SCENE I.
Before Page's house in Windsor.
Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans.
Shal.
Sir Hugh3 note, persuade me not: I will make4 note
a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty sir
-- 220 --
John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow2
esquire.
-- 221 --
Slen.
In the county of Gloster, justice of peace,
and coram.
Shal.
Ay, cousin Slender, and 5 note
custalorum.
Slen.
Ay, and ratalorum too; and a gentleman
born, master parson; who writes himself armigero;
in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, armigero.
Shal.
Ay, that I do; and have done any time
these three hundred years.
Slen.
All his successors, gone before him, have
don't; and all his ancestors, that come after him,
may: they may give the dozen white luces in their
coat.
Shal.
It is an old coat.
Eva.
The dozen white louses do become an old
coat well; it agrees well, passant: it is a familiar
beast to man, and signifies—love.
Shal.
6 note
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is
an old coat.
-- 222 --
Slen.
I may quarter, coz.
Shal.
You may, by marrying.
-- 223 --
Eva.
It is marring, indeed, if he quarter it.
Shal.
Not a whit.
-- 224 --
Eva.
Yes, py'r-lady; if he has a quarter of your
coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one: If sir John
Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you,
I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence,
to make atonements and compromises between
you.
Shal.
7 noteThe council shall hear it; it is a riot.
Eva.
It is not meet the council hear of a riot;
there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look
you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to
hear a riot; take your vizaments in that8 note
.
Shal.
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the
sword should end it.
Eva.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end
it: and there is also another device in my prain,
which, peradventure, prings goot discretions with
it: There is Anne Page, 9 notewhich is daughter to
master George Page, which is pretty virginity.
-- 225 --
Slen.
Mistress Anne Page? she has brown hair,
and 1 note
speaks small like a woman.
Eva.
It is that very person for all the 'orld, as just
as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of
monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, upon
his death's-bed, (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!)
give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
old: it were a goot motion, if we leave our pribbles
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between master
Abraham, and mistress Anne Page.
Slen.
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred
pounds?
Eva.
Ay, and her father is make her a petter
penny.
Slen.
I know the young gentlewoman; she has
good gifts.
Eva.
Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is
good gifts.
Shal.
Well, let us see honest master Page: Is
Falstaff there?
Eva.
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as
I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise one
that is not true. The knight, sir John is there;
and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers.
I will peat the door [Knocks] for master Page. What,
hoa! Got pless your house here!
Enter Page.
Page.
Who's there?
-- 226 --
Eva.
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and
justice Shallow: and here is young master Slender;
that, peradventures, shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to your likings.
Page.
I am glad to see your worships well: I thank
you for my venison, master Shallow.
Shal.
Master Page, I am glad to see you; Much
good do it your good heart! I wish'd your venison
better; it was ill kill'd:—How doth good mistress
Page?—and I thank you always with my heart, la;
with my heart.
Page.
Sir, I thank you.
Shal.
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Page.
I am glad to see you, good master Slender.
Slen.
2 noteHow does your fallow greyhound, sir? I
heard say, he was out-run on Cotsale.
-- 227 --
Page.
It could not be judg'd, sir.
Slen.
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
Shal.
That he will not;—'tis your fault, 'tis your
fault:—'Tis a good dog.
Page.
A cur, sir.
Shal.
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; Can
there be more said? he is good, and fair.—Is sir
John Falstaff here?
Page.
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do
a good office between you.
Eva.
It is spoke as a christians ought to speak.
Shal.
He hath wrong'd me, master Page.
Page.
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Shal.
If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not
that so, master Page? He hath wrong'd me;—indeed,
he hath;—at a word, he hath;—believe me;
—Robert Shallow, Esquire, saith, he is wrong'd.
Page.
Here comes sir John.
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.
Fal.
Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of
me to the king?
Shal.
Knight, you have beaten my men, kill'd
my deer, 3 noteand broke open my lodge.
-- 228 --
Fal.
But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter?
Shal.
Tut, a pin! this shall be answer'd.
Fal.
I will answer it strait;—I have done all this:—
That is now answer'd.
Shal.
The council shall know this.
Fal.
4 note
'Twere better for you, if 'twere known in
council; you'll be laugh'd at.
Eva.
Pauca verba, sir John; good worts.
Fal.
Good worts! 5 note
good cabbage:—Slender, I
broke your head; What matter have you against
me?
Slen.
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
you; and against your 6 note
coney-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nym, and Pistol.
-- 229 --
Bar.
7 note
You Banbury cheese!
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Pist.
8 note
How now, Mephostophilus?
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Nym.
Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! that's my
humour.
Slen.
Where's Simple, my man?—can you tell,
cousin?
Evan.
Peace: I pray you! Now let us understand:
There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand:
that is—master Page, fidelicet, master Page;
and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and the three
party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
Page.
We three, to hear it, and end it between
them.
Eva.
Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my
note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the
cause, with as great discreetly as we can.
Fal.
Pistol,—
-- 230 --
Pist.
He hears with ears.
Eva.
The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this,
He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations.
Fal.
Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse?
Slen.
Ay, by these gloves, did he, (or I would I
might never come in mine own great chamber again
else) of seven groats in mill-sixpences9 note
, and two
1 note
Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling
and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these
gloves.
Fal.
Is this true, Pistol?
Eva.
No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
Pist.
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner!—Sir John, and master mine,
2 note
I combat challenge of this latten bilboe:
-- 231 --
3 note
Word of denial in thy labra's here;
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou ly'st.
-- 232 --
Slen.
By these gloves, then 'twas he.
Nym.
Be avis'd, Sir, and pass good humours: I
will say, 4 notemarry trap, with you, if you run the 5 note
nuthook's
humour on me; that is the very note of it.
Slen.
By this hat, then he in the red face had it:
for though I cannot remember what I did when you
made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Fal.
What say you, 6 noteScarlet and John?
Bard.
Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
Eva.
It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance
is!
Bard.
And being fap7 note, sir, was, as they say, cashier'd;
and so conclusions pass'd the 8 note
careires.
-- 233 --
Slen.
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
matter: I'll never be drunk whilst I live again, but
in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I
be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear
of God, and not with drunken knaves.
Eva.
So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
Fal.
You hear all these matters deny'd, gentlemen;
you hear it.
Enter mistress Anne Page with wine; mistress Ford and mistress Page following.
Page.
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll
drink within.
[Exit Anne Page.
Slen.
O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page.
Page.
How now, mistress Ford?
Fal.
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very
well met: by your leave, good mistress.
[Kissing her.
Page.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:—
Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come,
gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
[Exe. all but Shal. Slend. and Evans.
Slen.
I had rather than forty shillings, I had my
book of songs and sonnets here:—
Enter Simple.
How now, Simple; where have you been; I must
wait on myself, must I? You have not the book of
riddles about you, have you?
-- 234 --
Sim.
Book of riddles! why, did you not lend it to
Alice Shortcake 9 note
upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Michaelmas?
Shal.
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you.
A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; There is,
as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off
by sir Hugh here;—Do you understand me?
Slen.
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it
be so, I shall do that that is reason.
Shal.
Nay, but understand me.
Slen.
So I do, sir.
Eva.
Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I
will description the matter to you, if you be capacity
of it.
Slen.
Nay, I will do, as my cousin Shallow says:
I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in
his country, simple though I stand here.
Eva.
But that is not the question; the question is
concerning your marriage.
Shal.
Ay, there's the point, sir.
Eva.
Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress
Anne Page.
Slen.
Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any
reasonable demands.
Eva.
But can you affection the 'oman? let us command
to know that of your mouth, or of your lips;
for divers philosophers hold, that 1 note
the lips is parcel
-- 235 --
of the mouth;—Therefore, precisely, can you carry
your good-will to the maid?
Shal.
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Slen.
I hope, sir,—I will do, as it shall become
one that would do reason.
Eva.
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must
speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards
her.
Shal.
That you must: Will you, upon good
dowry, marry her?
Slen.
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.
Shal.
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz;
what I do, is to pleasure you, coz: Can you love
the maid?
Slen.
I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if
there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven
may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we
are marry'd, and have more occasion to know one
another: 2 note
I hope, upon familiarity will grow more
-- 236 --
contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry
her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
Eva.
It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul'
is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to
our meaning, resolutely;—his meaning is good.
Shal.
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
Slen.
Ay, or else I would I might be hang'd, la.
Re-enter Anne Page.
Shal.
Here comes fair mistress Anne:—Would I
were young, for your sake, mistress Anne!
Anne.
The dinner is on the table; my father desires
your worship's company.
Shal.
I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne.
Eva.
Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at
the grace.
[Ex. Shal. and Evans.
Anne.
Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
Slen.
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am
very well.
Anne.
The dinner attends you, sir.
Slen.
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth:
—Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon
my cousin Shallow: [Exit Simple.] A justice of peace
sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man:
—I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother
be dead: But what though? yet I live like a
poor gentleman born.
Anne.
I may not go in without your worship: they
will not sit, till you come.
Slen.
I'faith, I'll eat nothing: I thank you as
much as though I did.
Anne.
I pray you, sir, walk in.
-- 237 --
Slen.
I had rather walk here, I thank you: I
bruis'd my shin the other day with playing at sword
and dagger with a master of fence, 3 note
three veneys
for a dish of stew'd prunes; and, by my troth, I
cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do
your dogs bark so? be there bears i'the town?
Anne.
I think, there are, sir; I heard them talk'd
of.
Slen.
I love the sport well; but I shall as soon
quarrel at it, as any man in England:—You are
afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?
Anne.
Ay, indeed, sir.
Slen.
That's meat and drink to me now: I have
seen 4 noteSackerson loose,9Q0115 twenty times; and have
taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the
women have so cry'd and shriek'd at it, 5 notethat it
pass'd:—but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em;
they are very ill-favour'd rough things.
Re-enter Page.
Page.
Come, gentle master Slender, come; we
stay for you.
-- 238 --
Slen.
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
Page.
6 noteBy cock and pye, you shall not choose,
sir: come, come.
Slen.
Nay, pray you, lead the way.
Page.
Come on, sir.
Slen.
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
Anne.
Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.
Slen.
Truly, I will not go first; truly-la: I will
not do you that wrong.
Anne.
I pray you, sir.
Slen.
I'll rather be unmannerly, than troublesome:
you do yourself wrong, indeed-la.
[Exeunt.
Samuel Johnson [1778], The plays of William Shakspeare. In ten volumes. With the corrections and illustrations of various commentators; to which are added notes by Samuel Johnson and George Steevens. The second edition, Revised and Augmented (Printed for C. Bathurst [and] W. Strahan [etc.], London) [word count] [S10901].
