About the time in which the&longs;e
fir&longs;t attempts were making, and the fame
of them had rai&longs;ed much jealou&longs;y among
&longs;ome, and much expectation among others,
there happened a &longs;ad quarrel in John
Bull's family. His mother,[5] poor

[figure description] Page 016.[end figure description]

woman, had been &longs;eized with hy&longs;teric &longs;its,
which cau&longs;ed her at times to be delirious
and full of all forts of whims. She had
taken it into her head that every one of
the family mu&longs;t hold knife and fork
and &longs;poon exactly alike; that they
mu&longs;t all wa&longs;h their hands and face
preci&longs;ely in the &longs;ame manner; that
they mu&longs;t &longs;it, &longs;tand, walk, kneel, bow,
&longs;pit, blow their no&longs;es, and perform
every other animal function by the exact
rule of uniformity, which &longs;he had drawn
up with her own hand, and from which
they were not allowed to vary one hair's
breadth. If any one of the family complained
of a lame ancle or &longs;tiff knee, or
had the crick in his neck, or happened to
cut his finger, or was any other way &longs;o
di&longs;abled as not to perform his duty to a
tittle, &longs;he was &longs;o far from making the lea&longs;t
allowance, that &longs;he would frown and &longs;cold
and rave like a bedlamite; and John was
&longs;uch an obedient &longs;on to his mother, that
he would lend her his hand to box their

[figure description] Page 017.[end figure description]

ears, or his foot to kick their back&longs;ides,
for not complying with her humours.
This way of proceeding rai&longs;ed an uproar
in the family; for though mo&longs;t of them
complied, either through affection for the
old lady, or through fear, or &longs;ome other
motive, yet others looked &longs;our, and grumbled;
&longs;ome would openly find fault and
attempt to remon&longs;trate, but they were answered
with a kick or a thump, or a cato'nine
tails, or &longs;hut up in a dark garret
'till they promi&longs;ed a compliance. Such
was the logic of the family in tho&longs;e days!

Among the number of the di&longs;affected,
was Peregrine Pickle,[6] a pretty clever &longs;ort of
a fellow about his bu&longs;ine&longs;s, but a great lover
of &longs;our crout, and of an humour that
would not bear contradiction. However,
as he knew it would be fruitle&longs;s to enter
into a downright quarrel, and yet
could not live there in peace; he had &longs;o

[figure description] Page 018.[end figure description]

much prudence as to quit the hou&longs;e,
which he did by getting out of the window
in the night. Not liking to be out
of employ, he went to the hou&longs;e of Nic
Frog,[7] his ma&longs;ter's old friend and rival,
told him the &longs;tory of his &longs;ufferings, and
got leave to employ him&longs;elf in one of his
work&longs;hops till the &longs;torm &longs;hould be over.
After he had been here a while, he
thought Nick's family were as much too
loo&longs;e in their manners as Bull's were too
&longs;trict; and having heard a rumour of the
Fore&longs;t, to which Nick had &longs;ome kind of
claim, he packed up his little all, and
hired one of Nick's &longs;ervants who had
been there a hunting, to pilot him to that
part of the Fore&longs;t to which Nick laid
claim. But Frog had laid an anchor to
windward of him; for as Pickle had &longs;aid
nothing to him about a lea&longs;e, he &longs;uppo&longs;ed
that when Peregrine had got into the Forest
he would take a lea&longs;e of his old master,
Bull, which would &longs;trengthen his title,

[figure description] Page 019.[end figure description]

and weaken his own; he therefore bribed
the pilot to &longs;hew Peregrine to a barren
part of the Fore&longs;t in&longs;tead of that fertile
place[8] to which he had already &longs;ent his
&longs;urveyors, and of which he was contriving
to get po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ion. Accordingly the pilot
having conducted Pickle to a &longs;andy point
which runs into the lake,† it being the
du&longs;k of the evening,[9] bade him good
night, and walked off. Peregrine, who
was fatigued with his march, laid down
and went to &longs;leep, but waking in the
morning, &longs;aw him&longs;elf alone in a very dreary
&longs;ituation, where he could get nothing
to live upon but clams, and a few acorns
which the &longs;quirrels had left. In this piteous
plight the poor fellow folded his
arms, and walking along the &longs;andy beach,
fell into &longs;uch a &longs;oliloquy as this. “So
much for travelling! Abu&longs;ed by Bull,
cheated by Frog, what am I at la&longs;t come
to? Here I am alone, no creatures but

[figure description] Page 020.[end figure description]

bears, and wolves, and &longs;uch vermin around
me! Nothing in the &longs;hape of an human
being that I know of, nearer than Pipeweed's
plantation, and with him I cannot
agree; he is &longs;o devoted to old Dame Bull
that he and I cannot live together any
more than I could with the old woman.
But, why &longs;hould I de&longs;pair? That is unmanly;
there is at lea&longs;t a po&longs;&longs;ibility of my
living here, and if I am di&longs;appointed in
my worldly pro&longs;pects, it is but right, for I
profe&longs;&longs;ed not to have any. My wi&longs;h was
to have my own way without di&longs;turbance
or contradiction, and &longs;urely I can here
enjoy my liberty. I have nobody here
to cur&longs;e me, or kick me, or cheat me. If
I have only clams to eat, I can cook them
my own way, and &longs;ay as long a grace over
them as I plea&longs;e. I can &longs;it or &longs;tand, or kneel,
or u&longs;e any other po&longs;ture at my devotions,
without any cro&longs;s old woman to growl at
me, or any hectoring bully to cuff me for
it. So that if I have lo&longs;t in one way I
have gained in another. I had better

[figure description] Page 021.[end figure description]

therefore reconcile my&longs;elf to my &longs;ituation
and make the be&longs;t of a bad market. But
company is good! Apropos! I will write
to &longs;ome of my fellow-apprentices; I know
they were as di&longs;contented as my&longs;elf in old
Bull's family, though they did not care
to &longs;peak their minds as plainly as I did.
I'll tell them how much happine&longs;s I enjoy
here in my &longs;olitude. I'll point out
to them the charms of liberty, and coax
them to follow me into the wilderne&longs;s;
and by and by, when we get all together,
we &longs;hall make a brave hand of it.” Full
of this re&longs;olution, he &longs;at down on a wind-fallen
tree, and pulling out his inkhorn
and paper, wrote a letter to John Codline,
Humphry Plough&longs;hare, and Roger Carrier,
three of his fellow-apprentices, informing
them of the extreme happine&longs;s he enjoyed
in having liberty to eat his &longs;canty
meals in his own way, and to lay his
&longs;welled ancles and &longs;tiff knee in whatever
po&longs;ture was mo&longs;t ea&longs;y to him, conjuring
them by their former friend&longs;hip, to come

[figure description] Page 022.[end figure description]

to join them in carrying on the good work
&longs;o happily begun, &c. &c. As &longs;oon as he
had fini&longs;hed the letter, (which had deeply
engaged his attention) a hunt&longs;man
happened to come along in que&longs;t of game.
This was a lucky circum&longs;tance indeed, for
Peregrine had not once thought of a conveyance
for his letter; it proved al&longs;o favourable
to him in another view, for the
hunt&longs;man taking pity on his forlorn situation,
&longs;pared him &longs;ome powder and &longs;hot
and a few bi&longs;cuit which he happened to
have in his pocket; &longs;o taking charge of
the letter, he delivered it as it was directed.

This letter arrived in good &longs;ea&longs;on, for
old Madam had grown much wor&longs;e &longs;ince
Pickle had left the family: her vapours
had increa&longs;ed, and her longings and aversions
were much &longs;tronger. She had a
&longs;trange lurch for embroidered petticoats
and high waving plumes; her Chri&longs;tmas
pies mu&longs;t have double the quantity of

[figure description] Page 023.[end figure description]

&longs;pice that was u&longs;ual; the &longs;ervants mu&longs;t
make three bows where they formerly
made but one, and they mu&longs;t never come
into her pre&longs;ence without having curled
and powdered their hair in the pink of the
mode, for &longs;he had an aver&longs;ion to every
thing plain, and an high reli&longs;h for every
thing gaudy. Be&longs;ides, &longs;he had an high
mettled chaplain[10] who was con&longs;tantly at
her elbow, and &longs;aid prayers night and
morning in a brocaded ve&longs;t with a gilded
mitre on his head; and he exacted &longs;o many
bows and &longs;crapes of every one in the
family, that it would have puzzled a French
dancing ma&longs;ter to have kept pace with
him. Nor would he perform the &longs;ervice
at all unle&longs;s a verger &longs;tood by him all the
while with a yard-wand in his hand; and
if any &longs;ervant or apprentice mi&longs;&longs;ed one
bow or &longs;crape, or made it at the wrong
time, or dared to look off his book, or
&longs;aid Amen in the wrong place, rap went
the &longs;tick over his head and ears or knuckles.
It was in vain to appeal from the

[figure description] Page 024.[end figure description]

chaplain or the old Dame to their ma&longs;ter,
for he was &longs;o obedient a &longs;on that he suffered
them to govern him as they pleased;
nay, though broad hints were given
that the chaplain was an emi&longs;&longs;ary of lord
Peter, and was taking advantage of the
old lady's hy&longs;terics to bring the whole
family into his intere&longs;t, John gave no
heed to any of the&longs;e in&longs;inuations.

As &longs;oon as the letter of Peregrine Pickle
arrived, the apprentices, to whom it
was directed, held a con&longs;ultation what
they &longs;hould do. They were heartily tired
of the conduct of the chaplain; they
lamented the old lady's ill health, and
wi&longs;hed for a cure; but there was at present
no hope of it, and they concluded
that it was be&longs;t to follow Pickle's advice,
and retire with him into the Fore&longs;t.
Though they were infected with the &longs;pirit
of adventure, yet they were a &longs;et of wary
fellows, and knew they could not with
&longs;afety venture thither unle&longs;s they had a

[figure description] Page 025.[end figure description]

lea&longs;e of the land. Happily, however, for
them, Bull had a little while before that
put the affairs of the Fore&longs;t into the
hands of a gentleman of the law,[11] with
orders to &longs;ee that the matter was properly
managed, &longs;o as to yield him &longs;ome certain
profit. To this &longs;age they applied, and
for the proper fees, which they clubbed
for between them, they obtained a lea&longs;e,
under hand and &longs;eal; wherein, for “sundry
cau&longs;es him thereunto moving, the &longs;aid
Bull did grant and convey unto John
Codline and his a&longs;&longs;ociates, &longs;o many acres
of his Fore&longs;t, bounded &longs;o and &longs;o, and
which they were to have, hold, and enjoy
for ever and ever, yielding and paying &longs;o
and &longs;o, and &longs;o forth.” When this grand
point was gained by the a&longs;&longs;i&longs;tance of the
lawyer and his clerks, who knew how to
manage bu&longs;ine&longs;s, the adventurers &longs;old all
their &longs;uperfluities to the pawn brokers,
and got together what things they supposed
they &longs;hould want, and leaving be

[figure description] Page 026.[end figure description]

hind them a note on the compter,[12] to tell
their ma&longs;ter where they were bound, and
what were their de&longs;igns: they &longs;et off all
together and got &longs;afe into a part of the
Fore&longs;t adjoining to Pickle, who hearing
of their arrival, took his oaken &longs;taff in his
hand and hobbled along as fa&longs;t as his lame
legs could carry him to &longs;ee them, and a
joyful meeting indeed they had. Having
laid their heads together, it was agreed
that Codline &longs;hould &longs;end for a girl
whom he had courted,† and marry her,
and that he &longs;hould be con&longs;idered as the
lord of the manor, that Pickle &longs;hould have
a lea&longs;e of that part which he had pitched
upon, and that Plough&longs;hare and Carrier
&longs;hould for the pre&longs;ent be con&longs;idered as
members of Codline's family. John had
taken a great fancy to fi&longs;hing, and thought
he could wholly or chiefly &longs;ub&longs;i&longs;t by it;
but Humphry had a mind for a farm;

[figure description] Page 027.[end figure description]

&longs;o after a while they parted in friend&longs;hip.
Humphry, with a pack on his back and a
&longs;pade in his hand, travelled acro&longs;s the Forest
till he found a wide meadow with a
large brook[13] running through it, which he
&longs;uppo&longs;ed to be within John's grant, and
intended &longs;till to con&longs;ider him&longs;elf as a distant
member of the family. But as it fell
out otherwi&longs;e, he was obliged to get a
new lea&longs;e, to which Mr. Frog made &longs;ome
objections, but they were over ruled;
and &longs;oon after another old fellow &longs;ervant,
Tobias Wheatear,† came and &longs;at
down by him. They being &longs;o much alike
in their views and di&longs;po&longs;itions, agreed
to live together as intimates, though in
two families, which they did till Wheatear's
death, when Plough&longs;hare became his
&longs;ole heir, and the e&longs;tate has ever &longs;ince been
his. This Humphry was always a very
indu&longs;trious, frugal, &longs;aving hu&longs;band; and
his wife, though a formal &longs;trait laced &longs;ort

[figure description] Page 028.[end figure description]

of a body, yet always minded her &longs;pinning
and knitting, and took excellent care of
her dairy. She always clothed her children
in home&longs;pun garments, and &longs;carcely
ever &longs;pent a farthing for outlandi&longs;h trinkets.
The family and all its concerns were
under very exact regulations: not one of
them was &longs;uffered to peep out of doors after
the &longs;un was &longs;et. It was never allowed
to brew on Saturday, left the beer
&longs;hould break the Fourth Commandment
by working on Sunday: and once it is
&longs;aid the &longs;tallion was impounded a whole
week for having held crim. con. with the
mare while the Old Gentleman was at his
devotions. Bating the&longs;e peculiarities,
(and every body has &longs;ome) Humphry was
a very good &longs;ort of man, a kind neighbor,
very thriving, and made a re&longs;pectable
figure, though he lived a retired life, and
did not much follow the fa&longs;hions, yet he
rai&longs;ed a good e&longs;tate, and brought up a
large family, who knew how to get their
living wherever they could find land.

eaf005.n5

[5] The Church of England.

[figure description] Page 029.[end figure description]