Bardolph.
Fal.
Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this
last action? do I not bate? do I not dwindle? Why, my skin
hangs about me like an old lady's loose gown; I am withered
like an old apple-john. Well, I'll repent, and that suddenly,
while I am in some liking; I shall be out of heart
shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An note
I have not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of,
I am a peppercorn, a brewer's horse: the inside of a church!
Company, villanous company, hath been the spoil of me.
Bard.
Sir John, you are so fretful, you cannot live long.
Fal.
Why, there is it: come sing me a bawdy song;
make note me merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman
need to be; virtuous enough; swore little; diced not above
seven times a week; went to a note bawdy-house not above once
in a quarter— noteof an hour; paid money that I borrowed,
three or four times; lived well, and in good compass: and
now I live out of all order, out of all compass note.
Bard.
Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must
needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass,
Sir John.
Fal.
Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my note life:
thou art our admiral, thou bearest note the lantern in note the poop,
but 'tis in the nose of thee; thou art the Knight note of the
Burning Lamp.
-- 307 --
Bard.
Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm note.
Fal.
No, I'll be sworn; I make as good use of it as
many a man doth of a Death's-head or a memento mori:
I never see thy face but I think upon hell-fire, and Dives that
lived in purple; for there he is in his robes, burning, burning note.
If thou wert any way given note to virtue, I would swear
by thy face; my oath should be, ‘By this fire, that's God's
angel note:’ but thou art altogether given over; and wert indeed,
but for the light in thy face, the son note of utter darkness.
When thou rannest note up Gadshill note in the night to catch my
horse, if I did not think thou note hadst been an ignis fatuus
or a ball of wildfire, there's no purchase in money. O, thou
art a perpetual triumph, an note everlasting bonfire-light! Thou
hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches,
walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern:
but the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me
lights as good cheap at note the dearest chandler's in Europe.
I have maintained that salamander of yours note with fire any
time this two and thirty years; God note reward me for it!
Bard.
'Sblood note, I would my face were in your belly!
Fal.
God-a-mercy note! so should I be sure to be note heart-burned.
Enter Hostess. note
How now, Dame Partlet the hen! have you inquired yet
who picked my pocket?
Host.
Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John? do
you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I
-- 308 --
have inquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by
boy, servant by servant: the tithe note of a hair was never lost
in my house before.
Fal.
Ye lie, hostess: Bardolph was shaved, and lost
many a hair note; and I'll be sworn my pocket was picked.
Go to, you are a woman note, go.
Host.
Who, I? no note; I defy thee: God's light note, I was
never called so in mine own house before.
Fal.
Go to, I know you well enough.
Host.
No, Sir John; you do not know me, Sir John.
I know you, Sir John: you owe me money, Sir John; and
now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it: I bought you a
dozen of shirts to your back.
Fal.
Dowlas, filthy dowlas: I have given them away to
bakers' wives, and they note have made bolters of them.
Host.
Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight
shillings note an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir John,
for your diet and by-drinkings note, and money lent you, four
and twenty note pound note.
Fal.
He had his part of it; let him pay.
Host.
He? alas, he is poor; he hath nothing.
Fal.
How! poor? look upon his face; what call you
rich? let them coin his nose, let them note coin his cheeks: I'll
not pay a denier. What, will you make a younker of me?
shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my
pocket picked? I have lost a seal-ring of my grandfather's
worth forty mark.
Host.
O Jesu note, I have heard the prince tell him, I know
not how oft, that that note ring was copper!
Fal.
How! the prince is a Jack, a sneak-cup note: 'sblood note,
-- 309 --
an note he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog, if he would
say so.
Enter the Prince and Peto, note marching, and Falstaff meets them note playing on his truncheon like a fife.
note
How now, lad! is the wind in that door, i' faith note? must we
all march?
Bard.
Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion. note
Host.
My lord, I pray you, hear me.
Prince.
What sayest thou, Mistress Quickly? How
doth note thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.
Host.
Good my lord, hear me.
Fal.
Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.
Prince.
What sayest thou, Jack?
Fal.
The other night I fell asleep here behind the
arras, and had my pocket picked: this house is turned
bawdy-house; they pick pockets.
Prince.
What didst thou lose, Jack?
Fal.
Wilt thou believe me, Hal? three or four bonds
of forty note pound note a-piece, and a seal-ring of my grandfather's.
Prince.
A trifle, some eight-penny matter.
Host.
So I told him, my lord; and I said I heard
your grace say so: and, my lord, he speaks most vilely of
you, like a foul-mouthed man as note he is; and said he would
cudgel you.
Prince.
What! he did not?
Host.
There's neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in
me else.
Fal.
There's no more faith in thee than in a note stewed
prune; nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn note fox; and
-- 310 --
for womanhood, Maid Marian may be the deputy's wife of
the ward to thee. Go, you thing note, go.
Host.
Say, what thing? what thing?
Fal.
What thing! why, a thing to thank God note on.
Host.
I am no thing note to thank God note on, I would thou
shouldst know it; I am an honest man's wife: and, setting
thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.
Fal.
Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast
to say otherwise.
Host.
Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
Fal.
What beast! why, an otter.
Prince.
An otter, Sir John! why an otter?
Fal.
Why, she's neither fish nor flesh; a man knows
not where to have her.
Host.
Thou art an note unjust man in saying so: thou or
any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou!
Prince.
Thou sayest true, hostess; and he slanders
thee most grossly.
Host.
So he doth you, my lord; and said this other
day you ought note him a thousand pound.
Prince.
Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
Fal.
A thousand pound, Hal! a million: thy love is
worth a million: thou owest me thy love.
Host.
Nay, my lord, he called you Jack, and said he
would cudgel you.
Fal.
Did I, Bardolph?
Bard.
Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
Fal.
Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
Prince.
I say 'tis copper: darest thou be as good as
thy word now?
Fal.
Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man note, I
dare: but as thou art prince note, I fear thee as I fear the roaring
of the lion's whelp.
Prince.
And why not as the lion?
-- 311 --
Fal.
The king himself is to be feared as the lion: dost
thou think I'll fear thee as I fear thy father? nay, an note I do,
I pray God note my girdle break.
Prince.
O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about
thy knees! But, sirrah, there's no room for faith, truth,
nor honesty in this bosom of thine; it is all note filled up with
guts and midriff note. Charge an honest woman with picking
thy pocket! why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed
rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern-reckonings,
memorandums of bawdy-houses, and one poor
penny-worth of sugar-candy to make thee long-winded, if
thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but
these, I am a villain: and yet you will stand to it; you will
not pocket up wrong: art thou not ashamed?
Fal.
Dost thou hear, Hal? thou knowest in the state
of innocency Adam fell; and what should note poor Jack Falstaff
do in the days of villany? Thou seest I have more
flesh than another man; and therefore more frailty. You
confess then, you picked my pocket?
Prince.
It appears so by the story.
Fal.
Hostess, I forgive thee: go, make ready breakfast;
love thy husband, look to thy servants, cherish note thy
guests note: thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason:
thou seest I am pacified still. note Nay, prithee note, be gone note.
[Exit note Hostess.] Now, Hal, to the news at court: for note the
robbery, lad, how is that answered?
note
Prince.
O, my sweet beef note, I must still be good angel
to thee: the money is paid back again.
-- 312 --
Fal.
O, I do not like that paying back; 'tis a double
labour.
Prince.
I am good friends with my father, and may
do any thing.
Fal.
Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou doest,
and do it with unwashed hands too.
Bard.
Do, my lord.
Prince.
I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.
Fal.
I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find
one that can steal well? O for a fine thief, of the age of note
two and twenty note or thereabouts note! I am heinously unprovided.
Well, God note be thanked for these rebels, they offend
none but the virtuous: I laud them, I praise them.
Prince.
Bardolph!
Bard.
My lord?
Prince.
Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,
to my brother note John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.
[Exit Bardolph. note] Go, note Peto note, to horse, to horse note; for thou and
I have thirty miles to ride yet note ere dinner time. [Exit Peto. note]
Jack, meet me to-morrow in the temple hall at two o'clock
in the afternoon note. note
There shalt thou know thy charge; and there receive
Money and order for their furniture. note
The land is burning; Percy stands on high;
And either we or they note must lower lie.
[Exit. note
-- 313 --
Fal.
Rare words! brave world! Hostess, my breakfast, come note!
O, I could wish this tavern were my drum!
[Exit. note
William Aldis Wright [1863–1866], The works of William Shakespeare edited by William George Clark... and John Glover [and William Aldis Wright] (Macmillan and Co., London) [word count] [S10701].
