Antipholis of Ephesus.
Good Signor Angelo, you must excuse us;
My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours.
Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop,
To see the making of her bracelet,
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain, that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.—
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

Dr. of Eph.
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know.
That you beat me at the mart, I have the marks to witness.

An. of Eph.
Silence, thou sot, or I shall sober thee!—

You're sad, Signor Balthasar; pray Heaven our cheer may answer my good-will, and your good welcome.—But soft my door is lock'd—Sirrah, ring the bell.

Dr. of Eph.

Oh, he's a little soberer, and he does know his own house now.

An. of Eph.

Will they not hear?

Dr. of Eph.

In good truth, I think they will not.—My mistress, sure, means to be quits with you, master—you denied her a while ago, and now she's determined to deny you.

An. of Eph.

Have done, thou varlet. Call to them, bid them let us in.

Dr. of Eph.

Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Madge!

Dr. of Syr. [Within.]

Mome, Malt-horse, Capon, Coxcomb, Ideot, Patch!—Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store, when one is one to many.—Go get thee from the gate!

Dr. of Eph.

What patch is made our porter?—My master stays in the street.

Dr. of Syr. [Within.]

Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold in his feet.

An. of Eph.

Who talks within there?—Hoa, open the door.

Dr. of Syr. [Within.]

Right, sir,—I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore.

An. of Eph.

What art thou, there, that keep'st me from mine own house?

Dr. of Syr. [Within.]

The porter, sir, and my name is Dromio.

Dr. of Eph.

O, villain, thou hast stole both mine office and my name.

Bridget. [Within.]

Why, what a coil is there;—Dromio, who are those at the door?

Dr. of Eph.

Let my master in, Bridget.

Bridget. [Within.]

Peace, fool! thy master's here already.

An. of Eph.

Do you hear, you minion, you'll let us in, I trow?

Bridget. [Within.]

Can you tell for whose sake?

Dr. of Eph.

Master, knock at the door hard.

Dr. of Syr. [Within.]

Let him knock till it ake.

Adriana. [Within.]

Who is at the gate, that keeps all this noise?

An. of Eph.

Are you there, wife?—you might have come before.

Ad. [Within.]

Your wife, sir knave!—Go, get you from the gate.

An. of Eph.
Get from the gate?—What means this saucy language?
There's something more in this!—Why, Adriana!

Ad. [Within.]
Hence, you familiar coxcomb! Cease your noise,
Or you shall dearly pay for all this outrage.—
Dromio, be sure you keep fast the doors against 'em.

An. of Eph.

Why, wife, I say.—

Dr. of Syr. [Within.]

She's gone back to dinner, sir, to take a refreshing cup, and has no time to answer idle questions now.

An. of Eph.
Now, on my soul, some strange mysterious guile,
Lurks underneath this unaccustom'd usage.
Some shameful minion here is entertain'd—
Shall I be thus shut forth from my own house,
While they are revelling to my dishonour?
Go, fetch an instrument—I'll break the door,
Shatter it all to pieces, but I'll enter.

Bal.
Have patience, sir—O, let it not be thus,
Herein you war against your reputation,
And draw within the compass of suspect
Th' inviolated honour of your wife.
Your long experience of her wisdom, sir,
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
Plead, on her part, some cause to you unknown;
And, doubt it not, but she will well excuse
Why, at this time, the doors are barr'd against you.

Angelo.
Be rul'd by me—depart in patience,
And let us to the Tyger all to dinner;
And, about evening, come yourself alone,
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in,
Now, in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it;
And that supposed, by the common rout,
Against your yet ungalled estimation,
That may with foul intrusion enter in,
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead.
For slander lives ev'n to posterity,
For ever hous'd when once it gets possession.

An. of Eph.
You have prevail'd—I will depart in quiet,
And in despite of wrath, try to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty—wild, and yet right gentle;
There will we dine.—This woman that I mean,
My wife (but, I protest, without desert)
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal.
To her will we to dinner. Get you home,
And fetch the jewel—by this I guess 'tis made—
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porcupine,
For there's the house, and there will I bestow it,
(Be it for nothing but to spite my wife)
Upon mine hostess. Good sir, use dispatch.

Angelo.
I'll meet you at that place some hour, sir, hence. [Exit.

An. of Eph.
I thank you, sir.—And now, my dainty wife,
Checking my rage, I'll leave you to your follies
Some few short hours; enjoy them while you may,
Perchance to-morrow you may rue your jest. [Exeunt.

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