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Richard Gurney [1812], Romeo and Juliet travesty. In three acts (Published by T. Hookham, Junr. and E. T. Hookham... and J. M. Richardson [etc.], London) [word count] [S39800].
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SCENE VI. A Garden.—Moonlight. Enter Romeo, who tumbles as he jumps from the wall.

Romeo. (Getting up and rubbing his head.)
—He jests at scars that never broke his head—
What light is that? 'tis Juliet going to bed. (Juliet appears at the Window.)
—Arise, fair sun! and put the moon to shame:
I saw her faint as soon as e'er you came.—
See how she leans her cheek upon her knuckles,
Her cheek that's shining like my best brass buckles.
Were I her glove, I'd give it such a smack!
Her eyes shou'd sparkle with delight.—

Juliet.
Alack! Alack!

-- 17 --

Romeo.
She speaks, she speaks! now prithee speak again!
Why by the moon's light do'st thou thus complain?

Juliet. (Aside.)
—He thinks that I don't see him: he's mistaken,
So I'm resolved to sham, and smoke his bacon.
O Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo!

Romeo.
Come down, my turtle dove, and you shall know.

Juliet.
What man art thou that steals't beneath my window?

Romeo.
One whom fierce love in slavish chains has pinn'd Oh!

Juliet.
'Tis Romeo's voice! I know it by the sound!

Romeo.
That's a good reason, faith, and most profound.

Juliet.
But tell me, pray, how could'st thou venture here?
The garden walls are high—I'm sick with fear;—
If seen—my character is gone eternally:
My cousins too will thrash you most infernally!

Romeo.
Love urged me, dear, those walls to scamper over.

-- 18 --

Juliet.
Love!—'tis indeed a fine leap for a lover!
I fear my cousins—

Romeo.
Don't mind them a flea.

Juliet.
If thou art found, my life on't they'll flea thee.

Romeo.
One frown from thee can give a deeper pain
Than all their blows, though they should fall like rain.

Juliet.
Thou know'st the shades of night veil o'er my face,
Else blushes out of number thou would'st trace
For what I said when I soliloquized,
But let me not for this be now dispised;
For that would be unfair:—don't think my boy,
I'm too comeatable: I'll soon be coy
If you presume to give yourself much airs;
If you love me, 'tis well,—if not, who cares?

Romeo.
Ma'am, by yon flat-faced moon, I do declare—

Juliet.
Its quite ridiculous by her to swear:
She changes every month, and much I fear
Thy love would change a hundred times a year.

Romeo.
What shall I swear by?

-- 19 --

Juliet.
That which I love best:
Namely, thyself,—swear, then I'll go to rest.

Romeo.
Upon my honor.

Juliet.
Yet, upon my soul,
I think you'd better far not swear at all.
Good night, good night.
(Going.)

Romeo.
Miss, will you leave me thus?

Juliet.
Romeo, what more require you?

Romeo.
But one buss.

Juliet.
Oh! that's impossible! my windows high;
You cannot reach me, so my dear, dont try. (Nurse calls.)
Coming! sweet Montague, awhile content ye,
I'll come again before you can count twenty.
[Exit.

Romeo.
This is a lucky night! I'm quite delighted!
(Re-enter Juliet.)

Juliet.
Five words, dear Romeo, let our loves be plighted,
And if my maiden fondness thou'rt not scorning,
Pray let me hear from thee to-morrow morning;

-- 20 --


By one I'll send, at what time we shall marry;
For troth, I think it silly long to tarry.
Romeo, I go to take my nightly toddy;—
I hope thou meanest well.

Romeo.
So thrive my body!
(Nurse calls within.)

Juliet.
Coming, I say! good night ty'e ten times over.
[Exit.

Romeo.
For thy dear sake no more I'll prove a rover.
(Re-enter Juliet.)

Juliet.
Romeo, my lad!

Romeo.
It is my love that speaks:
How prettily the tender creature squeaks!

Juliet.
Romeo!

Romeo.
My dove!

Juliet.
To-morrow at what hour
Shall I send to thee?

Romeo.
Let me think:—at four.

Juliet.
No, that's too early.

-- 21 --

Romeo.
Then, sweet mistress mine,
If you think proper, it shall be at nine.

Juliet.
Yes, that will do; 'till then 'tis twenty years.

Romeo.
Now don't tell sibs! for clearly it appears
'Tis not so many hours.

Juliet.
Ah me! for what
I called thee back, somehow I've quite forgot.—
Oh! I remember! I've a lantern, which
You'd better take with you—'tis dark as pitch.
The moon is gone to sleep behind the clouds,
And ghosts now walk abroad to air their shrouds.

Romeo.
How can you let it down?

Juliet.
Why by a rope.

Romeo.
You'd better let yourself down and elope.

Juliet.
All in good time. Methought I saw a man turn
Round yonder wall! come will you have the lantern?

Romeo.
I'm much obliged; but day will soon be breaking.

-- 22 --

Juliet.
Then pray be off,—I hear the old Nurse squeaking.
And yet I would not have thee further stray,
Than my young Magpie does, when we're at play:
Whene'er he hops too far and takes to wing,
I use my posy garter for a string,
And pull him back.

Romeo.
I would I were thy bird!

Juliet.
And so do I, sweetheart, upon my word:
But thou would'st be in danger then of choaking,
Sops down thy throat I always should be poking;
Once more good night! to part is quite provoking.

Romeo.
Peace guard thy head, and sound sleep bung thine eye up.
Ere long, a priest our marriage knot shall tie up.
[Exeunt. END OF THE FIRST ACT.

-- 23 --

ROMEO AND JULIET TRAVESTY.
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Richard Gurney [1812], Romeo and Juliet travesty. In three acts (Published by T. Hookham, Junr. and E. T. Hookham... and J. M. Richardson [etc.], London) [word count] [S39800].
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