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Preliminaries
—LE COEUR——
AU MÉTIER—
EDMUND CLARENCE
STEDMAN
[figure description] 457EAF. Free Endpaper with Bookplate: an outer-most border consists of a dark line forming
a rectangle. This rectangular area contains a simplistic four-leaf
holly in each corner, with words filling each side. The top: Le Couer.
The right vertical: Au Metier. The left vertical: Edmund Clarence. The
bottom: Stedman. The center of the bookplate depicts a pastoral setting,
with Pan perched on the roots of a tree playing his pipes. In the
foreground, an elf is stretched out on the grass with his back to the
reader listening. In the background, a woman wearing light draperies is
sitting on a grassy ledge and leaning on her harp as she also
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OPINIONS OF THE PRESS, RESPECTING “FIFTY MILLIONS, ” AS IT APPEARED SERIALLY.
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“The Wings of Riches.—The first installment of Moses Adams's
new story, concerning which the world has already heard so many
tantalizing things that have made the world stand on tip-toe, appeared
in the daily Whig of Saturday, in which edition (as well as the
semi-weekly and weekly) the rest of the narrative will be told by
the ex-millionaire. 'Tis marked already by the satire, keen but
never cutting (it can cut, but it doesn't), the knowledge of human
nature, alike in its weakest and its most earnest, its most and least
genial aspects, the pathos, the riant and easy humor, that make Dr.
Bagby, in our critical judgment, another Elia of our era, with more
varied powers than Lamb, though none so well cultivated as those
of that essayist and occasional poet. `What I Did with My Fifty
Millions,' recalls the Doctor's best work, `Blue Eyes and Battlewick,'
published many years ago in the Southern Literary Messenger, and,
unfortunately, never put before the world in book-form. We shall
follow the career of that fortune with eyes of interest, especially as
we have an idea that some small part of it will be laid apart for us.
That is, if we survive until 1876, the year in which the story is cast;
the place being Richmond, with temporary shuntings on the sidetracks
of Lynchburg and Kurdsville.”
—Petersburg Index.
“`Fifty Millions.'—... The style of Doctor Bagby is fitted more
to the pages and character of the quarterlies and to the book publications
of the day, than to the daily and weekly journals. Bagby is
the Mark Twain of Virginia, and we have no doubt that some of our
book publishers could subserve a public demand, and at the same
time promote very handsomely the business interests of their establishments,
by furnishing it in book-form. `What I Did with My
fifty Millions' is quaint, original, and peculiarly Virginian, and its
style adds to the virtues of its great local interests, those features of
terse and trenchant style, which will cause it to be read in other
circles than where the cavaliers and their descendants have left their
footprints.' ”
—Bristol News.
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“`Fifty Millions.'—Dr. Adams's great romance, `What I Did
with My Fifty Million Dollars,' is concluded in the last number of
the Whig, in which the wonderful serial has been published. The
final installment is longer than those which preceded, and is crowded
with incidents and tableaux of abiding interest. In the last sad
scene, he beholds, as in a trance, all the comrades and companions
of his earlier years; and there troop in long procession through the
old man's breaking and wandering mind the figures, inter alios, of
many Petersburgers—Mr. Osborne, McCabe, Glass, `the two Barhams,'
the two Venables, Cameron, the writer, and many others.
This vivid memory cheers the old man's heart, as his hold on earth
relaxes, and he falls asleep with the happy vision shining in his eyes.
We hope the story will be collected and printed in book-form for the
amusement and entertainment of the public. There is in it much
more than the humor which plays on its surface; there is even more
in it than the pathos which often breaks through it with tears. There
is in the analysis of the vagaries and hallucinations which precede
death, the evidence of deep study and knowledge of physiology and
psychology too. But we will not discount the reader's enjoyment of
the `Fifty Millions.' It ought by all means to appear in book-form.”
—Index-Appeal.
“`What I Did with My Fifty Millions.'—The series of
papers under this fantastic title is brought to a conclusion in the
issue of the Richmond Whig of May 1st.
“Dr. Bagby has made his fancy of great wealth the starting point
for excursions in every direction, sketching, as he alone of living
writers can do, the familiar Virginian life as it was before the war,
as it is now in its transition state, and as it can never again appear
under the new conditions that surround us. Untrammeled by any
fixed limits, he introduces into these separate pictures his own reflections
on men and things—reflections now profound, now playful, here
fantastic, there pathetic, but always tinged with his own humor,
always revealing something of his own self and thought. These
sketches are often personal, and the author has the rare boldness to
talk of the men he means by their own names, but the personality is
but such as Charles Lamb indulged in when he wrote of the India
House, or when he so affectionately and yet so quizzically recorded
his memories of the Benchers of Gray's Inn.
“Dr. Bagby's genius is akin to Lamb's; he has the same keenness
of local observation, the same love for quaint nooks of space, for
quaint examples of mankind, for old fashions of thought and speech
and life. His humor, too, is of Elia's kind,—a melancholy humor,
yet a jesting, a humor often sarcastic in form, always loving in fact.
He draws his pictures of Virginia as Lamb did of London, always
narrow in his theme, but always wide in its treatment, perfect in the
minute observations he loves to make, because his mind is practiced
in large views of men and things.
“Virginia has in truth produced, though Virginia hardly knows it,
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a school of Virginian art, men devoted to portraying Virginian life,
and portraying it so well that, had they been Bostonians, with the
Old Colony for their subject, the country would have resounded with
their fame. Elder Woodward, Sheppard, and Fisher, with brush
and pencil; Valentine, Galt, and Barbee, with the chisel; in science,
Ruffin, Rogers, Maury, and Hotchkiss; in literature, Thompson,
Aylett, Cooke, Pollard, Marian Harland, and Geo. W. Bagby.
“Among these men of letters the last stands pre-eminent as the
essayist of Virginia, the pen-painter of Virginians, their life and
manners, their foibles and their virtues. It is a great pity that these
sketches of a time and people fast passing, almost wholly passed
away, should not be collected and put in enduring form. Sheppard's
pencil has preserved in outline almost every phase of the
old-time negro life in Virginia. Elder's brush has recorded it to its
minutest detail, and Valentine has stamped it into marble, but the
essays of Dr. Bagby have in turn touched on every part of Virginia,
and touched each one to adorn and to preserve. The country village,
the court-house green, the plantation home, the editor, the
planter, the belle, the hard-worked country doctor, the pampered
house-servant, the traveling gambler, the court-house bully, the country
dandy, the hale old farmer, and the busy, much-worked and all-loving
matron and mother; all these, as seen in Virginia, the Virginia as it
stood in 1850, and likewise the Virginia as in 1870 it was passing
away, his pictures keep alive for us and for the future.
“We hope, and hope earnestly, that the essayist will frame these
pictures in a book and so preserve them. Let the `Fifty Millions'
lead and let the title be `For Virginians only,' and our word for it,
Virginia will buy and read, and value, will laugh, and now and again
will shed a pleasing tear over that book.”
—Norfolk Virginian.
“ `Fifty Millions.'—Doctor Bagby is a humorist of the finest
taste, and his productions are of native growth. Born of Virginia's
soil, suffused with a local coloring at once pure and brilliant, his pictures
of men and scenes have a charm about them which it is hard to
describe without incurring the charge of extravagance from those who
do not know his works. For us this provincialism is very attractive,
but, in addition, we find that he scatters wit, wisdom and learning
with a generous profusion through his pages, so that one rises from
his `Fifty Millions' with a conviction that until this serial appeared
Bagby was unknown even to his own people and his familiar friends.
This performance is to be published in a volume, and on its appearance
we shall have a word to speak about it, until when we beg his
friends, our friends, and the friends of our native literature to interest
themselves in making the forthcoming volume a complete success.”
—Norfolk (Va.) Landmark.
Preliminaries
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The professor who acted as master of ceremonies,
after a vain attempt to carry out the
regular order of exercises, gave up the effort
and stated that the parchments would be delivered
by the faculty in the library, except
those of the masters of arts, eight in number,
who would receive their diplomas from the
president. Among the youths thus honored
was the promising son of the late Dr. George
Bugby, one of Virginia's brightest spirits,
who died all too soon for the success his
talents deserved. His lectures and essays,
collected in two volumes by his wife, contain
some of the choicest specimens of pathos
and humor in American literature. The
famous lecture on “Bacon and Greens” is a
perfect picture of the Old Virginia which
Virginians love, vanished from all but memory
now, and the chapter on “Rubinstein's
Music” cannot be excelled in its delicious
extravagance of style.
EVENING TRANSCRIPT
MONDAY JULY 16, 1888
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Title Page
WHAT I DID
WITH MY
FIFTY MILLIONS.
FOR VIRGINIANS ONLY.
BY
MOSES ADAMS.
EDITED FROM THE POSTHUMOUS MS.
BY
CæSAR MAURICE, ESQ.,
OF THE RICHMON (VA.) WHIG.
PHILADELPHIA:
J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO.
1874.
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Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1874, by
G. W. BAGBY.
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.
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PREFACE BY THE EDITOR.
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It seems that the old man (“Mozis”)* did really believe
that he possessed an enormous sum of money—the
internal evidence leaves no doubt whatever on this point—
and he must have passed many sleepless nights in
imagining what he did with it. He seems, too, to have
labored under the additional delusion that he had been
for a very long time “cooped up,” as he expresses it, in
editorial sanctums and libraries, whereas it is well known
that his actual business was that of a hoop-pole splitter in
the barrel factory of the Columbian Mills. But this confinement
appears to have disagreed with him, and may
have led to the mental torsion that gave birth to the
strange production now published. Hence the passionate
outburst of affection for his foster-mother, Nature, which
would be almost ludicrous did we not remember how the
simple old soul must have pined for the free life in the
woods, to which, as a mauler of rails for Col. Hubard,
of Buckingham, he had been accustomed from his very
boyhood.
The date “1890” in the first foot-note indicates that
the article, written at some uncertain period, was afterwards
revised and annotated at intervals, as the old man's
strength enabled him to indulge in literary occupations—
probably after nightfall, his only leisure time. His
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precise age has always been a matter of conjecture, but had
he lived till 1890 he would have been not less than one
hundred and eleven years old. The records of the old
Masonic Lodge at Curdsville prove this.
Due allowance must be made for the discrepancies in
the annotated dates, for the interpolations of various
kinds, and for the garrulity incident to age. These and
the doting fondness of the old man for the Virginia customs,
which he fancied he had placed upon everlasting
foundations, with the further fact that after much reflection
he could not prevail upon himself to spend any of
his money outside of his native State, may well excuse his
wild fancies and incoherences. And our readers no doubt
will the more readily condone his faults in view of the
fact that, in his prime, the well-meaning creature gave
them many a hearty laugh which they have not yet forgotten.
POSTSCRIPT.
People have been so delighted with the extravaganzas
of Moses Adams that they have demanded the publication
of his lucubrations in an enduring book form. It seems
never to have occurred to them that in laughing at
Moses's follies they are laughing at their own. De te
fabula narratur. Those who read between the lines (as
the French say) detect in all Moses's phantasies a lurking
satire on the disposition made by poor old Virginia of her
“fifty millions” on internal improvements. We hope,
when they read again, they will inwardly digest, and profit
by the operation. In the meantime, Moses, no doubt,
chuckles in his sleeve, and is happy in contemplating the
hilarity of his dupes. C. M.
Whig Office, Richmond, Va.
eaf457n1* “Mozis Addums,” whose “Letters to Billy Ivvins,” published in the
Southern Literary Messenger, many years ago, produced such an excitement
in Virginia and throughout the South. Late in life, when Fifty Millions
was written, he had learned to spell his name correctly and to write
not very bad English.
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CONTENTS.
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PAGE
FIRST INSTALLMENT. Where the Money came from—First Effect of Riches—Yearning for
Ashcake and Buttermilk — Overwhelming Sense of Poverty—
Misery and Wrath—A Morning Walk—Accident—Calvin Jones
and Tom Kirkpatrick 13
SECOND INSTALLMENT. The Cat out of the Bag—How People behaved—Park and Reservoir
for Lynchburg—Alarming Increase of Destitution—W. E. Binford
and the Widow Bexley—How to Help, whom to Help, and When—
Rush of Editors, Photographers, etc.—“Sky Surprises” 19
THIRD INSTALLMENT. Fits of Pride—How cured—A Sneaking Heart-Devil—The Pleasure
of Giving—Some Schoolmarms—Ham. Chamberlayne—Deacon
Handy—“The Native Virginian”—Numerous Widows—Colonel
McDonald—Billy Christian—Trick on a Fat Doctor, etc. 25
FOURTH INSTALLMENT. Laura Park—Sneers at Jones and Adams—The Great Reservoir—
New Market-House—Grand Celebration—Arrival of Old Lynchburgers—
Ballard Kidd and Harriet Rouse—Works at Curdsville,
etc.—Rage of a baffled Rich Man—College for Old Virginia
Fiddlers, etc. 33
FIFTH INSTALLMENT. Blessings of the Fiddlers' College—Dancing vs. Pure Hugging—
Course on Fife and Tobacco-Horn—Blind Billy—Buckingham
Female Institute—“Chermany” and “Ant'ny Over”—Langhorne's
Tavern, Ça Ira, New Store, Raine's Tavern, etc.—Spout
Spring, Red House, Pamplin's, Tarwallet, etc.—College for Old
Virginia Cooks—Hampden Sydney College—Mosque and Shot-Tower
at Burkeville 40
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SIXTH INSTALLMENT. Good Sidewalks in Richmond—Council of Cobblers and Ostlers—
New Capitol proposed—Intense Rage of the Legislature—Speeches
of Indignant Members—Appearance of Capitol in 1910—Strangers
from Japan and North Carolina—Deplorable Consequence of a
Bank, etc. 47
SEVENTH INSTALLMENT. Railroad Depots in Richmond—Improvements on Broad Street—
Shields House—Virginia Historical Society Building—Colonel T.
H. Wynne and Dr. W. P. Palmer—Automation of Com. Porter—
Brice Church—Free-Pew Question settled—Paganism of Adams—
Pulpit Propriety and Duck Guns—Rev. Dr. Broadus—Varlets,
Cudgels, and Assassins—Congregational Singing—Church of
Spectroscope 52
EIGHTH INSTALLMENT. Mr. Pigskin on Immigration—Adams Hints at Empire—Ten Thousand
Dollars each to Fifteen Hundred Girls—Bad Consequences
of Good Intentions—Excitement in Virginia—Adams Hated—
Regarded as an Active Intransitive Fool—Gov. Kemper—Expensive
Joke on Wife—A Lesson to Husbands—Rev. Dr. Peterkin—
Venom without Spondulics 60
NINTH INSTALLMENT. Sad Results of an Explosion—Drs. Cullen and McGuire—Happy
Resection of a Steeple—Burwell Music Hall—Great Fiddling
Festival—A Treat for Pretty Girls—Happiest Time of Old
Adams's Life—Gen. Richardson and Col. Sherwin McRae—
Adams's Patent Lecture-Halls—Judge Waller Stapler—“Johnny
Reb.” 69
TENTH INSTALLMENT. Cremation of Piano Advertisers—Wisdom of Roman Catholics—
The Addie Deane House—University of Virginia—Judge William
Robertson, Dr. Maupin, etc.—Editorial Academy—Asylum for
Worthless Young Men—Parke Park—Richmond Boulevard—
Matthews & Matthews—Life's Appomattox—Semi-Phalansterian
Squares, etc. 76
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ELEVENTH INSTALLMENT. Black Crook Club Monument—Dr. Leigh Burton—Nat. Sturdivant
Terrace—Hermann Garden—Louis Euker—Cornelia
Cathedral—Worship Purely Musical—Leo Wheat—Major Burr
Noland—Diseased Germans—Midnight New Year Services—Our
Saviour—Mary Davidson—General Mahone—Elder, Fisher, and
Sheppard—G. Watson James, etc. 87
TWELFTH INSTALLMENT. Tour with Artist-Friends—Suggestive Summering—Badly Apple-Brandied—
Judge Crump—John R. Thompson's Tomb—Yankees—
“The Last of Pea Time”—Squirted out of Town—Peter Mayo
and Alexander Cameron—Valentine's Colossal Statue—Dr. W.
Hand Browne—Adams's “Folly,” Eleven Hundred Feet High—
Gala Day all around the Globe—Excitement in Lynchburg—Jack
Slaughter and Robin Terry—Trash Green—Death of Wife—Badly
Kicked—Home near Pamlin's Depot. 97
THIRTEENTH INSTALLMENT. A Lonely Old Age—Dark and Bitter Thoughts—Arrival of the
Commodore—Throwing Mexican Dollars—A Negro Killed—A
Stormy Night—Trouble of Life's Ending—Misery of this World—
Hallucinations—In the Fodder-stack—A Voice. 109
FOURTEENTH INSTALLMENT. Aunt Polly Waddy—Cavalry Comin'—Ned Gregory, Barron Hope,
V. Dabney and others—Slugs and Gulgers—Col. T. F. Owens—
An Old Virginia Breakfast—The Commodore Breaks Loose—
A Terrible Time—Cremation—Loose Again—Earthquakes, Cholera,
etc,—Grand Dinner—Royal Ashcake—Toasts, Speeches, and
Perfect Bliss—Asleep at His Own Table. 116
FIFTEENTH INSTALLMENT. In Gordonsville—Grand Triangular Bob Sully Hotel—Fried Chicken
and Hard-boiled Eggs in Effigy—Vast Gongs—Stofers, Frys,
Scotts, Chapmans, Kincheloes, etc.—The Sphinx—Adams a
Nuisance—Sent to Poor-House—Death—Burial and Obituary—
The End. 125
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Bagby, George William, 1828-1883 [1874], What I did with my fifty millions. (J.B. Lippincott & Co., Philadelphia) [word count] [eaf457T].
