.
These be good humours, indeed! Shall pack-horses,
And hollow pamper'd note jades of Asia,
Which cannot go but thirty mile note a-day,
Compare with Cæsars note, and with Cannibals note,
And Trojan note Greeks? nay, rather damn them with
-- 405 --
King Cerberus; and let the welkin roar.
Shall we fall foul for toys? note
Host.
By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.
Bard.
Be gone, good ancient: this will grow to a brawl
anon.
Pist.
Die note men like dogs! give crowns note like pins! Have
we not Hiren here?
Host.
O' note my word, captain, there's none such here.
What the good-year note! do you think I would deny her? For
God's sake note, be quiet.
Pist.
Then feed, and be fat, my fair Calipolis. Come,
give's note some sack.
‘Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento.’ note
Fear we broadsides? no, let the fiend give fire:
Give me some sack: and, sweetheart, lie note thou there.
[Laying down his sword. note
Come we to full points here; note and are etceteras nothing note? note
Fal.
Pistol, I would be quiet.
Pist.
Sweet knight, I kiss note thy neif note: what! we have
seen the seven stars.
Dol.
For God's sake note, thrust him down stairs: I cannot
endure such a fustian rascal.
Pist.
Thrust him down stairs! know we not Galloway
nags?
Fal.
Quoit note him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat
shilling: nay, an a' note do nothing but speak nothing, a' shall note
be nothing here.
-- 406 --
Bard.
Come, get you down stairs.
Pist.
What! shall we have incision? shall we imbrue?
[Snatching note up his sword.
Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days!
Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
Untwine note the Sisters Three! Come, Atropos note, I say! note
Host.
Here's goodly note stuff toward!
Fal.
Give me my rapier, boy.
Dol.
I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee note, do not draw.
Fal.
Get you down stairs.
[Drawing, and driving Pistol out. note
Host.
Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping
house, afore I'll be in these tirrits and frights. So; murder,
I warrant now. Alas, alas! put up your naked weapons, put
up your naked weapons.
[Exeunt note Pistol and Bardolph.
Dol.
I pray thee note, Jack, be quiet; the rascal 's gone.
Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you!
Host.
Are you not hurt i' the groin? methought a' note
made a shrewd thrust at your belly.
Re-enter Bardolph. note
Fal.
Have you turned him out o' note doors?
Bard.
Yea note, sir. The rascal's drunk: you have hurt
him, sir, i' the note shoulder.
Fal.
A rascal! to brave me!
Dol.
Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape,
how thou sweatest! come, let me wipe thy face; come on,
you whoreson chops: ah, rogue note! i' faith note, I love thee:
-- 407 --
thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon,
and ten times better than the Nine Worthies: ah,
villain! note
Fal.
A note rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.
Dol.
Do, an thou darest for thy heart: an note thou dost, I'll
canvass thee between a pair of sheets note.
Enter Music.
Page.
The music is come, sir.
Fal.
Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee,
Doll. A rascal bragging slave! the rogue fled from me
like quicksilver.
Dol.
I' faith note, and thou followedst him like a church.
Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew note boar-pig, when
wilt thou leave fighting o' days and foining o' note nights, and
begin to patch up thine old body for heaven?
Enter, behind note, Prince Henry and Poins, disguised.
note
Fal.
Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a death's-head;
do not bid me remember mine end.
Dol.
Sirrah, what humour's note the prince of?
Fal.
A good shallow young fellow: a' would have
made a good pantler, a' note would ha' note chipped bread well.
Dol.
They say Poins has note a good wit.
Fal.
He a good wit? hang him, baboon! his wit's note as
-- 408 --
thick as Tewksbury mustard; there's note no more conceit in
him than is in a mallet.
Dol.
Why does note the prince love him so, then?
Fal.
Because their legs are both of a bigness; and a'
plays at quoits well; and eats conger and fennel; and
drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons; and rides the
wild-mare with the boys; and jumps upon joined-stools;
and swears with a good grace; and wears his boots note very
smooth, like unto the sign of the leg; and breeds no bate
with telling of discreet note stories; and such other gambol
faculties a' has note, that show a weak mind and an able body,
for the which the prince admits him: for the prince himself
is such another; the weight of a note hair will turn the scales note
between their avoirdupois note.
Prince.
Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears
cut off?
Poins.
Let's note beat him before his whore.
Prince.
Look, whether note the withered elder hath not
his poll clawed like a parrot.
Poins.
Is it not strange that desire should so many
years outlive performance?
Fal.
Kiss me, Doll.
Prince.
Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction!
what says the almanac to that?
note
Poins.
And, look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man,
be not lisping to note his master's note old tables note, his note-book,
his counsel-keeper.
Fal.
Thou dost give me flattering busses.
Dol.
By my troth note, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.
Fal.
I am old, I am old.
-- 409 --
Dol.
I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young
boy of them all.
Fal.
What stuff wilt note have a kirtle of? I shall receive
money o' note Thursday: shalt note have a cap to-morrow. A
merry song, come: note it grows late; we'll note to note bed. Thou'lt note
forget me when I am gone.
Dol.
By my troth note, thou'lt note set me a-weeping, an thou
sayest so: prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy
return: well, hearken at the end note.
Fal.
Some sack, Francis.
Prince. Poins.
Anon, anon, sir.
[Coming forward. note
Fal.
Ha! a bastard son of the king's? And art not
thou Poins his note brother?
Prince.
Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what
a life dost thou lead!
Fal.
A better than thou: I am a gentleman; thou
art a drawer.
Prince.
Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out
by the ears.
Host.
O, the Lord preserve thy good note grace! by my
troth note, welcome to London. Now, the Lord note bless that
sweet face of thine! O Jesu note, are you come from Wales?
Fal.
Thou whoreson mad note compound of majesty, by
notethis light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.
Dol.
How, you fat fool! I scorn you.
Poins.
My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge
and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.
-- 410 --
Prince.
You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely
did you speak of me even note now before this honest, virtuous,
civil gentlewoman!
Host.
God's blessing of note your good heart! and so she
is, by my troth note.
Fal.
Didst thou hear me?
Prince.
Yea note, and you knew me, as you did when you
ran away by Gad's-hill: you knew I was at your back, and
spoke it on purpose to try my patience.
Fal.
No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast
within hearing.
Prince.
I shall drive you then to confess the wilful
abuse; and then I know how to handle you.
Fal.
No abuse, Hal, o' mine note honour; no abuse.
Prince.
Not to dispraise note me, and call me pantler and
bread-chipper note and I know not what?
Fal.
No abuse, Hal.
Poins.
No abuse?
Fal.
No abuse, Ned, i' the world; honest Ned, none.
I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might
not fall in love with him note; in which doing, I have done the
part of a careful friend and a true note subject, and thy father is
to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal: none, Ned, none:
no, faith note, boys, none.
Prince.
See now, whether pure fear and entire cowardice
doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close note
with us? is she of the wicked? is thine hostess here of the
wicked? or is thy boy note of the wicked? or honest Bardolph,
whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?
Poins.
Answer, thou dead elm, answer.
Fal.
The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable;
-- 411 --
and his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where he doth
nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a
good angel about him; but the devil outbids note him too.
Prince.
For the women?
Fal.
For one of them, she is in hell note already, and burns
poor souls note. For the other, I owe her money; and whether
she be damned for that, I know not.
Host.
No, I warrant you.
Fal.
No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit
for that. Marry, there is another indictment upon thee, for
suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the
law; for the which I think thou wilt howl.
Host.
All victuallers note do so: what's a joint of mutton
or two in a whole Lent?
Prince.
You, gentlewoman,—
Dol.
What says your grace?
Fal.
His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.
[Knocking within. note
Host.
Who knocks so loud at door? Look to the
door there, Francis.
Enter Peto. note
note
Prince.
Peto, how now! what news?
Peto.
The king your father is at Westminster;
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
Come from the north: and, as I came along,
I met and overtook a dozen captains,
Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns,
And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff.
Prince.
By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame note,
So idly to profane the precious time;
When tempest of commotion, like the south note
-- 412 --
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt,
And drop upon our bare unarmed heads.
Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night note.
[Exeunt note Prince Henry, Poins, Peto, and Bardolph.
Fal.
Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and
we must hence, and leave it unpicked.
[Knocking within. note]
More knocking at the door!
Re-enter Bardolph. note
How now! what's the matter?
note
Bard.
You must away to court, sir, presently;
A dozen captains stay at door for you.
Fal. [To the Page note]
Pay the musicians, sirrah. Farewell,
hostess; farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how
men of merit are sought after: the undeserver may sleep,
when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good wenches:
if I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere I go.
Dol.
I cannot speak; if my heart be not ready to burst,
—well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.
Fal.
Farewell, farewell.
[Exeunt note Falstaff and Bardolph.
Host.
Well, fare thee well: I have known thee these
twenty nine years, come peascod-time; but an honester and
truer-hearted man,—well, fare thee well.
Bard. [Within note]
Mistress Tearsheet!
Host.
What's the matter?
Bard. [Within note]
Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my
master.
Host.
O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll: come. [She
comes blubbered.] Yea, will you come, Doll? note
[Exeunt.
-- 413 --
William Aldis Wright [1863–1866], The works of William Shakespeare edited by William George Clark... and John Glover [and William Aldis Wright] (Macmillan and Co., London) [word count] [S10701].
