Clown.
Prov.
Come hither, sirrah: can you cut off a
man's head?
Clown.
If the man be a bachelor, Sir, I can: but
if he be a marry'd man, he is his wife's head, and I
can never cut off a woman's head.
Prov.
Come, Sir, leave me your snatches, and yield
me a direct answer. To-morrow morning are to die
Claudio and Barnardine. Here is in our prison a common
executioner, who in his office lacks a helper; if
you will take it on you to assist him, it shall redeem
you from your gyves; if not, you shall have your
full time of imprisonment, and your deliverance with
an unpitied whipping; for you have been a notorious
bawd.
Clown.
Sir, I have been an unlawful bawd, time
-- 342 --
out of mind, but yet I will be content to be a lawful
hangman. I would be glad to receive some instruction
from my fellow-partner.
Prov.
What hoa, Abhorson! where's Abhorson,
there?
Enter Abhorson.
Abhor.
Do you call, Sir?
Prov.
Sirrah, here's a fellow will help you to morrow
in your execution; if you think it meet, compound
with him by the year, and let him abide here with
you; if not, use him for the present, and dismiss him.
He cannot plead his estimation with you, he hath been
a bawd.
Abhor.
A bawd, Sir? fie upon him, he will discredit
our mistery.1 note
Prov.
Go to, Sir, you weigh equally; a feather
will turn the scale.
[Exit.
Clown.
Pray, Sir, by your good favour; (for, surely,
Sir, a good favour you have, but that you have a
hanging look;) do you call, Sir, your occupation a
mistery?
Abhor.
Ay, Sir; a mistery.
Clown.
Painting, Sir, I have heard say, is a mistery;
and your whores, Sir, being members of my occupation,
using painting, do prove my occupation a
mistery: but what mistery there should be in hanging,
if I should be hang'd, I cannot imagine.2 note
* * *
-- 343 --
Abhor.
Sir, it is a mistery.
Clown.
Proof—
Abhor.
Every true man's apparel fits your thief.
-- 344 --
Clown.
If it be too little for your thief, your true
man thinks it big enough: if it be too big for your
thief, your thief thinks it little enough; so every true
man's apparel fits your thief.
Re-enter Provost.
Prov.
Are you agreed?
Clown.
Sir, I will serve him: for I do find, your
hangman is a more penitent trade than your bawd; he
doth oftner ask forgiveness.
Prov.
You, sirrah, provide your block and your
ax to-morrow, four o'clock.
Abhor.
Come on, bawd, I will instruct thee in my
trade. Follow.
Clown.
I do desire to learn, Sir; and I hope, if you
have occasion to use me for your own turn, you shall
find me yare: for, truly, Sir, for your kindness I owe
you a good turn.
[Exit.
Prov.
Call hither Barnardine, and Claudio:
One has my pity; not a jot the other,
Being a murd'rer, tho' he were my brother.
Samuel Johnson [1765], The plays of William Shakespeare, in eight volumes, with the corrections and illustrations of Various Commentators; To which are added notes by Sam. Johnson (Printed for J. and R. Tonson [and] C. Corbet [etc.], London) [word count] [S11001].
