Fal:
Bardolfe brew me a pottle sack presently:

Bar:
With Egges sir?

Fal:
Simply of it selfe, Ile none of these pullets sperme

In my drink: goe make haste.
Haue I liued to be carried in a basket

And throwne into the Thames like a barow of Butchers offoll. Well, and ^note I be serued such another tricke, Ile giue them leaue to take out my braines and butter them, and giue them to a dog for a new-yeares gift. Sblood, the rogues slided me in with as little remorse as if they had gone to drowne a blinde bitches puppies in the litter: and they might know by my sise I haue a kind of alacritie in sinking: and ^note the bottom had bin as deep as hell I should downe. I had bene drowned, but that the shore was sheluie and somewhat shallowe: a death that I abhorre. For you know the water swelles a man: and what a thing should I haue bene when I had bene swelled? By the Lord a mountaine of money. Now is the Sacke brewed?

Bar.

I sir, there's a woman below would speake with you.

Fal.

Bid her come vp. Let me put some Sacke among this cold water, for my belly is as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balles for pilles.

Now whats the newes with you?

Quic.
I come from misteris Ford forsooth.

Fal.
Misteris Ford, I haue had Ford inough,
I haue bene throwne into the Ford, my belly is full
Of Ford: she hath tickled mee.

Quic.

O Lord sir, she is the sorrowfullest woman that her seruants mistooke, that euer liued. And sir, she would desire you of all loues you will meet her once againe, to morrow sir, betweene ten and eleuen, and she hopes to make amends for all.

Fal.

Ten, and eleuen, saiest thou?

Quic.

I forsooth.

Fal.
Well, tell her Ile meet her. Let her but think
Of mans frailtie: Let her iudge what man is,
And then thinke of me. And so farwell.

Quic.
Youle not faile sir? Exit mistresse Quickly.

Fal.
I will not faile. Commend me to her.
I wonder I heare not of M. Brooke, I like his
Mony well. By the masse here he is. Enter Brooke.

For.

God saue you sir.

Fal.

Welcome good M. Brooke. You come to know how matters goes.

Ford.

Thats my comming indeed sir Iohn.

Fal.
M. Brooke I will not lye to you sir,

I was there at my appointed time.

For.

And how sped you sir?

Fal.

Verie ilfauouredly sir.

For.
Why sir, did she change her determination?

Fal.

No M. Brooke, but you shall heare. After we had kissed and imbraced, and as it were euen ^note amid the prologue of our incounter, who should come, but the iealous knaue her husband, and a rabble of his companions at his heeles, thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper. And what to do thinke you? to search for his wiues loue. Euen so, plainly so.

For.

While ye were there?

Fal.

Whilst I was there?

For.
And did he search and could not finde you?

Fal.
You shall heare sir, as God would haue it,
A little before comes me one Pages wife,
Giues her intelligence of her husbands
Approach: and by her inuention, and Fords wiues
Distraction, conueyd me into a buck-basket.

Ford.
A buck basket!

Fal.
By the Lord a buck-basket, rammed me in
With soule shirts, stokins, greasie napkins,
That M. Brooke, there was a compound of the most
Villanous smel, that euer offended nostrill.
Ile tell you M. Brooke, by the Lord for your sake
I suffered three egregious deaths: First to be
Crammed like a good bilbo, in the circomference
Of a pack, Hilt to point, heele to head: and then to
Be stewed in my owne grease like a Dutch dish:
A man of my kidney; by the Lord it was maruell I
Escaped suffication; and in the heat of all this,
To be throwne into Thames like a horshoo hot:
Maister Brooke, thinke of that hissing heate, Maister Brooke.

Ford.
Well sir then my shute is void?
Youle vndertake it no more?

Fal.
M. Brooke, Ile be throwne into Etna
As I haue bene in the Thames,
Ere I thus ^note leaue her: I haue receiued
Another appointment of meeting,
Betweene ten and eleuen is the houre.

Ford:
Why sir, tis almost ten alreadie:

Fal:
Is it? why then will I addresse my selfe
For my appointment: M. Brooke, come to me soone
At night, and you shall know how I speed,
And the end shall be, you shall enjoy her loue:

You shall cuckold Foord: come to mee soone at at ^note night. Exit Falstaffe.

For.
Is this a dreame? Is it a vision?
Maister Ford, maister Ford, awake maister Ford,
There is a hole made in your best coat M. Ford,
And a man shall not onely endure this wrong,
But shall stand vnder the taunt of names,
Lucifer is a good name, Barbason good: good
Diuels names: but cuckold, wittold, godeso
The diuel himselfe hath not such a name:
And they may hang hats here, and napkins here
Vpon my hornes: well Ile home, I ferit him,
And vnlesse the diuel himselfe should aide him.
Ile search vnpossible places: Ile about it,
Least I repent too late: Exit omnes.

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