[figure description] Page 183.[end figure description]

It is not in my power to give
you a particular detail of the whole proceedings
of the meeting which was held
to reform the plan of partner&longs;hip in the
manner of your parliamentary journali&longs;ts,
who make &longs;peeches for the members, perhaps
better than &longs;ome of them make for
them&longs;elves; but I will endeavour to give
you a &longs;ummary of the principles on which
they proceeded.

[figure description] Page 184.[end figure description]

The profe&longs;&longs;ed de&longs;ign of the meeting
was to reform and amend the plan; but
in fact when they came to examine it they
found them&longs;elves obliged to pa&longs;s the &longs;ame
&longs;entence on it that was once delivered
concerning the famous poet, Alexander
Pope, who&longs;e u&longs;ual ejaculation was, G—d
mend me! “Mend you,” &longs;aid a hackney
coachman, (looking with contempt on his
dwarfi&longs;h form and hump back) “it would
not be half &longs;o much trouble to make a
new one.”

A NEW one was accordingly entered
upon, and the fundamental principle of it
was, not to &longs;uppo&longs;e men as good as they
ought to be, but to take them as they are.
“It is true, &longs;aid they, that all men are
naturally free and equal; it is a very good
idea, and ought to be under&longs;tood in every
contract and partner&longs;hip which can be
formed; it may &longs;erve as a check upon
ambition and other human pa&longs;&longs;ions, and
put people in mind that they may &longs;ome

[figure description] Page 185.[end figure description]

time or other be called to account by
their equals. But it is as true that this
equality is de&longs;troyed by a thou&longs;and cau&longs;es
which exi&longs;t in nature and in &longs;ociety. It
is true that all bea&longs;ts, birds, and fi&longs;hes are
naturally free and equal in &longs;ome re&longs;pects,
but yet we find them unequal in other
re&longs;pects, and one becomes the prey of
another. There is, and always will be,
a &longs;uperiority and an inferiority, in &longs;pite of
all the &longs;y&longs;tems of metaphy&longs;ics that ever
exi&longs;ted. How can you prevent one man
from being &longs;tronger, or wi&longs;er, or richer
than another? and will not the &longs;trong overcome
the weak? will not the cunning
circumvent the fooli&longs;h, and will not the
borrower become &longs;ervant to the lender?
Is not this noble, free, and independent
creature man, nece&longs;&longs;arily &longs;ubject to lords
of his own &longs;pecies in every &longs;tage of his
exi&longs;tence? When a child, is he not under
the command of his parents? &longs;end him
to &longs;chool, place him out as an apprentice,
put him on board a &longs;hip, enrol him in a

[figure description] Page 186.[end figure description]

company of militia, mu&longs;t he not be subject
to a ma&longs;ter? Place him in any kind
of &longs;ociety whatever, and he has wants to
be &longs;upplied, and pa&longs;&longs;ions to be &longs;ubdued;
his active powers need to be directed, and
his extravagances to be controled, and if
he will not do it him&longs;elf, &longs;ome body mu&longs;t
do it for him. Self government is indeed
the mo&longs;t perfect form of government in
the world; but if men will not govern
them&longs;elves, they mu&longs;t have &longs;ome governors
appointed over them, who will keep
them in order and make them do their
duty. Now if there is in fact &longs;uch an inequality
exi&longs;ting among us, why &longs;hould we
act as if no &longs;uch thing exi&longs;ted? We have
tried the beaver &longs;cheme of partner&longs;hip
long enough, and find it will not do. Let
us then adopt the practice of another
kind of indu&longs;trious animals which we
have among us—Let us imitate the bees,
who are governed by one &longs;upreme head,
and under that direction conduct their

[figure description] Page 187.[end figure description]

whole economy with perfect order and
regularity.”

On this principle they drew up an entire
new plan, in which there was one
chief &longs;teward, who was to manage their
united intere&longs;t, and be re&longs;spon&longs;ible to
the whole for his conduct. He was to
have a kind of council to advi&longs;e and direct
him, and &longs;everal inferior officers to
a&longs;&longs;i&longs;t him, as there might be occa&longs;ion; and
a certain contribution was to be levied on
the trade, or on the e&longs;tates of the whole,
which was to make a common &longs;tock for
the &longs;upport of the common intere&longs;t; and
they were to erect a tribunal among themselves,
which &longs;hould decide and determine
all differences. If nine of the families
&longs;hould agree to this plan, it was to take
place; and the others might or might not
adopt it; but if any one &longs;hould finally
refu&longs;e, or if any &longs;hould adopt it and afterward
fall from it, he was to be looked

[figure description] Page 188.[end figure description]

upon as an outca&longs;t, and no per&longs;on was to
have any connection with him.

The meeting having continued a long
time, every body became extremely anxious
to know what they were about; the
doors were kept &longs;hut, and no per&longs;on whatever
was let into the &longs;ecret till the whole
was completed. A copy was then &longs;ent to
each family for them to con&longs;ider at their
lei&longs;ure.

Though curio&longs;ity was now gratified,
yet anxiety was not relaxed. The new
plan of partner&longs;hip went by the name of
the fiddle; tho&longs;e who were in favour of it
called them&longs;elves fiddlers, and tho&longs;e who
oppo&longs;ed it were &longs;tiled antifiddlers. The
former &longs;aid it was the be&longs;t plan that human
wi&longs;dom had ever contrived. The
latter imagined it pregnant with mi&longs;chief
of every kind. The former compared it
to a &longs;trong &longs;ence about a rich field of

[figure description] Page 189.[end figure description]

wheat. The latter compared it to the
whale that &longs;wallowed up Jonah.

In each family a con&longs;ultation was held
on the que&longs;tion, Whether it &longs;hould be adopted
or not? and liberty was given for
every one to &longs;peak his mind with the utmost
freedom. The objections, an&longs;wers,
replies, rejoinders, and rebutters, which
were produced on this occa&longs;ion, would
make a curious collection, and form an
important page in the hi&longs;tory of man.
The fiddlers were extremely fond of having
it examined, becau&longs;e they &longs;aid it was
like a rich piece of plate, which the more
it be rubbed &longs;hines the brighter. The
antifiddlers &longs;aid it was like a worm eaten
bottom of a &longs;hip, the defects of which
would more evidently appear the more it
was ripped to pieces; they were therefore
for rejecting it at once, without any examination
at all.

[figure description] Page 190.[end figure description]

When they were urged to point out
its defects, they would &longs;ay, “It is dangerous
to put &longs;o much power into the hands
of any man, or &longs;et of men, le&longs;t they &longs;hould
abu&longs;e it. Our liberty and property will
be &longs;afe whil&longs;t we keep them our&longs;elves, but
when we have once parted with them,
we may never be able to get them back
again.”

If the plan was compared to a hou&longs;e,
then the objection would be made again&longs;t
building it too high, le&longs;t the wind &longs;hould
blow it down. How &longs;hall we guard it against
fire? how &longs;hall we &longs;ecure it again&longs;t
robbers? and how &longs;hall we keep out rats
and mice?

If it was likened to a &longs;hip, then it
would be a&longs;ked, how &longs;hall we guard it against
leaking? how &longs;hall we prevent it
from running on the rocks and quick-sands?

[figure description] Page 191.[end figure description]

Sometimes it would be compared to a
clock, then que&longs;tion was, how &longs;hall we secure
the pendulum, the wheels and the
balance from ru&longs;t? who &longs;hall keep the
key, and who &longs;hall we tru&longs;t to wind it
up?

Sometimes it was repre&longs;ented by a
pur&longs;e, and then it was &longs;aid to be dangerous
to let any one hold the &longs;trings.
Money is a tempting object, and the be&longs;t
men are liable to be corrupted.

In &longs;hort, the whole &longs;um and &longs;ub&longs;tance
of the arguments again&longs;t it might be summed
up in one word—JEALOUSY.

To &longs;hew the &longs;utility of the&longs;e arguments
it was ob&longs;erved by the oppo&longs;ite party, that
it was impo&longs;&longs;ible to put it into any man's
power to do you good, without at the
&longs;ame time putting it into his power to do
you hurt. If you tru&longs;t a barber to &longs;have
your beard, you put it into his power to
cut your throat. If you tru&longs;t a baker to

[figure description] Page 192.[end figure description]

make your bread, or a cook to dre&longs;s your
meat, you put it into the power of each
to poi&longs;on you; nay, if you venture to lie
in the &longs;ame bed with your wife, you put
it into her power to choak you when
you are a&longs;leep. Shall we therefore
let our beards grow till they are long enough
to put into our pockets, becau&longs;e
we are afraid of the barber? Shall we
&longs;tarve our&longs;elves becau&longs;e the baker and the
cook may poi&longs;on us? and &longs;hall we be afraid
to go to bed with our wives? Fie,
fie, gentlemen, do not indulge &longs;uch
whims: Be careful in the choice of your
barbers, your bakers, your cooks, and your
wives; pay them well and treat them
well, and make it their intere&longs;t to treat you
well, and you need not fear them.

After much debate and di&longs;cu&longs;&longs;ion,
&longs;ome of the families adopted it without
exception, but in others the oppo&longs;ition
was &longs;o &longs;trong that it could not be made to
pa&longs;s, but by the help of certain amend

[figure description] Page 193.[end figure description]

ments which were propo&longs;ed; and of the&longs;e
amendments every family which thought
proper to make any, made as many as
they plea&longs;ed. The new plan, with its
appendage of amendments, cut &longs;uch a
grote&longs;que figure, that a certain wag in one
of the families, like Jotham the &longs;on of
Gideon, ridiculed it in the following parable.

“A CERTAIN man hired a taylor to
make him a pair of &longs;mall clothes; the taylor
meafured him and made the garment.
When he had brought it home, the man
turned and twi&longs;ted and viewed it on all
&longs;ides; it is too &longs;mall here, &longs;aid he, and
wants to be let out;it is too big here, and
wants to be taken in; I am afraid there
will be a hole here, and you mu&longs;t put on
a patch; this button is not &longs;trong enough,
you mu&longs;t &longs;et on another. He was going
on in this manner, when his wife entered
the room—Have you put on the &longs;mall
clothes, my dear, &longs;aid &longs;he—No, &longs;aid he.

[figure description] Page 194.[end figure description]

How then, replied &longs;he, can you po&longs;&longs;ibly
tell whether they will fit you or not? If I
had made &longs;uch objections to a gown or a
pair of &longs;tays before I had put them on,
how would you have laughed at my female
wi&longs;dom? The man took his wife's
advice and faved the taylor a deal of
trouble.”

In like manner, the new plan of partnership
was tried on, and was found to fit
very well. The amendments were thrown
by for future confideration, and if ever
adopted, will be &longs;o few and &longs;o trifling as
to make no effential difference.

As &longs;oon as a &longs;ufficient number of the
families had adopted the plan, they began
to fet it in operation; and unanimou&longs;ly
cho&longs;e for their chief &longs;teward and manager,
George, the grand&longs;on of Walter Pipeweed.
He had ferved them &longs;o faithfully
and generou&longs;ly in conducting the lawfuit
again&longs;t Mr. Bull, that no per&longs;on was higher

[figure description] Page 195.[end figure description]

in their confidence. As he would take
no reward for his former &longs;ervices; &longs;o he
began this new bu&longs;ine&longs;s with a declaration
of the &longs;ame kind, and a prote&longs;tation that
nothing could have induced him to quit
the &longs;weets of retirement for the toils of
public bu&longs;ine&longs;s but a di&longs;po&longs;ition to oblige
his numerous friends who had united their
&longs;uffrages in his favour. Every one who
knows him is fully convinced of the sincerity
of his declarations, and he has perhaps
as large a &longs;hare of the e&longs;teem and
affection of the people in the&longs;e families as
any per&longs;on ever could expect from a
cour&longs;e of faithful and friendly offices.

Besides him there is an under &longs;teward,
a council of advice, a chief clerk, a ca&longs;hier,
and a ma&longs;ter of the hounds. The under
&longs;teward is a per&longs;on of a grave deportment,
much reading and &longs;trict integrity, and was
largely concerned in effecting the compromise
with Mr. Bull. The council of
advice are cho&longs;en from the feveral

[figure description] Page 196.[end figure description]

families, and con&longs;i&longs;t of per&longs;ons of the be&longs;t education,
abilities, and popularity. The
chief clerk has the care of the mo&longs;t important
papers, and the ca&longs;hier keeps the
key of the &longs;trong box, which now has
&longs;omething in it be&longs;ides paper. By his
advice the debts of the company are put
in a fair way of being paid, though &longs;ome
grumbling &longs;till &longs;ub&longs;i&longs;ts among tho&longs;e who
were obliged to &longs;ell their notes at a discount.
The ma&longs;ter of the hounds is an
officer, who it was at fir&longs;t thought would
have very little bu&longs;ine&longs;s; but as the wild
bea&longs;ls of the fore&longs;t have of late grown very
trouble&longs;ome, it is &longs;uppo&longs;ed that he will
have his hands full. There is too much
of a lurch for hunting among many of the
fore&longs;ters; and &longs;ome have not been ashamed
to expre&longs;s their wi&longs;hes that the
whole race of wild creatures was exterminated
from the face of the earth. There
are others who &longs;till continue of the mind,
that the&longs;e animals are a degenerated part
of the human &longs;pecies, and might yet be

[figure description] Page 197.[end figure description]

recovered if proper methods were u&longs;ed to
tame them; but it is greatly feared, that
while the rage for hunting continues, all
&longs;uch benevolent projects will fail in the
execution.

In &longs;ome late hunting matches, the&longs;e
wild animals di&longs;covered &longs;o much art and
courage, that &longs;everal of the hunters were
laid to &longs;leep in the bed of honour; and
the re&longs;t were obliged to take to their
heels, that they might “live to hunt another
day.” Some perfons are of the
mind that it is not be&longs;t to &longs;eek the&longs;e bea&longs;ts
in their dens, but rather to guard the
fields and take care of the poultry at
home. Others are for pur&longs;uing them to
the thicke&longs;t &longs;hades of the fore&longs;t, and this
&longs;eems at pre&longs;ent to be the prevailing opinion.
What the &longs;ucce&longs;s of it will be
time mu&longs;t determine.

[figure description] Page 198.[end figure description]

Since the new partner&longs;hip has been
e&longs;tabli&longs;hed, hu&longs;bandry and trade have
been carried on bri&longs;kly; the hou&longs;es are
full of good things, and the children are
well clad and healthy; but there is one
inconvenience which u&longs;ually attends a
full hou&longs;e, and that is, that rats are very
numerous, and a new &longs;pecies of them have
lately found their way thither.[64] Some
of them are very fat and &longs;leek, and are not
afraid to appear in open day light;
though it is &longs;uppo&longs;ed they burrow under
ground, and have &longs;ubterraneous communications
from hou&longs;e to hou&longs;e. This is
an inconvenience again&longs;t which no remedy
has yet been found; though &longs;ome people,
from their apparent voracity, are of
the mind that they will either prey upon
one another, or el&longs;e eat till they bur&longs;t.

I HAD almo&longs;t forgot to tell you that
two new families have lately been added
to the number of partners. One is that

[figure description] Page 199.[end figure description]

of Ethan Greenwood,[65] a &longs;tout, lu&longs;ty fellow,
born in the family of Robert Lumber,
but married into that of Peter Bullfrog,
from whom, after a long di&longs;pute, he
has got a good tract of land, which originally
belonged to his own father, but was
&longs;urreptitiou&longs;ly taken po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ion of by his
father in law. The other is Hunter
Longknife,† he was bred in the family of
Walter Pipeweed, and has a large &longs;hare of
his &longs;pirit of adventure. Having taken
up his re&longs;idence in the out&longs;kirts of the
fore&longs;t, he has had many a &longs;cuffle with the
wild bea&longs;ts, who are extremely fond of his
green corn and young chickens, whenever
they can get a ta&longs;te of them.

eaf005.n64

[64] Sp-c-l—rs.

Previous section

Next section