Paris.
Give me the candle, boy; and pray be off:
But, Sirrah, don't go far, and mind you cough
If any Scoundrel pop his nose this way;
Give me the bunch of Boyslove;—off, I say!
My girl! this Boyslove round thy bed I'll strew;
A token of the love I bore to you.
'Tis not the time of year for Pinks and Roses:— (Boy coughs.)
—He tips the signal! there'll be bloody noses:
I'll drub him tightly, whosoe'er he be,
Who thus breaks in upon my love and me. (Paris retires.) Enter Romeo, and Balthazar with a Lantern.

Romeo.
Let's have the Pick-lock,—to be plain with you,
I have mind my Juliet's phiz to view.

Besides, about her neck she has my cravat;
I only lent it her, and I will have it:
Don't further seek to know what I'd be at;
For if you do, I'll knock you down.

Balthazar.
That's flat.

Romeo.
Brush!

Balthazar.
Sir, I'm off. [Exit.

Romeo.
Thou worst of hungry maws!
Thus I'll begin to ope thy ugly jaws. (Tries to open the Lock.)

Paris. (Shewing himself.)
—Paws off, you dog! your body I arrest,
In our great Prince's name.

Romeo.
Begone! you'd best.

Paris. (Drawing a Sword Stick.)
—None of your gab!
I'll run you through and through.

Romeo.
Come on, my hearty! that's a game for two. (Draws a Sword stick also; they fight, Paris falls.)

Page.
Oh! they're hard at it! I'll go call the watch! [Exit.

Paris.
I'm drilled to death; no art can heal the botch;
Lay me alongside Juliet, pray, Sir, do. (Dies.)

Romeo.
I will, be easy, man,—but who are you?— (Turning him over.)
Count Paris! knit with me in sorrows knot;
This comes of being pepperish and hot.
Farewell, my Dragon! come, give me your hand;
And when from Styx among the Sprights you land,
Kiss you know whom, for me; pray, dont be shy. (Opens the door.)
After my bride and you I'll quickly hie.
Oh, Juliet! although Death has turned thee white,
Thou still looks't wond'rous pretty to my sight:
Now Death, I'll take thee at a pinch; here goes.— (Takes Snuff.)
It cuts a pretty caper in my nose. (Sneezes.)
Juliet, I am resolved to have one smack,
Ere the next sneeze shall lay me on my back: (Kisses her.)
—Her lips are warm,—that's odd! Hollo! she seems
To move!

Juliet. (Waking.)
—Where am I? I've had frightful dreams.

Romeo.
She speaks! Why this is very comical!
Rise, Juliet, rise!

Juliet.
I won't.

Romeo.
I say you shall. (Takes her from the Tomb.)

Juliet.
I wish you'd let me go. I'm Romeo's bride,
Therefore your offer, Paris, I deride;
I will not marry you, indeed I can't!

Romeo.
She's cracked, for certain, thus to rave and rant.
Come Juliet, rub your eyes my dear, don't sham;
I am your Romeo,—'pon my soul I am.

Juliet.
'Tis he indeed! O now I call to mind
The Friar's plot;—It went off well I find:
My darling spouse! Why do you turn away?
Let's kiss as we were wont to do, I pray. (Going to embrace him.)
Speak, speak! I faint; help, help! or I shall pass quick.

Romeo.
I cannot;—help yourself;—(Sneezes.)—O damn the Arsenick!

Juliet.
Arsenick? what mean you?

Romeo. (Shewing the paper.)
—Oh! the nasty snuff!

Juliet.
What, was it poisoned?

Romeo.
Poisoned sure enough:
When first you spoke, I felt such pleasure, that
I didn't recollect what I'd been at:
But now, the Snuff performs its office smartly,
I haven't time to tell all.

Juliet.
Tell me partly.

Romeo.
I wandered here to see thee, and to die.

Juliet.
The more fool you; but wherefore? tell me why.

Romeo.
I thought thee dead.

Juliet.
What did the Friar betray
The secret to the Count?

Romeo.
I cannot say,—
But seeing thee dead apparently and cold
I took this poisoned snuff,—now pray, don't scold;
And was about to lay me by thy side,
But found a living, not a ghostly bride.

Juliet.
And is it come to this?—How wrong you've acted!

Romeo.
I own it Juliet, and am quite distracted.

Juliet.
It seems the Arsenick vender didn't stint ye.

Romeo.
Fathers and Mothers, ye are cold and flinty!

Juliet.
Oh! Oh! my palpitating heart! Oh! Oh!

Romeo.
She's mine! you scoundrel Paris! let her go!
Be easy, Capulet! she is my own!
O Juliet! kiss me quickly! but, I'm gone! (Sneezes and dies.)

Juliet.
Stay but a moment,—and for thy dear sake
What of the Snuff remains I'll quickly take. Enter Friar Lawrence, with a Dark Lantern.

Friar.
What's this I see? there's blood upon the stones!
Alack! Alack! Alack!

Juliet.
Who is't that groans?

Friar.
Romeo and Paris butchered! Tell me, Miss,
What cursed accident occasioned this?

Juliet.
'Twas all your fault.

Friar.
Indeed, you're in the wrong;
I couldn't help it. Rise, and come along,—
Don't take it so to heart,—allay your terror;
And be assured it happened all in error.
Be patient, or the watch will hear your cries out.

Juliet.
Don't come near me, you dog! I'll scratch your eyes out!

Friar.
Come, trot this moment;—march, you saucy elf!
Dy'e want a spouse? I'll marry you myself:
Will you or will you not? I see you scoff;—
The Constables are coming! so I'm off! [Exit.

Juliet.
Begone!—(Taking up the paper of Snuff.)
What's here? the Snuff, upon my soul!
Romeo! it wasn't fair to take the whole.

Constable. (Within.)
—Lead on, my boy.

Juliet.
Now garter lend assistance;
I see some fellows coming at a distance.
O for some friendly nail or peg to hang from! (Looks about for a nail in the wall but finds none.)
Bones of my ancestors, which my bones sprang from!
Do you relieve me quickly from my pains;
Since I can't hang, I'll e'en knock out my brains: (Takes up a couple of thigh bones, and beats her head.)
I've cracked my scull. (Dies.)

Enter Page.

Page.
So, here's a pretty mess! Enter the Prince, Attendants, and Constables, with the Friar.

Prince.
Is this the place?

Page.
An' please your Highness, yes.

Prince.
What do I see? (Putting on his Spectacles.) Enter Capulet.

Capulet.
What's all this fuss about?
The folks on Romeo in the street cry out.

Constable.
Romeo and Paris cheek-by-jowl lie slain;
Juliet, thought dead before, is dead again;
She's newly killed, her body still is hot.

Capulet.
Dear me, I wonder who'll go next to pot!

Enter Montague.

Prince.
O Montague! thou'rt out of bed right early,
To be spectator of this hurly-burly.

Montague.
My Wife died suddenly, at twelve o'clock,
This very night,—she couldn't bear the shock
Of Romeo's transportation;—What new woe
Hast thou to tell?

Prince.
Look there, and you'll soon know.

Montague.
'Tis mannerless to die before thy Dad:
I wish I had died first.

Prince.
I wish you had.
Bring forth the blackguards whom your doubt most rest on.

Friar.
I'm the unlucky dog whom they have prest on.

Prince.
Confess the truth directly.

Friar.
Let's retire;
I'll tell you all, and if I prove a liar,
Let me be thumped to death with hearty blows;
And hang my carcase up to scare the crows.

Prince.
Hot-headed Montague and Capulet,
Well may you rant, and fume, and storm, and fret:
Well may you shake your old heads and look wist;
For to a damned bad mill you've brought your grist.
But it shall not be said, 'midst all this fury,
We hanged a Churchman without judge or jury.
Let's brush;—this matter greatly me surprises:
We'll try the Friar at the next Assizes. [Exeunt omnes. FINIS. Jenkins, Printer, 7, Old Town Street, Plymouth.

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