SCENE XIII.
To them, Enter Fool.
Fool.
Let me hire him too. Here's my coxcomb.
[Giving Kent his cap.
Lear.
How now, my pretty knave? how do'st thou?
Fool.
Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.
Kent.
Why, my boy?
Fool.
Why? for taking one's part, that is out of
favour. Nay, an thou canst not smile as the wind sits,
thou'lt catch cold shortly. There, 3 notetake my coxcomb.
Why, this fellow has banish'd two of his daughters,
and did the third a blessing against his will; if thou
follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb. How
now, nuncle? Would I had 4 notetwo coxcombs, and two
daughters.
Lear.
Why, my boy?
Fool.
If I give them all my living, I'll keep my
coxcombs myself. There's mine, beg another of thy
daughters.
Lear.
Take heed, Sirrah, the whip.—
Fool.
Truth's a dog must to kennel; he must be
whip'd out, when the lady brach may stand by th' fire
and stink.
Lear.
A pestilent gall to me.
Fool.
Sirrah, I'll teach thee a speech.
[To Kent.
Lear.
Do.
Fool.
Mark it, nuncle.
-- 36 --
Have more than thou showest,
Speak less than thou knowest,
* note
Lend less than thou owest,
Ride more than thou goest,
5 noteLearn more than thou trowest,
Set less than thou throwest,
Leave thy drink and thy whore,
And keep within door,
And thou shalt have more
Than two tens to a score.
Kent.
This is nothing, fool.
Fool.
Then it is like the breath of an unfee'd lawyer,
you gave me nothing for't. Can you make no
use of nothing, nuncle?
Lear.
Why, no, boy; nothing can be made out
of nothing.
Fool.
Pr'ythee, tell him, so much the rent of his
land comes to. He will not believe a fool.
[To Kent.
Lear.
A bitter fool!—
Fool.
Dost thou know the difference, my boy, between
a bitter fool and a sweet one?
Lear.
No, lad, teach me.
Fool.
6 noteThat Lord, that counsel'd thee to give away thy Land,
Come, place him here by me! do thou for him stand;
The sweet and bitter Fool will presently appear,
The one, in motley here; the other, found out there.
Lear.
Dost thou call me fool, boy?
Fool.
All thy other titles thou hast given away;
that thou wast born with.
-- 37 --
Kent.
This is not altogether fool, my Lord.
Fool.
No, faith; Lords, and great men will not let
me; 7 noteif I had a monopoly on't, they would have
part on't: nay, the Ladies too, they'll not let me have
all fool to myself, they'll be snatching.
Give me an egg, nuncle, and I'll give thee two crowns.
Lear.
What two crowns shall they be?
Fool.
Why, after I have cut the egg i'th' middle and
eat up the meat, the two crowns of the egg. When
thou clovest thy Crown i'th'middle and gav'st away
both parts, thou bor'st thine ass on thy back o'er the
dirt. Thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown, when
thou gav'st thy golden crown away. If I speak like
myself in this, let him be whip'd that first finds it so.
8 noteFools ne'er had less grace in a year,
[Singing.
For wise men are grown foppish;
And know not how their wits to wear,
Their manners are so apish.
Lear.
When were you won't to be so full of songs,
sirrah?
Fool.
I have used it, nuncle, e'er since thou mad'st
thy daughters thy mothers; for when thou gav'st them
the rod, and put'st down thy own breeches,
Then they for sudden joy did weep,
[Singing.
And I for sorrow sung,
That such a King should play bo-peep,
And go the fools among.
Pr'ythee, nuncle, keep a school-master that can teach
thy fool to lye; I would fain learn to lye.
-- 38 --
Lear.
If you lye, sirrah, we'll have you whipt.
Fool.
I marvel, what kin thou and thy daughters
are: they'll have me whipt for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipt for lying; and, sometimes, I am whipt
for holding my peace. I had rather be any kind
o'thing than a fool, and yet I would not be thee, nuncle;
thou hast pared thy wit o'both sides, and left nothing
i'th'middle; here comes one o'th'parings.
Samuel Johnson [1765], The plays of William Shakespeare, in eight volumes, with the corrections and illustrations of Various Commentators; To which are added notes by Sam. Johnson (Printed for J. and R. Tonson [and] C. Corbet [etc.], London) [word count] [S11001].
