Fye, fye, on all tired jades! on all mad masters!
and all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten?
9note
was ever man so ray'd? was ever man so weary? I
am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming
-- 674 --
after to warm them. Now, were not I a little pot1note
,
and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth,
my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my
belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me:—But, I,
with blowing the fire, shall warm myself; for, considering
the weather, a taller man than I will take
cold. Holla, hoa! Curtis!
Enter Curtis.
Curt.
Who is that, calls so coldly?
Gru.
A piece of ice: If thou doubt it, thou may'st
slide from my shoulder to my heel, with no greater
a run but my head and my neck. A fire, good
Curtis.
Curt.
Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
Gru.
Oh, ay, Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, sire;
cast on no water 9Q0390.
Curt.
Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?
Gru.
She was, good Curtis, before this frost: but,
thou know'st, 2note
winter tames man, woman, and beast;
-- 477 --
for it hath tam'd my old master, and my new mistress,
and myself, fellow Curtis.
Am I but three inches? 4notewhy, thy horn is
a foot; and so long am I, at the least. But wilt thou
make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress,
whose hand (she beingnow at hand) thou shalt
soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy
hot office.
Curt.
I pr'ythee, good Grumio, tell me, How goes
the world?
Gru.
A cold world, Curtis, in every office but
thine; and, therefore, fire: Do thy duty, and have
thy duty; for my master and mistress are almost
frozen to death.
-- 478 --
Curt.
There's fire ready; And therefore, good Grumio,
the news?
Why therefore, fire; for I have caught extreme
cold. Where's the cook? is supper ready, the
house trimm'd, rushes strew'd, cobwebs swept; the
serving-men in their new fustian, their white stockings,
and every officer his wedding-garment on? 6note
be
-- 479 --
the jacks fair within, the jills fair without, the carpets
laid, and every thing in order?
Curt.
All ready; And therefore, I pray thee,
news?
Gru.
First, know, my horse is tired; my master
and mistress fallen out.
Curt.
How?
Gru.
Out of their saddles into the dirt; And thereby
hangs a tale.
Curt.
Let's ha't, good Grumio.
Gru.
Lend thine ear.
Curt.
Here.
Gru.
There.
[Strikes him.
Curt.
This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
Gru.
And therefore 'tis call'd, a sensible tale: and
this cuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseech
listning. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a
foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress:—
Curt.
Both on one horse?
Gru.
What's that to thee?
Curt.
Why, a horse.
Gru.
Tell thou the tale:—But hadst thou not
cross'd me, thou should'st have heard how the horse
fell, and she under her horse; thou should'st have
heard, in how miry a place: how she was bemoil'd7note;
how he left her with the horse upon her; how he beat
-- 480 --
me because her horse stumbled; how she waded
through the dirt to pluck him off me; 8note
how he
swore; how she pray'd—that never pray'd before; how
I cry'd; how the horses ran away; how her bridle
was burst; how I lost my crupper;—with many
things of worthy memory; which now shall die in
oblivion, and thou return unexperienc'd to thy grave.
Curt.
By this reckoning, he is more shrew than she.
Gru.
Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you
all shall find, when he comes home. But what talk I
of this?—call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas,
Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest: let their
heads be sleekly comb'd, their blue coats brush'd,
and their 9note
garters of an indifferent knit: let them
curtsy with their left legs; and not presume to touch
a hair of my master's horse-tail, 'till they kiss their
hands. Are they all ready?
Curt.
They are.
-- 481 --
Gru.
Call them forth.
Curt.
Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master,
to countenance my mistress.
Gru.
Why, she hath a face of her own.
Curt.
Who knows not that?
Gru.
Thou, it seems; that call'st fo c ompany to
countenance her.
Curt.
I call them forth to credit her.
Enter four or five serving men.
Gru.
Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
Nath.
Welcome home, Grumio.
Phil.
How now, Grumio?
Jos.
What, Grumio!
Nich.
Fellow Grumio!
Nath.
How now, old lad?
Gru.
Welcome, you;—how now, you;—what,
you;—fellow, you;—and thus much for greeting.
Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all
things neat?
Nath.
All things are ready: How near is our
master?
Gru.
E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore
be not,—Cock's passion, silence!—I hear
my master.
Pet.
Where be these knaves? What, no man at the door,
-- 482 --
To hold my stirrup, nor to take my horse!
Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?—
All Serv.
Here, here, sir; here, sir.
Pet.
Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!—
You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms!
What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?—
Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
Gru.
Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.
Pet.
You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
-- 483 --
Did not I bid thee meet me in the park,
And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
Gru.
Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made,
And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' the heel;
There was no link to colour Peter's hat2note
,
And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing:
There were none fine, but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.
Pet.
Go, rascals, go, and fetch my supper in.—
[Exeunt Servants. Where is the life that late I led—[Singing.
Where are those,—Sit down, Kate, and welcome.
Soud, soud, soud, soud3note
!
Re-enter Servants, with supper.
Why, when, I say?—Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.
Off with my boots, you rogues, you villains; When?
It was the friar of orders grey4note,
[Sings.
As he forth walked on his way:—
-- 484 --
Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:
Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.—
[Strikes him.
Be merry, Kate:—Some water, here; what ho!—
Enter one with water.
Where's my spaniel Troilus?—Sirrah, get you hence,
6noteAnd bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:—
One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.—
Where are my slippers?—Shall I have some water?—
Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily:—
You, whoreson villain! will you let it fall?
Kath.
Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.
Pet.
A whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!
Come, Kate, sit down; I know, you have a stomach.
Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?—
What's this? mutton?
1 Ser.
Ay.
Pet.
Who brought it?
Ser.
I.
Pet.
'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat:
What dogs are these?—Where is the rascal cook?
How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
And serve it thus to me that love it not?
There, take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all:
[Throws the meat, &c. about the stage.
You heedless jolt-heads, and unmanner'd slaves!
What, do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.
Kath.
I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet;
The meat was well, if you were so contented.
-- 485 --
Pet.
I tell thee Kate, 'twas burnt, and dry'd away;
And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
And better 'twere, that both of us did fast,—
Since, of ourselves, ourselves are cholerick,—
Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
Be patient; to-morrow it shall be mended,
And, for this night, we'll fast for company:—
Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber. [Exeunt.Enter Servants severally.
Nath.
Peter, didst ever see the like?
Peter.
He kills her in her own humour. Re-enter Curtis.
Gru.
Where is he?
Curt.
In her chamber,
Making a sermon of continency to her:
And rails, and swears, and rates; that she, poor soul,
Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak;
And sits as one new-risen from a dream.
Away, away! for he is coming hither. [Exeunt.Re-enter Petruchio.
Pet.
Thus have I politickly begun my reign,
And 'tis my hope to end successfully:
My faulcon now is sharp, and passing empty;
And, 'till she stoop, she must not be full-gorg'd7note
,
-- 486 --
For then she never looks upon her lure.
Another way I have to man my haggard8note
,
To make her come, and know her keeper's call;
That is,—to watch her, as we watch these kites9note
,
That bate, and beat, and will not be obedient.
She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not:
As with the meat, some undeserved fault
I'll find about the making of the bed;
And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:—
Ay, and amid this hurly, I intend,
That all is done in reverend care of her;
And, in conclusion, she shall watch all night:
And, if she chance to nod, I'll rail, and brawl,
And with the clamour keep her still awake.
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness1note;
And thus I'll curb her mad and head-strong humour:—
He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
Now let him speak; 'tis charity, to shew. [Exit.
