Simple.
Evans.
I pray you now, good Master Slender's serving-man,
and friend Simple by your name, which way
have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor
of physic?
Sim.
Marry, sir, the pittie-ward note, the park-ward note, every
way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
Evans.
I most fehemently desire you you will also note
look that way.
Sim.
I will, sir.
[Exit.
Evans.
Pless my soul, how full of chollors note I am, and
trempling of mind!—I shall be glad if he have deceived
-- 202 --
me.—How melancholies I am!—I will knog his urinals
about his knave's costard when I have goot opportunities
for the ork.—Pless my soul!—
[Sings.
To shallow note rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings note madrigals;
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant note posies.
To shallow note—
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions note to cry.
[Sings.
Melodious birds sing madrigals note—
Whenas I sat in Pabylon—
And a thousand vagram note posies.
To shallow note &c.
Re-enter Simple.
Sim.
Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.
Evans.
He's welcome.—
[Sings.
To shallow note rivers, to whose note falls—
Heaven prosper the right!—What weapons is he?
Sim.
No weapons, sir. There comes my master,
Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore,
over the stile, this way.
Evans.
Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it
in your arms.
noteEnter Page, Shallow, and Slender.
Shal.
How now, master parson! Good morrow, good
Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good
student note from his book, and it is wonderful.
Slen. [Aside note]
Ah, sweet Anne Page!
Page.
Save you, good Sir Hugh!
Evans.
Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
-- 203 --
Shal.
What, the sword and the word! do you study
them both, master parson?
Page.
And youthful still! in your doublet and hose
this raw rheumatic day!
Evans.
There is reasons and causes for it.
Page.
We are come to you to do a good office, master
parson.
Evans.
Fery well: what is it?
Page.
Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
having received wrong by some person, is at most odds
with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.
Shal.
I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never
heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of
his own respect.
Evans.
What is he?
Page.
I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius,
the renowned French physician.
Evans.
Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had
as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
Page.
Why?
Evans.
He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and
Galen,—and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as
you would desires note to be acquainted withal.
Page.
I warrant you, he's the man should fight with
him.
Slen. [Aside note]
O sweet Anne Page!
note
Shal.
It appears so, by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
here comes Doctor Caius.
Enter Host, Caius, and Rugby.
Page.
Nay, good master parson, keep in note your weapon.
Shal.
So do you, good master doctor.
Host.
Disarm them, and let them question: let them
keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.
Caius.
I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your
ear. Verefore vill you not meet-a me?
-- 204 --
Evans. [Aside note to Caius]
Pray you, use your patience:
in good time.
Caius.
By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John
ape.
Evans. [Aside note to Caius]
Pray you note, let us not be laughing-stocks note
to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship,
and I will one way or other make you amends.
[Aloud note] I will knog your note urinals note about your knave's cogscomb
[for missing your meetings and appointments note].
Caius.
Diable!—Jack Rugby,—mine host de Jarteer,
—have I not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de
place I did appoint?
Evans.
As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this
is the place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
the Garter.
Host.
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul note, French and
Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer!
Caius.
Ay, dat is very good; excellent.
Host.
Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am
I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my
doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the motions.
Shall I lose my parson, my priest note, my Sir Hugh? no; he
gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. [Give me thy
hand, terrestrial; so note.] Give me thy hand, celestial; so.
Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed
you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins
are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their
-- 205 --
swords to pawn. Follow me, lads note of peace; follow, follow,
follow.
Shal.
Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen,
follow.
Slen. [Aside note]
O sweet Anne Page!
[Exeunt Shal., Slen., Page, and Host.
Caius.
Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot
of us, ha, ha?
Evans.
This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog note.
—I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our
prains together to be revenge on this same scall note, scurvy,
cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
Caius.
By gar, with note all my heart. He promise to bring
me where note is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
Evans.
Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you,
follow.
[Exeunt.
note
William Aldis Wright [1863–1866], The works of William Shakespeare edited by William George Clark... and John Glover [and William Aldis Wright] (Macmillan and Co., London) [word count] [S10701].
