SCENE III.
Par.
Save you, fair Queen.
Hel.
And you, Monarch.
Par.
No.
Hel.
And, no.—
Par.
Are you meditating on virginity?
Hel.
Ay: you have some 4 notestain of soldier in you;
let me ask you a question. Man is enemy to virginity,
how may we barricado it against him?
Par.
Keep him out.
Hel.
But he assails; and our virginity, tho' valiant,
in the defence yet is weak: unfold to us some warlike
resistance.
Par.
There is none: man, sitting down before you,
will undermine you, and blow you up.
Hel.
Bless our poor virginity from underminers and
blowers up!—Is there no military policy, how virgins
might blow up men?
Par.
Virginity being blown down, man will quicklier
be blown up: marry, in blowing him down again,
with the breach yourselves made, you lose your city.
It is not politick in the commonwealth of nature, to
preserve virginity. Loss of virginity is rational increase;
and there was never virgin got, 'till virginity
was first lost. That, you were made of, is metal to
make virgins. Virginity, by being once lost, may be
ten times found: by being ever kept, it is ever lost;
'tis too cold a companion: away with't.
-- 284 --
Hel.
I will stand for't a little, though therefore I die
a virgin.
Par.
There's little can be said in't; 'tis against the
rule of nature. To speak on the part of virginity, is
to accuse your mother; which is most infallible disobedience.
5 note
He, that hangs himself, is a virgin: virginity
murders itself, and should be buried in highways
out of all sanctified limit, as a desperate offendress
against nature. Virginity breeds mites, much
like a cheese; consumes itself to the very paring, and
so dies with feeding its own stomach. Besides, virginity
is peevish, proud, idle, made of self-love, which
is the most prohibited sin in the canon. Keep it not,
you cannot chuse but lose by't. Out with't; within
ten years it will make itself two, which is a goodly increase,
and the principal itself not much the worse.
Away with't.
Hel.
How might one do, Sir, to lose it to her own
liking?
Par.
Let me see. 6 noteMarry, ill, to like him that ne'er
it likes. 'Tis a commodity will lose the gloss with
-- 285 --
lying. The longer kept, the less worth: off with't,
while 'tis vendible. Answer the time of request.
Virginity, like an old courtier, wears her cap out of
fashion: richly suted, but unsutable; just like the
brooch and the tooth-pike, which we wear not now:
your date is better in your pye and your porridge, than
in your cheek; and your virginity, your old virginity,
is like one of our French wither'd pears; it looks ill,
it eats dryly; marry, 'tis a wither'd pear: it was formerly
better; marry,7 note yes, 'tis a wither'd pear. Will
you any thing with it?
Hel.
8 note
Not my virginity yet.
There shall your master have a thousand loves,
A mother, and a mistress, and a friend,
9 note
A phœnix, captain, and an enemy,
-- 286 --
A guide, a goddess, and a sovereign,
A counsellor, a* note traitress, and a dear;
His humble ambition, proud humility;
His jarring concord; and his discord dulcet;
His faith, his sweet disaster; with a world
Of pretty fond adoptious christendoms,
That blinking Cupid gossips. Now shall he—
I know not, what he shall—God send him well!—
The court's a learning place—and he is one—
Par.
What one, i'faith?
Hel.
That I wish well—'tis pity—
Par.
What's pity?
Hel.
That wishing well had not a body in't,
Which might be felt; that We the poorer born,
Whose baser stars do shut us up in wishes,
Might with effects of them follow our friends:
1 noteAnd shew what we alone must think, which never
Returns us thanks.
Enter Page.
Page.
Monsieur Parolles,
My lord calls for you.
[Exit Page.
Par.
Little Helen, farewel; if I can remember thee,
I will think of thee at court.
Hel.
Monsieur Parolles, you were born under a charitable
star.
Par.
Under Mars, I.
Hel.
I especially think, under Mars.
Par.
Why under Mars?
Hel.
The wars have kept you so under, that you
must needs be born under Mars.
Par.
When he was predominant.
Hel.
When he was retrograde, I think, rather.
Par.
Why think you so?
-- 287 --
Hel.
You go so much backward, when you fight.
Par.
That's for advantage.
Hel.
So is running away, when fear proposes safety:
but the composition, that your valour and fear makes
in you, 2 note
is a virtue of a good wing, and I like the wear
well.
Par.
I am so full of businesses, as I cannot answer
thee acutely: I will return perfect courtier; in the
which, my instruction shall serve to naturalize thee, so
thou wilt be capable of courtier's counsel, and understand
what advice shall thrust upon thee; else thou
diest in thine unthankfulness, and thine ignorance
makes thee away; farewel. When thou hast leisure,
say thy prayers; when thou hast none, remember thy
friends; get thee a good husband, and use him as he
uses thee: so farewel.
[Exit.
Samuel Johnson [1765], The plays of William Shakespeare, in eight volumes, with the corrections and illustrations of Various Commentators; To which are added notes by Sam. Johnson (Printed for J. and R. Tonson [and] C. Corbet [etc.], London) [word count] [S11001].