Mer.
You know, since pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importun'd you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want gilders^{8 note} for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I'll attach you by this officer.

Ang.
Even just the sum, that I do owe to you,
Is growing to me^{9 note} by Antipholis:
And, in the instant that I met with you,
He had of me a chain; at five o'clock,
I shall receive the money for the same:
Please you but walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thank you too. Enter Antipholis of Ephesus, and Dromio of Ephesus, as from the Courtezan's.

Offi.
That labour you may save; see where he comes.

E. Ant.
While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow

Among my wife and her confederates,
For locking me out of my doors by day.—
But soft, I see the goldsmith:—get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.

E. Dro.
I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy a rope! [Exit Dromio.

E. Ant.
A man is well holp up, that trusts to you:
I promised your presence, and the chain;
But neither chain, nor goldsmith, came to me:
Belike, you thought our love would last too long,
If it were chain'd together; and therefore came not.

Ang.
Saving your merry humour, here's the note,
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carrat;
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion;
Which do amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharg'd,
For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.

E. Ant.
I am not furnish'd with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town:
Good signior, take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof;
Perchance, I will be there as soon as you.

Ang.
Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?

E. Ant.

No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

Ang.
Well, sir, I will: Have you the chain about you?

E. Ant.
An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.

Ang.
Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain;
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

E. Ant.
Good lord, you use this dalliance, to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porcupine:

I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

Mer.
The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.

Ang.
You hear, how he importunes me; the chain—

E. Ant.
Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.

Ang.
Come, come, you know, I gave it you even now;
Either send the chain, or send me by some token.

E. Ant.
Fye, now you run this humour out of breath!
Come, where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.

Mer.
My business cannot brook this dalliance:
Good sir, say, whe'r you'll answer me, or no;
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

E. Ant.
I answer you! why should I answer you?

Ang.
The money, that you owe me for the chain.

E. Ant.
I owe you none, 'till I receive the chain.

Ang.
You know, I gave it you half an hour since.

E. Ant.
You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.

Ang.
You wrong me more, sir, in denying it:
Consider, how it stands upon my credit.

Mer.
Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

Offi.
I do;
And charge you in the duke's name to obey me.

Ang.
This touches me in reputation:—
Either consent to pay the sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.

E. Ant.
Consent to pay for that I never had!
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st.

Ang.
Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer;—
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.

Offi.
I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit.

E. Ant.
I do obey thee, till I give thee bail:—
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear

As all the metal in your shop will answer.

Ang.
Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not. Enter Dromio of Syracuse, from the bay.

S. Dro.
Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum,
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
Then, sir, she bears away: our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitæ.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all,
But for their owner, master, and yourself.

E. Ant.
How now! a madman! why thou peevish, sheep^{9 note}

,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

S. Dro.
A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

E. Ant.
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
And told thee to what purpose, and what end.

S. Dro.
You sent me for a rope's-end as soon:
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

E. Ant.
I will debate this matter at more leisure,
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee strait;
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it;
Tell her, I am arrested in the street,
And that shall bail me: hie thee, slave; be gone:
On, officer, to prison till it come. [Exeunt.

S. Dro.
To Adriana! that is where we din'd,
Where Dowsabel^{1 note}

did claim me for her husband:

She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will,
For servants must their master's minds fulfil. [Exit. SCENE II. The house of Antipholis of Ephesus. Enter Adriana and Luciana.

Adr.
Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
  Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
  Look'd he or red, or pale; or sad, or merrily?
What observation mad'st thou in this case,
Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face^{2 note}

Luc.
First he deny'd you had in him no right.

Adr.
He meant, he did me none; the more my spight.

Luc.
Then swore he, that he was a stranger here.

Adr.
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

Luc.
Then pleaded I for you.

Adr.
And what said he?

Luc.
That love I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me.

Adr.
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

Luc.
With words, that in an honest suit might move.
First, he did praise my beauty; then, my speech.

Adr.
Did'st speak him fair?

Luc.
Have patience, I beseech.

Adr.
I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have its will.
He is deformed, crooked, old and ^{3 note}sere,
Ill-fac'd, worse-body'd, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
^{4 note}

Luc.
Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.

Adr.
Ah! but I think him better than I say,
  And yet, would herein others' eyes were worse:
^{5 note}

Enter Dromio of Syracuse.

S. Dro.
Here, go; the desk, the purse; sweet now, make haste.

Luc.
How, hast thou lost thy breath?

S. Dro.
By running fast.

Adr.
Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?

S. Dro.
No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell:
A devil in an everlasting^{6 note}


garment hath him,
One, whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;
A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough^{7 note}

One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to hell^{1 note}

Adr.
Why, man, what is the matter?

S. Dro.
I do not know the matter; he is 'rested on the case^{2 note}.

Adr.
What, is he arrested? tell me, at whose suit.

S. Dro.
I know not at whose suit he is arrested, well;
But he's in a suit of buff, which 'rested him, that I can tell:

Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?

Adr.
Go fetch it, sister.—This I wonder at, [Exit Luciana.
That he, unknown to me, should be in debt!
Tell me, was he arrested on a band^{3 note}

S. Dro.
Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;
A chain, a chain; do you not hear it ring?

Adr.
What, the chain?

S. Dro.
No, no; the bell: 'tis time, that I were gone.
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.

Adr.
The hours come back! that I did never hear.

S. Dro.
O yes, If any hour meet a serjeant, a'turns back for very fear.

Adr.
As if time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason?

S. Dro.
Time is a very bankrout, and owes more than he's worth, to season.
Nay, he's a thief too: Have you not heard men say,
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If time be in debt^{4 note}, and theft, and a serjeant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day? Enter Luciana.

Adr.
Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it strait;
  And bring thy master home immediately.—
Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit;
  Conceit, my comfort, and my injury. [Exeunt. SCENE III. The Street. Enter Antipholis of Syracuse.

S. Ant.
There's not a man I meet, but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me, some invite me;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy:
Even now a taylor call'd me in his shop,
And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
And, therewithal, took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter Dromio of Syracuse.

S. Dro.

Master, here's the gold you sent me for: ^{5 note}

S. Ant.

What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

S. Dro.

Not that Adam, that kept the paradise, but that Adam, that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calves-skin that was kill'd for the prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.

S. Ant.

I understand thee not.

S. Dro.

No? why, it is a plain case: he that went like a base-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, and gives 'em suits of durance; ^{6 note}

up his rest to do more exploits with his mace, than a morris pike.

S. Ant.

What! thou mean'st an officer?

S. Dro.

Ay, sir, the serjeant of the band: he, that brings any man to answer it, that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and saith, God give you good rest!

S. Ant.
Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there
Any ships puts forth to-night? may we be gone?

S. Dro.

Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since, that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were you hindered by the serjeant, to tarry for the hoy, Delay: Here are the angels that you sent for, to deliver you.

S. Ant.
The fellow is distract, and so am I;
And here we wander in illusions:
Some blessed power deliver us from hence! Enter a Courtezan.

Cour.
Well met, well met, master Antipholis.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
Is that the chain, you promis'd me to-day?

S. Ant.
Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not!

S. Dro.
Master, is this mistress Satan?

S. Ant.
It is the devil.

S. Dro.

Nay, she is worse, she's the devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench: and therefore comes, that the wenches say, God damn me, that's as much as to say, God make me a light wench. It is written, they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire will

burn; ergo, light wenches will burn; Come not near her.

Cour.
Your man and you are marvellous, merry, sir.
Will you go with me? we'll mend our dinner here.

S. Dro.

Master, if you do expect spoon-meat, or bespeak a long spoon^{7 note}

S. Ant.

Why, Dromio?

S. Dro.

Marry, he must have a long spoon, that must eat with the devil.

S. Ant.
Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
I conjure thee to leave me, and be gone.

Cour.
Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or, for my diamond, the chain you promis'd;
And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

S. Dro.
Some devils
Ask but the paring of one's nail, a rush,
A hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a nut,
A cherry-stone; but she, more covetous,
Would have a chain.
Master, be wise; an' if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it.

Cour.
I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain;
I hope, you do not mean to cheat me so?

S. Ant.
Avaunt, thou witch! Come Dromio, let us go.

S. Dro.
Fly pride, says the peacock: Mistress, that you know. [Exeunt. Ant. and Dro.

Cour.
Now, out of doubt, Antipholis is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself:
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,

And for the same he promis'd me a chain;
Both one, and other, he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
(Besides this present instance of his rage)
Is a mad tale, he told to-day at dinner,
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike, his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now, to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife, that, being lunatic,
He rush'd into my house, and took perforce
My ring away: This course I fittest chuse;
For forty ducats is too much to lose. [Exit. SCENE IV. The Street. Enter Antipholis of Ephesus, with a Jailor.

E. Ant.
Fear me not, man, I will not break away;
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money
To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day;
And will not lightly trust the messenger,
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus:
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.— Enter Dromio of Ephesus with a rope's-end.
Here comes my man; I think, he brings the money.
How now, sir? have you that I sent you for?

E. Dro.
Here's that, I warrant you will pay them all.

E. Ant.

But where's the money?

E. Dro.
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

E. Ant.
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

E. Dro.
I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

E. Ant.
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

E. Dro.

To a rope's end, sir; and to that end am I return'd.

E. Ant.

And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

Offi.

Good sir, be patient.

E. Dro.

Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Offi.

Good now, hold thy tongue.

E. Dro.

Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

E. Ant.

Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

E. Dro.

I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.

E. Ant.

Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

E. Dro.

I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have serv'd him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service, but blows: when I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating: I am wak'd with it, when I sleep; rais'd with it, when I sit; driven out of doors with it, when I go from home; welcom'd home with it, when I return: nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think, when he hath lam'd me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

E. Ant.
Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

E. Dro.

^{9 note}

or rather the prophecy, like the parrot, Beware the rope's end.

E. Ant.
Wilt thou still talk? [Beats Dromio.

Cour.
How say you now? is not your husband mad?

Adr.
His incivility confirms no less.—
Good doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.

Luc.
Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

Cour.
Mark, how he trembles in his ecstacy!

Pinch.
Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.

E. Ant.
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

Pinch.
I charge thee, Sathan, hous'd within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
And to thy state of darkness hie thee strait;
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.

E. Ant.
Peace, doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.

Adr.
Oh, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

E. Ant.
You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,
And I deny'd to enter in my house?

Adr.
Oh, husband, God doth know, you din'd at home,
Where 'would you had remain'd until this time,
Free from these slanders, and this open shame!

E. Ant.
Din'd I at home? Thou villain, what say'st thou?

E. Dro.
Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

E. Ant.
Were not my doors lock'd up, and I shut out?

E. Dro.
Perdy, your doors were lock'd, and you shut out.

E. Ant.
And did not she herself revile me there?

E. Dro.
Sans fable, she herself revil'd you there.

E. Ant.
Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

E. Dro.
Certes^{1 note}
, she did; ^{2 note}the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.

E. Ant.
And did not I in rage depart from thence?

E. Dro.
In verity, you did; my bones bear witness,
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

Adr.
Is't good to sooth him in these contraries?

Pinch.
It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein,
And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.

E. Ant.
Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.

Adr.
Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

E. Dro.
Money by me? heart and good-will you might,
But, surely, master, not a rag of money.

E. Ant.
Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

Adr.
He came to me, and I deliver'd it.

Luc.
And I am witness with her, that she did.

E. Dro.
God and the rope-maker, bear me witness,
That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

Pinch.
Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;
I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
They must be bound, and laid in some dark room.

E. Ant.
Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day,
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

Adr.
I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

E. Dro.
And, gentle master, I receiv'd no gold;
But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.

Adr.
Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.

E. Ant.
Dissembling harlot, thou are false in all;
And art confederate with a damned pack,
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:
But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes,
That would behold me in this shameful sport. Enter three or four, and offer to bind him: he strives.

Adr.
Oh, bind him, bind him, let him not come near me.

Pinch.
More company;—the fiend is strong within him.

Luc.
Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

E. Ant.
What, will you murder me? Thou jailor, thou,
I am thy prisoner; wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?

Offi.
Masters, let him go:
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

Pinch.
Go, bind this man, for he is frantick too.

Adr.
What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer^{3 note}?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

Offi.
He is my prisoner; if I let him go,
The debt he owes, will be requir'd of me.

Adr.
I will discharge thee, ere I go from thee:
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, [They bind Antipholis and Dromio.
And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
Home to my house.—Oh, most unhappy day!

E. Ant.
Oh, most unhappy strumpet^{4 note}!

E. Dro.
Master, I am here enter'd in bond for you.

E. Ant.
Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

E. Dro.
Will you be bound for nothing? be mad,
Good master; cry, the devil.—

Luc.
God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

Adr.
Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me. [Exeunt Pinch, Antipholis, Dromio, &c.
Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

Offi.
One Angelo, a goldsmith; Do you know him?

Adr.
I know the man: What is the sum he owes?

Offi.
Two hundred ducats.

Adr.
Say, how grows it due?

Offi.
Due for a chain, your husband had of him.

Adr.
He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

Cour.
When as your husband, all in rage, to-day
Came to my house, and took away my ring,
(The ring I saw upon his finger now)
Strait after, did I meet him with a chain.

Adr.
It may be so, but I did never see it.—
Come, jailor, bring me where the goldsmith is,
I long to know the truth hereof at large.

Enter Antipholis of Syracuse, with his rapier drawn, and Dromio of Syracuse.

Luc.
God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.

Adr.
And come with naked swords; let's call more help,
To have them bound again.

Offi.
Away, they'll kill us. [They run out. Manent Antipholis and Dromio.

S. Ant.
I see, these witches are afraid of swords.

S. Dro.
She, that would be your wife, now ran from you.

S. Ant.
Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:
I long, that we were safe and sound abroad.

S. Dro.

Faith, stay here this night, they will surely do us no harm; you saw, they speak us fair, give us gold: methinks, they are such a gentle nation, that but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still, and turn witch.

S. Ant.
I will not stay to-night for all the town;
Therefore away to get our stuff aboard. [Exeunt.

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