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William Aldis Wright [1863–1866], The works of William Shakespeare edited by William George Clark... and John Glover [and William Aldis Wright] (Macmillan and Co., London) [word count] [S10701].
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Scene I. The same. Enter Holofernes, Sir Nathaniel, and Dull.

Hol.

Satis quod note sufficit.

Nath.

I praise God for you, sir note: your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affection note, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange without heresy. I did converse this quondam day with a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nominated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.

Hol.

Novi hominem note tanquam note te: his humour is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is too picked note, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.

Nath.

A most singular and choice epithet.

[Draws note out his table-book.

Hol.

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor such fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and point-devise companions;

-- 155 --

such rackers of orthography note, as to speak dout, fine, when he should say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt, —d, e, b, t, not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf; half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebour; neigh abbreviated ne. This is abhominable,—which he note would call abbominable note: it insinuateth me note of insanie note: ne note intelligis, domine? to make note frantic, lunatic.

Nath.

Laus Deo, bene note intelligo.

Hol.

Bon, bon, fort bon, Priscian! note a little scratched note, note'twill serve.

Nath.

Videsne quis venit?

Hol.

Video, et gaudeo.

Enter Armado, Moth, and Costard.

Arm.

Chirrah!

[To Moth.

Hol.

Quare chirrah, not sirrah?

Arm.

Men of peace, well encountered.

Hol.

Most military sir, salutation.

Moth. [Aside to Costard]

They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen note the note scraps.

Cost.

O, they have lived long on the alms-basket of words. I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word; for thou art not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier swallowed than a flap-dragon.

Moth.

Peace! the peal begins.

Arm. [To Hol.]

Monsieur, are you not lettered?

Moth.

Yes, yes; he teaches boys the horn-book. What is a, b, spelt backward, with the horn on his head?

-- 156 --

Hol.

Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.

Moth.

Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.

Hol.

Quis, quis, thou consonant?

Moth.

The third note of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or the fifth, if I.

Hol.

I will repeat them,—a, e, i,—

Moth.

The sheep: the other two concludes it,—o, u.

Arm.

Now, by the salt wave note of the Mediterraneum, a sweet touch, a quick venue of wit,—snip, snap, quick and home! it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!

Moth.

Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.

Hol.

What is the figure? what is the figure?

Moth.

Horns.

Hol.

Thou disputest note like an infant: go, whip thy gig.

Moth.

Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about your infamy circum circa note,—a gig of a cuckold's horn.

Cost.

An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst have it to buy gingerbread: hold, there is the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but my bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me! Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers' ends, as they say.

Hol.

O, I smell false Latin; dunghill note for unguem.

Arm.

Arts-man, preambulate note, we will be singuled note from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the charge-house note on the top of the mountain?

Hol.

Or mons, the hill.

Arm.

At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.

Hol.

I do, sans question.

Arm.

Sir, it is the king's most note sweet pleasure and affection

-- 157 --

to congratulate the princess at her pavilion in the posteriors of this day, which the rude multitude call the afternoon.

Hol.

The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon: the word is well culled, chose note, sweet and apt, I do assure you note, sir, I do assure.

Arm.

Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, I do assure ye, very note good friend: for what is inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech thee, remember note thy note courtesy; I beseech thee, apparel thy head: and among other important note and most serious designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his Grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass. The very all of all is,—but, sweet heart, I do implore secrecy note,—that the king would have me present the princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking out note of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to crave your assistance.

Hol.

Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies. Sir note, as concerning some entertainment of time, some show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered note by our assistants note, at note the king's command, and this most gallant, illustrate,

-- 158 --

and learned gentleman note, before the princess; I say none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.

Nath.

Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

Hol.

Joshua, yourself; myself and note this gallant gentleman note, Judas Maccabæus; this swain, because of his great limb or joint, shall pass note Pompey the Great; the page note, Hercules,—

Arm.

Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club.

Hol.

Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.

Moth.

An excellent device! so, if any of the audience hiss, you may cry, “Well done, Hercules! now thou crushest the snake!” that is the way to make an offence gracious, though few have the grace to do note it.

Arm.

For the rest of the Worthies?—

Hol.

I will play three myself.

Moth.

Thrice-worthy gentleman!

Arm.

Shall I tell you a thing?

Hol.

We attend.

Arm.

We will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I beseech you note, follow.

Hol.

Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.

Dull.

Nor understood none neither, sir.

Hol.

Allons note! we will employ thee.

note

Dull.
I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will note play
On the tabor to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.

Hol.
Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!
[Exeunt.

-- 159 --

note

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William Aldis Wright [1863–1866], The works of William Shakespeare edited by William George Clark... and John Glover [and William Aldis Wright] (Macmillan and Co., London) [word count] [S10701].
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