INTRODUCTION.
Genuine Original Letter of Major Downing, about this Genuine
Book, and a Certificate from Zekel Bigelow 1

LETTER I.
The Major contradicts the Report of Drowning—Castle Garden—
The Advantage of hanging on to the Gineral—Governor
Massy's Pantaloons—Cass's Wig—Inquisitive Yankee—Mr.
Van Buren's Ingenuity in Weaving—His power of assimilating
to every thing, but nothing to him—New Mode of meeting
and returning the Greetings of Multitudes 13

LETTER II.
The Major at Downingville—Preparations for Reception—The
Grand Tower arrives—The Reception—The Somerset, and
dropping, Cat-like, feet first—The Gineral's good Judgment in
turning Yankee down East, from Irish down South, in York
State 18

LETTER III.
Dance at Downingville—Trying on Coats—The Gineral finds
his Companions testing thereby Matters involving the Succession—
Goes back to Washington incog.—The Major finishes
the rest of the intended Grand Tower alone—Joins the Gineral
again at Washington—Shaved by Safety-fund Notes—The
Gineral in a Quandary, and appoints the Major to examine the
Bank 29

LETTER IV.
Appointment of the Major to visit the Banks—the Two Pollies
38

LETTER V.
Containing Major Downing's Official Report on the United
States Bank, published “By Authority” 43

LETTER VI.
The Gineral in Trouble—He gets wrathy—A “cute” Move in
Mr. Van Buren 51

LETTER VII.
Major Downing manages the Official Correspondence of the
President—A simple Government—Peleg Bissel's Churn 55

LETTER VIII.
The Gineral's regard for the Yankees—Office-seekers—New
Presidential Recreations 65

LETTER IX.
The Major gives Notice of his Journey to Philadelphia and New-York,
to find out where all the Money has gone 71

LETTER X.
The Major Visits the U. S. Bank—His Interview with Squire
Biddle—Conversation with a Quaker—Meddling with the
Bank dangerous—The Downingville School-house—Zekel
Bigelow's Speech 73

LETTER XI.
Major Downing's Official Correspondence with “tne Goverment.”—
He arrives in New-York—His Reception—Zekel
Bigelow's Idea of Money-matters, and Banks, and Trade 80

LETTER XII.
Major Downing leaves New-York like a Streak—Zekel Bigelow
turns Broker 86

LETTER XIII.
Major Downing's Call on “Squire Biddle”—The importance
of Congress—The Major arrives at Washington—Wakes the
President—They talk together of Raccoons and Skunks, and
go to sleep 89

LETTER XIV.
Major Downing's Proclamation, in aid of the President's, against
the Bank 95

LETTER XV.
Favourable News of the Brokers' Business, from Zekel—Squire
Biddle a Jackson-man—A real Row in the Long Room—An
Editor put in advance of the News 100

LETTER XVI.
Trouble in the Cabinet—The use of Vacancies—Amos in a
Panic—Mr. Van Buren's Nature and Prospects—A Rat among
the Barrels 108

LETTER XVII.
Major Downing acknowledges all his juvenile Productions—His
Apology for writing better now than formerly 113

LETTER XVIII.
Flattering Prospects of the President's Message—Indian Rights
and Wrongs 116

LETTER XIX.
The President's Plan for managing the Bank and the Country—
Hunt for lost Spectacles—How and where they were found 121

LETTER XX.
Account of the important Difference between common “Specs”
and Magical Glasses; showing by plain matters of fact how
much more difficult it is to see through the latter than it is
the former 128

LETTER XXI.
Plan of the President's Message to Congress—and of a Cabinet
Supper—Song for the important Occasion—Please not to call
the Major Jack Downing 138

LETTER XXII.
Character of Mr. Clay—Art of War—A pitched and drawn Battle
on the U. S. Bank—Amnesty and Overtures—Truce—
Statu quo ante bellum—A Walk—A Button off—Tailor's Shop—
The Button Scene—The Major's Success at a new Trade—
The Bank worth a Button 143

LETTER XXIII.
Reason for some People's feeling easy—The Major preparing to
“do something” for the Country—A half-kitchen Cabinet
Council—The Major whittles, to save Time and listen—A
still busier Man—Scylla and Charybdis—Business planned—
The Major prepares a Cabinet Paper, and promises the Gineral
not to send an official Copy of it to the Senate 154

LETTER XXIV.
Paper read to the Cabinet—The Major's View of the State of
the Country and Money Concerns—Everybody's Concerns—

[figure description] Contents viii.[end figure description]

History of the U. S. Bank—A Conestoga Wagon—Its Driver
and Horses—Other Wagons—Their Men and Beasts—Steamboats
and Banks not different—Skunks and Politicians—Patriotic
Appeal, especially addressed to Men with Wives and
Children 165

LETTER XXV.
Exhibition of Messrs. Starks & Co.'s Axe at the Cabinet Chamber—
Sudden Dissolution of the Assembly—Conscience has
something to do with it—Gratitude of an Old Roman towards
a New-Carthaginian 187

LETTER XXVI.
Defalcations in the Post-Office—The Major's Method of letting
off his own Steam—The Magic Specs screwed to a plain
Sight—The Gineral takes a look at Things as they really are—
His Steam up in consequence—The Major's Notion of the
real Object of removing the Deposites from the U. S. Bank—
The Adjustment of Accounts by charging Deficiencies to the
Account of “Glory and Reform” 193

LETTER XXVII.
The Gineral tickled by the New-York and New-Jersey Legislatures—
The Charge of Bank Bribery hits the wrong Side—
An Indian Fashion recommended—An Experiment at heating
one Boiler at a time—State of the Country—The Nub of the
Business—Heterodoxy is not my Doxy—A Game, Necromancy
or Financy; or Van Buren's Cups and Balls—Trans
fer Checks, Contingent Drafts, and Hocus-Pocus—The Gineral
at bay—The Pack driven off by the Major's Whip—Scene
closes with the Safety-Valve open 205

LETTER XXVIII.
More Nickremancy—The Gineral gets his Hand in—Difference
between a Tammany-man and other men—Hints at the Origin
and Object of Safety-fund Banks—Character of moneyed
Aristocracies—Difference between I and other Folks—A P.S.
acknowledging the reception of another Present 223

LETTER XXIX.
Presentation of Committees—The General shows his Skill in
Reception—A Mistake—The Mechanics not Tammany men—
The real Simon Pures Coming—Dennis Mc Loony—Further
Particulars promised in the next Letter 235

LETTER XXX.
Some of the real “Simon Pures” at the White House—Awk
wardness of Mr. McLooney, a new Member of the Kitchen
Cabinet—The General is thereby pothered, and falls into
sundry Mistakes—Prosperous times at home—A Family
Dinner—Some good Jobs in prospect—A small “Business
Transaction” with the Treasury—A general “Hurraw” for
“Glory,” &c. 247

LETTER XXXI.
A Discussion on Assassination Letters—Reflections thereon—
The Major exposed to Assassination as well as the General—
This Diabolical Plot not confined to one Party alone—Dutch
Dunder and Blixem—The General alarmed at the Sound only—
A Translation requested, and Reasons for declining it—A
Lame Trick—Concluded by a “Haw-haw” 253