Dromio of Ephesus.
An. of Eph.
While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
And buy a rope's-end—that will I bestow
Among the base confederates of my wife,
For locking me out of my doors to-day.
But soft, I see the goldsmith—get thee gone
To buy the rope, and bring it home to me.
[Exit Dr.
A man is well holpe up, that trusts to you:
I promis'd me your presence, and the bracelet;
But neither that nor goldsmith came to me.
Angelo.
Saving your merry humour, here's the note
How much your jewel weighs, to th' utmost carat.
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,
Make it amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand 'debted to this gentleman.
-- 31 --
I pray you see him presently discharg'd,
For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.
An. of Eph.
I am not furnish'd with the sum about me,
Besides I have some business in the town.
Good Signor, take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the bracelet.—Bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
Angelo.
Then you will bring the bracelet there yourself?
An. of Eph.
No, do you bear it, lest I come not time enough.
Angelo.
Well, sir, I will then—have you it about you?
An. of Eph.
An if I have not, sir, I hope you have,
Or else you may return without your money.
Angelo.
Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the jewel,
Both wind and tide stay for the gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
An. of Eph.
I guess you use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise at the Porcupine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
2d Mer.
The hour steals on—I pray you, sir, dispatch.
Angelo.
You hear how he importunes me;—the bracelet—
An. of Eph.
Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.
Angelo.
Come, come, you know I gave it you even now;
Or give it me, or send me by some token.
An. of Eph.
Fie! now you run this humour out of breath—
Come, where is it?—I pray you let me see it.
2d Mer.
My business cannot brook this dalliance—
Good sir, say, if you'll answer me, or no;
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.
An. of Eph.
I answer you!—what should I answer you?
Angelo.
The money that you owe me for the bracelet.
An. of Eph.
I owe you none, till I receive the bracelet.
Angelo.
You know I gave it you half an hour since.
An. of Eph.
You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.
Angelo.
You wrong me more, sir, in denying it;
Consider how it stands upon my credit.
2d Mer.
Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
Officer.
I do, and charge you, in the duke's name, to obey me.
Angelo.
This touches me, sir, in my reputation;
Either consent to pay the sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.
An. of Eph.
Consent to pay for what I never had!
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st.
-- 32 --
Angelo.
Here is thy fee—arrest him, officer—
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.
Officer.
I do arrest you, sir—you hear the suit.
An. of Eph.
I do obey thee, till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear,
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
Angelo.
Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
Dr. of Syr.
Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard;
Then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
The, oil, the balsamum, and aqua vitæ.
The ship is in her trim, the merry wind
Blows fair from land, they stay for naught at all,
But for the owner, master, and yourself.
An. of Eph.
How now, madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
Dr. of Syr.
A ship you sent me to, sir, to hire waftage.
An. of Eph.
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
And told thee to what purpose, and for whom.
Dr. of Syr.
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
An. of Eph.
I will debate the matter at more leisure,
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee strait,
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
There is a purse of ducats, let her send it;
Tell her I am arrested in the street,
And that shall bail me.—Hie thee, slave, begone.
On, officer, to prison, till he comes.
[Exit An. of Eph. Angelo, Mer. and Officer.
Dr. of Syr.
To Adriana's!—that is where we din'd—
Go there again!—Surely my poor master's mind is strangely altered.
—But now he sent me to seek a vessel, and swore he would
not stay an hour longer—now he denies it all, and rather seems
inclined to take up his abode here; for, upon the strength of one
visit only, he has got the key of Adriana's treasure, I see; and
sends for her ducats as familiarly as he would for his own.—Then
how he should come arrested!—I'll venture, however, to her
-- 33 --
house once more, and get the money for him, if that Blowzabel,
who claim'd me for her husband, does not set her kitchenstuff
countenance in my way, and fright me from my purpose.
[Exit.
SCENE II.
A Chamber. Enter Adriana and Luciana.
Ad.
What, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye,
That he did plead in earnest? Didst thou mark,
Look'd he or pale, or red, or sad, or merry?
What observation, tell me, couldst thou make
Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?
Luc.
First, he deny'd you had in him a right.
Ad.
He meant, he did me none—the more my wrong.
Luc.
Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
Ad.
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he be.
Luc.
Then pleaded I for you.
Ad.
What said he then?
Luc.
That love I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me.
Ad.
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
Luc.
With words that in an honest suit might move;
First did he praise my beauty, then my speech.
Ad.
Didst speak him fair?
Luc.
Have patience, I beseech you.
Ad.
I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, must have its scope.
Oh, he is shapeless, crooked, old, and seer,
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, rude, unkind,
Deform'd in person, more deform'd in soul!
Luc.
Yet do not give such way to your affliction,
But call your better reason to your aid:—
Oh, did my brother's mind but mate his person,
Were but his conduct graceful as his visage,
What woman might with Adriana boast
So vast a fund of hymeneal bliss!
Trust then to time, and fault-repairing wisdom,
To change his mind; nor soil, with partial breath,
A form in nature's fairest colours drest.
-- 34 --
Ad.
Oh, but I think him better than I say,
And wish him kind and fair to me alone.
Thus, lapwing-like, far from my nest I cry,
To puzzle and mislead intruding eyes,
That seek to rob me of my treasur'd bliss.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
Dr. of Sy.
Here, go!—the desk—the purse!—sweet now, make haste.
Luc.
How hast thou lost thy breath?
Dr. of Syr.
By running fast.
Ad.
Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?
Dr. of Syr.
No, he's in Tartar-limbo—a devil hath him;
One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;
A fiend, a fury, pityless and rough;
A back-friend; one that commands
The passages of alleys, creeks and lanes.
Ad.
Why, man, what is the matter?
Dr. of Syr.
I do not know the matter, but he is arrested.
Ad.
Arrested, is he?—tell me, at whose suit?
Dr. of Syr.
I do not know at whose suit he is arrested, but arrested
he is—and his suit to you is, that you will send him, Mistress
Redemption, the money in his desk.
Ad.
Go, fetch it, sister.—
[Exit Luc.
This I wonder at.
That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a bond?
Dr. of Syr.
No, on the mart.—Come, 'tis time that I were gone.
Re-enter Luciana with a Purse.
Ad.
Go, Dromio, there's the money, bear it strait,
And bring thy master home immediately.
[Exit Dro.
Yet wherefore bring him home, since he has lost
All token of regard, and slights the place
Where, once, he said, his ev'ry comfort dwelt,
Why should I wish him here? and yet without him
What is this home to me?
Luc.
Some vague conceit,
The phantom of the moment, hath possest him;
It will away as soon.
-- 35 --
Ad.
Pray, Heaven, it may;
For 'till he shake it off, no mate have I,
But jealous doubt, or dark despondency.
[Exeunt.
SCENE III.
The Mart. Enter Antipholis of Syracuse.
An. of Syr.
There's not a man I meet but doth salute me,
As if I were his well acquainted friend;
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me, some invite me,
Some offer me commodities to buy,
While others give me thanks for kindnesses.
Ev'n now a taylor call'd me in his shop,
And shew'd me silks that he had bought for me,
And there withal took measure of my body.
Sure these are but imaginary wiles;
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
Dr. of Syr.
Master here's the gold you sent me for.—What,
have you got rid of the fiend?
An. of Syr.
What gold is this?—What fiend dost thou mean?
Dr. of Syr.
He that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel,
and bid you forsake your liberty.
An. of Syr.
I understand thee not.
Dr. of Syr.
No!—why 'tis plain enough.—The man, sir, that,
when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, and rests them. He,
sir, that takes pity on decay'd men, and gives them suits of durance.
An. of Syr.
Mean'st thou an officer?
Dr. of Syr.
Ay, sir, the serjeant of the band—he that brings
any man to answer it, that breaks his bond. One that thinks a
man always going to bed, and says, Heaven send you good rest!
An. of Syr.
Well, sir, there rest your foolery!—Is there any
ship puts forth to-night? May we be gone?
Dr. of Syr.
Why, sir, I brought you word, an hour since, that
-- 36 --
the Bark, Expedition, puts forth to-night; and then were you
hindered by the serjeant, to tarry for the hoy, Delay. Here are
the angels that you sent for, to deliver you.
An. of Syr.
The fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in illusion—
Some blessed power deliver us from hence!—
Enter Lesbia.
Les.
Well met, well met, master Antipholis!
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now,
Is this the bracelet you promis'd me to-day?
An. of Syr.
What more temptations?
Mistress, you do impeach your modesty,
Here in the street, thus to commit yourself
Into the hands of one who knows you not.
Les.
Not know me?—how?—Am I not Lesbia?
And are not you Antipholis?—Nay, jest not;
Return with me, and we will mend our cheer.
An. of Syr.
Have you no bashfulness; no sense of shame;
No touch of modesty? Why will you tear
Ungentle words from my reluctant tongue?
Les.
I would not do so, good Antipholis;
I do but ask for what you promis'd me.
An. of Syr.
I promis'd thee?
Les.
Ay! as we sat at dinner.
An. of Syr.
I ne'er beheld thy face until this instant.
Les.
And told'st me that thy wife—
An. of Syr.
My wife?—thou sorceress?
Dr. of Syr.
Master, you certainly have been married,
And have forgot it.
Les.
Say, did you not, Antipholis?
An. of Syr.
I tell thee, no.
Les.
Nor take my ring?
An. of Syr.
No, no—nor comprehend
What thy false tongue hath utter'd.—Dromio,
Follow me to our Inn—I will not stay,
Nor longer listen to thy sorceries.
[Exit. Les. offering to follow.
Dr. of Syr.
No, you don't. [Draws.] Here's my charm
against witches.—Mistress, it is written that evil spirits appear
to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire, and fire
will burn.—Ergo—light wenches will burn—therefore we will
not trust ourselves near you.
[Exit.
-- 37 --
Les.
Now out of doubt, Antipholis is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same, he promis'd me a bracelet;
Both one and other he denies me now.
What then remains? what measures shall I take?
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife, that, being lunatic,
He rush'd into my house, and took, per force,
My ring away—This course I fittest chuse,
To right myself against this madman's wrong.
[Exit.
SCENE IV.
The Mart. Enter Antipholis of Ephesus, and Officer.
An. of Eph.
Fear me not, man; I will not break away.
I'll give thee, ere I lerve thee, so much money
To warrant thee, as I'm 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
And will not lightly trust the messenger.
That I should be attached in Ephesus,
I tell you will sound harshly in her ears.
Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
Enter Dromio of Ephesus, with a Rope.
An of Eph.
How now, sir, have you that I sent you for?
Dr. of Eph.
Here's that, I'll warrant you, will pay them all.
An. of Eph.
But where's the money?
Dr. of Eph.
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
An. of Eph.
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
Dr. of Eph.
I'll serve you, sir, five thousand at that rate.
An. of Eph.
To what end did I bid thee hie thee hence?
Dr. of Eph.
To a rope's end, sir, and to that end am I return'd.
An. of Eph.
And to that end, sir, will I welcome you.
[Beats him.
Officer.
Good sir, be patient.
Dr. of Eph.
Nay, 'tis for me to be patient, I am in adversity.
-- 38 --
Officer.
Good now, hold thy tongue.
Dr. of Eph.
Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
An. of Eph.
Thou whoreson, senseless villain!
Dr. of Eph.
I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
your blows.
An. of Eph.
Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is
an ass.
Dr. of Eph.
I am an ass, indeed, you may prove it by my endurance.
I have served him from the hour of my nativity to
this instant, and have had nothing at his hands for my service but
blows—When I am cold he heats me with beating; when I am
warm he cools me with beating. I am waked with it when I
sleep, raised with it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I
go abroad, welcomed home with it when I return; nay, I bear
it on my shoulders as a beggar does her brat—and I think when
he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
An. of Eph.
Well, we'll along; my wife is coming yonder.
Enter Adriana, Luciana, Lesbia, Dr. Pinch, &c.
Dr. of Eph.
Mistress, respice finem, respect your end—or rather
the prophecy, like the parrot, beware of the rope's end.
An. of Eph.
Wilt thou still prate? art thou not quieted?
Then take thou that, and that.
[Beats him.
Officer.
Good sir, be patient.
Les.
How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
Ad.
His incivility confirms no less;
Good Dr. Pinch, you are a skilful man,
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will pay you what you shall demand.
Luc.
Alas! how fiery and how fierce he looks!
Les.
Mark how he trembles in his ecstacy!
Pinch.
Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
An of Eph.
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
[Strikes.
Pinch.
I charge thee, satan, hous'd within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers;
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.
An. of Eph.
Peace, doating wizard, peace! I am not mad.
Ad
O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!
An. of Eph.
You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion, with the saffron face,
Revel and seast it at my house to-day?
While upon me the guilty doors were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house?
-- 39 --
Ad.
O, husband! Heaven doth know you din'd at home,
Where would you had remain'd until this time,
Free from these slanders, and this open shame.
An. of Eph.
Din'd at home!—Thou villain, what say'st thou?
Dr. of Eph.
Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
An. of Eph.
Were not my doors lock'd up, and I shut out?
Dr. of Eph.
In sooth your doors were lock'd, and you shut out.
An. of Eph.
And did not she herself revile me there?
Dr. of Eph.
Sans fable, she herself revil'd you there.
An. of Eph.
And did not I, in rage, depart from thence?
Dr. of Eph.
In verity, you did—my bones bear witness,
That since have felt the vigour of your rage.
Ad.
Is't good to sooth him in these contraries?
Pinch.
It is no shame, the fellow finds his vein,
And yielding to him, humours well his phrenzy.
An. of Eph.
Thou hast suborn'd the Goldsmith to arrest me.
Ad.
Alas! I sent you money to redeem you,
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
Dr. of Eph.
Money by me!—Heart and good-will you might,
But surely, master, not a doit of money.
An. of Eph.
Went'st thou not to her for a purse of ducats?
Ad.
He came to me, and I delivered it.
Luc.
And I am witness with her, that she did.
Dr. of Eph.
Heaven, and the rope-maker can bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
Pinch.
Mistress, both man and master are possest,
I know it by their pale and deadly looks;
They must be bound, and laid in some dark room.
An. of Eph.
Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
Ad
I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
Dr. of Eph.
And, gentle master, I received no gold,
But I can swear, sir, that we were locked out.
Ad.
Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.
An. of Eph.
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned pack,
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me.
But with these nails I'll pluck out those false eyes,
That would behold me in this shameful sort.
Ad.
O! hold him, hold him, let him not come near me.
[Attendants seize him.
Pinch.
More company! the fiend is strong within him.
An. of Eph.
What, will you murder me?—Thou, jailor, thou,
-- 40 --
I am thy prisoner; wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?
Officer.
Masters, let him go:
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
Pinch.
Go, bind that man, for he is frantic too.
Ad.
What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer,
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
Officer.
He is my prisoner, if I let him go,
The debt he owes will be required of me.
Ad.
Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
Home to thy house—O! most unhappy day!
An. of Eph.
O! most unhappy strumpet!
[Attendants force off Antipholis of Eph. Dromio, and Pinch.
Manent Adriana, Luciana, Lesbia, and Officer.
Ad.
I will discharge thee—
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor—
But say, whose suit is he arrested at?
Officer.
One Angelo, a goldsmith—do you know him?
Ad.
I know the man—what is the sum he owes?
Officer.
Two hundred ducats.
Ad.
Say, how grows it due?
Officer.
Due for a bracelet, which your husband had.
Ad.
He did bespeak't for me, but had it not.
Les.
When as your husband, all in rage, to-day
Came to my house, and took away my ring,
(The ring I saw upon his finger now)
Strait after did I meet him with the bracelet.
Ad.
It may be so, but I did never see it.
Come, jailor, bring me where the goldsmith is,
I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Luc.
Heaven, for thy mercy! they are loose again!
Ad.
And come with naked swords.
Enter Antipholis of Syracuse, and Dromio of Syracuse, with drawn Swords.
Let's call more help to have 'em bound again.
Officer.
Away! they'll kill us!
[Exeunt.
Dr. of Syr.
She, that would be your wife, now ran from you.
-- 41 --
An. of Syr.
Come to the Centaur, fetch our stuff from thence.
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
Dr. of Syr.
Faith, stay here this night—they will surely do us
no harm—you saw they spake us fair, gave us gold.—Methinks
they are such a gentle nation, that, but for the mountain of mad
flesh, who claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay
here still, and turn witch myself.
An. of Syr.
I will not stay, to-night, for all the town,
So many, and such strange events pursue me,
'Tis madness all! and I begin to doubt,
That even love and beauty are but snares,
To plunge my soul in yet severer cares.
[Exeunt.
-- 42 --
Thomas Hull [1793], The Comedy of Errors. With alterations from Shakspeare. Adapted for theatrical representation. By Thomas Hull. As performed at the Theatre-Royal, Covent-Garden. A new edition (Printed by John Bell [etc.], London) [word count] [S30300].
