SCENE I.
Changes to Milan.
An apartment in the duke's palace.
Enter Valentine and Speed.
Speed.
Sir, your glove.
Val.
Not mine; my gloves are on.
Speed.
Why then this may be yours; for this is but one.9Q0092
Val.
Ha! let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine:—
Sweet ornament, that decks a thing divine!
Ah Silvia! Silvia!
Speed.
Madam Silvia! madam Silvia!
Val.
How now, sirrah?
Speed.
She is not within hearing, sir.
Val.
Why, sir, who bad you call her?
Speed.
Your worship, sir; or else I mistook.
Val.
Well, you'll still be too forward.
Speed.
And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
Val.
Go to, sir; tell me, do you know madam Silvia?
Speed.
She that your worship loves?
Val.
Why, how know you that I am in love?
Speed.
Marry, by these special marks: First, you
have learn'd, like sir Protheus, to wreath your arms
like a male-content; to relish a love-song, like a
Robin-red-breast; to walk alone, like one that had
the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had
lost his A. B. C; to weep, like a young wench that
had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes
diet5 note
; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to
-- 142 --
speak puling, like a beggar at 6 note
Hallowmas. You
were wont, when you laugh'd, to crow like a cock;
when you walk'd, to walk like one of the lions;
when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when
you look'd sadly, it was for want of money: and
now you are metamorphos'd with a mistress, that,
when I look on you, I can hardly think you my
master.
Val.
Are all these things perceiv'd in me?
Speed.
They are all perceiv'd without ye.
Val.
Without me? they cannot.
Speed.
Without you? nay, that's certain; for,
without you were so simple, 7 notenone else would: but
you are so without these follies, that these follies are
within you, and shine through you like the water in
an urinal; that not an eye, that sees you, but is a
physician to comment on your malady.
Val.
But, tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?
Speed.
She, that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper?
Val.
Hast thou observ'd that? even she I mean.
Speed.
Why, sir, I know her not.
Val.
Dost thou know her by my gazing on her,
and yet know'st her not?
Speed.
Is she not hard-favour'd, sir?
Val.
Not so fair, boy, as well-favour'd.
-- 143 --
Speed.
Sir, I know that well enough.
Val.
What dost thou know?
Speed.
That she is not so fair, as (of you) well-favour'd.
Val.
I mean, that her beauty is exquisite, but her
favour infinite.
Speed.
That's because the one is painted, and the
other out of all count.
Val.
How painted? and how out of count?
Speed.
Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair,
that no man counts of her beauty.
Val.
How esteem'st thou me? I account of her
beauty.
Speed.
You never saw her since she was deform'd.
Val.
How long hath she been deform'd?
Speed.
Ever since you lov'd her.
Val.
I have lov'd her, ever since I saw her; and
still I see her beautiful.
Speed.
If you love her, you cannot see her.
Val.
Why?
Speed.
Because love is blind. O, that you had
mine eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they
were wont to have, when you chid at sir Protheus
for going ungarter'd!
Val.
What should I see then?
Speed.
Your own present folly, and her passing
deformity: for he, being in love, could not see to
garter his hose; and you, being in love, cannot see
to put on your hose.
Val.
Belike, boy, then you are in love; for last
morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.
Speed.
True, sir; I was in love with my bed: I
thank you, you swing'd me for my love, which
makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
Val.
In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
Speed.
I would you were set, so your affection
would cease.
-- 144 --
Val.
Last night she injoin'd me to write some lines
to one she loves.
Speed.
And have you?
Val.
I have.
Speed.
Are they not lamely writ?
Val.
No, boy, but as well as I can do them:—
Peace, here she comes.
Enter Silvia.
Speed.
8 note
Oh excellent motion! Oh exceeding puppet!
now will he interpret to her.
Val.
Madam and mistress, a thousand good morrows.
Speed.
Oh! 'give ye good even! here's a million
of manners.
Sil.
9 note
Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.
-- 145 --
Speed.
He should give her interest; and she gives
it him.
Val.
As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter,
Unto the secret nameless friend of yours;
Which I was much unwilling to proceed in,
But for my duty to your ladyship.
Sil.
I thank you, gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly
done1 note
.
Val.
Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off2 note
;
For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
I writ at random, very doubtfully.
Sil.
Perchance you think too much of so much
pains?
Val.
No, madam; so it stead you, I will write,
Please you command, a thousand times as much:
And yet,—
Sil.
A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;
And yet I will not name it:—and yet I care not;—
And yet take this again;—and yet I thank you;
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.
Speed.
And yet you will; and yet another yet.
[Aside.
Val.
What means your ladyship? do you not like it?
Sil.
Yes, yes! the lines are very quaintly writ:
But since unwillingly, take them again;
Nay, take them.
-- 146 --
Val.
Madam, they are for you.
Sil.
Ay, ay; you writ them, sir, at my request;
But I will none of them; they are for you:
I would have had them writ more movingly.
Val.
Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.
Sil.
And, when it's writ, for my sake read it over:
And, if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
Val.
If it please me, madam? what then?
Sil.
Why, if it please you, take it for your labour;
And so good-morrow, servant.
[Exit.
Speed.
O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple!
My master sues to her; and she hath taught her suitor,
He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
O excellent device! was there ever heard a better?
That my master, being the scribe, to himself should write the letter?
Val.
How now, sir? what are you 3 notereasoning with
yourself?
Speed.
Nay, I was rhiming; 'tis you that have the
reason.
Val.
To do what?
Speed.
To be a spokesman from madam Silvia.
Val.
To whom?
Speed.
To yourself: why, she wooes you by a figure.
Val.
What figure?
Speed.
By a letter, I should say.
Val.
Why, she hath not writ to me?
Speed.
What need she, when she made you write
to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?
Val.
No, believe me.
Speed.
No believing you indeed, sir: But did you
perceive her earnest?
Val.
She gave me none, except an angry word.
Speed.
Why, she hath given you a letter.
-- 147 --
Val.
That's the letter I writ to her friend.
Speed.
And that letter hath she deliver'd, and
there an end4 note
.
Val.
I would, it were no worse.
Speed.
I'll warrant you, 'tis as well:
For often you have writ to her; and she, in modesty,
Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;
Or fearing else some messenger, that might her mind discover,
Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.—
All this I speak in print5 note
; for in print I found it.—
Why muse you, sir? 'tis dinner time.
Val.
I have din'd.
Speed.
Ay, but hearken, sir: though the cameleon
love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourish'd
by my victuals, and would fain have meat: Oh be
not like your mistress; be moved, be moved.
[Exeunt.
Samuel Johnson [1778], The plays of William Shakspeare. In ten volumes. With the corrections and illustrations of various commentators; to which are added notes by Samuel Johnson and George Steevens. The second edition, Revised and Augmented (Printed for C. Bathurst [and] W. Strahan [etc.], London) [word count] [S10901].