Syracuse.
S. Ant.
Why, how now, Dromio, where run'st thou
so fast?
S. Dro.
Do you know me, Sir? am I Dromio? am
I your man? am I myself?
S. Ant.
Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou
art thyself.
S. Dro.
I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides
myself.
S. Ant.
What woman's man? and how besides thyself?
S. Dro.
Marry, Sir, besides myself, I am due to a
woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one
that will have me.
-- 134 --
S. Ant.
What claim lays she to thee?
S. Dro.
Marry, Sir, such a claim as you would lay
to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not
that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that
she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
S. Ant.
What is she?
S. Dro.
A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a
man may not speak of, without he say, Sir reverence:
I have but lean luck in the match; and yet is she a
wond'rous fat marriage.
S. Ant.
How dost thou mean, a fat marriage?
S. Dro.
Marry, Sir, she's the kitchen wench, and
all grease; and I know not what use to put her to,
but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her
own light. I warrant, her rags, and the tallow in
them, will burn a Lapland winter: if she lives 'till
doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole
world.
S. Ant.
What complexion is she of?
S. Dro.
Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing
like so clean kept; for why? she sweats, a man may
go over shoes in the grime of it.
S. Ant.
That's a fault, that water will mend.
S. Dro.
No, Sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could
not do it.
S. Ant.
7 note
What's her name?
S. Dro.
Nell, Sir;—but her name and three quarters
(that is, an ell and three quarters) will not measure
her from hip to hip.
-- 135 --
S. Ant.
Then she bears some breadth?
S. Dro.
No longer from head to foot, than from hip
to hip; she is spherical, like a globe: I could find out
countries in her.
S. Ant.
In what part of her body stands Ireland?
S. Dro.
Marry, Sir, in her buttocks, I found it out
by the bogs.
S. Ant.
Where Scotland?
S. Dro.
I found it out by the barrenness, hard in
the palm of her hand.
S. Ant.
8 note
Where France?
-- 136 --
S. Dro.
In her forehead; arm'd and reverted, making
war against her hair.
S. Ant.
Where England?
S. Dro.
I look'd for the chalky cliffs, but I could
find no whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her
chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
S. Ant.
Where Spain?
S. Dro.
Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in her
breath.
S. Ant.
Where America, the Indies?
S. Dro.
Oh, Sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellish'd
with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires; declining their
rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain, who sent whole
armadoes of carracts to be ballast at her nose.
S. Ant.
Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
S. Dro.
Oh, Sir, I did not look so low. 9 note
To conclude,
this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd
me Dromio, swore I was assur'd to her, told me what
privy marks I had about me, as the marks of my
shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my
left arm, that I, amaz'd, ran from her as a witch.
1 noteAnd, I think, if my breast had not been made of
-- 137 --
faith, and my heart of steel, she had transform'd me to
a curtal-dog, and made me turn i'th' wheel.
S. Ant.
Go, hie thee presently; post to the road;
And if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this town to night.
If any bark put forth, come to the mart;
Where I will walk, 'till thou return to me:
If every one know us, and we know none,
'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
S. Dro.
As from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife.
[Exit.
Samuel Johnson [1765], The plays of William Shakespeare, in eight volumes, with the corrections and illustrations of Various Commentators; To which are added notes by Sam. Johnson (Printed for J. and R. Tonson [and] C. Corbet [etc.], London) [word count] [S11001].